Firefly
Lore-ian
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The End: quote:
but I can’ believe it "can't" quote:
Don’t they hear your call now, father? Wouldn't it be capitalized in this context since it is believed in by the narrator? If so, remember to correct it for all the refrains. quote:
who of them will be the first to die. Well, this certainly is... awkward. I dunno if "which of them" works either. Perhaps "Who among them"? quote:
And yet again I see them laughing, yet gain I see them talk. "again" Personal preference, but it might be better with commas after the two "again's" quote:
their ever nearing dead? I think you might need a hyphen for "ever-nearing" since it's a single adjective. quote:
Telling them how death is just ahead. By now I’ve passed the town This might be really picky but I think you pressed "enter" one too many times there. =P Very nice, MM. I love the concept. Y'know what this reminds me of? Gwoonjustin's story "The Oddball and his Odd Ball." You two should team up. =P Really, it rawks! I will be seconding Fabula's nomination for you once I find the right words. I'm hard-pressed to find something wrong with your poetry, honestly. On top of that, you're a large part of my poetry influence, so it's kinda hard for me to pick out your flaws since you're my poetry hero. =P
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