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RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. NEW: Meh && A perfect day

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3/27/2009 12:56:39   
Mistermafio
Member

Thank you guys so much for the great comments, lol, I always forget to reply to them.

Glad you like the poems Gnome, and Helix, er, thank you I guess. Though I can assure you I haven't stolen anything, at least, I can't remember stealing anything :^P

Glad you like it too.
AQ  Post #: 176
4/3/2009 11:17:56   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hello!

I took a semi-random pick and read Mystery and Silently Sitting. I liked them both, no surprise there. =P Silently Sitting was particularly elevating with its lovable ending lines:
quote:

I've been deaf and I've been blind.

All while sitting here quietly,
all within my mind.

*exhales deep =)*

I noticed how you've employed the repeating contraction "I've" and occasionally broken it, so it doesn't come too heavy or boring. Nicely done!
There is one typo, though:
quote:

and the clouds
on there journey through the sky.

Should be 'their' I believe.

Mystery has a really tense mood. My favourite stanza would be this:
quote:

The expectation of the unknown,
more unnerving than the possibility of discomfort
of any shape or form.

I'm not sure if the middle line has the optimal flow, but I don't care =P. You see, as I read and look at this as a whole, I find the thought presented here very intriguing. Especially when these lines were preceded by:
quote:

hearts beating,
in rapid unison.

Which made me wish I'll have a stethoscope next time it thunders. OK....that comment was random...I'lllll stoooop spamming your threeeead now. =P

DF  Post #: 177
4/5/2009 6:05:59   
Mistermafio
Member

I'm very glad you enjoyed the poems, it always puts a smile on my face to hear that.

^>^

Consider the typo fixed.
AQ  Post #: 178
4/27/2009 18:09:59   
Mistermafio
Member

Hello there everyone that took the trouble to come all the way down here, to the m's.

I hope you're having a good time.

If you've never been into this thread, well, you'll probably tell me you like it if you ever speak me on irc -but add to that you're not that well versed in poetry-. What you really thing, you can keep to yourself, I never hear that kind of thing anyway. Leaving a comment is a rarity, but that's ok, I'll just read back the past few pages if I want a boost to my enormous ego.

I'm easily the best poet here, and with here I mean this thread, and with poet I mean guy actually poeting in the thread -because we all love a good I mean joke-

if I seem like a bit of a prick, you might be right. Don't worry though, I'm not nearly as active as I'd want to be so chances of meeting me are slim -unless you choose to post in this thread, in which case the chances of meeting me are a lot larger as I stalk everyone that ever commented on this thread vigurously-

For those of you that do know me, why are you still reading this?

*huggles*
AQ  Post #: 179
4/27/2009 20:14:14   
gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month


 Heya, MM

Though this last post of yours seemed rather pointless, it drew me to your thread, and I suppose has thus succeeded anyway.

Reading your last three poems (I know, it's few, but then, it's 2 past midnight, so...) and maybe keeping up with your stuff. Maybe not. Who's to say... Hopefully I'll find some typos, at least...

Explaining myself :
Bit long, but I guess you get to take some time to explain yourself.
1(YAY!):
quote:

more then anyone else.

than

2:
quote:


I like it better then I like to watch movies,

Same mistake. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me! Irrelevant, but whatever...

3:
quote:

and without too much trouble too.

Double too may be a bit...odd

4:
quote:

But I always convince myself that's curtsey.

curtsey? Courtesy, or something like that. Too tired to look it up...

Wow. You and I are a lot alike. A lot. It's scary XP.
And: This is not just me being courteous; I liked it!

friendship is eternal,
eternity is quickly forgotten :
5:
quote:


-I’ve had more then my fair share of those-

I'm sick of it now. Prepare to be educated:
Then is time.
Than is comparison.
I can't make it then, how about tomorrow instead?
An elephant is bigger than a mouse.


Again, I could relate to it quite well. And enjoy it, too!

6:
quote:

I write to hear I'm worse then you.

Remember earlier? XP

Okay, I get what you're going at here. You want a more critical opinion of your work? Well, I'm afraid I have to disappoint you then. My poetry skills were already not sublime, and now they're rusty too, so I can't do much but look up to your work.
Just to satisfy your desires, though, I will admit that it is not 100% perfect. Happy?:P
Then again, is there such a thing as perfect art? If so, would that not make all attempts at creating art futile instantly?
It is now a quarter past two; far too late to ponder art and perfection. In stead I'll finish watching this crappy movie on the BBC, then go to sleep. Cheerio!

PS: Looking forward to being stalked by you!

_____________________________
AQ  Post #: 180
4/29/2009 2:17:58   
Mistermafio
Member

Hey Justin, thanks for the great comments ^>^

Lets start with the most important thing I forgot to stress, don't take that latest poem asking for different comments too serious. It was more something I felt should be written then something I feel should be actually done. Heh, I'm more then happy with every comment I get, no matter what it is.

Just as long as I don't get told I'm a good poet or something just to be courteous I'm happy.

I'll be fixing those typo's as soon as I have a bit more time, which hopefully is later today, but knowing my schedule lately could just as well be next week.

One the then/than thing. Believe it or not, I actually knew that. I just forgot to remember it. :^P

Now on that post, pointless schmointless. :^P

Really, I felt the urge to say it and I figured; 'why not?'.
It's how I try to do a lot of things, and how I ended up with this scar, too.

Again, thanks for the great comment, I really appreciate it. Now, enjoy finishing that sandwich and I'll see you later.

>:^D

AQ  Post #: 181
5/22/2009 21:29:40   
Mistermafio
Member

Is it a poem?
Is it an image?

Can it even be considered art?

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/fb.asp?m=16034358

Go find out, and tell me what you think.
AQ  Post #: 182
5/24/2009 7:45:30   
gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month


 Hey there!

Gotta tell you: I failed to see the additional value of the image-form, here.
That being said, it was very effective in it's creepiness. Good stuff.

Oh, and I know how annoying I'm being by pointing out a typo in the image, forcing you either to accept it or to go through the works to fix it, but:
"Most woman your age"
women

Keep on poeting like the poetic poet you are, MM. And I'll keep loving it. How's that for an offer you can't refuse, eh?

Cheers
AQ  Post #: 183
5/24/2009 9:34:34   
Mistermafio
Member

Thanks for the comment justin. The image was more me feeling like starting up photoshop again then anything else. To be honest.

And luckely, thanks to the magic of psd's fixing it is no hassle at all. So yeah, that typo is fixed.

I will have to ask you a raincheck on acepting that offer though, I've grown a little hesitant around offers I can't refuse over the years. :^P
AQ  Post #: 184
6/12/2009 17:36:20   
Mistermafio
Member

What, a new poem?

You're kidding, right?
AQ  Post #: 185
6/15/2009 7:15:37   
Mistermafio
Member

I'm just quickly dropping in during my work break to give you all a new poem of mine. It's quite a long one.

Four brothers

Also, I noticed this is poem number 199, meaning my next poem will be poem 200! Which, to be honest, I find quite a lot. I'm not sure however if 200 warants any kind of special poem, any suggestions?
AQ  Post #: 186
6/16/2009 15:34:57   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 MM! Glad to see you coming up with new stuff. It's still exam week for me, so I might not be able to do much reading right now, but I'll try to find time after Friday. Just dropping by for a quick suggestion about poem #200. How about an epic? Or, if you don't have time, try something really weird and experimental. Perhaps a poem with rhyme that is in the shape of the subject or whatever. Or maybe a poem with several stanzas, each stanza being in the shape of the individual theme, /and/ it rhymes.

Haha, it's going to be a pain to code, but since you're such an awesome poet, I can't resist not challenging you. =P

EDIT: I hit the post button the moment I got an even better idea. <_< How about writing a poem that works/flows (not necessarily rhymes) in both Dutch and English? It'll be a good way to show some character, and maybe it'll teach us some Dutch too.

< Message edited by Firefly -- 6/16/2009 15:36:59 >
AQ  Post #: 187
6/16/2009 17:09:08   
Mistermafio
Member

Heh actually that Dutch thing would be a great idea... The very /very/ first english poem I wrote was actually just a Dutch poem I translated, so that would bring things around, kinda.

You know what, I'll go ahead and give that a try FF, thank you for the amazing suggestions ^>^

I'd do an epic or shape-poem too, but I really don't have the time for that right now, nor will I during this entire summer (yay work) but I will keep them in mind for when (if) I get more time again.
AQ  Post #: 188
6/17/2009 3:33:24   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, that went better then I thought, my 200th poem! To celebrate, a Dutch English poem and free cookies for everyone!

Us versus them / ons tegen hen

(Those who can actually read Dutch are invited to smack me across the face for any blatant translation errors I might have made, but keep in mind the translations aren't ment to be direct)
AQ  Post #: 189
6/17/2009 4:24:08   
PoeticSpanner
Member

MM! Loved the Dutch/Eng poem bit :)

I cannot read Dutch well enough to totally understand the Dutch part, but I know enough that I didnt need the spoiler :P

Oops: then/than mixed up but ya doing better and better with Eng overall :)

~Spanner
Post #: 190
6/18/2009 16:19:44   
Mistermafio
Member

I'm very glad you liked it ^>^

Yeah, I don't think anyone has read the poems understood the Dutch poem, other then maybe the few Dutch people on here, though they don't seem to comment or read.

Well, still liked doing it, and that's what matters, right?
AQ  Post #: 191
6/19/2009 11:43:55   
Firefly
Lore-ian
quote:

I decided to go with a suggestion by Firefly to write a poem that works well in both Duch and English.

*grins* I think you can see the problem here.

quote:

though I do hope the poems are pretty fun to read seperatly too.

"separately"

quote:

poems beneath them

Missing a period after "them"

And onto the actual poem... I'll stop picking at your intro now. =P

quote:

by now that should be more then clear.

"than" And I think "this" flows better than "that" but your call.

quote:

We; nice and beautiful people,
they; living of hatred and fear.

Semicolons should technically be colons since it's an elaboration rather than a joining of separate sentences.
"nice" doesn't sound powerful enough. Perhaps "kind"?
"off" is probably the word you're looking for here.

quote:

Luckily we blue-hatters,
are much better then that.

Technically should be a comma after "luckily" and "then" should be "than"

I really like how you have both a surface meaning and a deeper meaning here. And if it makes you feel better, though I know absolutely /zero/ Dutch, I guessed the difference the moment I finished the English poem. Without reading the spoiler. Because I knew you'd do something symbolic like this. =P So it's still cool even if I don't know Dutch. My only slight annoyance is the amount of typos in the intro.
AQ  Post #: 192
6/19/2009 18:58:19   
not steve
Member

cool poem, i like how it illustrates propaganda/cultural biases depending on what perspective you take it from but the english and the dutch? pick a more obvious rivalry XD, the only thing they ever fought intently over was the spice trade in india and that didn't really create cultural rivalry in the two countries. wever, it's your poem. i really did like the message though.

- Doc

_____________________________
AQ DF  Post #: 193
6/22/2009 2:27:27   
Mistermafio
Member

/me huggles FF

Heh, the intro was indeed quite bad, don't blame me though, I was tired. :^P
Anyway, I fixed those typo's and blatant mistakes for you, so no hard feelings, ok?

Now @ Dave (who is not steve, see what I did there? ^>^ <.<)

I'm glad you liked the poem, however you seem to look just a bit too deep into the languages.

The poems are about a rivalry between the blue-hats and the red-hats (roodhoeden), which are two parties I honestly haven't really thought much more about than that. The languag difference is just a way to indicate the difference between the factions a bit better. (and because I'm Dutch, and therefore because I can :^P)

So yeah, if I mastered the language of a country that did have a rivalry with the English / the USA I'd more than gladly do that. But alas, I don't know anything other then English and Dutch.

AQ  Post #: 194
6/22/2009 12:58:09   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 XD, I'll work hard on my French and try to make an English vs. French poem. That'll be more heated than English vs. Dutch; I just hope I don't stir up another One Hundred Years War. =P And I'll even use the British spelling for the English version.

(This won't happen for a while, 'cause my French is too sucky. =P)
AQ  Post #: 195
6/23/2009 17:09:29   
Mistermafio
Member

Hmm, that'd be awesome, French / English. Though really I don't speak a word of French, so that poem would be of as much use to me as this poem to you :^P

I'd still love reading the English part, of course. So, get to it. :^P
AQ  Post #: 196
7/1/2009 3:47:19   
Mistermafio
Member

Oh, today is an unique day. My first two poems after poem 200, my first poem on page nine and last but not least. My first free-verse poem in a very long time. ^>^

I'm curious to hear what you think about that free-verse, I'm a bit rusty (and never was very good at them anyway)

Beautiful day
&&
Where have the days gone? (freeverse)
AQ  Post #: 197
7/27/2009 16:57:07   
Mistermafio
Member

New poem up! It's been a long time, but yeah, I haven't gotten any better. :^P

Mysteries
AQ  Post #: 198
8/6/2009 15:49:02   
Mistermafio
Member

For those concerned, yes you, behind the keyboard - you, I have a new poem up

Happily trapped
AQ  Post #: 199
8/16/2009 14:30:14   
Mistermafio
Member

A lot of new poetry coming this way. I wrote these while I was on my vacation.

I'll try and post them whenever I get the time, this is the first one.

travel
AQ  Post #: 200
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