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9/27/2008 22:15:03

_Depression
Member

If it gets published, I plan on autographing copies for mastin, Firefly, and anyone else who has left criticism for it.

And yes, Rich, you'd get a copy.

xD I'm getting ahead of myself. I need to actually get to rewriting stages before I can think of getting it to a publisher. I'll probably start rewriting the Prologue after Chapter 30, or whenever I get too much of a block.

AQ	Post #: 101

9/27/2008 22:18:46

Richie
Member

just be sure to get your other one published. *coughradiancough*

DF	Post #: 102

9/27/2008 22:21:11

_Depression
Member

lol, that I need to rewrite completely.

Edit: I've decided that this story, arguably the best I've ever written, deserves a theme song. So...

Theme song for Part One: Author's Fantasy - Broken Sorrow (Nuttin' but Stringz) [or] Story of a King (Cajete)
Theme song for Part Two: Fantasy Shattered - Thunder (Nuttin' but Stringz) [or] Obliterate the Opposition (Cajete)

< Message edited by _Depression -- 9/27/2008 22:27:39 >

AQ	Post #: 103

9/27/2008 22:24:10

Richie
Member

well at least you started. or does v.2 need to be redone too

DF	Post #: 104

9/27/2008 22:28:51

Firefly
Lore-ian

Hehe, me gets autograph? Cool. =P

Yeah, I realize that I've been neglecting your poor story recently. I do plan on getting back to it soon; I haven't forgotten you. =P Where did I leave off? Chapter 21? I think so... You get comment and maybe critique next week. I'm too tired today... Will be critiquing Brynn tomorrow. I owe her bigtime...

Well, I wish you luck in rewriting. It's tough stuff. I'd know, since I've got a whole story to rewrite, lol. ;)

_____________________________

AQ	Post #: 105

9/27/2008 22:44:04

_Depression
Member

xD You've been putting off the two biggest chapters of AF? Missing out, FF. Take your time, though. You don't owe me anything.

And I'll need all the luck I can get with rewriting... I've failed at rewriting my story Radian three times so far...

Edit:

Added links to my "theme songs" on the first post. If the story ever goes cinematic, I would badger both artists for rights to use their songs... xD

< Message edited by _Depression -- 9/27/2008 22:45:34 >

AQ	Post #: 106

9/27/2008 22:55:06

Firefly
Lore-ian

Haha, better hope you've got cash to spare, _Dep. =P

I want to read your best work when I'm in the right mood. [/shamelessly stolen from Recar]

Heh, every weekend, I say I'll work on HotD. Every weekend, I forget or get too busy, lol.

AQ	Post #: 107

9/28/2008 16:12:35

Richie
Member

yes, Yes, YES!!!! those are perfect songs for fantasy shattered.

DF	Post #: 108

9/28/2008 21:40:08

_Depression
Member

Firefly: Excuses, excuses. lol

Rich: I knew you'd like 'em.

Oh yeah. Chapter25.

*Skoda is a car company in Europe*

Pronunciation!

Vysehrad: Vee-Shea-her (roll the "r") - odd ("her" and "odd" sounds flow together)
Vltava: Vull ("full" with a "v") - tah - vah
Skoda: phonetic...

Edit: And a huge thanks to both Mastin2 and Firefly for the nomination and second (respectively) for the WotM!

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 10/29/2008 22:16:57 >

AQ	Post #: 109

10/7/2008 22:45:18

Richie
Member

yay. nice chapter

DF	Post #: 110

10/9/2008 22:23:57

_Depression
Member

Thanks. =)

And I had a very close call today. I almost lost the entire file of AF, when my flash drive broke... but luckily, I have the most recent version saved to a completely isolated, offline laptop (that runs Win98) and a floppy disc. I also have retrospective copies with as few as ten chapters and as many as twenty-three chapters saved to an assortment of CD-R, CD-RW, and floppy discs.

xD So yeah, I'm good.

AQ	Post #: 111

10/9/2008 22:26:53

Richie
Member

o_O holy! i think everyone here would hurt you if you lost that

< Message edited by Richie -- 10/9/2008 22:27:07 >

DF	Post #: 112

10/13/2008 1:31:09

mastin2
Member

quote:

"Treat me however you want, you're a princess."

Another comma that I'd think would be better as a semicolon.

quote:

to my skin, kid, I was born this way."

"Who are you."

Second comma I'd make a semicolon. The second period should be a question mark for obvious reasons. :)

quote:

The hoodied boy, scarlet sweater damp with similarly colored blood from the fallen attackers, removed his dagger from the werewolf's chin and rushed over to his comrade,

hoodied = hooded? I ask because there's more of those later.

Well, that's it. Amazing chapter; I can't wait for more. You've got quite some skill; there's a reason I nominated you. :)

-Mastin

< Message edited by mastin2 -- 10/13/2008 2:00:08 >

Post #: 113

10/13/2008 16:50:22

_Depression
Member

Yeah... I suppose hoodied should really be hooded... I think the only reason I used hoodied was because he wasn't necessarily wearing his hood...

And thanks for the compliment, and for the nomination. =)

AQ	Post #: 114

10/13/2008 17:07:11

Richie
Member

its a really good thing you explained that part to me in school, other wise i would still be really pissed at you.

DF	Post #: 115

10/13/2008 17:11:28

_Depression
Member

The Ewan-Matthias part? ...yeah, I really didn't mean anything by it. *nervous grin*

AQ	Post #: 116

10/15/2008 21:16:00

Richie
Member

quote:

Kristen shook her head. "Whatever it was, it worked. He was jumping over tables like they weren't even there. And did you see how he jumped down those stairs and rolled out of it? That was just-"

"Are you praising him now?" Inyro asked, stepping toward the gray-eyed werewolf accusingly.

"N- No," Kristen stuttered, putting her hands up in a gesture of peace. "Just saying... if I could do that stuff..."

Parkour FTW

DF	Post #: 117

10/17/2008 7:18:27

demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!

Heya, _Dep.

Part 1, Chapter 3.

quote:

Another time, Ryan had seen a police officer ordering the man to move from under the supermarket's canopy, where he had been trying to dodge the unrelenting sun.

Little typo.

quote:

A blue-gray pickup rolled to a stop next to Ryan, the driver rolling down her window.

Hehe... I need to get away from computers a bit. I saw 'driver' and thought 'computer driver'. XP

quote:

"Take a left at the next block, and another left at the stop sign.

Don't need a capital there.

quote:

Sarah pulled into the park's car lot and parked her Festiva in the closest spot to the picnic tables, then turned to her brother with an skeptical expression on her face.

...Or is that correct, and I just don't know it?

lol. I sorta didn't notice the chapters flowing past...
Chapter 5

quote:

"He's the kid you asked ~~for~~ directions from."

Don't need that, but if that's the way she speaks, it's ok.

Post #: 118

10/18/2008 10:31:43

Dantmotckc
Member

ok, I just finished reading it now! see, I told you I would.

There's one question that stands out in my mind: What is Aspect's relationship to Cronois? If it's a "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" situation, then that does not bode well for Ryan and co...

Post #: 119

10/18/2008 19:02:24

_Depression
Member

dd: Thanks man. But I'm also starting my rewrites tonight, so the first eighteen or so chapters will pretty much be completely revamped.

Dan: Aspect technically has no loyalties, though they do have an outstanding capacity to take advantage of Aethon when it is most vulnerable. But they are tentatively allied with Cronois, yes. And no, it does not bode well for Ryan and Co. But, my friend, sometimes there are heroes in the darkest alleys.

Well, it hath begun. I am now officially working on the Rewrites of Author's Fantasy (Part One). I implore you, the reader, to leave comments and critique much the same as you have for the first draft. Every little bit helps, I assure you.

I would like to make a point that, though the rewrites will be my main focus for a few days (weeks, months...), it will not stop me from writing more of Fantasy Shattered. Or Angel: The Beautiful Outcast. Or Angels of Night, my newest story (which needs some love). It may affect how much time I allot to each, but overall it should not be too bad.

So, again, here we go on the adventure of a lifetime. Author's Fantasy: The Rewrites!

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 10/29/2008 22:15:25 >

AQ	Post #: 120

10/24/2008 15:16:49

Genesis778
Member

AQ	Post #: 121

10/29/2008 20:17:48

_Depression
Member

Thanks!

Anyway, there is a new post added to the Outtakes... but it isn't an Outtake. Let me explain.

Everyone who has read through the first part of the story (the first 22 chapters) knows that the gap between AF and FS is one month, give or take a few days. Well, things weren't exactly calm during that time, and I figured, why not write about it?

As a little more of a background on this "In the Hospital" segment of Author's Fantasy... for one, it takes place in "Scenes" instead of chapters, because they won't necessarily be long enough to be considered chapters, and there will only be a few of them. As a second point, I write these in school and transcribe them later in the day, meaning they aren't my best quality writing. However, certain scenes will introduce major plot points and explain somewhat odd situations that will come to be later in Fantasy Shattered.

So, for all intensive purposes, this "In the Hospital" segment is both entirely necessary and entirely unnecessary. I would, however, put extra emphasis on reading Scene 2 (which is still untyped), especially for those who are fans of Kristen and Inyro's characters.

=)

AQ	Post #: 122

10/30/2008 21:33:23

_Depression
Member

Outtakes IV and V are up!

Mastin, Aria's calling you out! *wink*

AQ	Post #: 123

10/30/2008 22:01:24

Richie
Member

yes!!! read them all. even though i read the hospital one already. lol epic win when Aria just walked out

DF	Post #: 124

11/5/2008 15:05:57

mastin2
Member

Yay! TEH OUTTAKES FOR THE WIN! :P

*Reads*

Oh, dear...umm...
*Is at OuttakesV*
...interesting.

And hilarious, as always.

...Umm...I do hope that Aria's simply quitting to cool down and isn't going to go across the United States to hunt a certain someone...
...Is that a knock I hear on my door? Well, it's only polite to answer i--

< Message edited by mastin2 -- 11/5/2008 15:29:33 >

Post #: 125

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