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Fighting a War of Attrition Against Comments

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6/27/2008 0:11:54   
The Extinguisher
Member

Yay! Reposting!

Main Thread

This is the comments section to my poetry thread. It's mostly lyrics, but not always.
So discuss. Whatever it is you do in these threads.

< Message edited by Flame Master Axel -- 7/19/2009 1:27:08 >
Post #: 1
8/10/2008 0:44:48   
The Extinguisher
Member

So...yeah. Reposts.

Anyway, the new thread is up. So read and discuss, I guess.
If you want to read the unedited versions, and some of my more "forum-inappropriate" stuff, just ask.
Post #: 2
8/22/2008 0:45:11   
The Extinguisher
Member

New poem!

Because I am awesome like that.
Post #: 3
10/8/2008 22:29:33   
The Extinguisher
Member

ITT: Axel is jaded and emo.

Also, new poems.
Post #: 4
10/9/2008 2:08:44   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Certainly few read your work, FMA. Sorry about that. I'm sorry I can't help much- I am into prose. However, I would say that your concepts were great.

quote:

If spiders could fly, would flies spider?


If Spider is a verb, would flies spider? XD
DF  Post #: 5
11/17/2008 22:52:55   
The Extinguisher
Member

Postpostpostpost

New poem slash song. It's a rewrite of old stuff, combinations of notebook finds and a bunch of new stuff. Enjoy.
Post #: 6
1/7/2009 22:53:59   
The Extinguisher
Member

New stuff. I have a whole bunch of snippets written, but as these are hardly complete, I present to you, a poem I wrote for a contest at one time. The prompt was Tears.
Post #: 7
1/9/2009 17:32:45   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!
A random guest arrives to your thread.

I went to have a look the index of your poetry and lyrics and this title caught my eye:
"no matter how hard we say it we can't hear a damn word"

So, with that sort of a title , I just had to read it. For some almost entirely undefiable reason, I liked the lyrics very much. Maybe it's because of these two lines:
quote:

take a love note
and paint it flat

Lyrics meet the notes. I can hear it go low now. =P
Nice.
DF  Post #: 8
5/20/2009 2:10:42   
The Extinguisher
Member

This whole "non-offensive" language thing really puts a damper on my poems. Gosh-darn meanie just doesn't have the right ring to it.

And updates, in case you actually cared.
Post #: 9
7/5/2009 1:54:44   
The Extinguisher
Member

I just wrote a whole bunch of poetry I can't put up here. I need an outlet of some sort for that.

Anyway, new poem.
Post #: 10
7/14/2009 20:04:39   
The Extinguisher
Member

Yeah, new poem and all that. Not like anyone ever reads these. >.>

All done. Lots of new poems and stuffs.

< Message edited by Flame Master Axel -- 7/14/2009 20:44:06 >
Post #: 11
7/15/2009 14:48:57   
Baker
Member

I read some! I just read your two most recent ones, and I don't have much to change; they're both very nice. The only thing I would recommend is more punctuation, which I'm always a fan of. Unless you're purposely trying to make a point or leave things ambiguous, in my mind, leaving out punctuation just makes things more confusing.

For example, I kind of got lost in "Desert Flowers" because of the lack of punctuation. I had to reread the part from "How they bite at our feet" through the second "In the summer", because it wasn't clear to me whether "How they bite at our feet" was a thought of its own, or if it went with the first "In the summer". I think part of that is the breaks - I tend to think that a break without punctuation means that the sentence of idea is complete - but punctuation would also really help clear things up. It's totally up to you and your style, of course, but when the lack of punctuation is more distracting than anything I don't see a reason for it. The idea behind the poem is great, but it loses something when the reader is forced to reread.

Much the same thing with the second, untitled, poem, although nothing in there made me stop and rethink: I just wondered why you sometimes used periods and didn't other times, and never used commas. In that poem, the break between "Fought to keep you" and "alive" was great. Nice choice.

Keep up the good work! It's a shame that you can't post some of your stuff because of the language... it might be nice to have a separate forum or system (like spoiler tags) for pieces with some profanity, because many great poems and stories have "offensive" language/content that is important in making them meaningful. Or not, oh well.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 12
7/16/2009 1:34:35   
The Extinguisher
Member

punctuation whats that i do not know thanks for the comments also how are you doing is your wife okay
Okay okay, I'll stop now. ^.^

Anyway, yeah, I do tend to forget periods and commas. I try to work them in, but I do most of my writing in a small book on the go, so I work more in thoughts and rhythms. I really try and use punctuation as an emphasis tool rather than a separation tool. I once wrote something (and promptly lost it) which had all the periods at the beginning of a line.

EDIT: Also, new stuff. Sorry. No periods in this one.

< Message edited by Flame Master Axel -- 7/16/2009 2:31:34 >
Post #: 13
8/5/2009 0:56:05   
The Extinguisher
Member

New poem. Fun story behind this, there is a clock ticking in my room and I don't know how to stop it.
Post #: 14
11/3/2009 14:04:51   
The Extinguisher
Member

ZXOMFGBBQLASORBUNNYPEWPEW!!!!!

It's a new poem! Not much to say about this one. Theme was "Nervous"
Post #: 15
5/27/2010 15:16:28   
Shreder
Member

Just read your newest poem, and thought I'd stop by to say it was superb, especially the ending. Nice job!
DF MQ  Post #: 16
5/27/2010 15:19:09   
The Extinguisher
Member

Thanks :D
I didn't know anyone actually read them. Oh god, performance anxiety must destroy everything.

... :cough: ... moving on... again, thanks!
Post #: 17
5/27/2010 23:26:32   
Remington
Member

this is awesome! great job!

_____________________________

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Hellsingr
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AQ  Post #: 18
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