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1/1/2009 13:29:07   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Cow Face steps from the shadows of Winter Break, throws new poems at the thread, then steps back again. Another gruesome kill.
Evermore
Inarticulacy

Oh, I hadn't noticed you there, Arthur! Thanks, I eagerly await your review.

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 11/2/2009 11:34:00 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 51
1/6/2009 16:14:50   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Two new poems. The first was originally formatted with the second verse next to the first, the fourth next to the third, and so on, with the final being centered. However, I cannot do so on these forums, so I arranged it in a more traditional poetic style.

The Difference
One-Hundred
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 52
1/6/2009 17:19:45   
Arthur The Brave One
Member

Why do you make so many poems so quickly :O Now I'll have quite a bit of work on my hands, presumably.
Let's get on with it, then! :D

Blank:
S(tanza) 2, L(ine): I think it flows better if it'd be "I see how you are corrupt". May just be my silly ol' head though :P
Other than that, I didn't really find anything. Overal, a really enjoyable poem. I believe it's meaning is like that of a wrecked relationship, but again, that may just be me seeing things :P

Triangle Trade:
Somehow, that just made me feel really sad. Sorry black people that we sold you as slaves! :(
Another good poem. I couldn't really find any philosophic thoughts behind it, except for 'slavery is bad' and stuff.
No notes to make here! :O *LeGasp*

Christmas Poem:
Nice, good and funny. Happy new year, Cow Face :D

Pirates of Ebay:
Sorry, I don't know "the ballad of gillagan's island", so I had to make do with my own mind. :P
Made me chuckle a bit. Well written, and an easy read as well. Overall, you hit the nail right on the head once again :D

Evermore:
I feel like a phail here. Not a single usefull comment I can make here!
I /can/ actually tell you that the flow in the 4th stanza is a little choppy, but I'm a nitpicker on flow anyway. Movin' on...

Inarticulacy:
My spelcheck says the title isn't really a word. Was it meant that way?
Anyway, no problems here as well. Good choice of words, nice flow, etc, etc.

The Difference:
Again, good choice of words and flow. I really liked this one, it conveys a powerful meaning. Also, it's almost leaning a little towards epic, which I thought was pretty sweet. Well, once again, job well done! :)

One Hundred:
This is madness!
Sorry, I just felt like I had to :P
Anyway, you did another great job here. Flow was a little less than in the last 2, but still not any kind of problem. So yeah, I'm afraid that's all I really have to say.



Sorry that I don't write as long reviews as you do, but I'm better when I've got something to work with. You're just so good already, all I can really say is that your poems are all (very) good. Skillfully written, all with thought put into choice of word, flow, stylistic tools, and all other thingamawuts. Actually, I've decided to nominate you for PotM, if I ever get the time to do so! :D

Rhyme on!

/Arthur

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 11/2/2009 11:35:43 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 53
1/7/2009 14:03:00   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 PotM!? Me!? I can't find the words to thank you! Besides "I can't find the words to thank you," that is. Don't worry about the length; I had an entire thread to go through, not just some updates. =)

On Blank, I agree with you. I'll probably alter it to change the syllable count on every 2nd and 4th line, as that would make it sound less forced and stiff. And, a secret? I don't even know what it's about. XD Your interpretation is what I mainly see it as, though. Not that I have any experience with the subject, lol.

Merriam-Webster.com says that inarticulacy is "The quality or state of being inarticulate."

As always, thank you very much for your comments, I really appreciate them! Happy new year!

Update: Blank has been edited to a 6-7-6-7 / 6-7-6-7-1 syllable scheme.
Update II- The Son of Update: Edited Evermore's fourth stanza. How does it look now?

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 1/7/2009 18:53:49 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 54
1/9/2009 15:51:51   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I wrote another poem! This one makes me sad, though...
The Golden Eagle
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 55
1/9/2009 17:58:14   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

'Seven shares a-failing'?!?
*dies of laughter*

*her ghost returns to comment on Evermore*=P

I like the structure of the piece, with those minimalistic lines in the beginning and the end that change their tone as the poem proceeds through the middle part.


quote:

You'll never fly if you don't spread your wings.
If you never try, you'll never succeed.
Open your eyes and win back your freedom-
It's not a want, it's a primal need.

This is the part of the poem I had slight problems with. And yes, it's my opinion only. The last two lines are better than ok, I'm especially in love with the last one: 'not a want, a primal need.' Now, compared to that, the first two feel a tad used, ya know, all those sayings: 'can't win if you don't try' etc. Especially when there's two of them following each other. Especially when they get contrasted by the following two lines that I have not personally heard, at least not formulated with such an impact.

So, what could you do with the two first lines? Should you even do anything? I have no good answers, I'm afraid. It's just that compared to the poem as a whole, those two lines fall a bit behind, in my flawed opinion.
DF  Post #: 56
1/12/2009 12:43:38   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I can't have you dying! Saving throw... 3. NO!
You're right, those are rather cliched. During lunch, I shall chew them over while chewing my food. Thank you for your comment, glad you liked the Twelve Economic Days of Christmas! But now, time to eat.
Update: Edited those two lines. Though it's possible that these are also somewhat clichéd.

Also, I can haz new poam! ...I can't believe I just said that. POM: Prisoner of Mind

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 1/12/2009 15:07:04 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 57
1/14/2009 16:08:08   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I have just written my longest poem yet; exactly three pages on Works Word Processor.
Letters To Josephine
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 58
1/26/2009 15:16:41   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!
I read the two new ones and a random choice that hit in with the poem Blank.

I was most impressed by Blank. I can't really find the words to describe exactly how impacting it is. Especially those instances of 'Blank' that had lines for themselves, standing alone in midst of the rhyming verses, feeling like heavy slaps in the face. (in a good, affecting way, of course =P)


< Message edited by Cow Face -- 11/2/2009 11:39:35 >
DF  Post #: 59
1/29/2009 14:12:48   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Thank you for your comment! Good slaps in the face? You masochist. ;-)

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 11/2/2009 11:40:51 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 60
1/30/2009 14:38:14   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 People have asked me before why I write poetry. This is a poem which I have written to explain why I began. Written Battle
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 61
1/31/2009 14:42:53   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Yay, another collaboration, this one with 2k2ewyn! The Final Battle
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 62
2/2/2009 10:45:14   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Two new poems. Music and Soul Rubble.

The latter is dedicated to a friend, as noted in the subtitle.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 63
2/2/2009 15:05:30   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Another poem written. I decided to test myself this time, by trying a poem in minimalist style- only two syllables per line. I Exist

In other news, I plan on trying to publish my poetry in a book soon. As such, it will need to be deleted so that it is more marketable. I will leave it up for another one-two month(s), then I will request that every poem until whichever I choose be deleted, and I shall rename the thread. I have profited greatly from the advice from all of you, and cannot thank you properly for that advice; that is why I am leaving it up instead of having it deleted now. If you have any more critique on these poems, please post it as soon as possible that I may edit them before sending them in. Thank you all very much.

Also, I have added in a poem from a while ago, that I submitted to a contest here on the forums. It's semi-award winning! :o It won't go in the book, though.

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 2/2/2009 15:06:34 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 64
2/4/2009 15:48:18   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Circus Freak

New poem, and the last that will go into Think, Question, Repeat (If Desired). Any poems which I write after this will be the beginning of the new compilation, working title currently Stripes. The name will make more sense if/when I make the cover I have in mind.

Update: Went through my poetry, editing. There are a lot of typos which I missed. XP

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 2/5/2009 15:46:26 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 65
2/9/2009 16:01:17   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 The first poem of Stripes is up! Demoniac Vintage
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 66
2/9/2009 17:00:02   
Arthur The Brave One
Member

Aww... it seems your comments thread is pretty abandoned again, Cow Face. Fear not, ATBO comes to the rescue! >:D
Well sort of. I'm sick at home anyway, so I thought, why not? However, you currently have written so much I'll just give a quick overview of what I thought of it, and point out some errros, m'kay?

The Golden Eagle
Maybe I'm just weird, but I thought it was kinda cute :3 However, on the other hand, it was also quite, striking when you were addressing the 'bad stuff', which is good, of course, as it makes the bad things extra bad. At least, that's how I see it *shrugs*
I liked it, and couldn't find anything worth noting. However, it didn't seem to get through to my head what you meant directly. As in, how does this connect directly to the world?
(actually, this is pretty funny. You have a literal, a hidden, and a semi-hidden meaning :P)

POM
When I first read the title, I was like "...Whut?", simply because I know someone on another site who goes by the name POM (Paladin of Mana). Much lols were used :P. Anyway, onto the real stuff. One word sums it all up: Mysterious! :P (sorry about the joke overload XD). Either way, it was good, and stuff. And enjoyed it. Eat that :P

Letters to Josephine
Lets start off by being honest: I didn't read it very well. Just too long for me head right now. However, in the third stanza, you say this:
"When I've enough capital," which should be something along the lines of "When I have," "When I've got," etc.
However, I guess, since this is poetry, you /could/ decide to screw grammar altogether, but I don't think you're one to do that. Just me and my silly distorted mind though :P
*headaches*


That's all for now... my headache's killing me....

/Arthur.

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 11/2/2009 11:44:54 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 67
2/10/2009 11:27:39   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I'm glad you enjoyed it all, and I'm sorry to hear/read that you're sick. Get better soon! Or else!!

The Golden Eagle isn't supposed to connect directly in the real world, not really. It's more or less a metaphor for the decline of morals in recent times. Oh, and the name is a reference to the tale of the Golden Calf, made of melted down jewelry to which the Hebrews bowed down for a time.

My syllables and I have an interesting relationship; I often ignore perfect grammar to fit in the syllable count which I give myself. When I said that, what I was trying to say was "When I have enough capital," as "I've" is short for "I have." Still not completely correct, though...
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 68
2/17/2009 10:21:57   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Two new poems, though I am not entirely satisfied with the first.
Salvation
Yesteryear
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 69
2/20/2009 11:59:13   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Another new poem (written and posted yesterday, but I just now remembered to update this thread). The Legacy of a Failed Leader

Update: One more. Corrupted Question

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 2/20/2009 12:37:35 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 70
2/23/2009 15:38:14   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Fatigue

I've been feeling a good deal of it lately; might as well put it to work for me.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 71
3/3/2009 14:53:10   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I finally have written the title poem of my new(er) collection, Stripes.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 72
3/3/2009 16:05:13   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 "Stripes" is beautiful. This is the very reason I say that rhyme poems still give off an impact freeverse can't, despite the popularity of freeverse. I love how you tied the stripes together in the beginning and end. The last lines were particularly powerful. One objection is that you mixed in ye olde stuff like "ne'er" and "nigh" with more informal word choices of "got" ect. It made the different parts of the poem not fit together all that well. I suggest you try finding new words to replace the "less elegant" ones or simply take out the old English word choices.

Mostly, the rhymes flowed well and powerfully, but there were times when the inverted order of some words felt a bit forced. And I think you counted syllables to make things "flow" but I personally think you could've attained a better result here by simply following your ear in terms of flow. Again, the breaking of the flow can just be the way I say certain phrases plus the inverted order of words, but it might be something to think on. Or you can ignore my ramblings and just know this is my long-winded way of saying "I like that poem" =P
AQ  Post #: 73
3/3/2009 16:35:02   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Thank you very much for your feedback! I had worried that the Middle English might have that effect; it was indeed for syllable count. When I go home (probably in about an hour to a half-hour), I'll try to start working on improving it. I am glad that you liked it. =)

Also, I just remembered about a collaborative effort I had forgotten to post; I will do so now. It is a collaboration between Skooby, Personater, Jiggibiddy, and myself. Link coming right after I post it. We Are Family... All My L&Lers and Me!

Edit: I have updated the poem with lines which (I hope will) flow better. Also, I replaced the Middle-English-sounding lines.

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 3/4/2009 11:26:27 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 74
3/5/2009 15:16:37   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Lesser Shades of Grey
A rather random one, but I'm tired. Cheery subject, eh?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 75
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