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Inquiry Into The Nature And Causes of the Wealth of Nations
By Cow Face
In my many years of reading, I have found that the most intellectually stimulating works have the longest names. As such, this amazing report has been given a name ostentatious enough to match the information therein. It has nothing to do with economist Adam Smith's classic 1776 book, Inquiry Into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations. Besides the title, that is. I believe, dear reader, that you will find this statement to be true.
"Attack... Attack... Yes! Beat it! Ooh, two-hundred Gold/Credits!" That is the ecstatic shout of a random player, having just defeated an enemy and receiving a financial reward. Where did the money come from? Robina Hood, perhaps. After all, she knocks out monsters, then places gold on them. Right?
Wrong. While this is true, she has yet to appear in MechQuest. Also, though she has made appearances in AdventureQuest, DragonFable and AdventureQuest Worlds, could she possibly find time to both manage her Band of Married Women and knock out every monster in the game before anyone else? Why, she would have to be as quick as Xanta Claus! And though I am sure that she is very speedy, I rather doubt that she could possibly be as lively and quick as that jolly old Pyromancer. Which again begs the question of where it comes from. There are several possible solutions.
1) Perhaps the monsters just carry money around themselves. This is unlikely for two reasons. First, what would they buy, besides weapons of nefarious doom that never quite work properly? Second, most don't have pockets, and it tends to be difficult to hold things when one lacks opposable thumbs.
2) Robina Hood is as lively and quick as Xanta Claus. Really. Then, why don't we see her carrying presents* to children all around Lore? Why isn't her skull on fire?** Most importantly, her name isn't Robina Claus.
3) The towns are paying a bounty for each monster destroyed. Hmm, now this is possible. After all, many have a shop somewhere that, though perhaps not operated by the towns themselves, must reap great profit from the taxes enforced by the LMS (Lorian Monehz Service). Then again, most Adventurers/Heroes/Pilots manage to keep up a hefty profit, often in the millions. While it is possible that they sell their items at various towns, it seems unlikely that their choices would be diverse enough to not be telling on the shops. Ballyhoo!, of course, assists with this, but even she must receive her capital from somewhere. ...But where? Aye, there's the rub.
I recently broke the news about such dastardly monster gangs as the Dragon Mafia***, the MOGLNs, and ZARD. Due to their large enrollment, they would likely have great amounts of funds, enough even to fund the towns. However, they would be unlikely to do so, as the towns are paying the people to slay monsters, many of which belong to their organizations. They would naturally expect something in return. What, though? There was obviously only one way to figure it out. Going undercover in my patented Zombie Disguise (face paint), I recorded a secret conversation between a small town's mayor, who will remain anonymous, and a Zombie.
"Er, hello there, Mr. Zombie."
"Mmmhhh..."
"What?"
"Mmmhhh..."
"I don't know what you- hey! Let go of me! Ow! No biting!"
"Mmmhhh...!"
Clearly, this shows the subterfuge which has, for centuries, kept the towns running. The leaders of each town- possibly even Battleon itself- have been accepting illicit funds from various gangs of monsters, in return for the extermination of non-union creatures.**** There can be only one way to eliminate this hideous process- all Adventurers, Heroes and Pilots must refuse to be a part in this scheme. Only when we stop fighting can we win.
__________
* And fiery destruction
** This is highly important to have extra speed. If my head was on fire, I'd be rather frantic to put it out.
*** Nuclear Dragon would like to remind you that the Dragon Mafia does not exist, and Cow Face is quite a foolish chap.
**** What, no-one else gleaned that from the conversation?
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