Argeus the Paladin
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Right, so, that aside, I'm on my way to slash apart chapter 5 through 6 today.
6) Chapter 5
Nice fight scene. Not to mention an intelligent way for a necromancer to deal with undead enemies. However, I should have seen it coming earlier, what with the OOC being flooded with zombie apocalypse polls in which everyone goes "so imma necromancer so i'll CONTROL THEM ALL !!!!1111!!!!"
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To think that one month, one week and two days ago you were first randomly teleported to this world and you couldn’t even defeat a simple Slimey.
Is that supposed to be a Dragon Quest reference? Or is it just me and my addiction to Sanzenin Nagi's antics?
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EVA materialized a holographic mannequin in front of Grim and Necro, who were in the center of the room. Unlike the other holograms, this one was completely solid, not just a transparent image.
*raises hand* Question! A horologram is supposed to be transparent by definition
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hologram (plural holograms)
1. A three dimensional image; unlike regular images which are usually two dimensional, a three dimensional image or hologram, appears to "pop out" of the media which it is printed on or illuminated from. Hologram images are usually created by using a single laser beam which is split and splashed onto the object and finally onto the film.
There is no such thing, in pactice and theory, as a solid hologram. You might want to try calling this entity something else.
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The Poison Finger spell is quite handy if you are going to eliminate a target without attracting attention. Simply poke the person, and watch them die slowly. You do need to touch flesh though; it won’t work if you just poke their clothing.
*DnD geek raises hand* But I thought a Touch Attack can do fine even if it just touches the creature's armor!
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“I think that boy’s going to be leaving us tomorrow EVA”
YEEESH!! Finally we can leave this training hall for good!
You all know that tutorials are the banes of most gamers, don't you?
Overall comment: Let's just say I've been too happy with the notion of leaving this desolated place to think of anything else by now. But if you insist, I'd just like a minor heads up: Taunting is done with relative ease both in real life and other RPGs. We actually don't need a truckload of death energy to invoke anger. See what I mean?
7) Chapter 6
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Another week passed since Necro got his first good night’s rest for a good while, a week filled with more intense training, random drills (but not while Necro was asleep, as promised), giant feasts, explanation of some of the customs of Tipa, and other useful things that he would need in order to survive.
*twitches* Just some sentences ago you've had this,
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“I think that boy’s going to be leaving us tomorrow EVA”
Contradiction galore!
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Fortunately, only Grim’s head was hit by the blast as it was sent flying into a nearby monitor and then proceeded to bounce around the room.
You are purposefully making a running gag out of this, aren't you?
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you didn’t do a up down up down left left right right combo
Because everyone loves the classic Konami cheat code (Whether or not Konami equates KonataxKagami depends entirely on your imagination)
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“Fine, and from what you told me, it looks like there’s no local annoying rich landlord in the town that I need to practice my Machiavellian tactics on.”
I love the smell of Dark Side overshadowing in the morning (no pun intended)
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Before you go, I think that you need a fuzzy adorable traveling companion to act as party mascot and comic relief. Mog
...
“Wait, isn’t this a moogle from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, owned by Square Enix? What on earth is it doing here?”
We call this Author Appeal, friend. In a suitable dosage it is hilarious. If overused it's as deadly to a fictional work as heroin overdose. See The Inheritance Series? But worry not - everything is under control out here.
Overall comment: As of now your prose hasn't lost its charms yet - funny, semi-seriousness put together in a fine mix. Just take care of the contradiction as I've shown and all should be just fine.
That being said, I'm getting ready for classes now. My mid-sem exam is in a week's time - and I'm still slacking off like this. Not good :S
< Message edited by Argeus the Paladin -- 8/26/2009 23:32:06 >
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