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RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism

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1/26/2012 21:54:56   
Glais
Member

Eh? It seemed Mordred was the one thinking he was the Avatar of Chaos, Krag remained rather ambiguous during their fight. I don't remember if he did in the past, but he changed from how he was then.
DF MQ  Post #: 326
1/26/2012 21:59:05   
Mordred
Member

He's had... well, technically eternally to think about his failure. And he remembered who he was; a Lorian wizard, seeking knowledge. His fellow demons could not remember, but now he could. He also had a fellow civilized prisoner; Arthur. Without him, he'd likely never have remembered. He did think he was Avatar in the end, but then realized that it didn't mean anything. Chaos is a neutral god, and likewise so should his Avatar.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 327
1/26/2012 23:55:05   
Glais
Member

What I meant was, it didn't come off in story at all that he was the Avatar of Chaos, or even thought he was. And what matters is what's actually in the story, not just Word of God on it.
DF MQ  Post #: 328
1/27/2012 7:03:52   
Mordred
Member

There actually is a line where Krag screams that he's the Avatar of Chaos, and Tumultu's a weak mortal being. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 329
1/27/2012 19:28:31   
Glais
Member

I meant at the end...I think. Since he made no mention of it there. But Mordred seemed to believe him.

Kinda funny how Mordred's journey all started with a stupid little poem he found....you gonna expand on that?
DF MQ  Post #: 330
2/4/2012 16:58:46   
Mordred
Member

quote:

Kinda funny how Mordred's journey all started with a stupid little poem he found....you gonna expand on that?

Aye. Once Book 4 is complete, I plan on recounting some of Tumultu's more prominent adventures during his time as a DragonLord, earning him his title as "the Hero" and culminating with his discovery of the poem. It will also slowly show how the growing corruption around him affected his mental state and how radical he is.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 331
2/4/2012 19:28:24   
Mortarion
Member

I am intrigued by Mordred, he seems to be those man haunted by their failures, but he is also part of that minority who are dribben by those failures to try to achieve their goal again in an obsesive way, even if the end up corrupting the dream itself with acts that aren't according to the nature of the dream, I hope to have explained myself, or was I too confusing?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 332
2/8/2012 23:18:44   
Mordred
Member

Update! This includes the introduction of Taran, and sets the stage for the next five years leading up to the final battle.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 333
2/8/2012 23:48:09   
Glais
Member

YES, just when I needed more reading material (before I tackle Mritha's L&L).
Got a minor critique I realized today, but I shall save that for later.
quote:

Standing at 5’ 8” and growing

Hm, kinda sh-oh wait, I come from a family of tall people. I really need to reevaluate my perception of "average height."

Samurai Jack? Heck yes! Real world mentions, politics, etc....not to my liking.

Hm, Tumultu appears. And I have no idea why but he's reminding me of a long white-haired Micheal Jackson. The new version not the black guy one.

Snake people seem cool. Wait, dream Enduras has Elf ears? Whaaaaaaaat.
quote:

“You’re dreaming, Taran. You’ve been dreaming for a decade and a half. This was a virtual reality I had created for you, to raise you as a twenty-first century Terran.”

In retrospect, this was sort of the dumbest idea ever. Not because I hate adding modern Earth to this, but because Taran is now incredibly out of touch with the "normal" universe. Earth is not a very accepting planet.
quote:

“Must thou haunt me?” the Emperor questioned.

Yet again, Good Mordred is the single best character here. I feel sorry for everyone who didn't read your old DF suggestion. Because they missed out. A LOT.

Anyhow, that other thing I mentioned earlier. I was rereading Aizen's now unfinishable story and it made me realize how odd it is to have Enduras literally having trained in every class back on Lore, just seems one of those weird attempts at a jack of all trades thing. Most people generally pick one that their character canonically IS. Or at the least explains it in a...less corny way.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/9/2012 0:25:34 >
DF MQ  Post #: 334
2/9/2012 8:40:29   
Mordred
Member

quote:

Most people generally pick one that their character canonically IS. Or at the least explains it in a...less corny way.

All will be explained. There's a reason why Enduras has been able to master most things that come his way.
quote:

Not because I hate adding modern Earth to this, but because Taran is now incredibly out of touch with the "normal" universe. Earth is not a very accepting planet.

Enduras wanted Taran to be as separated from the war as possible, while also making it so he'd be available to "enlist." Enduras has actually committed a rather serious crime against Taran. He's been raised to prepare himself for the eventual possibility of having to join the fight against the Empire, with next to no say in the matter. Enduras had been deliberately tasked to do the exact opposite. He dragged an innocent into this...
quote:

And I have no idea why but he's reminding me of a long white-haired Micheal Jackson. The new version not the black guy one.

Only he still has black hair? o.0
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 335
2/9/2012 10:55:15   
Glais
Member

No, I didn't mean his ability to master it, just the fact that he actually did seems awkward.

And my mistake, I've always imagined Tumultu with White hair, even after it being constantly said his hair is black.
quote:

@tiger: That was about 1000 years ago. When Mordred begins to build up his grand scheme, which is on Terra, Lore has yet to even go through the Reset! The ShadowScythe have not even warred with the dragons by this time!

Waitwhat. From like page 4. So Mordred's in MQ?

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/13/2012 3:16:50 >
DF MQ  Post #: 336
2/19/2012 20:08:59   
Mordred
Member

Indeed. The ShadowScythe were originally established as a diversion, while also laying the groundworks for a true Empire. Their blatant evilness would serve as the perfect distraction for him to master his own powers and plot. And plot he did. Then he plotted some more. And more. And more. Much to his frustration, Warlic Reset most of the universe, setting back his plans a fair bit. But he began anew, subverting worlds through projections and minions. He even watched himself rise to power and fall from grace. He didn't interfere at all though. He knew that it could have had catastrophic ramifications. It pained him immensely, though, to sit and watch his beloved Order degenerate and collapse, unable to do anything, lest he should screw with time irrevocably.

Another thing of import when a rising Empire begins to gain vast swaths of the universe, it's bound to come into conflict with the Network at some point. What happens when an Empire founded on the principle of Order and set out to destroy Chaos comes into conflict with a collective/organization responsible for countless deaths that sows chaos and serves one of the deities seen as an affront by the aforementioned Empire? All I have to say is: "There will be blood. Oh, lots and lots of blood." And it all plays into the Master plan! What could possibly cause more chaos than both turning worlds against itself and its gods whilst an intergalactic war rages on?

< Message edited by Mordred -- 2/19/2012 20:09:23 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 337
2/19/2012 20:59:41   
Glais
Member

Ick, him being behind MQ and Earth are probably the two main things I hate about the L&L, because I'm overprotective of MQ and dislike Tumultu being behind me, in this continuity.

But complaints aside, I am interested in this plan, much moreso than the fights to come. Mainly because at the moment I don't see any reason for him to not just send his vast swarm of space ships and blow up planets. All the effort seems thus far...unnecessary. Thus, once we learn more of his plans, I hope it will make more sense.
DF MQ  Post #: 338
2/19/2012 21:56:09   
Mordred
Member

Well, he's not very involved in the events of MQ. All he really did was start the ShadowScythe and let them do whatever the heck they wanted.

quote:

dislike Tumultu being behind me, in this continuity.

Is this referencing your MQ character, or you as the player? :P

quote:

Mainly because at the moment I don't see any reason for him to not just send his vast swarm of space ships and blow up planets.

Well, he did this with Mrithandril. I haven't shown it to you yet, but it happened. All I can really say at this point is that while he convinced the tribes to turn on each other, he could not convince them to join his cause against the universe itself. To quote him: "I admit, Mrithandril and the events that occurred there was a very rare instance; a case where I hath made a profound error in judgement."
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 339
2/19/2012 22:00:04   
Glais
Member

If I, the person, was in your L&L Tumultu indirectly created me. Fridge Horror...Tumultu is the equivalent of Earth's God. Just at a much smaller and weaker scale than that God is usually portrayed as.

Hm, I haven't really thout out a backstory for my MQ character. Not quite sure where I wish to go there.

And I meant moreso, I don't understand why he doesn't use brute force, since it seems like it would work. He's at least a planet buster from what I can tell, so while it would take a while, it could be done.
DF MQ  Post #: 340
2/19/2012 22:32:21   
Mordred
Member

quote:

Fridge Horror...Tumultu is the equivalent of Earth's God

That's something I realized myself a while ago. It's... a scary thought.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 341
2/19/2012 22:52:44   
Glais
Member

Yeah. It also means Giorgio Tsoukalos was right, Aliens were involved.

Mordred being an Alien and all.

It wouldn't be so bad if he was at least a decent guy but...yeah.
DF MQ  Post #: 342
2/20/2012 1:26:37   
Mordred
Member

I aim to change your opinion of him over time. He's managed to keep his sanity(or rather, lack thereof) under wraps, but it'll totally explode and mess the hell outta everything around him. See, near the beginning of the recent events, Tumultu has been a calm, collected, nigh emotionless being that is willing to sacrifice anything for his cause. Yet his mind's been changing, his morality becoming... messier. It doesn't really begin to happen until he feels forced to destroy Mrithandril. And then, there'll be that one scene in the future that makes even me almost squeeee due to adorable-ness. I hope it has a similar effect on you gaiz, but that largely depends on how I present it. 'Course, there'll be parts where he's absolutely deplorable, and makes you question whether you hate his guts, or whether his goodness makes up for it. Like, srsly messed up. The way he'll screw Taran's mind without even invading it or anything... Inside, part of my cries, while another part laughs sadistically. There's some sort of sick pleasure in writing, and being able to control everyone and everything. But there's also great sadness too, especially when you have to put down you favorites. My personal favorite is Tumultu, but that's 'cuz I know stuff. to finally finish his story...I don't know, mayne. the guy who wrote Toy Story 3? He cried after finishing it, because he was the only person in the world who knew Toy Story had come to an end in the long-run.

tldr; Mordred's a very dynamic character, constantly shifting in subtle ways.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 343
2/20/2012 2:01:03   
Glais
Member

xD When it comes to me, NOTHING is tl;dr.

And well, we'll see. From what I can gather, I don't expect I'll be liking Tumultu, except Good Mordred, because he's awesome.
My mind can't comprehend adorability and Tumultu though. Expect a flatline there while I attempt to assess it all.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/20/2012 2:08:31 >
DF MQ  Post #: 344
2/25/2012 23:56:37   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Wow, your story is AMAZING. I'm shocked.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 345
2/25/2012 23:57:07   
Mordred
Member

New, small update. Mostly dialogue to fill you/Taran of the situation. It doesn't seem that bad yet, but literally, more than half the people will be either whispering/raving about how they've been tricked. Fairly serious problem. To make things even worse, there's going to be a core issue with the control dreamer(they use one dreamer to put everyone's dreams into, so as to keep other people's dreams from blending together into a Cthulhu-inspired cesspool of subconsciousness)...
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 346
2/25/2012 23:59:18   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Mordred how do you write soo good?

Can you give me feedback on my story?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 347
2/26/2012 0:04:53   
Glais
Member

Not bad, I actually njoy dialogue sessions because they reveal more about the universe of the story.
Eh, wow Taran's like the new Enduras, that is I dislike him.

Oddly enough, Good Mordred reminds me of a Stand...
DF MQ  Post #: 348
2/26/2012 12:06:14   
Mordred
Member

quote:

Mordred how do you write soo good?

No idea. I just do. In third grade, I was offered to skip to sixth grade based on an essay I had written. :P

quote:

Eh, wow Taran's like the new Enduras, that is I dislike him.

Well, he's just a clueless child at this point. Over the next five years, he'll grow and develop into a character I hope you'll like. He'll be confronted with many moral choices. Will he use deception to convince people to side against Mordred? Will he kill? By the end of his part of the story, he'll be a young man with a badass greatcoat and a fedora, with some martial training along the way.

quote:

Oddly enough, Good Mordred reminds me of a Stand...

At this point, he probably is a pseudo-Stand. :P In one of the upcoming worlds Taran and co. will visit, machines will be powered by the strength/vitality of one's soul. While Tumultu has an incredibly strong will, having half a soul tends to have adverse effects on the potential of using it as a power source. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 349
2/26/2012 12:51:57   
Glais
Member

Well true, it's not like he's been given much of a chance to develop yet. I just hate how unfitting he is thanks to Enduras "awesome plan." But that's mainly because I despise mixing DF and Earth.

And HA, so Tumultu finally will have a weakness, in the logical world.

EDIT:New critique

So I have been rereading early sections for inspiration and such (you know, to fuel my newfound story ideas :D) when I began to notice some odd things. You already knew most like Falerin's listing of Enduras' credentials, the Elemental Avatars being at a god meeting rather than...just the EL's. Course all of them being there made the scene a bit cluttered BUT ANYWAYS...
Now obviously, I know you've improved since then by a vast amount since then so this isn't quite fair, but around the flashback sections is when your writing got good so I'll start there.

One thing I noticed is oddly enough PRE-OP Mordred seems to be a Stu rather than the super Elemental version. His sword is canonically "the best sword" as you stated there was none better. His "blue energy attack" was stated that "Akira could never hope to surpass" etc, etc.
Then of course, there is his instant mindkill attack. He makes the OP Mordred just look...less. He even refers to himself as The Hero, which means he even is fully aware of how much better he is...actually that part is kinda funny.

I also realize, while Tumultu is meant to represent a sort of way where it's difficult to like or dislike him, there are several blatantly evil things he does. In order to have a wavering opinion, he would need to stay in the middle, balance things out yes? Yet he killed a random and completely innocent mayor. That alone just threw him off the balance for me, even though storywise it is an extremely insignificant event.

Hm...so I guess I did not exactly argue my point well so I will end with something completely unrelated. Riane and Wrylithia were fun characters, disappointing you have no further use for them.

I also wonder, what happened to the rest of the ShadowScythe Lords?

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/28/2012 19:39:58 >
DF MQ  Post #: 350
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