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RE: (DF/HS) Library of Shadows

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10/19/2011 6:00:20   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

the Outcast's


an, since it refers to the death of only one member of the Outcasts.

quote:

they're workforce


their

Only up to chapter 1 but seems interesting so far. Though I can't put my finger on where the setting is. But since I haven't read everything yet, I'll leave it at that.

The first person narration at the intro got me for a bit, but since I was kinda used to people here using third person. Though I like it since it isn't as omniscient as the third person method and you are actually placed on the shoes of the protagonist.

About the story, this is THE Raven right? The one from Teen Titans? I found it odd that she would be playing a computer game of all things but I guess Beast Boy and Cyborg finally got to her.
DF MQ  Post #: 76
10/19/2011 6:52:25   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

But what would happen if I let my emotions rein...?


reign

quote:

I though I would never say those words again... I though here I was safe.


thought, thought I was safe here.

quote:

but if I wss missing it I didn't want to know what the consiquence was.


was

quote:

'It the fear of the dark is growing inside of me


It is/It's

quote:

day, Infected with its rage,
But it ends today...


day, infected with it's rage, but/ rage. But it ends today...

quote:

the cruelest punishment


the most cruel punishment

I see the story is taking it's own turn.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 77
10/19/2011 13:32:18   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 @kaho The setting doesn't exist- it is a place in one of my books (heh, 'book' is loose here since its just a few uncohorndinated paged)- lets just say the closest equivalent is 1984/City of Ember. And no, that isn't the Raven, though they are similar (Raven being one of my favorite characters ever). Shadow is actually closer, since they have the same power of sorts.
@DD Thanks, corrected, except for the second last one. I'm quoting a song, and thats how the lyrics went (yes, its jarring on paper). And ya, I finally figured out how I was going to write this, so now it should start getting interesting ;)
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 78
10/19/2011 20:45:25   
Mortarion
Member

Hmmm something I don't like is how you use gamer's name, like HP and FR, you get me, but anyway it's great
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 79
10/19/2011 23:49:08   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Glad you enjoyed the song tiger :) And I like how you fit it in with Raven's Shadow, good job!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 80
10/25/2011 23:17:57   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Kaho, remember asking where Raven came from? And the rest of you, have you wondered?

Well, time I printed it out. The Outcast is Raven's tale before she enters lore, hence why it is in a different area. The world is made up, though you might see some Orwell like stuff, I have never read him, so unintentional.

I will say right here- its a dark tale. Much more so than what I've written up till now- at least at times. But it is one thats been bouncing around my skull for over a year now, which is why so many chapters are up- its pre-written. Anyways, hope you 'enjoy' this tale.

AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 81
11/1/2011 15:50:24   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I was slightly disappointed when I found out you decided to quit "Shadowed Past", though I am sure you have your reasons.

Will you still continue with your other stories or will you refrain from those as well?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 82
11/1/2011 17:26:02   
Mortarion
Member

What, you won't do Shadowed past *me is sad*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 83
11/1/2011 17:40:51   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Ahh! You guys weren't suppose to see that yet!
Yes, I am quitting Shadowed Past and Raven's Shadow. The reason you will get when I am finished (friday night). Both will have their remaining chapters up by then.

< Message edited by tigerlady48 -- 11/5/2011 2:04:17 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 84
11/1/2011 19:03:15   
Mortarion
Member

WHy :'(, both were great historys *goes to corner of solitude and sadnes*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 85
11/5/2011 2:06:55   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Well, thats it. I finished up Shadowed Past- Raven's Shadow is way to long for me to finish in time.

I don't know when if ever I will return- it depends on RL. Fow now though, goodbye


< Message edited by tigerlady48 -- 11/5/2011 3:42:14 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 86
11/5/2011 11:45:50   
Mortarion
Member

Good bye Tiger, so you won't come to the forums for some time *hugs her* good luck with RL :)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 87
11/5/2011 15:14:54   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I hadn't thought you'd leave us, good luck with your matters. You will be missed.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 88
11/5/2011 15:25:38   
Mortarion
Member

Easy DD, there is still hope in that she can return, it all depends, anyways good luck with whatever causes you troubles, you'll be missed a lot, atleast by me, hope you can return
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 89
12/20/2011 18:05:09   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Heh, heh. Really left. That isn't a problem, but now something else is.

I realized why I was having trouble writing Shadowed Past (and Raven's Shadow, but that is more a sit-down-and-write-till-I-get-to-the-fun-part). The story format (way I'm telling it) resembles a hunter telling stories about her greatest kills, and scars from battle (hunters do that, right?) because thats sorta who she was. A hunter, a he who hunts monster's sort (tvtrope reference). And pretty quickly I realized: a) I disliked this style, b) the story at its core WASN'T this, and c) the only parts I wanted to write were completely different. The story is a mixture of a self-discovery and a redemption tale... not a hunter. In fact originally that part wasn't even in the story. Originally, I had the first three chapters, the first part ending, Moonlight joining Shadow chapter, and final climax as the story, the rest was coming up with as I went along. And thus... the troubles began.

Now I want your guys opinion. I'm scapping the middle parts of the story- and saving them for a different yet undetermined character as I put too much work into it- and re-writing that. But the story format/pacing is still my bane. Any idea's or suggestions? I was thinking journal-est, but really I'm open for ideas. The format will determine what is written, so this time around I'm going to actually think it through.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 90
12/20/2011 20:56:28   
Mortarion
Member

How about if you try a Taolkine style of writting, or you could find Game of THrones, wich got a great way of telling stories, soo, are you still scrapping both of your stories?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 91
12/21/2011 19:38:28   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Hmm... not sure what you mean by Tolkein style (and never read Game of Thrones) but I'll check. I am scrapping Shadowed Past, but not Raven's Shadow.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 92
12/21/2011 19:40:33   
Mortarion
Member

Okay, and I meant that you use hte narratives tyle of Tolkien
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 93
12/21/2011 19:43:03   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Still not quite sure what you mean... however I do own LoTR so I'll just re-read part of it and find out.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 94
12/21/2011 19:46:49   
Mortarion
Member

<I meant, when you read Lotr, look at the narrative, and if you like it you could use it
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 95
12/27/2011 18:22:44   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Update to my story! I have re-done the first four parts of the story, and added some new content to it. Comments and criticism is greatly appreciated, and I want to know if anyone thinks this is better/worse then the original and why. I am still undecided about the style, so any idea's I am open too. I do have some story line in mind- a few characters I want to have subplots with and of course the 100 necro's (some of which will stay the same (mostly) and a few I will scrap or redo) but the pacing of the story/ format (dairy, flashbacks, tales in a book, etc) I haven't, and since that is what ties a story together (and since thats what mainly annoyed me) I need this before I can go much father.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 96
12/27/2011 19:08:16   
Mortarion
Member

Yay, I'll read it soon, keep up the good work Shadow :) What I meant to say is that I wait anxiously for your new work, and don't fret over the problems you have, you'll resolve them sooner or latter, what I can reccomend is that you read other books to see if you can find any clues to solve those problems

< Message edited by Mortarion -- 12/27/2011 20:21:57 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 97
12/28/2011 0:57:57   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 @Mort good advice I will follow up on.

Anyways, new chapter is up! This time its completely new (if anyone besides Mort is reading this that is).
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 98
12/28/2011 6:23:53   
Mortarion
Member

Heh glad to be of help, and a new chapter, that's iteresting. I have noticed something intresting our characters are actually similar, both of them are consumed by their quest, but while Shadow walks a path tht leads to the light my character only walks a path that grows darker, and interesting to notice is that both aren't completly human. Oh and both have an affinity to darkness. Interesting I say, oh and also something I noticed

quote:

"That is Tigerlady, my newest trainee to be a Paladin." Tigerlady was the name we decided would be my cover name- it was inspired off of Lily calling me 'little tiger.'
This is Artix introducing Shadow to Yulgar as Tigerlady.

But then Yulgar talks to you using this name
quote:

"Well Shadow, what is it you want made?"
I mean, it's confusing, how could Yulgar know that you were Shadow, the suposed criminal, specially if you were presented as Tigerlady and you were under an illusion spell. My two cents.

Now reading your newwest chapter it's prety good, there are some mistakes, I think in one part you wanted to write "WHY" but you ended up writing it like this "WHy" you could correct that. Another thing, but you might prefer it this way, the use of acronyms like SH or FR don't seem natural, atleast to me, they feel like if they are forced, anyways, waiting for more of your great work :)

< Message edited by Mortarion -- 12/28/2011 8:17:10 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 99
12/28/2011 17:16:01   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!
quote:

(if anyone besides Mort is reading this that is)

Oh I have been keeping my eye on your story, its too good not to ;) My apologies for not posting, I'll be sure to do so more often :)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 100
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