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(HS) Legacy ~discussion~

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8/9/2011 22:56:04   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 The sequel to The Puppet Master is now a work in progress. You can, of course, discuss the new story here. I hope you enjoy reading Legacy as much as I will enjoy writing it. =^^=


Book: Legacy

Chapters:
1. Discovery
2. A Night in the Red Garden
3. Catch of the Day
4. Trader Town

< Message edited by Jae10 -- 12/7/2011 16:31:01 >
AQW  Post #: 1
8/9/2011 23:53:04   
Sir Night
Member

Wow! Incredible first chapter, Jae!
Post #: 2
8/10/2011 14:57:54   
Clown the Jester
Member

ooooh...heh heh heh...something nasty is swimming around in our water suply. Heh heh heh. How intense. Such fear...such desperation. As I read, my mind was begging for a single word to describe the creature that attacked them. Fear of the unknow. I mean...potentially anything could have killed them...


but we know that thing is bad news. Heh heh heh.

I like it.


Epic writing. I was at the edge of my seat...fell off my seat a couple of times...but ya know.


Can't wait for more.


Thank the Comedian in the Sky that Albert could protect Rita...to bad they were cracked like an egg shell...heh heh heh. I like it. I like it alot.



It has a smiliar feel that your story has Sir. Night.

Interesting turn of events. Heh heh heh.
AQW Epic  Post #: 3
8/10/2011 15:53:53   
Celestin123
Member

Great story, Jae! I really like it and and the myserious, new world, feel to it.

I'm curious to see just what it is that killed those poor souls and I can't wait to find out!

Three years after Puppet Master, eh? Very interesting... I wonder what's happened in all that time,
and what's happening during that time as well. I LOVE your story and I can't wait for the next few chapters!

< Message edited by Celestin123 -- 8/10/2011 15:54:04 >
AQ  Post #: 4
8/10/2011 19:41:49   
delta blitz
Member

Epic as always Jae. (If only Clown,you and Arachid wrote daily,I would be even happier but meh,patience is good for the soul).

< Message edited by delta blitz -- 8/10/2011 19:42:28 >
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
8/11/2011 22:30:34   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 I am glad, Jae... Truly, utterly, glad that you are back; It pleases me greatly that you have decided to humour us, and continue your story.
I truly hope this story is as good as your last, and wish you the best of luck; AND I WISH ALL OF YOU THE GREATEST HAPPINESS WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!

But enough with the pleasantries... I enjoy them, but we both know why I am here: To read, and comment upon, your story. THUS, I SAY, " LET IT BEGIN!!!!!"

......................................

Hmm... A submarine... if S.C.I.F. was just the agency/branch for Super City, I wonder what agencies the COUNTRY has, and more specifically, its capabilities and funding, seeing how well off S.C.I.F. was...

*bites into a brownie*... Mmm... I SO enjoy those scrumptious treats...

Makes me think they are searching for your body... Considering what I know of you, and them, it is quite a possibility, although that could just be an aditional benefit, should they be searching for something else entirely...

Steve... I remember that name from somewhere, although it could be a coincidence...

Radiation... hmm...

Interesting... Opperating from Yercom, and Yercom was built 3 years after the Chaos Riots in this universe... hmm... and they are going there for reasons that seemingly don't line up with what I assumed you intended to have happen... I think I'll wait a bit, and maybe delete the parts of what I said that might break confidence...

Hmm.. the Beta reflector line reminds me of Beta Ray Bill for some reason...

I like how you have set up the banter between them... you really know how to make your characters seem real, and life-like...

Caustic phobic... hmm... makes me wonder if you meant claustrophobic... or however that is spelled, or really intended to say caustic phobic...

I can see why Jack wants them to settle down... too much wasted oxygen... talking will do that, and aside from that, theeir are many other factors that add into it when you get into a heated argument...
It's also just plain common sense.

I wonder if that's the Aquatians, or if they are out int the ocean...

Sonic weapons? Hmm... That's quite interesting, under water... I mean, if sonar is used in a concentrated effort, it can disorient or even kill animals, but to use it mainly as a weapon... there are relatively few things that could do that... if it's biological, it could be a whale... or something else... something... that would generally be more deadly, although the whales I am talking about that would fit the bill are murderous creatures of the past... I suggest something more... sentient...

Very good, indeed... I can feel the terror... I will delete what I was thinking earlier that might mess with your story... one sec... done.

Initializing commenting process' completion in 5, 4, 3, 2...
DF  Post #: 6
8/12/2011 12:55:34   
Clown the Jester
Member

Well technically Drakkoniss Most of Comedy and Tragedy was written before the King Zong event. So maybe...maybe not...you all decide.



Hm...Steve does ring a bell....was his name in one of the other stories? I gotta check! WA HA HA HA!
AQW Epic  Post #: 7
8/12/2011 14:39:22   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Clown: Isn't Steve a NPC in mainstreet?
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 8
8/13/2011 3:06:20   
Clown the Jester
Member

Hm...I'll find out right now...


Hold on...



Loading....typing in my pasword...uh...hold on...my internet just froze...Hold on...uh...Yeah...there we go...got it booted back up.


Ok...To Herosmash...retyping password...OOOH 4th trail out...let me beat that first and I'll check for Steve...


Hold on...almost...There beat the 4th trial...now what was I doing? OH YES! Steve...lets se...TO MAINSTREET! Nope...I...hold on...no...I don't see...I SEE...oh wait no...that was just a mailbox...hold on...


OH WAIT I SEE HIM! STEVE! STEVE! YA LOOK OVER HERE!


He isn't in mainstreet...He's all the way in overlook. Steve is none other than THE BLUE WONDER!



Da Ha!



How Do you like Dem' Apples. WA HA HA HA HA HA!
AQW Epic  Post #: 9
8/13/2011 11:06:00   
Celestin123
Member

I thought Steve was an NPC in mainstreet east.o.o
AQ  Post #: 10
8/15/2011 18:44:45   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 < Lolz Steve was just a random name I thought sounded good with the others. But...awesome research nonetheless XD

Second Chapter is a work in progress. I will have to try finishing it in between my spare time since I'll be quite busy the next few days. And thanks for the feedback everyone.
AQW  Post #: 11
8/16/2011 4:07:20   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Celestin and Clown: We are surrounded by Steves...even in SkullDeep there is a Steve...
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 12
11/9/2011 16:35:56   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 It's been a long wait but heres Chapter Deux (that means '2' btw lol). I do appreciate all your patience^^
AQW  Post #: 13
11/9/2011 16:53:57   
star screamer
Member

J'ai pense que je rire ton l'histoire.
(I think I might read your story)
AQW  Post #: 14
11/9/2011 18:05:51   
delta blitz
Member

interesting new chapter jae, very descriptive as expected x3. Though i do think maybe there are other forces at play in ur story.
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 15
11/9/2011 18:30:57   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Poor Jack's going to be stuck with paper work, and will probably have his reputation spoiled by this happening...

Seems the old man still has cunning and tact left in him, even this late in his years... Good to see someone that old, so sharp.

*sigh* Jack's thickness annoys me... He should easily be able to tell they weren't the only things in the water by what they said, if not just their reactions.

And yes, while radiation could quite do that, I very much doubt it would be able to effect all three of them at once in such a way, especially with them seeming to be pretty comparably competant, and the experiences of them down there seeming to be similar enough from an objective point of view to at least bring into account the possibility of something else interfering with the opperation... Oh, and the event seemed to have been quick enough to rule out radiation in that they seemed to be completely cognizant prior to the occurance in question.

Professor Smash, hmm? Pity he hasn't been shown in-game at all, so you could be incorrect about his age category... Good to see someone is using him, though. Along with that, this brings me to think about the fact that smashers are in a single building, training to better their usage and control of powers... Noone's even included the Smash Academy in their stories, so that could be very interesting indeed.

I like silk. She sounds spectacularly beautiful. Probably a very good choice for (presumed) anchor.

A dangerous situation, handling the press so late presents, with him being so tired, especially. ESPECIALLY especially with such... sensitive matters as the topic that night.

Double homicide and a suicide? I HATE SUICIDES!!!!!! Especially if it was the killer... That just seems... wrong; Wrong and insulting to the dead people, because that makes their deaths meaningless.

I wonder if Titan Steelweave is composed of Titanium mixed with Carbon and Iron... I'm not sure if that would chemically work, though... I'd have to check the valence levels, and I don't feel like it right now. :/

I also wonder if the "weave" bit is refering to the mixing of the substances, or if it is used in strands weaved together into strong, yet flexible, structures.

An interesting conversation they had... No, I wouldn't think anyone would want to spin the news to adversly effect them, either. Well, not most people, anyway.

Maxi... rather charming. Anywho, I'm done commenting for now, and I shall see if you are on.
DF  Post #: 16
11/9/2011 18:48:31   
Clown the Jester
Member

Two homicides, one suicide in pleasant old Pleasant Town? Hm...now this intrigues me quite a great deal.


But what could have....OOOOH! She is a clever whilly gal. Heh heh heh. Takes after her Pa so much. Heh heh heh. Brilliant Girl. Attacking a town known for it's peaceful nature. Oh my my my I am impressed.

Her strings of manipulation have stretched beyond the feeble city of Super City to other hot spots. Very exciting. Heh heh heh.


Brilliant.


Simply Brilliant.

Thrilled! Excellent story. Well worth the wait. Your description of Professor Smash is very interesting. He seems almost like the good noble version of The Mastermind. Hm...very amusing.


What could be in that water that is creating so much a stir?
AQW Epic  Post #: 17
11/12/2011 23:57:54   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 *Breathes in, breathes out*

Wowie, I wish I could just blink this story together. I think I have writer's anxiety (don't know what it is? just ask me about it some time).

I'm glad everyone seems quite pleased with the portrayal of Professor Smash in Legacy. I am too! He reminds me so much of a person I know in real life, most certainly 'sage'-like.

Jack & Maxine are two fresh characters. Not gunna lie...while writing Maxine into the story I was getting slightly envious of her persona in this setting. For some reason, I was thinking of a certain celebrity at the time, among other things lol. Oh, and there are still quite a few of those in the HS community that I'm very excited to use as well, but you guys are gunna have to wait & be surprised! X3

Also, your comments are extremely insightful so thanks...thanks alot! Working on Chapter 3 and doing my best not to jump the gun on the plotline. There are so many parts to this story I know I'm goin to enjoy writing.^^










< Message edited by Jae10 -- 11/13/2011 0:07:25 >
AQW  Post #: 18
11/14/2011 19:22:47   
Goldstein
Member

Goodness gracious I am in awe! Truly wondrous! You deserve this!

Anyway, I love the feel of the story so far. The chemistry between Steve, Rita and Albert was so charming, it made their horrendous deaths all the more stunning. I was expecting the radiation to give them superpowers, silly me for thinking conventionally. Shifting the story to Jack's perspective was genius, as it made the feeling of helplessness very real. Professor Smash's portrayal is great, I just hope AE takes a similar route. I have just one tiny issue, really, it's minute. If Maxine knew about her appointment with Jack, why did she act like she didn't know who he was? Did she not know who she was meeting? But that hardly matters, when compared to the quality that is the rest of your story. It's even got proper grammar! What's not to love?

On a side-note, I'm not sure if you're accepting characters right now, but I let anyone use any character of mine in any of their stories. If you need/want a character, simply pm me. I look forward to Chapter 3.
Post #: 19
12/7/2011 16:38:02   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 ^
Thanks for the applaud, and for the generous offer. I will most definitely keep it in mind.^^
Maxine's a busy reporter and she probably forgot Jack's name, like I do sometimes, but when she saw him it jogged her memory. She hasn't really seen the guy since Yercom's opening after all. Well, that's one way I would explain her forgetfulness, lol.

And so after a lengthy drought of inspiration, I think you all deserve two new chapters. Chapters 3 & 4 of Legacy.

Thanks again everybodies!

< Message edited by Jae10 -- 12/7/2011 16:39:19 >
AQW  Post #: 20
12/7/2011 20:15:25   
Clown the Jester
Member

Well worth the wait.


Love it.


Intresting description of DZ I like it. A Corrupt ruins of what Super City once stood for. A mockery of their civilization.


Love it.


Truly love it.



Such incredible style and interaction of characters. And you're bringing in Celestin and adding more detail to Velmur. Love it.


Once again...love it.
AQW Epic  Post #: 21
12/7/2011 21:26:01   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 I think I may comment on this about now...

I like how you gave no explanitory material before jumping into the third chapter. It gives it a certain... dramatic tension at the first.

Small metal charm... hmm...

Ah, Kardinal... A tragic begining. A hard life, a tough personality, and a ruthless mindset. A very interesting woman. I somewhat wish what she had done since the Chaos Riots was stated, but I suppose that might be revealed later, and I will just have to wait. Hehe...

Yes... cold hands. Hehe... I know the feeling...

*narrows eyes suspiciously* Hmm... Little tolerance of others questioning her... That could lead to problems, but could also be quite good for retaining order... I am guessing the eye color helps the effect of ferocity, and causes few to be willing to actually do so... I like that color.

A fire burns behind her veil of composure... calculating... intelligent... strategic.

Yes... power extraction is an interest of mine, as well...

Of course it has to do with the incident... and probably a few other objectives, as well, I'd think...

Good choice to skip to the news scene.

Pearl earings... Interesting style you described.

Hehe... that boss is entertaining. Parking by a fire hydrant? When will they ever learn...?

Yeah, I think I might smirk too. XP

Nice sentiments running through her head, as she was nearing the time of the broadcast. Well implemented into the story, as well.

Nice ending for the third chapter. Makes you wonder what's going to happen next. That, combined with the constant changing of perspectives makes me anticipate this will be a very good story.

Glad to see you expanded your story to include the part of the city that was still destroyed. Many wouldn't think of that part, even though a review of the canonical info available would tell you it was there, if you were observant enough.

I thought that was Celestin... Just a feeling, but you know, I have a keen intuition, it seems.

Hmm... a dark wilderness, indeed...

The mention of Celsestin's past reminds me of what I know of it, and brings the sadness of it all into mind... But I am glad he was mentioned. He needed to be introduced into the story, anyway.

And Velmur's working with him... Interesting.

Hardly... No, the Chaos Carnival is nowhere near finished, I'm afraid...

The Fairgrounds not being the HQ makes sense, though... one must be careful with the sort of things that would need to be managed to make sure you remain hidden...

Nice background info on the Peace Guild's startup, as well... I wonder how the other factions will be interpreted... and how Velmur has matured in the 3 years following the Riots.

I agree... HeroSpire needs to be reconstructed. If anything, it will act as an inspirational piece that will make the overall mood of the city improve.

Seems the remenants of the Traders and the other gangs may have founded an entirely new city of the same name, farther away from New Super City, itself... Hmm...

Interesting description of it... Makes me think of correlations...

Felicia Foxe's description sounds oddly familiar...

Hmm... Clowns...

Strange situation... I wonder if those do happen to be the Chaos Carnival. XP
DF  Post #: 22
12/7/2011 22:17:07   
Goldstein
Member

While I cannot compare to the sprawl of Drakkoniss' post, may I just say your writing is still exemplary and I had no trouble picking up where I had left off a few weeks ago. Just goes to show how memorable your story really is. ;)
Post #: 23
12/8/2011 13:14:36   
Sir Night
Member

Hmm, it's obvious already that this story will have an incredibly deep plot. Can't wait to see how it'll all tie together. It's also nice how much detail and personality you give each of the characters. Very interesting.

I also still wonder just what those creatures were that attacked the divers in the opening...

< Message edited by Sir Night -- 12/8/2011 13:15:51 >
Post #: 24
12/11/2011 12:11:01   
Celestin123
Member

Great new chapters, Jae. Your talent with writing never ceases to amaze me.

Very interesting. I wonder why Nicki had changed her name to Kardinal.
Or, did she have her name forcefully changed...? I doubt that. Lol. xD

Very interesting...
Such a sad, tragic past. I know I can relate to losing people...

Very organized. Very collected. I like her. She's a very interesting character.

Her own office, eh? I wonder what her occupation is...

Little tolerance...I know the type. Very troublesome people, they are. Very troubled, themselves...

I wonder how their appointment went...very interesting how you decided not to include the meeting directly.
It sure does leave ya wanting more.

Ah, Maxi. I like her. Very charming girl.
She's very good at her job... I like that. =P

Hm...I'm not sure I like this Warren character. I do understand how his behavior and attitude could
be stress-induced and typical for a boss-type person, but still...

How unfortunate. I like Maxi. It's too bad such an event had to happen...

The Desolation Zone...I like that name. Not only does it make me all nostsalgiac, but it's also
fun to say. Desolation Zone. Desolation Zone...

Jae, your descriptions of everything makes everything quite easy to visualize. It's beautiful.

Oh, looks like I'm hearing voices again...or maybe I'm just crazy. Is it both?

Ah, Velmur. I like how he and I seem to be working together.
The Peace Guild. Hearing about that makes me very, very nostalgiac...

The rebuilding of Herospire, eh? Yeah, it would be a good idea for it to be rebuilt.
Of course, I doubt that Celestin would go to Herospire very often but still.

I like how you included Velmur's, and many others, nickname for me. Made our conversation
some all casual-like.

Well, you've done an excellent job of portraying my character so far, Jae. :)
I can't wait to see where you go with him and everyone else.

Pigeon? Interesting.
Felicia Foxe. Another interesting character...
Love how you gave her an accent of some sorts, btw. :)

Ah, the Chaos Carnival...
Makes me wonder what Raeven must be planning...

Wonderful story, Jae. I simply cannot wait to read your next chapter.
Things are starting to get exciting.

I believe I see a fight in your story's future. :P
AQ  Post #: 25
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