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Heartdragon's Stories - Discussion

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8/17/2011 11:40:34   
Heartdragon
Member

Hi :) Well, this is where you can post your comments on my written work, which includes corrections, opinions, questions and anything.

- (DF) Rage of the Forsaken: Named after Ghost's awesome theme music, I wrote the story because a) I like the character, b) there was this thread "Drakath: Villain or victim?" and c) I was kinda inspired. Nevertheless, it is merely a bit of practice. Don't even read it. It's a mess. And outdated. I have new ideas about his life, Swordhaven, Alteon, Valen, etc., so this no longer is what I think. Not completely, anyway.

???? saga:

- (AQ) Kindness of a Stranger: A story about an ancient dragon and a kind man who meet in a corrupted land. Currently at Part 3.

- (AQ) Godwar: Coming soon?

- (DF) In the Beginning: Coming soon?

All kinds of constructive criticism is appreciated. Particularly so, because I'm not a native speaker of English and I'm here to learn through practice. :)

Important note: My stories are very coloured by my personal canon, which is the use of all AQ/DF/AQW canon (and a bit of MQ thrown in the mix) and considering them to be in "the same timeline," so to speak. It's more complicated than that, though. Suffice to say, what I do are "mythology gags"/ "continuity nods" (if anything) about AE's canon. And the order of importance? AQ/DF canon > AQW canon. Always. Questions are very welcome. So are corrections, as well.

< Message edited by Heartdragon -- 7/5/2015 22:10:06 >

_____________________________

♣ Art~: AQ | DF | AQW
DF AQW  Post #: 1
8/17/2011 18:02:51   
Anastira
Member

Very interesting story, and quite well-written. I didn't find any errors, and it's a very good read. I must say that it's not my favorite plot/story, partly because I'm not into AE fan fiction and partly because my favorite types of stories are sci-fi fantasy mixes, which does say something that I still liked the story, even if it wasn't the same style as Harry Potter or even Dragonriders of Pern (both are fantasy with an underlying sci-fi sort of feel to them). Unique, fresh, and new - in the world of AE fan fiction, that is. I like it! Keep going!

< Message edited by Anastira -- 8/17/2011 18:03:19 >

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AQW  Post #: 2
2/15/2015 15:57:57   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I came here to comment on your new fictional work, "Kindness of a Stranger", however the link seems to be broken. Here is the correct link.

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=19484387

Onto, the story itself. I must say that I am impressed with the story thus far, the only thing I'm not so sure about is why the children were looking for the dragon in the first place.

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 2/15/2015 16:00:25 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 3
2/15/2015 18:31:34   
Heartdragon
Member

Is it really broken the link? It seems fine to me. :/

Well, there's this line (3rd paragraph, I think?):
quote:

She always wanted something to do, so as to not get bored, and a big adventure was all that she desired. She hoped this search in the woods would be one such, and hastily marched through the trees and the bushes.


But I guess I should clarify they're looking for it because Ireiya wants an adventure. (Yet she hasn't thought of the consequences--like, the dragon might eat them--and is dragging Luca and Heldi with her, because they're worried she might do something stupid. Like she did. xD)

Anyway, thanks for reading! :)

< Message edited by Heartdragon -- 2/15/2015 18:39:01 >
DF AQW  Post #: 4
7/5/2015 14:26:05   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

"Amice, Rohesia, Elis, do you know where you Father is?"

your

quote:

She prayed for that to be the case.

Does that count as a command of the divine?

quote:

Little Lauren suspected that it was her sincere words that convinced him almost instantly that she was telling the truth.

Is "Little Lauren" a pet name or do you perhaps try to say

"Little did Lauren suspect that it were her sincere words that convinced him almost instantly that she was telling the truth."

quote:

"Do you know where she is? In which direction?" She asked to Luca and Heldi, as he placed his hands over their shoulders for reassurance.

He

The new chapter is a very pleasant read.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 5
7/5/2015 14:55:47   
Heartdragon
Member

Corrected the mistakes, thanks. Admittedly, the 'Little Lauren' is kind of a facepalm-inducing...

quote:

Does that count as a command of the divine?


I gather she's, like, asking a favor from her "colleagues" since she can't interfere at all with her creation's affairs.
On the other hand, she needs to look convincing as a human.
DF AQW  Post #: 6
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