Thiefboy109
Legendary AK!!!
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@Annonymus Its decent. I feel as though it is a bit rushed though, a physical description of Cedric and the man would have been nice. Don't use said as much for example, quote:
"I mean no harm" said the man. "You lie!" Said Cedric. May be better as quote:
"I mean no harm," said the man. "You lie!" Cedric yelled, right into the man's face. Er, that could have gone better on my part, not the most experienced writer either. The point is, using said too many times can bore the reader and words such as muttered, yelled, screamed, screeched, ect. help let the reader know what the character is feeling. Otherwise I like how it went, it definitely set itself up for updates. Can hardly wait to read the rest of many of these, actually.
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