RE: (HS) Who Needs Ethical Boundaries? *Revised Form* Discussion


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1/18/2012 23:44:32

Kinzdor
Member

quote:

Case Study #001: Patient “Experimental”
Symptoms: heart flutters, shaking hands, sweaty palms, stomach pains
Diagnosis: Lovesickness
Treatment: I wish.

Sweaty palms? HE HAS NO PALMS!

quote:

And by “we” I mean Mr. Berkley. The man’s a blessing. Any whim, any need, he was more than happy to provide the appropriate funds.

What a nice old man,that or he just really wants Strebor out of his house.

quote:

“You too Doc.

At least he didn`t say "Whats up doc?"

quote:

Well, I’m not the blue fairy, but

Um blue fairy?

quote:

why he had been given these…

TO KILL WITH!

quote:

Dr. Braun. And it just sounds so familiar!”

DUN DUN DUN!

quote:

“So you’re the famous Doctor General,”

I am so going to call you that t now!

quote:

Expy has told me lots about you.”

EXpy? *cringe* What a bad pet name!

quote:

I laughed, and it was high and nervous. “So, Nila, where do you work?”

“OmniCorp, why?”

DUN DUN DU N DUN!

AQW

Epic

Post #: 126

1/19/2012 11:25:05

Vector
Member

OmniCorp??? oh nein... *slumps in chair* this can't be good... unless... NO! can't guess now! i'll be wrong!

Post #: 127

1/19/2012 18:59:41

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

"I wish." *snickers*

Oh, the horror that is the awkward lovesickness and lack of romantic knowledge of that R.O.B.O.T. in this story...

PET scanner. O.o

It is a correct statement to say Experimental has no palms, though... Regardless, I like the way you lay out your case files. More... attentiveness is required from a doctor, though. These details matter.

The blue fairy... That makes me think of Cinderella. *shrugs* Just me. Godmothers, and all.

Nila... hmm...

It was fitted in a socket, so easily able to be taken out that an ordinary person could do it? That means they could be jarred out in combat, let alone the antics of Super Speedsters...

Hmm... I wonder if the data on his memory storage file, folder, or whatever, may actually just have been removed to another location and possibly hidden behind firewalls... I say that because of the fact that he should not even have the inclination to think he once knew who they were, being machanical in nature, unless that is completely psychological. Interesting... tantalizing, in fact.

Pink Floyd distracts me... XD

I have the radio playing while reading... Hanging on in quiet desperation is apparently the English way.

This makes me wonder how much mechanical expertise you have, and knowledge in engineering, as well... along with possibly bio-chemistry, but that depends. He's also have to make sure that Experimental would be able to feel things with his hand, instead of just being able to move it, presumably... but that depends on certain other things, as well.

Makes me think of von Braun... ROCKETS, I SAY!!!!!!!!!

This makes me wonder if Nila is just using him, and is privy of the information concerning his development and origin. Hmm...

From India, or Native American?

Strebor's a common name.. *snickers*

And that's true... it could be a "corrupt chip", but my intuition suggests otherwise... outside tampering, I say.

*narrows eyes* OmniCorp... bah. Even more suspicious, then. More likely for some of my theories to be possibly correct... I feel somewhat nervous and paranoid like your character, reading it. lol
Quest for knowledge, and all...

Hmm... so soon? Ah, well, had to happen eventually, anyway, and I think now is as good a time, or better than, some of the options you'd open up by continuing. It could get a bit awkward, then. Regardless, what is done is done, and I think it was a good decision.

Claws, plural... I thought you only took one off. Meh, whatever.

DF	Post #: 128

1/19/2012 19:45:05

Goldstein
Member

It would have been dull for me to go into detail about Strenor removing the claw. And Strebor did build the LEECH by hand, so...
And if it bothers everyone sooooooo much, ill change the sweaty palms. Lord, you guys don't let anything slide.

Post #: 129

1/19/2012 19:52:16

Vector
Member

woah, woah woah, who said i was bothered by the sweaty palms? i say keep it!
still, nila working for omni worries me...

Post #: 130

1/19/2012 21:15:51

Goldstein
Member

I made some edits. If you don't want to re-read, I'll summarize it: I poked around Expy's head, and Nila forgot her OmniCorp badge.

Post #: 131

1/20/2012 3:03:22

Jessa K
Member

Well, this turned out to be a good choice. I like it!

Ah, it is almost midnight... You can take that as a compliment, because if this wasn't a good story I would've crashed about an hour ago XD. Anyways, this is gonna be short because I am very tired.

Overall, very good. Entertaining, a bit simple at times, but funny. I lol'd pretty hard at Drak's intro... "Name doesn't ring a bell?" XD Drak seems to be a bit out of character- a bit too laid back and normal -but oh well. I kinda wish Jae had a bigger part, but maybe later idk. Interesting, with good plot. Not too many details, which I like.

Ah, it is officially Friday now, so I must sleep. This should make for interesting dreams, though. Thanks for the good read!

AQW	Post #: 132

1/20/2012 3:46:07

Shadowlord9k
Member

Warning: Bonesaws ahead.

Treatment: Bonesaw
Better.

quote:

“I want real hands,” he blurted out.

*Grabs bonesaw*

quote:

Nila’s

Isn't that the name of a brand of wafer cookies? If Nila is what I think it is, then they are good. Storywise, interesting name choice.

quote:

Now, I can’t give you the skin-like material. That’s too fancy and expensive.

I am fairly certain that a few "heroes" will gladly cover the cost, simply for his blueprints.

quote:

“is it wrong I can’t remember anything before meeting you? I can remember waking up, and hearing alarms, and knowing that I needed to leave, then I can remember that you would help me, but that’s it. Is that weird?”

Quick, grab the bonesaw.

quote:

“Really…now, if I rewire the copper wiring to the circuit…no, no, well, maybe…”

Try hitting it with a wrench. That always works.

quote:

“Nonsense!” I said, a little too loudly and cheerfully. “Bring her in, I want to meet her!”

This can only end in pain. And bonesaw.

quote:

“So you’re the famous Doctor General,”

I thought it was Surgeon, not Doctor.

quote:

Expy

That sounds familiar, but why?

quote:

“Do you think you could recover the information on the chip?” Experimental asked.

“No,” I said.

To be fair you are a doctor, not a engineer.

quote:

I cut him off with a vigorous shake of his hand.

You should give it back at least.

Jessa: There is another version, I think I have them bookmarked if you want to find them.

AQW

Epic

Post #: 133

1/20/2012 7:20:34

Goldstein
Member

Shadowlord: If you give her Ethical Boundaries, I will be HIGHLY upset. I wanted to bury that thing, remember? And if you want to read the first draft of this little tale (which bares almost no resemblance to this one, now that I think about it) the link is at the beginning of this discussion thread.

Jessa: Each case study will showcase a different character. This time it's Experimental, since he kind of drives a certain subplot. The next character, I'm debating between Killer Croc and Thundersmite, or Shadowlord9k, or Jessa and Jae. Hm, decisions.

And, one more thing. S-simple? Wha, what does that mean? It's not simple! It's thought-provoking!

*pulls out How to Be an Author and buries face in the pages*

I'm a failure!

Post #: 134

1/20/2012 10:29:02

Jessa K
Member

Well, it's sort of hard to explain, partially because I was almost asleep at that time. But I think what u meant by that is that you don't dwell on details in your story. I really like that, since stories that spend too much time with the details bore me.

AQW	Post #: 135

1/20/2012 10:35:07

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

I like the description of the wires seeming like arteries and veins. It makes it seem more detailed and realistic.

Seems you took my imput to heart, and added features to the dialogue about his prostheses... and yes, I count them as those, because he has biological parts, too. *harumphs*

The skin-like material being so expensive is interesting... I do agree that you would probably want to skimp as much as possible, to remain "on budget", but still... has me thinking about my resources I have at my disposal... I mean, I used such material in a project of mine, a while back. Thinking about making an army out of it, but I already have one... I suppose they would have to serve as a spec. opps. unit. That would be fitting, considering.

Hmm... melancholy. :/

Seems you'll be wearing that mask quite a bit, now. I suppose it makes sense, with you opperating in your professional capacity, there, though.

DELPHI!!! Oh, what a difference a last name makes! Bellissimo, herr Doctor!

Embarrassed about his mechanical nature, now, is he? Well, his mechanical nature in relation to the humanity of Ms. Delphi, but you know what I mean. Interesting things, going on, showing character traits, associations, personalities, and thoughts. One could learn quite a bit from such reading.

Hmm... Did you describe her as looking at you with a piercing gaze before? That does make it seem more likely she does in fact know who you are. Good show.

Oh ho ho! So you decided to add the proceedings of the memory chip extraction there, eh? I like that. Makes the scene seem better, overall, somewhat oddly.

Yeah... I'm glad Nila was there to tell you what to do. Your "scrounging" could have ruined him.

Coat removal... interesting.

How does he know he should have a hand?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Hmm? INSANITY!!! He probably has basic knowledge in some other area, so that he'd be able to opperate with his memory whiped. That way, the chip could be removed, and he could be reassigned without any attachments to the others he met before, if he was to assassinate one of them, for example. Also, it could serve the purpose of making him more capable of surviving in certain situations, and would make the villains' control over him... more easily maintained/brought about.

He also most likely has a backup memory unit he stores information on when the main unit is removed. That would explain why he was aware of the statement Strebor made slightly before the insertion of the old chip.

I worry about how Experimental will react, should she betray him as her work may cause her to have to do. That would not be a happy thing. :/

To be fair, it's probably not that she forgot it, but that it dropped out of her coat pocket, but meh.

Now, let us see what shall happen, eh?

...

Oh, the madness that is the "nickname"! XP

/me imagines her being shot to death by bank robbers with automatic weapons, having no bulletproof vest to her name

Hmm... revolver... I prefer those that are known as... wait for it... AUTOMATICS!!!!!!!

I like her personality change, but it reminds me of how naive she acts, and just how vulnerable and one might say unbalanced she is.

Poking the wires made them twitch? There better be an extremely good shock absorbing system, then.

So easily she agrees... there are likely to be armed guards- trained armed guards -there that could almost certainly easily take a woman with a gun and a man with the ability to heal out relatively easily. Even though she has the uncanny accuracy ability, they will have numbers and training on her, almost certainly, and probably superior weaponry, if this is OmniCorp you are taking on... but then again, it was not what I was thinking it would be. XP

That's probably something for the climax of the series, anyway...

Those engineering failures and things could cause problems, being in the middle of a junk yard like that... I suspect it might be secretly a place for the exchange of scrap parts... OmniCorp is not one to skimp where profit could be involved, especially with it in such an open area, and with so much valuable machinery lying everywhere.

And OmniCorp will know about this incursion, and just what was taken, if I am in any way understanding of the security business... They will also know her badge was taken, so you'll be cought if you try to use it again. If the guard is skilled enough, you could be captured right there, and they could have possibly gotten security footage of your face when you took the mask off...

You know, involving her with her bird could identify her, and get her acknowledged as an accessory to theft, at the very least.

Hmm... I wonder what you plan, comerade. Canibalize it for parts to a new machine?

Nope, you're just not a goodbye-receiving sort of guy. XP

Hmm... brilliant idea, I suppose... you are just lucky you seem to have thought ahead far enough to make the L.E.E.C.H. parts able to work seperately, apparently... what of power, though? Also, how shall you always obtain replacement nanites?

Seems you are a cyborg, now. Congradulations are in order! *tosses him a bottle of champagne*

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 1/20/2012 22:27:46 >

DF	Post #: 136

1/20/2012 23:08:08

Jessa K
Member

*doubts the likelihood that either of them are old enough for champagne*

It is a bit confusing when you transition from the junkyard to the office. In fact, the entire scene is rather confusing... A bit more clarification about what is going on would be nice, I think.

I don't know Drak, I think an awful lot could be accomplished by those two.

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 1/20/2012 23:17:36 >

AQW	Post #: 137

1/20/2012 23:49:50

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

Not in real life, but we are both adults, character-wise. I'm in my mid thirties, and he's at least 21... probably. Meh, whatever. What's done is done.

Actually, the junkyard-office transition was meant to be slightly mysterious and confusing, so that you wouldn't know what he was intending to do untill he actually had it done in the story. It's a technique to add a little drama and some suprise into the story, so as to liven it up.

Yes, I realise they can accomplish much together, and I have no doubt they probably will do quite a bit, but I am also acutely aware of the fact that they vulnerable, too. They are but mortals, and they CAN in fact die. If Strebor gets his head blown off, he will go into a vegetative state, or regress to the ammount of intelligence and knowledge of the world of a newborn babe, if he doesn't die permanently outright, and if SHE gets killed and is left where she is long enough she could get brain damage, potentially, depending on the ammount of effectivity the L.E.E.C.H. modification adds to the healing powers, and if she gets left there altogether... plus there are possible situations where it would be difficult to revive her/heal her properly at all, such as if she is crushed to death, recieves acidic/basic-based wounds, if she is incinerated, ect. Cancer could potentially be a problem, too, considering radiation-based people, but could potentially be cured by his powers... though massive radiation damage to her body could be nearly impossible to treat. Then there are things that would just pose a problem for treatment with his powers altogether. Can he grow new limbs for his patients? Can he cause leg bones that are so severely broken that bone shards are everywhere, with bits from different places being where others would approximately go... And these things are serious issues, considering he's dealing with SMASHERS, and those that fight them, who also tend to be smashers, including himself and a certain lady we know of that works with him.

DF	Post #: 138

1/21/2012 0:09:45

Sir Night
Member

They're vulnerable, but apparently she must have what it takes to stay alive and be successful. Having that danger there just makes their adventures that much more exciting.

Post #: 139

1/21/2012 0:12:08

Goldstein
Member

I modified some stuff, just to clear a few things up. And the whole idea behind the clinic is discovering the extent of Strebor's powers.

Post #: 140

1/21/2012 0:24:19

Jessa K
Member

How the heck am I supposed to 'debate' when you post stuff like that?! Lol

Anyways, nice new chapter, albeit a bit short and mysterious.

AQW	Post #: 141

1/21/2012 0:25:28

Goldstein
Member

Jessa: I know, right? His posts are frustratingly long. In a good way.

Post #: 142

1/21/2012 0:37:17

Sir Night
Member

So, what did Strebor do, exactly? Is the LEECH part of his body now? Is it meant to magnify his healing powers to keep him alive?

Post #: 143

1/21/2012 0:41:37

Jessa K
Member

Agreed... What name do you prefer? Strebor? Goldstein? Something else?

Ahhh, those corrections make my inner editor very happy, and the rest of me less confused.

AQW	Post #: 144

1/21/2012 2:30:12

Kinzdor
Member

@Jessa Don`t forgot the infamous nickname Doctor General, now onto reading the chapter!

Oh Sarah seems like a action hero now! Strebbie!!? I am so calling him that now! Swinging a revolver around her finger? Yup she`s a action hero! Liked the persnotley change, as for the disemboweled hand twitching,CREEPY! WAIT! She JUST HAPPEND to leave her badge and the guard JUST SO HAPPENED to believe them!!? ITS A TRAP! Wait he can knock people out,wow I thought he could only heal,with his engrey powers! I still think it was to easy though! "I'm just a doctor with a lot of enemies." My new favorite quote! WAIT HE IS A CYBORG NOW! Interesting,nice twist!

AQW

Epic

Post #: 145

1/21/2012 11:21:05

Goldstein
Member

You'll see exactly what Strenor can do next Friday. ;)
As for the name, Sarah calls him Strebbie, Drakkoniis, Nae and Celestina call him Strenbor. I think everyone else is just going to call him Doctor General. Its easier and shorter to say.

Post #: 146

1/27/2012 23:04:38

Vector
Member

i can definitely see experimental try to break nila out of jail in the future, but if "strebbie" *chuckles* gets in his way... there's gonna be a big problem, i fear

Post #: 147

1/27/2012 23:18:10

Goldstein
Member

Indeed.

Post #: 148

1/28/2012 0:59:46

Jessa K
Member

Whoops, *sheepish smile* Pocket Frogs is highly distracting. But I read it, and this is what I thought...

Wait, is Experimental the same as Psi in Vector's story?

*winces* Poor guy, look like he's getting beat up bad...

But wait, he can hold (ish) his own!

Uh oh, crazy is not good.

Nice, can't wait for the next one!

I need to sleep, badly...

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 1/28/2012 13:10:06 >

AQW	Post #: 149

1/28/2012 8:15:28

Crystal Lion
Member

Time for me to finally comment on your story, doctor.

Brr... Experimental sure can unleash his rage, especially where his lady's concerned. Did somebody give him a knight's heart?

@Jessa: Yep, the same cyborg.

Post #: 150

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