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(HS) Insanity's Child -Reboot- [Discussion]

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12/7/2011 20:07:18   
Celestin123
Member

Hi guys,
This is my second try at Insanity's Child, after I became unsatisfied with the previous incarnation
of this story.

I will be trying my utmost best to make this story exceptional and hope that you guys all enjoy reading it!^^

You may comment on, discuss, and critique my story here.

Insanity's Child ~

Table of contents:
Prologue -

< Message edited by Celestin123 -- 12/7/2011 20:08:03 >
AQ  Post #: 1
12/7/2011 20:17:26   
Clown the Jester
Member

I like how you are dwelling into Hottica. None of the other stories truly touched her character and I feel you did her justice. Can't wait to see how this new story goes.


By the way...I loved the first version as well...I want to make sure you understand that.


However...can't wait to see how your reboot goes.
AQW Epic  Post #: 2
12/7/2011 21:04:40   
Celestin123
Member

Well, gee, thanks Clown. That means a lot coming from you.

Yeah, that's partially why I chose Hottica. I wanted to be more original.
Make my story more unique.

Well, thanks you for saying that but it was my own choice to discontinue that story.
I think that the story was moving too slowly and didn't have enough action.

This story will, hopefully, move faster and have more action.
Still, don't worry because I plan on balancing the action and drama so there
won't be too much of either.

Once again, thank you so much. It means a lot to me.
AQ  Post #: 3
12/7/2011 23:18:45   
Shadowlord9k
Member

quote:

“Just what are you and your minions doing here?”

Throwing a tea party. Obviously.

I must say, I liked your previous story. Shame that you decided to discontinue it.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 4
12/8/2011 18:00:35   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 This is a terrific start to your reversion of Insanity's Child, although like what the others said, the first version was really, really good too.

quote:

Special thanks to Raeven and Jae, whom have both given massive amounts of help and inspiration in their own
unique way.


Awwwww, well, I didn't really do that much, but you're totally welcome!^^

Now, on to my comments:

Splendid job with Hottica's overearing and even, arrogant, personality. She's one crazy pyromaniac, and pretty a slick one, lol. I knew she would try something tricky, just like a cornered cat. Her minions really are "imcompetent". She's even more incompetent for hiring such sorry help. XD

quote:

I proceeded to flap my wings and started to take off for flight, but a sharp pain exploded in my head.

Ugh! My head! What’s happening? Is someone mentally assaulting me? No. This is different. This is- graugh!

I landed on the floor and sank to my knees, the fire mere inches away from me.


Uh-oh...That's not good. Now I'm really concerned about what's going o happen next D:

I'm glad that you kept the element of HS humor in your story that is extremely prevalent in the game itself. I found myself smiling really hard and laughing at the conversation between all the characters during the bank robbery. Then it turned serious. Great transitioning of those two contrasting moods. I am extremely grateful for any story that opens with action and excitement because it immediately grabbed my focus. Also, you skillfuly kept the plot interesting the entire time.

The fight - well described! I could envision Hottica lunging every fiery shot she had, as you desperately attempted to remain unsenged by each attack. Wonderful! Oh and when you did make reference to using your telekinetic powers it really wasn't redundant at all. I know you had concerns about it before but you really did an excellent job here.

I hope this post provides further encouragement for you to continue writing because I really wanna know what happens next! X3

I'm wondering...does this take place after Desolous deserts you?
AQW  Post #: 5
12/9/2011 17:59:46   
Celestin123
Member

@Shadow: Lol!
And, yes, I suppose it could be considered a shame but the story was going a
bit too slow for my tastes and I believe that I was going about it the wrong way.

Jae: Thanks!
And, don't be silly! It might not seem like much but you and your sister have been
huge help to me. ^^

Yeah, I think I actually did a pretty good job with Hottica.
It was bit difficult considering the fact that nobody knows anything about her past,
and I think it would be somewhat wrong to make up my own backstory for her, so I had to leave it at that.
Still, I think, not to toot my own horn or anything, that I really did her justice.

Unfortunately, after the prologue, her role in my story will have greatly diminished.
But, for all those Hottica fans out there, don't worry. I plan on having her at the very least
appear one or two more times before she completely disappears from my story.

Oh, that's a secret! xD

Thank you so much for your commentary and criticism, Jae.
I really try my best to keep up with the raw skill and talent of all the other amazing
writers on the forums like you, Clown, Gray, Goldenstein, and all the other inspirational
writers that I've yet to mention.

Oh, and, yeah, this take place several years after Desolous disappears.
Celestin was left to live on his own when he was about 12, but he still had tons of
food, money, and wisdom left behind by Desolous in order to survive.
AQ  Post #: 6
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