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RE: 'Some Call it Fate' Discussion

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2/1/2012 23:35:15   
Goldstein
Member

I don't like the pictures. I want to form what they look like in my mind's eye. Just saying.
Post #: 26
2/1/2012 23:48:45   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thank you, Croc. I myself am rather girly, so I guess my writing reflects that. And, erm, girl with the shark man? What?

And nobody said you had to click the pictures, Strebor.

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 2/1/2012 23:54:07 >
AQW  Post #: 27
2/1/2012 23:58:26   
Goldstein
Member

I think he's referring to the picture, the one that says "Chapter One: Lonely Girl."

And I know I don't have to look, but it's like Pandora's box. I want to know what you see your character as, but then I invariably see them as that now.
Post #: 28
2/2/2012 0:30:06   
Jessa K
Member
 

 *looks at link*
*facepalm*

That's what I get for multitasking. I was doing something for my forum when I put that link in... It's supposed to be a link to a music video for P!nk's 'Lonely Girl'. I'll fix it when I get on my comp tomorrow.

That reminds me... Each chapter has a theme song, which is the name of the chapter. Each chapter title is a link to that song.

And you've only got yourself to blame for that Strebor, XD. I'd prefer for you guys to imagine the characters as I do, anyways.

EDIT: Link is all better now!

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 2/2/2012 1:27:22 >
AQW  Post #: 29
2/2/2012 10:58:41   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Hmm... Sinhy eyes, that girl has. The iris pattern actually does make it look diamond-like. Is that a pic of you, btw? Curiousity, and all that.

No, Strebor, again, I am not working with TvTropes, and I am not saying they make you paranoid. *facepalms*

Hey, I thought of them effectively like that, already, although the face on the african girl was a bit different, she was skinnier, and she was in ruddier clothes. There's also the fact I was thinking of them in animesque imagery... but yeah, I imagine characters in books in different ways, varrying from anime-like and semi-cartoonish (which actually makes it seem realistic, considering) to video game-like 3D graphics, and every once in a while live action, but still. Alot of the time, my imagining categoristic styles bleed together, but meh.
DF  Post #: 30
2/2/2012 12:02:42   
Shadowlord9k
Member

quote:

Chapter Two: Stop and Stare

Interesting song choice.

quote:

“Mine, too,”

So are batman's.

quote:

"I'll explain later, if you want to come,"

And that's how the serial killer started.

quote:

Where was this girl taking her?

Space. Obviously.
Seriously though, probably to a quick death 

quote:

It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the sudden light and heat. Then she stared in surprise and wonder.

Mother of god. Boxes.
---
Drakkoniss:
I would assume not, as the first picture looks professional.

I'm not working with TvTropes either.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 31
2/2/2012 18:14:28   
Jessa K
Member
 

 No, it's not me, although I do look somewhat similar, which I guess is partly why I chose it.

Oh, and thanks for the comments Shadow! XD

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 2/2/2012 18:38:38 >
AQW  Post #: 32
2/2/2012 21:36:30   
delta blitz
Member

Today a chaos energy being weeped tears of joy for a new (and unexpected) writer T.T. All I can say is please keep writing you are doing great (heck even shadow isn't complaining so you know it's good).
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 33
2/2/2012 23:56:03   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Wow. *surprised* Thank you so much, David! That's... Wow, cool. Thanks!
AQW  Post #: 34
2/5/2012 21:49:05   
Goldstein
Member

Huh. She won't remember the names of what I suppose to be her new family members?

That's a little harsh of her.
Post #: 35
2/5/2012 22:02:37   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Oh, she'll learn them eventually, of course. She just didn't remember them all at the first introduction.

Edit: Changed it a bit, thanks.

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 2/5/2012 22:05:38 >
AQW  Post #: 36
2/5/2012 22:18:59   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Hmm... I think I shall presently attempt to read this fine work of art, mon cheri.

...

Ah, the classic "I need no flashlight because I am on fire" bit. XD

Chose "full of questions", then. Good choice, I think.

Perhaps not their leader, but a charismatic figure that holds authority and sway within the group.

Hmm... Father still alive. That would help to explain why he doesn't like his father's name to refer to him.

Hmm... saved Lily from thugs...

Indeed, quite useful, but also quite dangerous, if used... in ways that are not very careful.

I'm unsure as well. Personally, I doubt it was her powers, because of the lack of incoherant thoughts.

Mmm... Such things are problematic. Luke, I feel, would understand, and his oppinions hold quite a bit of sway there, but it could cause distrust and supicion, and could eventually lead to the undermining of Luke's influence among them... Things to think about.

Shorter than I thought, but still good. Sets things up for the future, and that's the point of it, anyway.
DF  Post #: 37
2/5/2012 23:22:34   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Yes, not as long as I would like, but I'll make up for it by having another chapter out soon.

Drak, just so you know, 'mon cheri' is used when referring to a boy. The feminine form is 'ma cherie' ;) But thank you for calling this a fine work of art!

Yes, this chapter served two purposes. 1) The introduction of Luke and 2) To set up internal conflict.

Is that it for your comments for this chapter, Strebor?
AQW  Post #: 38
2/6/2012 17:27:29   
Goldstein
Member

Well, Luke reminds me of the Human Torch. And I'd think the city would look after their young Smashers. Clowns are made through neglect...

And, why isn't Luke looking for his dad? If he knows he's alive, and all...
Post #: 39
2/6/2012 18:12:08   
Jessa K
Member
 

 There's nobody to look after them. People are too busy just trying to take care of themselves. And Luke and Jessa are the only Smashers.

As you'll (hopefully) see later, Luke was disgusted with his dad for leaving, and when they were first separated Luke was too young to know how to find him. By the time the boy was old enough, he had a 'family' to look after.
AQW  Post #: 40
2/13/2012 13:30:01   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Oh, Frosty, the snowman, I don't remember the lyrics to your song, but you're made of snow, so I'll let you know that you can't live near my home! (doot doot) XD

Ye olde warehouse looks wet. ._.

Ah, rabbit... Such cute little skiny things that don't have too much meat on them, comparatively. :)

'T'would suck if Jessa was a vegetarian. lol

/me would not think it would be a good thing for them to eat raccoons. Rabies potential, and whatnot. They like to inhabit cities, however...

At least they have any silverware at all, considering.

Mmm... Such sacrifices must be made in order to survive, sometimes. The law being broken can cause moral qualms, but it is necessary, at times, though it saddens me that such a thing must be possible.

That's probably why they think of him as a leader, that he is so concerned with the affairs of everyone else. Being in such a possition causes one to grow up fast, or not survive.

So many... It increases the ammount of things that can be garnered, but it also makes things more dangerous. If you keep adding more to the roster, the likelihood of the capture or demise of one of the members of your party increases significantly.

I hope she's a quick learner, too. Wouldn't want someone to die on the first family outing they ever had, would you? XP
DF  Post #: 41
2/13/2012 18:17:54   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Oh, a comment. Didn't think I would get any for this chapter, thanks.

Personally, I really don't like this chapter. It's rather boring, and it doesn't even deserve a title. But it needed to be done, in order to set up the events for chapter 5, which should be out soon. Probably tomorrow.
AQW  Post #: 42
2/15/2012 0:44:27   
Shadowlord9k
Member

I forgot to comment earlier. Oh well. My main distraction from reading has been temporarily eliminated, so here we go.

quote:

(Chapter title pending. Suggestions appreciated.)

Does it have to share a song of the same name?

Chapter Four: 
I don't think that a warehouse district is an appropriate area for rabbits to even live.

Rabbits are quick little buggers, you don't "hunt" them. No you set traps instead. No wonder why they get so few...

Yes Jessa, a raid. They're going to go fight Kr'y'm'th the __________ in order to get epic loot. Which they will pawn off once they level up/need food.

You could work at a carnival, or the older could get jobs, or any number of things.

-insert overly tactical raid plan/LEEROY JENKINS here-

You barely know your powers, this will end In failure. Probably.
---
Chapter Five: 

If Sam says Isenguard ONE more time, I swear...

You must learn how to serve Irish tea. Obviously.

Is it just me, or does everyone here seem to have freckles?

And here we have a few lines. Moving on

This seems like a terrible idea. Just sayin'

Poor Emma, sounds rough.

Why would they go to a drug store for food? Certainly they can't live off of diet pills.

And the breaking of the camera alerted some automated security device. Brilliant job.

What kind of gun? Be more specific.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 43
2/15/2012 12:26:08   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Added quietube to each of your youtube links. Any off site link you post must follow the same rules as this forum, that includes any youtube comments. I'm not saying that there were bad comments, but to ensure it stays that way, please use Quietube from now on. Simply copy

http://quietube2.com/v.php/

in front of the video link.

So http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwp60eYuie0

Becomes: http://quietube2.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwp60eYuie0

and all comments are unseen. That said, I've enjoyed reading your story. Keep up the good writing :)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 44
2/15/2012 20:41:47   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thanks for the comment Shadow, but to be honest, pretty much none of your post made sense. I pretty much read it as:
blah blah blah... something negative... blah blah blah... negative... and so on
XD But I appreciate it anyways!

Mritha, I'm super sorry! I must've skipped over that somehow when I read the rules. Thanks so much for fixing it, and also thank you for reading!

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 2/15/2012 20:49:29 >
AQW  Post #: 45
2/16/2012 12:23:28   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 This story's quite excellent Jessa and very well written.

The beginning is extremely touching and you portray much of Jessa's sad and desparing feelings rather poetically. I like hearing a character's personal thoughts because it puts me in their frame of mind at the time and what some of their main concerns are at the time and even prioritizes the reader. But you also didnt go overboard with it to where it took away from the current plotline (which I love how its some years after the Chaos Riots and I had fogotten that one of the many consequences fo that time would be a noticeable increase of orphans in the city).

quote:

I can have everything I could want, except for what I do want, she thought miserably. What did this mean?


A bit philosophical and yet there's much truth to it. Jae and Jessa have much in common when it comes to that tragic statement. The potential to do whatever they want but nothing will bring back their dead loved ones.

Keep it up, my new fellow Smasher and I hope to see you more often in-game in the the future, when time allows me.
AQW  Post #: 46
2/17/2012 0:17:20   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thanks so much Jae, and it's great to have you back! I'm so happy that you like my fanfic! I don't know why, but this seems to be the best thing I've written so far... And this is coming from a person with over 120 stories currently labeled 'work in progress'. XD again, thanks so much!
AQW  Post #: 47
2/17/2012 12:41:33   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Hmm... I wonder how much importance this "Sam" character has... and what role he plays in things, overall.

*nods at the logic of the arguement for such strategy, and continues reading*

Mmm... Sad, but I suppose that is the risk one must take in such endeavors. (talking about the previous loss acknowledged)

/me imagines her using her power to win the lottery

I agree. Her powers actually being needed would probably mean that there was some sort of failure on their part, and that it resulted in a close call. :/

Hmm... Drug store...

Yes, I can imagine her thoughts were racing wildly, with what her new life was going to be like sinking into her head. By the end of the night, she would be a criminal, even if it was by necessity. She would have to live with much fewer privilages than what she was used to, and were afforded to her before. Apparently smaller ammounts of food, generally, judging by the others, at least to an extent. New people, perhaps to grow to be like a family to her. I think that was quite appropriate, indeed. The fact that it has still been such a short time since her parents died compounds the situation.

I think you used the word "raid" too much. Probably should've worded the last bit, talking about things happening so fast- and that only in a few hours later she'd be participating in said event -differently. I would've emphasized how she never would've thought she would be doing something like that before then, being more specific about her objections on that matter.

quote:

You can't hiiide your lyin' eyes
And your smiii-i-ile is a thin disguise
I thought by now you'd realiii-ize
There ain't no way to hide your lyin' eyes


^-^

Siblings, hmm? Interesting...

I like that. Camera-destructive focus attack FTW! lol

Happy dance of uberness?

Small and shiny stuff works well in eeeevery situation. ;)

DOH!

Now, let us see what happens next, shall we?

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 2/17/2012 12:43:06 >
DF  Post #: 48
2/17/2012 12:57:40   
delta blitz
Member

@jessa: Don't worry about shadow he gets that way some times x3. I really enjoy your story even though I don't comment as good as I want to(I'm a fairly blunt person and drakkoniss normally says everything i want to say so I just agree). I'm happy to see that even if I stop writing there will be new writers as good as you to take my places /\_(^_^)_/\.

~Chaos of Loneliness

< Message edited by delta blitz -- 2/17/2012 12:58:05 >
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 49
2/17/2012 15:03:27   
Jessa K
Member
 

 @Drak- you're right, (as usual), I do use the word raid too much, although I don't know many alternatives.

I'm not too sure about Sam's importance either, but I felt the need to have siblings... Ah, an interesting idea just popped up.

Yes, a drug store. You can find pretty much anything in one of those!

Small shiny things, paired with a certain liquid, very useful indeed.

I don't exactly know what's gonna happen next; there are two possibilities.

@David- Again, wow and thanks! Your praise means a lot. But don't stop writing- you're great at it!
AQW  Post #: 50
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