Goldstein
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The course was as bizarre as it was straight-forward. A paradox. All of the go-carts squealed for a moment as their cheap tires struggled to get a grip on the slick concrete floor. Once they did, they shot forwards as if fired from a cannon. I had a little trouble controlling mine at first, but soon gained enough competence to change directions. The course was similar to that of a go-cart course, all curves and turns with a bridge over part of the track, with the sides of the track lined with rubber tires cut in half.
The wandering...monstrosities were the one thing that disconcerted me. They were mangy looking wolves that padded about on their stumpy hind-legs. Their fur was patchy, and did little to cover the almost skeletal body of their owner. They didn't seem intelligent. Feral.
I dodged the first three or four. It was simple. They were dumb and slow and didn't react much. Once they started to realize we were a threat, they lashed out, however.
One simply stood still, growling and hissing. I furrowed my brow and floored the gas pedal. The monster didn't attempt to dodge. My bumper slammed into its legs, causing it to somersault over my head, landing behind me with a satisfying WHOMP.
Before I knew it, I was crossing the finish line and jumping out of my car. Of course the first part would be easy. I still had somewhere in the area of ten more sections to complete.
The go-cart course became a typical mall rather abruptly. Cardboard cutouts of shoppers in terrified poses offered little protection from the, as the creator has put it, "large men with shotguns." I cracked my fingers and went to work.
Two of the competitors were already ahead of me, getting shot at and generally acting as an excellent distraction. I ducked down low and ran along the outer edge of the mall, hiding behind potted plants and benches. Barely any of the shotgunners noticed as me, and those that did decided that the vampire and robot and such were more imposing. Sometimes, simply being an unassuming human can have it's advantages.
My luck wouldn't last, though. Between me and the exit were two shotgunners, their backs to me. Going around them would put me right in the middle of a war-zone, and they'd notice anyway. Hoping my skills hadn't become rusty, I silently crept towards them, flexing my fingers.
Unfortunately, I carelessly let my foot knock over a fern in a terracotta pot, which made an extremely loud sound when it broke. The two shotgunners turned around, their weapons already aimed at me.
I sprang at them, my palms facing them. Before they could squeeze off a round, I planted a hand on each chest and forced them to the ground. Without even breaking my momentum I sprinted away and slammed the cast-iron door just in time to hear the sounds of pellets bouncing harmlessly off.
Two down. Easy, really. But I was still third. Now that wouldn't do. Time to sprint. I un-holstered one of my weapons, and plunged into the inky darkness that was the pyramid.
Three sections, lower, middle, top. No time for inane mazes. I put on a pair of goggles, flicked them on, and said aloud, "Direct route to exit, visual mode Blue Stream."
It took them a second to register the request before the goggles projected a glowing blue stream snaking down the hallway to my right. I allowed myself a rare smile and started off.
Left, right, right, left, ladder, right, straight, left, stairs, left, right. I had no idea how the others were faring. The dark, stony hallways, lit by only torches, were quiet, except for the sounds of distant footsteps and the roar of the audience outside, most likely watching us via hidden cameras.
I saw no one else as I traversed the hallways. Feeling strangely cheated I rounded a corner as my goggles said, "Exit within: twenty yards."
Simple. And not a single armed assailant...in sight.
From the inky darkness came a barrage of crossbow bolts. Most missed, but three managed to find their targets. One in my right shoulder, left thigh, and upper torso. Ignoring the throbbing pain I raised my pistol and fired exactly eighteen electrified darts with enough voltage to make a man fall to the ground, foaming at the mouth. And that's exactly what the treasure hunters did as I ran past them, the bolts still sticking into my body. No time to remove them.
The pyramid's exit led directly into the cemetery. There was no roof, and the audience cheered wildly when I emerged. They booed when I ignored them.
Into the graveyard. The grieving families were unnerving, I'll admit. All dressed in black and carrying umbrellas, wailing and screaming and tearing at their hair. They clawed at me as I passed, but I shook them off and focused on dodging the columns of fire.
They shot up randomly, but I soon figured out an indicator. There was always a hissing sound, and the aroma of gas, right before a blast of flame erupted from the ground.
I was SO close to my objective when a man dressed in a torn suit clutched me by the lapels and dragged me to the ground. "Me wife," he kept hollering. "Where's me wife?"
I struggled to pry him off when I smelled gas and felt a gentle breeze touch my face. It seemed to be coming from underneath me...oh God.
Without thinking I punched the man in the face and kicked him off me before rolling away. He got to his feet, rubbing his eye. "What the heck man, you're not suppose to attack us," he yelled at me.
A jet of fire shot into the air, right where we were a moment ago. It was hot enough singe the edges of my hair.
"You're welcome," I said as I ran past the dumb-struck actor. I threw the doll into the tomb and proceeded to the next section, the dark forest. Again, there was a notable absence of a transition; the forest formed a neat line marking where it began and the cemetery ended. I switched my goggles to "Night Vision" along with the "Find Exit" program and plunged into the soupy blackness.
Again.
It was the easiest section, by far. Instead of walls, there were trees, with gaps between them big enough for me to squeeze through. And the cones were laughable, being bright orange, and standing out in contrast. Anytime I got close to one I shot it with a Taser dart, which had the wonderful ability of disabling them.
The other competitors were making just as swift progress as I. I saw the cyborg smashing one of the cones in half, the vampire dancing gracefully, avoiding machine gun fire, the Neutrality agent getting licked by flames from a cone that had not been within his flashlight's beam. That, I'll admit, made me smile a little. I mentally admonished myself for enjoying the sight of my enemy in pain, and I slipped out of the forest.
And now, finally, thankfully, the arena.
It was littered with bubbling pits of quicksand, pits of death, and other assorted traps. Not to mention, the werepyres. The more intelligent, competent, frightening werepyres. I noticed one flaw of the arena. Wherever the werepyres moved, the ground would most assuredly be secure. They all stuck to the lighter, more tan dirt, so I did as well.
I ducked under swinging buzzsaws, jumped over almost invisible tripwires, and tiptoed out of a minefield. The crossbow bolts were really starting to bother me, but still not time! No time to tend to minor little splinters! The exit was so close, so very close...but what did I expect? To be done right then and there?
To not be confronted by one of the monsters?
Not one, but three of them, moving as a pack, jumped into my path. They completely blocked the exit, and there was no hope of outmaneuvering them. Despite being "zombies," they were fast. Very uncanny. They roared at me and brandished their wickedly sharp claws.
Calmly, I removed my suit jacket, letting it fall to the ground. Underneath was my ace in the hole. My magnum opus. My tailor made flame-thrower vest.
Shall I explain? Very well. Harnessed to my torso was a thin mechanism, no bigger than a textbook, that acted as a storage device. Without going into the complicated side of things, the mechanism held a very combustible flame, that, when ignited, creates a laser-guided steam of fire. That stream was issued from a collapsible nozzle, that I kept attached to my upper right arm.
I undid the velcro holding the nozzle to my arm, and snapped it into it's full size. The werepyres glowered at me curiously, waiting for me to make a move.
Using just one hand, I pointed the nozzle at the center were-pyre, smiled, and squeezed the trigger.
The fire quickly engulfed the werepyre. He recoiled in pain and fell to the ground. The one on the right pounced at me and received a face full of fire. The third whimpered and bounded away, it's tail between it's legs.
The center one tried to rise, but was put down by another roasting.
I picked up my jacket, dusted it off, and exited the arena.
The Dealer and a cameraman were waiting for the competitors. A few minutes later the last one straggled in, just before the bell chimed.
"Congratulations, and a job well done!" he said as the cameraman trained his lens on the battered group. "You all finished within the allotted time. So, you may advance to the second course! A thrill, I'm sure. You gave the audience a great show, and I thank you all for that. Now, follow me. You will be given a brief rest before the next trial."
Slowly, the competitors filed after him, one by one. I was the last to leave, behind K. But he closed the door and spun around, an annoying smile decorating his annoying face.
"Why hello! Why do I have the displeasure of seeing you?" he said in his annoying voice.
I stared at him dully, waiting for him to get to the point.
"You know what I should do? Expose you! Yeah, you WOULD HATE THAT, NOW, WOULDN'T YOU?" he said, nearly yelling the last words. A bit of spit hit me on the cheek.
That did not make me happy.
I dropped the nozzle and suit jacket and grabbed the back of K's head and brought it down on my knee, then against the door. Several times. I let go, grabbed the front of his shirt instead, and slung him to the ground, then proceeded to kick him a few times. I wasn't sure his ribs were broken, so I stomped on his chest a few times for good measure.
He had lost consciousness. A blessing, maybe. Rummaging around I found my cell phone and made a call.
"Move K Lightingale from Unaware to Revealing. Yes. Yes, a lobotomy is advisable. And begin to take steps towards the dismantling of Neutrality."
I hung up, and with a sigh, left K, sprawled on the floor.
...
It had been a good beginning, all things considered.
< Message edited by Goldstein -- 2/13/2012 19:12:32 >
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