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(HS) The Brotherhood of Order Discussion

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3/22/2012 17:45:17   
Clown the Jester
Member

The Brotherhood of Order


Collaborate..., comment, critique...and what not.


Have fun guys.

I KNOW I WILL!
AQW Epic  Post #: 1
3/22/2012 17:55:20   
Arachnid
Member

Hmm...Knights.
I want that armor.


~Lady Zafara
AQW  Post #: 2
3/22/2012 18:02:51   
star screamer
Member

Poor Clown... That must have hurt.
As you said, it hurt like my house.
AQW  Post #: 3
3/22/2012 21:14:11   
Jessa K
Member
 

 I was laughing out loud as I read this... Not sure that's a good thing, but it was entertaining. The knight reminded me some of Kage.

So, I thought it would be cool to get involved with this collab, but I've no idea how...

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 3/24/2012 11:06:58 >
AQW  Post #: 4
3/22/2012 21:21:22   
Kinzdor
Member

Simple you write a chap that somehow ties into the current events of the story. It also might be a good idea to read these. Any whys I`m working on my chap for this. Right now I`m deciding what chars to use (i have so many thanks to a over active imagination) and all that other plot stuff. I should have the actuel chap up sometime this weekend.

< Message edited by kinzvlle -- 3/22/2012 21:24:03 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
3/22/2012 22:01:24   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Technically speaking, the first chapter you write in the collaboration does not have to tie in, but it will have to at some later point. The first one would serve as an intro to your character, an the situation she has at the time of the writing.
DF  Post #: 6
3/22/2012 22:27:39   
Antithesis
Member

Unexpected result is unexpected.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 7
3/22/2012 23:37:00   
Blackshock
Member

Where do we submit our first chapter?
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 8
3/23/2012 0:18:20   
Jessa K
Member
 

 I think I'll wait until a couple more people post.

And I'm not sure if this collab should/is supposed to be the same events as in my current fanfic...
AQW  Post #: 9
3/23/2012 4:38:15   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Comments:
quote:

The powerful explosion overwhelmed all senses. The blinding orange and red flames, the deafening boom, the heat sapping away strength and moisture from the skin, heavy smoke flooding the nostrils.

In retrospect Taco Bell was not the best idea.

quote:

changing from hating the physical pain…to relishing it.
 
And today I learned that reading at...1:09 AM really messes with how I interpret things.

quote:

PARADISE HAS NO PLACE FOR THE AGENTS OF CHAOS AND ANARCHY!”

Then wouldn't it be very boring?

quote:

maybe it was only funny because he most likely was suffering a concussion from the blow.

Monty Python's Flying Circus is always funny. Always. 

quote:

“Murder, mayhem, destruction, and the spread of Anarchy. For that the Order has seen fit that I should see you…BURN!”

You didn't turn anyone into a newt though, and if you didn't they didn't get better.

quote:

ISN’T THAT JUST FUNNY?”

Ba dum tshh

quote:

“You have stolen the coin of our Brotherhood of Order,”

Surely the flight to this place costs more than some shiny coin.

quote:

the Crusader. The Knight

I am pretty sure that Crusaders and Knights are different.

quote:

Maybe the vibrations from the blow would make the metal man’s head go all fuzzy

You need to cut his limbs off.

quote:

“No weapon of man or witchcraft can penetrate the holy armor of Brotherhood,”

Then bring me a gun made by a robot, or a woman....or a robot woman.

quote:

Typical freaking Monday.

Oh do go on. 

quote:

I blame Drakkoniss!

I'd blame FRIGID, but none of you know him. So I blame David. David you always fail us.

by a power higher than my Order.”
This empty battery? A potato? The other, much smarter David?

quote:

he wouldn’t protest if the knight did a tap dance.

I would see the Can-Can as more likely.

quote:

unconscious with another strike on the forehead with the handle of his sword. 
“I will make you talk,” The Crusader

Real good job of that genius, you only knocked him unconscious.

quote:

the corrupt realm of Super City would commence.

David, what did you do this time?
 
quote:

The war would come in due time...When the Medallion of Jericho was back in the Brotherhood's hands.

Please don't tell me that we have to go WALK to a volcano to destroy this stupid nickel. 

quote:

Then...Super City...would be burned to the ground.

I'd be more impressed if it was drowned to the ground.
---
Typos:
quote:

He lets out a grown

A grown What? Unless you meant groan.

quote:

“YOU’RE TIME HAS COME! THE BROTHERHOOD OF ORDER HAS COMMANDED YOUR DEATH!

You used you're instead of your at first (which is incorrect) but then used the right version later in the sentence. Odd.

quote:

“NEI!”

Although the reference is a good one it's Ni, not Nei. To be fair though it is hard to tell from the film.

quote:

I MAKE THE GOOFYEST
quote:

eachother

*goofiest, and you missed a space.

quote:

Idily

No 2nd "i" in idly.

 
quote:

PITTY
quote:

DEVILIOUSLY HANSOME

*pity
*devilishly
*handsome 

I CAN’T STANDS ME DIEING!
*dying
 
quote:

collage.

Although that is a word, you mean college. Completely different meanings.

quote:

Jutbox

You mean a JukeBox?

Blackshock: I would guess we would PM clown and then post it if it doesn't interfere with other's plans.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 10
3/23/2012 7:12:22   
Clown the Jester
Member

YOu can post in the same place I post my chapter...Or maybe we should all post our own entries in our own threads like Comedy and Tragedy....oooh...this is gonna be good. Heh heh...your comments were most amusing and helpful Mr. Shadowlord9k. HEE HEE! Flood a city to the ground...priceless.


WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
AQW Epic  Post #: 11
3/23/2012 9:45:08   
megakyle777
Member

I think I will post a tale now. just to let you know I will post it where Clown has.
DF  Post #: 12
3/23/2012 10:30:26   
delta blitz
Member

Nice new chapter this story is getting epic right from the start, though unfortunately I won't be joining you guys in this collab as I promised myself that I would continue on my final story and finally finish it. Though if you guys want to include my character you may, but don't make him fight too much because technically X prime is suppose to be in another star system right now. I enjoy how the Dealer's conversation with the Knight went, it showed that even though he is a businessman, he does have morals after all, plus he was smart enough to cleverly play the sympathy card.

*on a side note* Why must I be blamed shadow....I didn't even get to do anything yet ;)
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
3/23/2012 11:47:12   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Sooo many Monty Python references...

By the way... We are no longer the Knights who say... 'NI!' We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv.

NI!!!

quote:

But never had he truly felt as if he was the subject of a trap that could potentially end his laughter.

That's not very nice... T_T

And since we are no longer the Knights Who Say Ni, you must undergo another test...

What is this test, you say, after you have been beaten to a pulp? You must bring us... ANOTHER SHRUBERY!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and SL9K... while Crusaders aren't the same as knights, knights were the main infantry and cavalry of the crusades. Also, you must realize Clown the Jester is insane, so not every conclusion he that he comes to makes sense.

It might just be due to the fact that I just woke up, and I am under the mental influence of the previous comments, but as I am reading this, it literally does come off as Monty Python-style stuff...

quote:

“Burn me? Oh my goodness…I can’t burn now of all times…

He's late- he's late! -for a very important date; No time to say "hello," GOODBYE! He's late, he's late, he's late! (In the sense that he's the late Clown the Jester, perhaps? O,o)

quote:

“STEALING FROM THE BROTHERHOOD IS A CRIME THAT IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH!”

So, what, are the other characters just supposed to borrow their thunder, later in the series?

quote:

Clown the Jester laughs, pulling out the pin of his grenade and pulling his arm back in a pitchers throw.

Don't worry, it's a Holy hand grenade. It only hurts the enemies of God. I'm sure that'll do no- Oh, look, Clown bits! XD

quote:

“And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”

:)

quote:

the explosion surges toward his shield, however the shield protects it’s holder from the grenade.

Yes- exactly like shields are supposed to -because we really haven't come up with any technology greater than the simple metal shield in all of this time. Naaah... Don't be silly.

quote:

“MISSED ME! MISSED ME! NOW YA GOTTA KISS…” Clown the Jester’s taunt is cut off as the handle of the knights blade is brought down on his forehead.

Oh, the humanity... Both makes me want to shout "Faaaaail!" and puke at the same time. I'll settle for a groaning facepalm.

quote:

Maybe the vibrations from the blow would make the metal man’s head go all fuzzy…HEE HEE…JUST LIKE THE CARTOONS!

And that's why cartoons are bad for you... or something like that. Idk. NARUTOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

quote:

Stall him…buy time...how much does time cost?

Reminds me of the scene in the Incredible Hulk where the Abomination is still human, and he kicks him in the chest, breaking the majority of the bones in his body. No, I don't mean what happens afterwords, I mean the kicking part. Yes. That is what I imagine would happen to you.

quote:

“NOW THAT’S JUST CHEATING!”

-.- (That makes you sound like a wimp)

... Interesting monologue with regards to how bad the day had been, but meh... sortof fell flat.

*facepalms at the bad things to nice people bit*

*shakes his head and sighs*

quote:

so pain protects us from…getting hurt.

/me already knew this; Interesting place to put it.

quote:

Metal vs human skull…ouch.

You consider yourself human? O.o

quote:

was becoming quite the drag.

WHY, SHIKAMARU?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

quote:

He would make the Jester reveal it’s whereabouts.

It's in his pocket. There; saved you the trouble.

HEY!!! THAT'S MY FONT COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D:

I'm actually sortof leaning towards supporting them... As of yet, I am undecided, and in reality I recognise it would be a bad thing, but I also don't despise the idea behind their efforts too much. :/

Oh, yes, I almost forgot... and when you have brought us another shrubery, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... with... A HERRING!!! (redness is not required)

...

I think I'll read the Dealer's bit shortly.
DF  Post #: 14
3/23/2012 12:57:18   
megakyle777
Member

While my part of the tale is nowhere near as long as Clown's I feel I did a good job. Also, I'm glad you like it Delta.
DF  Post #: 15
3/23/2012 13:21:22   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Comments:
 
quote:

had taken him a while but he had finally finished the original plans for his new idea: The Duel Domes.

Yes, a couple of circles must take an awfully long time to come up with.

quote:

Sit down and we shall talk about whatever it is you wish to talk about.

I am surprised that you didn't ask his name.

quote:

ahnililate the forces of darkness."

Just get a flashlight, a revolver, a shotgun and possibly a flare gun. 

quote:

we will offer you something more valuable then money in return."

Hats?

quote:

"Our amour is inpenetrable by any weapon or method.

Clown said "by man or witchcraft", which implies that more modern weaponry may be able to damage it.

quote:

The knight told The Dealer their plan.

That's it? No exposition? No detail? I am disappointed. 

quote:

"Everyone is guilty of something."

Timmy took a cookie from the cookie jar, so he must burn.

quote:

"And that is your final answer?"

Call a friend, I think you chose wrong.

quote:

"Then fire. I do not fear Death."

But do you fear....SPIDERS? 

quote:

can discover the secret of how it works and is made.

The Crusader referred to it as a "holy armor" when he fought clown, which would make it seem to be impossible to mass-produce.

Overall it kinda fell short of Clown's intro. On the plus side, it should be a lot easier to follow up on for the next writer.

Typos:
quote:

unpertrebuted

My spellcheck is having a fit with this word, but not giving me any "correct" spellings.

quote:

minuites.

Well, I honestly expected you to go longer without a typo.

quote:

Alcahol

Alcohol is the correct term.

quote:

nusience

*nuisance
quote:

expertese

*expertise 
quote:

ahnililate

*annihilate 

quote:

amour

*armor
quote:

inpenetrable

*impenetrable, you were close though.
quote:

we shall give you it's

it's = it is. Wrong one here.
quote:

usefull

Only 1 l in useful

quote:

NATURALY

*naturally
quote:

Basicly i

*basically *I

 
quote:

worty

*worthy

quote:

notrhing

How? How did you get notrhing? *nothing
quote:

Thye

... *cough* *The
quote:

insdie.

This is getting a bit sad honestly. *inside

quote:

fooloish

You really do look *foolish now.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 16
3/23/2012 13:37:26   
megakyle777
Member

quote:

On the plus side, it should be a lot easier to follow up on for the next writer.


quote:

This is getting a bit sad honestly. *inside



quote:

You really do look *foolish now.


Well if you are going to be like that maybe I should delete the whole damm thing. I get you are trying to be constructive but these comments really just put me in a bad mood.
DF  Post #: 17
3/23/2012 13:58:13   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Do not lose your cool so easily. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, though I do not know the context, the correct spelling should be "unperturbed".

quote:

Clown said "by man or witchcraft", which implies that more modern weaponry may be able to damage it.

Oh, there are ways to get around that... Electricity apparently was able to effect the knight underneath, if not lethaly. He also had to dodge and then use his shield to protect himself from Clown's eye beams, or whatever you would call that attack (I think that term would probably work, honestly).

Along with that, there are things that do not require piercing of the armor in order to take effect. All in all, they are a significant threat, but not one insurmountable by the smashers at large, with the proper planning, among other things.

...

Oh, and Jessa, it doesn't have to be. Your character can be basically the same, even without it being in the same continuity. That in mind, it wouldn't be in the era of your fanfic, anyway. I think it most likely is in an alternate universe, when compared to the main one where C&T, AoM, and Opp. R.E.B.O.R.N. occur in, anyway.

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 3/23/2012 14:07:17 >
DF  Post #: 18
3/23/2012 14:34:46   
Clown the Jester
Member

HEh heh heh....I like it Dealer...I like it alot.


HOO HOO! Don't mind my rambling Drakkoniss...my mind always rambles. Rambles left and right.
AQW Epic  Post #: 19
3/23/2012 14:41:30   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Meh. I still haven't read the Dealer's bit, though I know effectively what went on due to SL9K's comment, among others'. I suppose I will accept that, Clown... for the moment... *shifty eyes*
DF  Post #: 20
3/23/2012 14:41:43   
megakyle777
Member

I could forgive it if it were not for the fact I am not the only person he has put down in such a manner. I am honestly this close to reporting him to an AK. I mean, my keyboard is not exactly in the best way right now and he insults my typing like I do understand what I mean. Even I was to forgive it, you can point out typos without making it sound like you are superior to every one else. However, I must begrugingly thanks him for pointing out the typos and most have been corrected.

Clown: Glad you like it. I did not want to reveal whatever their plan is yet hence why the plan line was non descript. Clarification on a point may be good however:, mainly the amour? Is Shadowlord right in his wording in that they can be damaged by modern stuff and are not made but blessed or something? because it may need a slight rewrite in that case.

Also, unperturbed=unconcerned.

< Message edited by megakyle777 -- 3/23/2012 14:43:41 >
DF  Post #: 21
3/23/2012 16:44:08   
Shadowlight1
Member

I will have to post my bit on Sunday at the soonest.
I've got too much to do

Looks very interesting though
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 22
3/23/2012 16:48:26   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 He actually does that to most people, at one time or another. He was just annoyed that there were so many, and on things he thought would be obvious and well-knon spellings.

I know what the word means. I meant I was not sure that was definitely the correct word, because I hadn't read it yet. I still haven't. I will, though.

Hmm... I see, Eclipse...
DF  Post #: 23
3/23/2012 17:44:29   
Sir Night
Member

Ooh, I like the way this is starting. Hopefully it won't take me too long to get some kind of intro up.
Post #: 24
3/23/2012 19:55:57   
star screamer
Member

I should post soon...
Then I can work on important things, like my other stories!
AQW  Post #: 25
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