[critique requested] birth of artix


	Home \| Login \| Register \| Help \| Play

[critique requested] birth of artix

Logged in as: Guest

Printable Version

All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> [The Workshop] >> The Work Table >> [critique requested] birth of artix

Forum Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

1/17/2013 15:51:44

humzaawan123
Member

short story on the birth of artix....would love some feedback !

dawn broke on the first day of the summer Solis , the wind sung the song of reckoning forming an orchestra with the old brisk trees , today was it . The day when the alleged prophecy would come true , the savior of lore and slayer of the ever growing undead will be born. the queen lay carrying the infamous child in her stomach awaiting for the days of her suffering to be over so that peace and good can govern over the land as it was before the war began , her eyes flung open , the birds started to chirp as the light shone on her guarding the beautiful baby about to be born into this world. He is here artix the paladin has finally come . The prophecies were true, there lay lores savior gazing at the rays of light surrounding him baffled by the wonders of this world a twinkle of hope appears on his right eye , good will prevail

< Message edited by humzaawan123 -- 1/17/2013 15:54:16 >

AQW

Post #: 1

1/17/2013 16:33:56

Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L

What is the setting (game if you will) of this story?

If it is AQW, then Artix isn't human and his foster parents weren't of nobility.

AQW

Post #: 2

1/17/2013 21:07:34

RevzZ the Optivus
Member

^^
Based on what he/she's displayed on her profile, I assume it's AQW because it appears to be the only AE game they play.

A little more on the story would probably make it easier to critique.

Post #: 3

1/18/2013 11:21:15

humzaawan123
Member

its just a short paragraph and yes it is based on aqw btw do you like it ?

AQW

Post #: 4

1/18/2013 18:16:34

RevzZ the Optivus
Member

I guess I'm not very good at critiquing, only at writing so my feedback might not be as good as anyone else who's been critiquing for some time.

Anyway, I think the descriptions are fantastic. Putting the matter of Artix born in a wrong storyline aside, you still haven't explained where the place actually is. You've described trees but nothing else. Are they in a castle? On a forest floor? Just because they're royal, we can't automatically assume they're in a castle. What if a villian had taken control of the castle and they were just hiding in a hut.

Plot does seem good to me though. I guarantee that if you can fix up the game setting (Not AQW), then I'll be waiting in excitement for your story.

-RO

Post #: 5

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> [The Workshop] >> The Work Table >> [critique requested] birth of artix

Jump to:

Icon Legend

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Forum Content Copyright © 2018 Artix Entertainment, LLC.

"AdventureQuest", "DragonFable", "MechQuest", "EpicDuel", "BattleOn.com", "AdventureQuest Worlds", "Artix Entertainment"
and all game character names are either trademarks or registered trademarks of Artix Entertainment, LLC. All rights are reserved.
PRIVACY POLICY