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RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary

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2/7/2013 21:14:20   
The White Knight
Member

@Muchiha, well if I needed time to war... some certain events have made it so I would not like to participate as much as I could in this war. So at best I will remain under 2000 kills. I appreciate the High praise you have bestowed upon me with your rating !
AQ DF  Post #: 176
2/7/2013 22:25:48   
Tep Itaki
Friendly!


 After reading Trainz's review, I've decided to postpone the reviews of others and decided to thoroughly scan through my story for any corrections and changes that needs to be made.

EDIT: Also, thank you for the review Muchiha and Trainz

EDIT: Fixed as best as I can!

< Message edited by Tep Itaki -- 2/8/2013 9:04:56 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 177
2/7/2013 22:34:23   
kors
Member

Looks like part VIII is not coming tonight. Too much other stuff to do today.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 178
2/7/2013 23:33:49   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Good news everyone! I have here a picture of what Hadrian looks like. More or less.

And I should be completing the next chapter by tomorrow. I'll post it up as soon as it is ready.

Also this is my story, for those that do not want to look through walls of text to find it.



< Message edited by Sir Nicholas -- 2/8/2013 1:11:35 >
AQ  Post #: 179
2/8/2013 12:18:21   
Darquess
Member

I like cookies...

Anyway, the next chapter will be up today.

However, due to a number of events thatr are happening, it will probably be the last for a while.

My half term for Y8 is just around the corner, I have an early A Level English exam to do, and then I'm going to Vietnam for a spelunking holiday.

Bascily, I am very, very busy indeed and will be away from the computer and indeed civilization for a week...maybe more if we are attacked by tigers.

So, enjoy the chapters, you probably havn't read them all, or even started yet.

Its quite long, but very action packed.

I do descriptive stuff too, but it would not really be in context with the war story theme.

If the war is still on, or we are in an aftermath quest when I get back, I'll carry on.

If not, it shall remain an unfinished masterpiece for scholoars to read and lament at for centuries to come.

Ta-rah!
Post #: 180
2/8/2013 16:16:56   
kors
Member

Part VIII is here! I decided to split VIII into two parts due to it drifting off from its original purpose and becoming quite long( was going to be a page or two longer than Part VI). May or may not finish the next part in time to post it today.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 181
2/8/2013 18:08:25   
Daimyo Daimyo
Member

Read Falerin's "story". Mysterious Brilhado Necromancer Grimveil...he must surely be the one we saw in the epilogue cutscene of the Gift Delivery War.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lady of Light and her husband; the Lord of Darkness

“Know this, my priest. You are and have been loved, and I will ever return for you. Even when it seems hopeless… Trust in the Light and you shall never be truly alone. Trust in the Darkness and you shall always have comfort.”
I felt very nostalgic when I read this line. Such a homely feel to it. They're very loving "parents" indeed.
MQ  Post #: 182
2/8/2013 19:38:11   
ArchMagus Orodalf
Member

Daimyo: No, the one we saw in the epilogue was his father, Shroudbrood, who, as Grimveil mentioned, died at the claws of Drakath.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 183
2/8/2013 20:49:11   
Daimyo Daimyo
Member

^ Guess I didn't read it carefully enough. That means Grimveil hates Drakath, correct?

@Tep Itaki
Going to read your story now.
MQ  Post #: 184
2/8/2013 20:53:11   
kors
Member

Part IX: Impending doom is up! Here is the part that I took off of VIII and made into another part. Getting close to the big final confrontations! If I had kept this part tacked onto VIII it would have been a whopping full 3 pages. So yeah... got over 6000 words now and 11.8 pages(although I could decrease it by putting it in a less forum friendly form). Yay for writing sprees!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 185
2/8/2013 21:30:13   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Well Daimyo, that is a comforting little quote. I also like it, because it shows that while mortals are acting really vicious to each other - the Elemental Lords are actually pretty chummy. In the case of the Light & Dark Lords even, happily married.

I think in my next chapter I'll write up a nice little story told between characters that I once heard about the Sun & Moon.

Speaking of chapters, mine is nearly ready. There's a one-on-one fight coming. Get ready for a surprise!
AQ  Post #: 186
2/9/2013 1:16:49   
The White Knight
Member

@Kors, I am really liking where this is headed, I liked the emotions you brought out in Part 9. If you could, please embolden the Part's so that we could better grasp where we are . I liked the action you had. (That White Knight guy is pretty kick butt...) !
AQ DF  Post #: 187
2/9/2013 4:38:50   
hict98
Member

@Tep I absolutely loved your story. You know for most of the second half of your story all I could think of was Kalle singing war. It made me lol so hard when I read that part.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 2/9/2013 4:39:40 >
AQ AQW  Post #: 188
2/9/2013 8:25:33   
Tep Itaki
Friendly!


 Tep was singing the first verse because he thought it suited his views of the war. However, how he was able to learn a Terran song is something else entirely.

Kalle yelled the second part. Sorry if my writing wasn't clear on that >.>;; But I'm glad you enjoyed it.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 189
2/9/2013 19:23:52   
kors
Member

Part X: Demon is up! Yay for me posting another wall of text! This time it is three and a half full pages. I really need to slow down, but there was just too much to effectively split into multiple pieces. Hope this satisfies you for a little while cause I probably will not be posting another piece for a while if I end up packing another three pages per part.

Edit: just added an extra paragraph to fill out the one character I forgot about for a while, sorry Hellblade124! Also added the title of the next Part.

< Message edited by kors -- 2/9/2013 19:45:35 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 190
2/10/2013 0:11:59   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


 *Elryn chuckles*

It seems I even went overboard with the introduction to the next chapter. It is close to done though so there should at least be something on the morrow.
AQ  Post #: 191
2/10/2013 0:44:52   
The White Knight
Member

@Elryn *Respect points gained* *Achievement unlocked: Use of the word morrow*
AQ DF  Post #: 192
2/10/2013 5:35:51   
Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14


 My second war memoir has arrived!! Any comments??

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=21070799&mpage=1&key=�

Post # 24

< Message edited by ss2195 -- 2/10/2013 5:55:25 >

_____________________________
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 193
2/10/2013 6:53:39   
Affinity
Member
 

 I've been following your story since the time you made it, ss2195. I must say I am impressed by how you weave the events together--good job on that! However, the structure has some flaws. The most obvious ones are the dialog; each new dialog is supposed to start a new paragraph. That makes reading much easier. You also used commas excessively; allow me to show you a few instances.
quote:

Seth, looked across the open field, all the paladins and light elementals that had made the mistake of standing up against him, lay motionless.

I recommend going with Seth looked across the open field at all the paladins and light elementals who made the mistake of standing up against him. They lay on the ground motionless. It also clears up who was lying motionless since the original text could refer to either the paladins and light elementals or Seth. Although people have the common sense to distinguish what was lying, it is still quite unclear. Another flaw I noted was capitalizing words that are not really meant to be capitalized. Some examples are
quote:

...a Golden spear emerged...

This shouldn't be capitalized, unless it's the name of the weapon. If that's the case, you might as well go with "his Golden Spear" or something akin to that.
quote:

...out from his Heart...

I'm not really sure why you capitalized this.

And that is all I have for part one. Great job and continue the good work!

< Message edited by Affinity -- 2/10/2013 7:02:34 >
AQ  Post #: 194
2/10/2013 11:34:37   
Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14


 Greatly appreciated affinity! And I will keep the excess commas thing in mind, while writing the remaining chapters!
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 195
2/10/2013 15:22:55   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Part 5 is completed. It's a little shorter than most, but it reflects the changing tides of this war pretty well.

The final battle is looming ahead. You won't want to miss it!
AQ  Post #: 196
2/10/2013 17:49:23   
kors
Member

Part XI: Might is up! It has unoffically become a wall of text at this point... I could turn this into a decent sized short Novella in another couple of pages it looks like.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 197
2/10/2013 23:57:32   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


 Introduction to the battle is up.

There likely will not be much else for a bit. This week is rather busy.
AQ  Post #: 198
2/11/2013 0:23:34   
The Winter Knight
Member

I posted the second chapter to my story. Critique is welcome.
AQ AQW  Post #: 199
2/11/2013 2:13:31   
Tep Itaki
Friendly!


 Too many stories popping up right when I wake up >.>;; *sighs* I think I'll take a break before going back in to review, critique and grammar check.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 200
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