Faerdin
Rune Knight
|
One of the first war promises I made following the end of the Dragon Rose War in Dragonfable had been that I would conclude my war story in the war's respective thread here in the L&L. I have yet to do that, but I will be fulfilling my second war promise: that I would post this ridiculous story I had written during one of my scriptwriting classes at school. Hope you guys enjoy this and don't think I'm crazy! Discussion Thread Note: There will be times where there are large gaps in the script. This is to due to the fact that directors expect each page of a screenplay to last only a minute. If there are large gaps in the writing, the scene I am writing is supposed to take longer than a minute. INT. CARPENTER'S HALL - DAY JOHN HANCOCK is speaking before the delegates of the Continental Congress. He is a rooster. Literally. The rest of the representatives are also various animals. JOHN HANCOCK Esteemed delegates of the Colonies, it is with a heavy heart that I must once again recall to life that which is rejected by many among our number. Our freedom. Our freedom and our right to decide for ourselves where our fate should lie in this world. The King, the boots to whom we have attended for a shamefully long time, has spat on our pleas for assistance in Parliament. He declares us to be in a state of rebellion for denying the British serpent, which has savored the fruits our labor and thrived on the blood of every man, woman, and child, the power to enact laws of questionable necessity without our opinion or consent. I tell you, there is no question of what should be done. We must declare to a candid world how the British Empire has whipped and abandoned us like dogs; how the British Empire denied us the rights which should be guaranteed to all: the right to life, liberty, and representation. We must pledge our blood to our Declaration of Independence and cast off the shackles of oppression for all eternity. We will have liberty. Liberty or death! JOHN HANCOCK expects an uproar of applause. But there is no applause. Only silence. There is a long pause. A very long pause. Finally, ABRAHAM LARK, a bird, stands up and clears his throat. ABRAHAM LARK Uh, what? JOHN HANCOCK What do you mean, "what," Abraham Lark? ABRAHAM LARK I didn't understand a single freaking thing you just said. JOSIAH BARKLETT, a dog, also stands. He's wiping his eyes with a handkerchief. JOSIAH BARKLETT Yeah! And also, the whipping dogs part wasn't cool! JOSIAH BARKLETT sobs. JOHN HANCOCK It was just figurative language, Josiah Barklett! I didn't mean Britain was whipping dogs- CHARLES CARRUFF, another dog, spits his tea everywhere. CHARLES CHARRUFF THEY'RE WHIPPING DOGS? JOHN HANCOCK What, no-! JOSIAH BARKLETT THEY MUST DIE. KILL 'EM ALL, KILL 'EM- JOSIAH and CHARLES start howling and slamming on their desks. JOHN HANCOCK Guys, come on, knock it off- CATER BRAXTON, a cat, stands up. CATER BRAXTON I second the whipping of dogs. The whole committee groans. JOSIAH and CHARLES explode, speaking at the same time. JOSIAH BARKLETT THAT'S RACIST! YOU ARE RACIST, CAT-ER BRAXTON! This is a freaking set-up! I'm out- CHARLES CHARRUFF Suck a hairball, you milk-drinking cat! I oughta- There is a threateningly low but audible growl that fills the room. The room falls silent. Everyone turns to BENJAGUAR FRANKLIN, a jaguar. BENJAGUAR FRANKLIN We are not here to argue over racism, Charles Charruff. We are here to declare our independence. CATER BRAXTON How, Benjaguar Franklin, meow? JOHN HANCOCK Our very own Thomas Jeffersnake is drafting a declaration as we speak. He's right over- JOHN HANCOCK gestures to an empty seat. JOHN HANCOCK (CONTINUED) Uh... Guys? Where is Jeffersnake? Outside of the room, THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE is slithering down a hallway. He bursts through a door and finds GEORGE WASHINGTON standing the way he is sometimes depicted in paintings. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE There you- ... Why are you standing like that, dude-? GEORGE WASHINGTON Shh. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE But I- GEORGE WASHINGTON Shh. GEORGE WASHINGTON closes his eyes. He can just feel his awesomeness. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE I'm... not quite following... GEORGE WASHINGTON I look awesome. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE You look constipated. GEORGE WASHINGTON What do you want? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE We need you back in the board room, dude. We're making you Commander-in-Chief! GEORGE WASHINGTON Commander-in-Chief? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE nods and slithers toward the door, trying to get GEORGE WASHINGTON to follow. But GEORGE WASHINGTON sits down and contemplates. GEORGE WASHINGTON (CONTINUED) Commander-in-Chief... Nah, I'll pass. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE WHAT? GEORGE WASHINGTON Yup. My military career is over. Tried and failed. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE But this is for our country... For your friends! We were going to make history together! GEORGE WASHINGTON Already got a plan for that, pal. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE For... making history? GEORGE WASHINGTON Yup. Two words: fox pelts. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE I- ... What? GEORGE WASHINGTON A-huh! Fox pelts! Think about it. If I finish my fox pelt collection, that'd make me SO much more famous than being Commander-in-Chief! Because then I can start my life-long dream: fox pelts... Everything made out of fox pelts. Coats, bags, accessories, carpets, furniture, curtains! All fox pelts! I could start a business that makes this stuff for everyone! And I shall be known as "Father of the Fox Pelts!" THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE ... Alright, let's just go to Independence Hall and make you Commander-in-Chief. You're scaring me with all this crap, dude. GEORGE WASHINGTON Not as much as you scared me when you ate that woman's baby. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE That was a dark time in my life... GEORGE WASHINGTON Either way, I'm set. Why do I need to be Commander-in-Chief? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Because you're our friend! Because people look up to you! They listen to you-! GEORGE WASHINGTON Yeah. Because I'm awesome. Content, GEORGE WASHINGTON returns to his posing. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Look... I didn't want to say this. But ever since you moved to Mount Vernon and started all that hunting and stuff, you've become a tremendous butt! GEORGE WASHINGTON freezes. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE realizes that he went a little too far when GEORGE WASHINGTON begins to throw his belongings into a bindle. GEORGE WASHINGTON Then you know what? Fine! I'll just go back to Mount Vernon and be a tremendous butt there! THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE But I didn't mean- GEORGE WASHINGTON No! Clearly you don't care enough about what your friend wants, so why should I be here? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE looks at GEORGE WASHINGTON super seriously. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Dude... GEORGE WASHINGTON gives up his facade. GEORGE WASHINGTON What do you want, Jeffersnake? I'm not being a military commander anymore. I've had enough of it. I have a wife and kids now! THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE We're not asking you to be a military commander. We're asking you to get off your fat buttocks, be a friend, and help us. GEORGE WASHINGTON No, you're asking me to be something I'm not, so just stop. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE looks bashed and slithers out of the room, defeated. GEORGE WASHINGTON gets back to making his bindle. GEORGE WASHINGTON (CONTINUED) (To himself) I'm not fat. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE slithers through the hallway and back to the board room, where CATER BRAXTON and JOSIAH BARKLETT are now fist-fighting. JOSIAH BARKLETT Put up your dukes! CATER BRAXTON You'll regret this, meow! JOSIAH BARKLETT Maybe, but I won't regret this! THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE sits down and sighs. CATER BRAXTON That smarts, meow! Reminds me of how hard kittens try to hit my momma before she eats 'em, meow! JOSIAH BARKLETT Oh, now you're gonna get it! JOHN HANCOCK walks over to JEFFERSNAKE. JOHN HANCOCK Where the hell have you been? We couldn't get on the Declaration discussion and now Josiah and Cater are whaling on each other! THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE He's not coming. JOHN HANCOCK nods in understanding. To show his sympathy, he rubs his head against JEFFERSNAKE like a chicken, then steps onto the podium. JOHN HANCOCK Gentlemen? CATER BRAXTON and JOSIAH BARKLETT do not notice. ABRAHAM LARK is taking bets from the other delegates. JOHN HANCOCK (CONTINUED) Guys... You're gonna make me do something that I'm gonna regret. Everyone keeps fighting; JOHN HANCOCK is making no difference. Then he cuckaws. JOHN HANCOCK (CONTINUED) CUCKAAAAAAAAAW! The room shakes from how loud the noise is, and it knocks CATER BRAXTON and JOSIAH BARKLETT onto their feet. Everyone freezes, then BENJAGUAR FRANKLIN purrs. BENJAGUAR FRANKLIN About time we got down to business. JOHN HANCOCK Yes, yes... While JOHN HANCOCK speaks, GEORGE WASHINGTON is beginning to walk out of Carpenter's Hall. JOHN HANCOCK (CONTINUED) Gentlemen... We stand now on the brink of war with one of the most powerful countries on our world. We will need supplies. CATER BRAXTON Meow. JOHN HANCOCK We will need allies. CATER BRAXTON Meow. JOHN HANCOCK We will need help- and would you stop it? CATER BRAXTON was about to meow again. He stops reluctantly. CATER BRAXTON Just warming up my voice. Shaking his head, JOHN HANCOCK ignores him. JOHN HANCOCK But above all else, we need to declare our independence and our place as a new nation. So who will join me? ABARAHAM LARK I will. JOSIAH BARKLETT I will! BENJAGUAR FRANKLIN I will. Glancing to the seat where GEORGE WASHINGTON was supposed to sit, THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE raises his head. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE I will. RANDOM DELEGATE #1 I will! RANDOM DELEGATE #2 I will! RANDOM DELEGATE #3 I will! CATER BRAXTON ... Meow. EXT. CARPENTER'S HALL - NIGHT GEORGE WASHINGTON closes the door behind him and starts to walk away from the hall. He walks over to a horse, SALLY FOALFAX. SALLY FOALFAX George Washington! GEORGE WASHINGTON Evening, Sally Foalfax. SALLY FOALFAX Say, why do you have that bindle? GEORGE WASHINGTON It's nothing. Let's just go. SALLY FOALFAX Are we finally running away together? GEORGE WASHINGTON Uh... In a little bit, babe. We're just going home. GEORGE WASHINGTON climbs onto SALLY FOALFAX. SALLY FOALFAX Haha, okay, George. I love you. GEORGE WASHINGTON (Awkwardly) Yyyyeeeeaahhhhh... Aaand... I... appreciate our friendship... SALLY FOALFAX Haha, I love you too, George! GEORGE WASHINGTON (To himself) Jesus. Just as GEORGE WASHINGTON is about to ride away, UNASSUMING ANIMAL #1, a monkey, and UNASSUMING ANIMAL #2, a hippopotamus, knock him off SALLY FOALFAX, who is panicking. GEORGE WASHINGTON hits his head on the ground after falling off the horse and is knocked unconscious. SALLY FOALFAX George? What's going on? UNASSUMING ANIMAL #1 offers SALLY FOALFAX an apple. SALLY FOALFAX (CONTINUED) What are you-? Oooh, delicious! While SALLY FOALFAX is distracted, UNASSUMING ANIMAL #2 stuffs GEORGE WASHINGTON into a burlap sack with its snout. He struggles to pick him up. UNASSUMING ANIMAL #2 Geez, this guy is fat. Gimme a hand, will ya? INT. MYSTERIOUS PLACE - NIGHT GEORGE WASHINGTON is tied up in a chair. A fancy chair. He jolts awake. GEORGE WASHINGTON Huh? Where am I? Who's doing this? There is a flopping sound. Something is flopping toward GEORGE WASHINGTON, and that something is GENERAL CORNWALRUS. GEORGE WASHINGTON scowls. GEORGE WASHINGTON (CONTINUED) Cornwalrus... I thought you retired from active duty after you and General William Cowe sat on that new recruit and suffocated him! GENERAL CORNWALRUS No, I am very much here, George Washington... You are a fool for accepting the role of Commander-in-Chief. We are going to put down this rebellion, and when we do, we're going to make sure it never happens again. GEORGE WASHINGTON Why you- Wait... I'm not Commander-in-Chief. GENERAL CORNWALRUS What? GEORGE WASHINGTON Yeah, whoever it was that told you was wrong. I'm not Commander-in-Chief. Didn't want it. GENERAL CORNWALRUS Oh. There is an awkward pause. GENERAL CORNWALRUS realizes that kidnapping GEORGE WASHINGTON had been a complete waste of time. GENERAL CORNWALRUS (CONTINUED) Well... You made a very smart decision, then! Because we're gonna beat the Colonies so bad that its babies are gonna feel it for the next century! GEORGE WASHINGTON Alright. GENERAL CORNWALRUS And your friends will hang for their crimes! GEORGE WASHINGTON We had a falling out, so... Don't really care. GENERAL CORNWALRUS Oh. You don't have any friends then? That's problematic. GEORGE WASHINGTON What? No! I've got plenty of friends! GENERAL CORNWALRUS Really? GENERAL CORNWALRUS holds a quill and parchment in his flippers. GENERAL CORNWALRUS (CONTINUED) Do go on. GEORGE WASHINGTON Uh... Sally Foalfax? GENERAL CORNWALRUS Nope, dead. Fed her a poisoned apple. GEORGE WASHINGTON (Forced) Oh no! That is terrible news. GENERAL CORNWALRUS Yes, yes. Any others? GEORGE WASHINGTON Martha. GENERAL CORNWALRUS Isn't that... your wife? GEORGE WASHINGTON Yyyyep. GEORGE WASHINGTON is sweating profusely. GENERAL CORNWALRUS Well, I'm sure you'll think of someone eventual- you don't look too good. GEORGE WASHINGTON Uh... GENERAL CORNWALRUS ... Oookay... Tell you what. I'll let you go and pretend that this never happened. Then you can go back to your revolutionary friends and get back on track. Kind of embarrassing right now. GEORGE WASHINGTON No! I don't need them! I'm not going back there! They think I'm a butthole! GENERAL CORNWALRUS Well... Maybe you should think about that. Either way, out you go. GEORGE WASHINGTON What? UNASSUMING ANIMAL #1 hits GEORGE WASHINGTON in the head with a brick, knocking him out again. EXT. AMERICAN WILDERNESS - DAY GEORGE WASHINGTON comes to. He slowly props himself up on one arm and realizes that he is in a tent and wearing a different shirt. Crawling out of it, GEORGE WASHINGTON sees THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE and JAMES MADISNAKE tending to a fire, blowing air at it with their tails and slowly shoving other logs of wood toward it with their heads. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE notices that GEORGE WASHINGTON is awake. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Hey, look who's finally up! Good morning. GEORGE WASHINGTON Did you change my shirt? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Yeah. You sweat through the other one pretty bad. GEORGE WASHINGTON (Changing the subject) Where the hell are we, anyway? JAMES MADISNAKE We're following the Potomac, taking you home. GEORGE WASHINGTON You'd do that for me? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE It's the least we can do, really. You were right; we were asking you to be something you just aren't. That isn't fair. We just want the best for you, y'know? GEORGE WASHINGTON Oh... Well, thanks. But I don't need any help. I can handle myself. JAMES MADISNAKE Doesn't matter if you need it or not, which you probably do. We just feel like helping. GEORGE WASHINGTON I don't need help. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE Sure you do, fatty. GEORGE WASHINGTON opens his mouth to retaliate, but decides against it and gives up. JAMES MADISNAKE Good. GEORGE WASHINGTON Well, if I'm gonna be called "fatty," I may as well act like one. Where's breakfast? THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE What? GEORGE WASHINGTON Breakfast. Food. THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE ... Oh. Food. Well, we hadn't really thought about that since we can just hunt. GEORGE WASHINGTON Oh that's just great. Thanks a lot for saving me, you guys! Now I'll survive a little bit longer before I roll over and starve to death! JAMES MADISNAKE Relax, relax. We brought a rifle. JAMES MADISNAKE nods at a rifle lying within the tent. GEORGE WASHINGTON ... How did you guys plan on using that without hands? JAMES MADISNAKE and THOMAS JEFFERSNAKE share a glance before shrugging. GEORGE WASHINGTON (CONTINUED) Wow. Great. GEORGE WASHINGTON takes the rifle and marches off into the woods. CUT TO: EXT. LEXINGTON - DAY GENERAL CORNWALRUS is on a hill overlooking the city. He turns to THOMAS GAJOEY, a kangaroo, who is standing in front of various animals in the "redcoat" attire, the REDCOATS. GENERAL CORNWALRUS General Gajoey, you know your orders. THOMAS GAJOEY nods and gestures for his soldiers to form their ranks and begin to march on Lexington. CUT TO: EXT. AMERICAN WILDERNESS - DAY GEORGE WASHINGTON is walking slowly through the woods. He notices a red fox. He eyes his target and winces as it bounds deeper into the woods. GEORGE WASHINGTON stalks the fox, taking care not to make too much noise. CUT TO: EXT. LEXINGTON - DAY Animals throughout LEXINGTON begin to notice the British animals marching toward the city. SAMULE ADAMS, a mule, and JOHN HANCOCK notice this. SAMULE ADAMS Minutemen! Make your country proud! The younger and more able animals, the MINUTEMEN, nod and rush into their houses. When they return, they are wearing dark blue coats and holding rifles. JOHN HANCOCK sighs. JOHN HANCOCK So it begins.
< Message edited by Faerdin -- 7/12/2013 3:09:21 >
|