I don't have much time to look through it now, but I will tell you something. The Call to Adventure HAS to bring you north. Or to something that will bring you north. Like a poem. I have no idea what you've got planned with that hammer, but it needs to bring you north.
Actually, I've been thinking more about the Call to Adventure, and I kinda think it'll have to be similar at the very least to all characters. Just... Try not to make it too personal to Bob. Or make the personal thing to bob lead to a less personal thing that he can stumble upon for the rest of the way. Ugh. I wish I had said this before a character came in.
At any rate, I'll get a more detailed review up sooner or later. Likely later.
Name: Robert Smith (You can call him Bob)
Race: Homo sapiens sapiens <- I would have just said humans, but whatever.
Appearance: Bob is a tough-looking, sturdily built man with almost excessive facial hair, neatly groomed, deep blue eyes, and dressed in no-nonsense working clothes, mostly a faded red in color. His skin is olive, both by birth and by harsh daylight and hot nights at the forge.
Only problem here is that he is 19 and has a big 'ole beard. Something seems wrong with that picture, or I just misunderstood the meaning of "almost excessive facial hair."
Skills and Abilities: Bob hails from a time and place where you received a surname based on your occupation. He is skilled at weapon- and tool-making and is as sturdy as the blacksmiths come. Bob, however, is not the best blacksmith with his hands, but with his mind. Though he barely knows of it now, he has a special talent for enchanting weapons. So far, he can balance and forge weapons quickly, but soon he will be able to get into the good stuff.
I like the way you've left a completely unexplored field of his job for him to discover with enchanting. That's good. However, you are a bit vague on being able to "forge weapons quickly." How quickly? What grade of quality?
Bob understands weapons in ways that nobody else does. He is constantly dreaming of being able to enchant weapons to be magical - little does he know! - and has multiple interesting designs for the tools of war in his mechanic's brain. While he is not as good as a practiced user of a weapon, he has some innate proficiency with any weapons he comes across. Call it a head start in his training of a given weapon. It's why his farm work is so good, by the way.
So, I'm getting the idea that he's got the theories of smithing and fighting down, just not the practice? Because, since you said before that he's not so good with his hands, but fine with his mind, it seems to me as if that's the case. Additionally, the fact that he has some ideas for war machines is interesting, and strengthens the theorist bit. Not that any of this is bad, I'm just trying to get an idea of your character, that's all.
But I'm not sure if I like the way that he gets a head start in several weapons. I mean, all weapons include things like wands an bows, and those are completely different to swords, axes and maces, and depending on what weapons he typically makes, this would affect his knowledge. So, just clarify a bit on that.
Maybe I'm just being picky. Probably that.
Although, I would like to say one more thing to the having knowledge of weapons. It can go both ways. If you're good at recognizing the good qualities in your own weapons, you can easily recognize the bad qualities in your enemies' weapons, and gain the upper hand by exposing their weakness and using it to your advantage.
Belongings: Bob has studied hard to go on this adventure. While he needs a proper forge to craft new weapons, he has brought along a hammer of his own design that seems to absorb and hold heat a little more easily, so he can repair things on the go. He has also brought a face mask, thick gloves, and a bunch of smithy-doodles made of steel. Smithy-doodles are currently flat discs of fairly high-quality metal, but they can be easily shaped into new objects with a little imagination and a good forge. Smithy-doodles have also found alternate use as passable Frisbees, but make sure to catch them because they are quite heavy and are not fun to catch with your face. Bob also has a large book that he carries around. Itís where he gets his smith-training from. He hasnít read the whole thing yet.
Okay, no problems here, since I assume the face mask is for keeping his face from burning at the forge (Although whether or not that's consistent with his complexion that he got from the forge, I don't know. Eh. I'm not going to press on that matter. It's not an important detail.) And I like the smithy-doodles. ^_^
History: Bob was born in a really small village, maybe 20 people. The surrounding countryside was, at the time, cleansing itself of a nasty zombie epidemic, and everyone was a little on edge. Zombies are actually pretty easy to deal with; the virus doesnít take over until death, and an uninfected death results in no zombie. Itís easy enough to get infected, though, so it takes a while before they can give the all-clear. It takes a generation, actually, though it takes less time if you catch it early and perform the cut test to see who wonít heal. Bob remained uninfected, but his parents were bitten and allowed only one final moment with their son before they would have to suffer death and redeath to prevent unfortunate accidents.
Bobís father, the town smith, gave him a book thousands of pages long about everything he understood about smithing and enchanting. Bob is not a very fast reader, but what heís made his way through was enough to get him started on the right track of smithing, and even though he doesnít like reading, he still has the book with him in case he will find it useful. His mother gave him a hammer. Mrs. Smith was a very practical woman. She was also seven feet tall. Itís a very large hammer. This will be in the intro post, by the way, as Bobís Call to Adventure, due to the fact that his story does not make much sense with his awesome family hanging around who could easily just help him on his adventure.
How large is very large, in terms of hammers?
Personality: Bob is easygoing and friendly. He hates being called ďBobby.Ē Heís not book smart, but heís quick-witted and good at picking up new skills. Itís not easy to get him mad, but once heís there, it takes a great deal of effort to get him to calm down.
Okay, I think you've done well with this bio. Clarify a bit on how fast and good he is at smithing, and then we should be good. If you don't decide to change the point with the weapon proficiency, that's fine, you'll still be accepted. I just think that being quickly accustomed to new weapons is more logical and in tune with the character (Quote: "Good at picking up new skills") than simply being better. Or, maybe that's what you meant, and I just misinterpreted it.
Whew! Glad I've gotten through that.
And sorry for the walls of text. It's a habit of mine... I decided to fix that and break it down to the main points of those walls of text.
Critique to my critique is welcome, seeing as that's the first time I've critiqued a bio.
< Message edited by Legendium -- 10/12/2013 6:23:12 >