Isis
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Regarding your questions in the first para':
1. Enough of a response to fulfil its purpose; casual conversation only needs a few lines, deep and meaningful life-changing yarns would take a little more. The same can be said for the effort that goes into making it. You could ask a roleplayer beforehand how their character would react to something, or do it and find out. Either way works fine, so long as each party is respected.
2. Interaction isn't mandatory, so you wouldn't be expected to reach out to, or grab at every passing character for the fact that they're there and you're able to. It doesn't have to be reciprocated, either. You do have cases where characters are in the same room, interacting with the same people, and yet there is no acknowledgement of the other from either one. Likewise with one-way conversations. Sometimes it's the characters' natural behaviour, sometimes it's the author's. It's a hard truth to learn and get used to. However, we can explore or propose possibilities, which is one thing the OOC is for.
3. To initiate a good interaction in a direct way, find something about that character that might appeal to yours, and formulate an approach that will earn the type of responses you want. I usually find the common ground, like if both characters have a shared ancestry or profession, had witnessed an event, or happen to be doing something that evokes interest or pertains to what my character's doing. If it's a character with which you've already established a relationship, good or bad, the options are endless, and you'll need fewer explanations for your actions because your history together would/should explain it. Indirectly, your character can attract attention to themselves through their behaviour, a gesture, or something as simple as the manner of their entrance.
4. In my experience, you can carry out the most elaborately inclusive scene without having chewed over the details for weeks beforehand. "Extensive planning" applies to the story behind each interaction, if there is one. You wouldn't normally encounter a need for that in Roleplays run A to B, where whatever options given are explained, or along a linear plotline. The times I've had to really think beyond the next two steps, outside of being a GM, were when I needed to use other people character's to power through an event. Usually this happened in free-roam Rp's, and usually I'd be the person to make it up. Letting things develop naturally is something I actually prefer. I'd only caution against acting on a whim, or being spontaneous when it runs the risk of breaking code (bunny, godmod, overpower, etc.).
As for what it takes:
- A respect for preference
Whichever method you choose, whether it's the traditional response-per-play, or collaboration, it should always align with your preferences. Typically, roleplayers consider the IC situation and choose an interaction method that will best convey what they want to happen. What the 'event' is (dialogue, movement, battle, etc.) also comes into effect, for example: PvP scenes written as collaborations have better fluency than actions stretched out post-by-post. However, I believe the ends can be achieved through whatever means in this case, and that roleplay conventions can be viewed as guidelines.
For instance, I have entered many collaborations only to post a novella's worth of independent paragraphs that could have been submitted separately, rather than a week later and all sardined together. As unpleasant as that may sound, I had a lot of fun with it, and that's the key thing. As writers, we need to take care of our muse, especially in a world that is near dependent on multi-tasking, and having everything done Immediately and not a second later.
- Finding or achieving good chemistry
This isn't how super seriously involved and 'made for each other' people are. To me, it is how well people can work or write together. In this case, work and write.
It's awesome when a player takes what my character has said or done, and interprets it through their character's PoV, so I try to give as much of that back as I can. It can be an outward reaction (hiding, laughing, gasping, facepalming, following suit, etc.), or ponderous introspect (inside commentary: endless options) that creates a tapestry of thoughts, marrying together all the dread, amusement and 'ohgodwhy' elicited by a character's deeds. In whatever form you choose, and however frequent or brief it is, acknowledgement can enhance an interaction. To make a good interaction, where there is an act or prompt and a relative response, players must be willing to cooperate. Talk about things if ever you're unsure. Remember that making a mistake is the best way to learn, and learning from them is the best way to recover. Receive criticism or advice with a graceful poker face and a willingness to see it their way.
The end.
(Amazingly on-topic! Therapy is working  )
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