RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/22/2011 15:57:28)

quote:

It's completely in Archaic


*Middle English.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/22/2011 16:02:49)

Eh, w/e. I prefer to call it Archaic English. But yeah, Middle English is the correct term.

...

Is it bad that Middle English makes me think of Middle Earth? XD




Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/25/2012 22:08:03)

The ending of Book One: The Rising Threat has been posted.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 1:18:50)

New bit was interesting. Mordred Tumultu becomes less and less likable by the day chapter, which I am perfectly fine with. Krag may very well be my favorite character, along with Mortimer, and (if his personality remains as it was) Good Mordred.

And now I know how Taran ties into everything, though I don't know. Mithrandil's end seemed kinda small-scale/anticlimactic*...

*Anticlimactic is a word but not Anticlimatic according to spell-check...what.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 4:54:48)

This was...like Glai kinda small-scale, but I did get the bigger picture that it's what only begins the second part. As well, I guess Taran makes more sense now. xD

So far, Galbardi is seemingly like the most interesting character in the world. He doesn't always betray Tumultu, but when he does, he takes a kid to safety. That was horrible. ;-;

Now though, I like the update, but the characters seem rather...well...lifeless, there's no emotions shown about, I would've expected some tears to be shed by some more of Iktopir's people would show their remorse at the loss of such a fine city. I say this, because my character, Fadril Llethran, sees the Ancient Elven Capital of Sarmetreis(Which is the greatest city of Vereriaz) in ruins and flames, he can't hold back his remorse while listening to the Gargoyle's sing their sorrow at the loss of the dominion. Not a necessary thing, it's just one of those things that helps develop the importance of it.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 18:18:34)

I suppose it's anticlimactic in that you only really saw the destruction of a major village(could have developed into a capitol if not for... shenanigans...), rather than the entire world. That will be shown eventually(it will be absolutely fantastic!).

@Razen: How does one take the time to weep for their destroyed village while they're being killed or captured?



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 18:20:40)

You could've added the weeps of the women or the children at the least.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 19:22:26)

I see. Well that's good to know. I nearly asked why this planet had humans, as that seemed pretty dull for an Alien World, but then I remembered Taran.

And I had some joke abiut Salvar's lack of characterization (being he just showed up) but I forgot it...



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:27:01)

Salvar is an enigma... for now. He will be the only one Enduras can really rely upon during the war.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:29:31)

I really wish I could remember that joke...

On the topic of Salvar, funny how Enduras hates Darkness THAT much.

I also noticed you mentioned Terran Elves and Orcs...but, for OUR (capitalized for random emphasis) Terra anyways, we have no such things.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:33:38)

Or so they think. Due to racism, they've had to go into hiding, where the laws of science say they can't be, yet the laws of magic allow them to be. ;)



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:36:21)

That's some Ancient Aliens stuff right there, in all seriousness. Can't say it is an aspect I particularly like....but there are many such things in the story, and I enjoy the story itself either way.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:42:38)

Well, Tumultu was secretly copying the races of Lore, helping the first organisms eventually evolve into the races he was familiar with. I would like to explore their societies; Galbradi will offer some insight on the eleven kingdom of Terra.

The first installment of Book Two will feature a world where a company has created a stasis device that lets people live in one central dream(known as the control dream). The people get a free utopia(with literally no limit to resources, the society is almost completely crime and strife-free), while those working in the company enjoy the spoils of living in a very underpopulated world. Robots take care of the needs of maintenance, so literally, it seems to be a place of paradise. But lately, there are those who have been calling out on the fact that the dream-land isn't reality; that they've been duped with technology allegedly given by the god of dreams...



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:46:02)

On the topic of dream planet, who exactly lives there? I mean, it would be very boring to have planet after planet of humans, and somewhat uncreative in my opinion.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:49:09)

They're actually a race of reptilian humanoids, much like the Drakel, only more... slithery. They have a great affinity for technology, powered by mana for the most part. They are not a very magical race, though, despite their sizable mana core. The major god of worship ever since the DreamState technology was invented some 700 years prior is the god of Sleep and Dreams, Ilgathar. The idea that the technology was from him is... not implausible. He grows in power while people are dreaming...



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:55:12)

That's cool, as is a Dream god actually...so obviously, the next bit is Tumultu trying to get them to rage against the Dream god.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:58:38)

Well, yeah. He is trying to instigate an upheaval of the current gods by the people who worship them. It will be most amusing, how he attempts to turn them against Ilgathar. What would happen if the control dream was... unpleasant, I wonder?



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 20:59:43)

Oh, I see now, hackin da system and such. I sure hope the Dream god intervenes for their sake.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:01:57)

Well, suppose he had duped them to gain power? He may not care for them anymore... Only further validating the claims of the Empire.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:04:49)

Duped or not, it's better than the immediate effects of Tumultu's world.
Well, if they rejected Tumultu anyways.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:20:28)

After the... Mithrandril fiasco, he decided it best not to be so forceful to press his will upon others. That will be revealed later, though. I'm REALLY looking forward to revealing what goes on in his head... which will also show Good Mordred's growing presence. All I can say is... Tumultu's messed up. Srsly.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:33:19)

I can't wait for Good Mordred, you have no idea how much I liked his character back in the suggestion (which I am now very glad I read).



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:45:33)

Heh. I intend to recreate a similar scene with the chains an' everything. The subconscious is normally a whacked up place. In Mordred's head... To give a slight taste of what's to come...

quote:

All around them was a grey ocean of water, stretching as far as they eye can see. All around, the scaly Malagath hovered inches above, as if standing on an invisible surface. Overhead, the sky was a dull purple, and devoid of all features. Taran gazed ahead at a disturbance in the strange water. Slowly, a lone island emerged, as if it were rising from some dark formation below. Upon this island was a large stone tablet, raised as if to serve as a grave. Upon it was a name of some sort, but it was completely blurred out. Standing remorsefully by the tablet was a blond-haired man with pointed ears, cradling a wailing baby within his arms. While they stood there, a rumble shook the calm waters. Ripples began to form as other dark forms rose from their depths... Overhead, clouds appeared, darkening the gloomy scene. Taran began to see the beginnings of grand spires before he noticed the water lapping at his feet...



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:50:50)

Malagath? Wonder what that is.

And late, but it sucks that Krag had to die, he was getting to be an interesting character.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (1/26/2012 21:53:15)

While Krag is dead... Remember who he thought he was. He believed he was an Avatar of Chaos himself... Which may or may not be true.



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