RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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Varen6398 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:06:41)

Now that you say that, I realise what you mean. Now that you said that, I am re-running the part where Eragon is helping forge his blade in my head.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:09:25)

Oh no, the crafting of these blades was most certainly NOT like that, at least.

In Brisingr, Eragon let the elf take control of his body. In this, the DragonLords would've been placing enchantments upon the blades while the blacksmith smithed them.

Probably something that reminds people of Inheritance in my story is the fact that certain characters can enter the minds of others.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:12:38)

quote:

I'd actually like to know what reminds you of that series, and whether that's a good or a bad thing.

Pointed this out to you years ago, but Eludinari and Eragon's Eldunari. I believe you admitted that's where you got the name from.
Also, that scene where Mordred does the stupid Eragon mind-killing thing on that dragon. The main thing I dislike about Inheritance (minus Book 4, don't have it) is that he always goes into those "mind battles" that are dull to read and lame overall.

"I broke through their mind shield and said a word of death"

. . .
Not very fun to picture or read right? However in your defense, luckily you only ever used it once, on a Dragon and you didn't draw it out.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:27:48)

^Yeah, that (Eldunari-Eludinari).

And Book 4 I finished in two days. It seems that he really can't write a story without Deus Ex Machina... I mean, really, that Dragon-killing spear came out of literally nowhere. His style has gotten better over the years, I must admit.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:28:15)

I was never a fan of that, either. I really won't use it at all, since I only used it at all to show Mordred's avoiding the problem of an angry dragon.

^I do liek how he beat Gsalbatorix, though. Mayhap that's just me, though. *cough* Careful of spoilers, some of my readers haven't read the last book yet. Also, could you point to me just where those errors are? I'm having trouble finding them in this... mess.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:34:51)

Ctrl-F it. It's all in the first few posts.

And how he beat Galby was a bit cliche... the idea has definitely been done. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TalkingTheMonsterToDeath



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:36:19)

quote:

I mean, really, that Dragon-killing spear came out of literally nowhere.

Curse you >:U
Eh, Paolini's good at the backstory, but when it gets to the actual conflict he fails to keep up the tension.

Oddly enough, it bothers me more that more that that attack even exists, since it just gives off a really lame vibe of "I COULD kill anyone instantly, but I'll hold back instead."



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 18:19:54)

quote:

Careful of spoilers, some of my readers haven't read the last book yet.


Harhar, I could never find myself past Eldest...and I always only get to the middle and then stop and get bored. ;-;

Now, I need to read this new update. You people these days, and your bloody updates.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 19:16:56)

quote:

Oddly enough, it bothers me more that more that that attack even exists, since it just gives off a really lame vibe of "I COULD kill anyone instantly, but I'll hold back instead."

This is the problem with having gods be the antagonists at all. They literally could snap their fingers and decimate a planet. What one must achieve is providing a valid reason for not doing so. And I hope I've been successful in making Mordred's reason that he wants free-will to freely be destroyed, rather than "BOOOM! Killed you all, now I'll build my own universe!"



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 19:33:22)

You bring up an interesting point for future reference. Perhaps it more depends in HOW they'd go about decimating a planet. A godlike enemy who for no explicable reason can control everything to the point he really can snap his fingers and explode planets is a useless villain, because there is no reason he should lose, at all.

Luckily, though powerful Mordred appears more like the type who would physically destroy a planet if needed (which is what I prefer, more fun to picture :P), but the implications of the mind-kill give him an edge towards the above enemy type, in other words a "Why bother?" godlike enemy. I hope sincerely he does NOT become one, as I can't see any reason he would lose at that point.

As for the free-will thing, I'm not going to say you haven't made it seem valid, but I think we simply haven't been given enough insight to his plans yet. Give it more chapters, and I'd have a valid conclusion, a sort of "OOOOH, that's why he can't just nuke em." As-is, I only know enough that it'd seem much more logical to simply wipe out your enemies. It's less fun, but as the eventual goal is no-will anyways, the result is the same. So NOW, I'd say it makes no sense not to use his Elements to blow everything up, but it's too soon to know why he doesn't, it's not like we're at that point and it STILL makes no sense.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/11/2011 1:16:27)

I felt a bit of Eragon in the "Mind-____" scene...actually a lot, but it was a different flow...less of the void with two telepathic beings just duking it out...

And, I'm really curious now...a Shadowscythe Lord has "Betrayed" Tumultu...and Enduras has a connection to the Void and the Elemental Lords? ANCIENT ALIENS.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/11/2011 7:24:02)

In other words, Mordred is a far less sympathetic The'Galin.

(My, my, this thread has had ~5300 hits...)

Okay, after reading it... I have to say that this story sounds VERY familiar on many levels. >>



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/14/2011 23:49:01)

quote:

(My, my, this thread has had ~5300 hits...)

o.0

quote:

Okay, after reading it... I have to say that this story sounds VERY familiar on many levels. >>

Familiar with what exactly? If you mean the Inheritance cycle... To be honest, I only found out how similar Mordred's goals are to Galby's after reading Inheritance, cuz, y'know, we didn't really know what Galby was doing until the fourth book(only just released). I've been writing this since before Eragon was cool(though I am proud to say that I read it before it was cool). 'Course, there might be other similarities as well with other things(originality is dead :P). Do you mind enlightening me on what those would be?

Thank you very much for the PM, Orodalf. I'm no poet, and what you PMd me is much better than what I have. I'll edit it in when I can, and be sure to give credit where credit is due. Thanks! ^^



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/15/2011 1:26:08)

Eh? No response to my comment? That's the only intelligent thing I've typed in a while D:
Wait, I'm asking for responses...that's a bit unlike me...*AHEM* Yes to me, Mordred indeed seems more forgiving than The'Galin....speaking of which, why don't they just uncreate Mordred? Corrupt DL Lore>Mordred is the universe.



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/15/2011 6:20:06)

Familiar compared to the source material (i.e., DF and AQ).



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/15/2011 6:39:45)

@glaisaurus: Okay, okay. Hold your horses(lest they should fly away in the air).

Well, yeah, most of the info of Mordred's plans are out of the story so far, so I'm hoping to make his motivations and plots much more apparent as the story progresses. REALLY looking forward to the dream-world! }-]

They won't Uncreate Mordred because, while he is a threat to them, he also has not challenged them yet. Unless he essentially gives them permission, they cannot attack him, because doing so violates his free-will. Not only that, but he could very well resist any attempts at Uncreating him.

@Orodalf: Well, I guess that's a good thing in this case. :P I just can't wait for the story to really get started! Poor Taran...



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/15/2011 16:04:45)

Hm, Flying Horses....

Anyhow, that makes sense though...but there's still the matter of Falerin. He is (apparently) stronger than The Devourer, and Mordred is definitely not at The Devourer's level (that I can tell anyways) so why does Falerin not just crush the opposition? He knows fully well the threat Mordred brings, and has been stated to easily be able to destroy planets, Mordred's army would be far easier. So...?

And resisting Uncreation? Well, actually I guess that makes sense.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/17/2011 14:01:21)

Even if Falerin could take on Tumultu, there are complicated politics behind the pantheons. Trying to take out Mordred could start a god-war, because there would certainly be those who don't feel that Mordred is a threat, and that Falerin is infringing upon the free-will of a "lesser being." That's why Falerin can't directly oppose Mordred. And to take out his followers would definitely violate many rules, and would definitely have dire implications. They may follow what would be considered an usurper, but they are beings with free-will. They're allowed to freely chose to follow a strong leader. Killing them for that would not go well with multiple gods.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/17/2011 20:34:12)

Ah thanks for clearing that up. I was thinking of Dhows instead of Mordred and assumed there'd be no god-war. Them defending him though, makes them seem rather naive.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/18/2011 9:51:19)

They aren't/wouldn't be defending him, but rather all free-will. If a god can violate the free-will of a lesser being by destroying them for certain actions/philosophies, what stops them from doing that to any other lesser being? Nothing. Hence why many gods would not allow such an action go unpunished.



Varen6398 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/20/2011 7:40:03)

quote:

Emboldened by the pain, Krag pushed Mordred off of him, sending him crashing into a building. Standing upright on wobbly legs, he looked at his mutilated wings with despair. He then turned his burning gaze on the perpetrator. "Now it's personal." he seethed with blazing fury. He crashed all four of his fists into the hard stone ground, shaking Mordred on his already unsteady footing. But his hands sank deeper than that, and the impact had carved out a rough boulder. Krag'Triskeroth piked this up from the ground and raised it above his head, making it look like he was going to crush Mordred with it. Instead, he smashed it against the earth, rending it in two. As the two pieces fell away, a new form of stone was visible in the demon's hands. Now, he held a weighty, seven foot long blade of stone. It was a broadsword, with dangerously wicked ridges pointing out at the tip, obviously for rending flesh. He send a surge of heat through the stone, lighting up ridges in the stone with a fiery glow.


Sent

quote:

Without a word, Arthur gingerly picked up the girl's broken body and ferried her to the crowd of townspeople who had gathered in the fields. As he did so, he used his dragon magic to mend he broken bones.


The



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/20/2011 16:21:00)

Typos? What typos?! >.>;



Varen6398 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/21/2011 5:02:44)

The story is great (so far. Only read up to the end of post 20)! The way you write is great, and your digressing is fairly awesome. I like how you set up the character of Mordred, and the way you have developed him from a hero to a villain is great. Your character development is perfect, the descriptions are terrific and generally it is great! I have only one question. How do you know Middle English so well?



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/21/2011 12:30:23)

How does Mordy know Archaic so well...? Simple, he learned it, and he used it. Like any skill. :P

I still think that my Elkrei has a more...unique character "twist" than Mordred. But, both are good...not exactly common to see them everywhere.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/22/2011 15:52:23)

@Varen: I picked it up from reading King Arthur and His Knights, which is a translation of Le Morte d'Arthur into English. It's completely in Archaic, so I had to learn it pretty quick to understand. Anon, I decided it'd be great to use for Mordred; helps set him out against characters who have adopted new speech mannerisms.

@Razen: I'm absolutely loving coming up with the sheer insanity within Mordred I'll be revealing. }-]



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