RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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Shadow Ravena -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/30/2011 20:11:35)

Hmm, interesting. And Enduras... what is he exactly? My guess if Mordred's other half of his soul- in any rate, he certainly is related to Mordred if he reconized his dragon AND sword. Whatever. We shall see eventually!

Only complaint is the way Warlic acted. It was a bit childish (though Faderin just seemed grumpy, I'm not sure if thats normal) for such an old mage.

Otherwise, keep up the good work!



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/30/2011 20:26:35)

Hey Mordred, you no using any of the ideas I gave you right, and I remember that I once asked you, what would Mordred think of Mortarion, but you never answered :(

On another note, will you add chapter marks?



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 2:30:33)

Yo Mortarion...o.
If you're referring to the Chaos theme, Mordred responded to that pages ago, you never had checked back :/ 40K themed chaos gods don't fit as in this story there is only one Chaos god:Chaos, who's a survivor of a previous universe.

And he did sort of hint he'd be adding chapters.

On another note, how long's it take on average to write a chapter Mordred? For future reference...



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 4:30:59)

No Glai, you stupid, I meant what would Mordred tink of Mortarion, from A Path to Madness, now slap yourself



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:12:32)

@^:Your words.
quote:

you no using any of the ideas

What he'd think of Mortarion isn't an idea, the only ideas you gave were relating to Chaos :/


EDIT:My mistake, I missed the Plague bit, I have edited my future posts accordingly.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:28:40)

No, you slap yourself, I suggested a plague planet a few pages back, and apparently he is not using them, so Glai, slap yourself with the force of a thousand Mordreds.

Mordred: will you put chapter marks, or no?



Helixi -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:29:04)

quote:

@Helixi: That'd be wunderbar. I have a critique thread on the second page of the critiques. Also, you'll find that the early portions are significantly... worse. Especially Falerin.


I'll add it to my list. :3

Edit @Mort and glai: Why so rude to each other? ¬_¬



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:32:24)

Helixi: Me isn't being rude, when I am rude I go all disease-y and murderous and cannibal, me is being nice



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:35:46)

@Helixi: Why not? XP

Anyways, still totally calling it that Enduras is a fragment, alternate, or clone of Mr. Tumultu.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:38:50)



I definitely think Enduras is either a clone, or an alternate version.




lordkaho -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:45:13)

This all riveting and such, but let's not please turn this thread into another heated argument between the two of you. The author, being Mordred, is entitled to his own decisions whether to use or not use suggested concepts since it is his own story.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:50:07)

Glai: You no answer me, why you must always say something against me in everything [:@][:@][:@] argh, I am still angry, but I'll stop



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:51:53)

I think we should take this to PM Mort, it'd be better for everyone.
And not answer? I thought I did! o_O

@Below:Agreed, and we have.



Helixi -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 18:57:35)

Why don't you two take this to PM? It would save the thread devolving into another argument.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/1/2011 20:12:48)

quote:

he certainly is related to Mordred if he reconized his dragon AND sword.

Well, Arthur thought he recognized Enduras, who was totally oblivious. Heck, Mordred himself didn't recognize Arthur immediately. :P As for the sword... The thirteen Master Blades have some history behind them.

Each Master Blade was crafted by a master elven smith and imbued with powerful magics continually through a process that literally took years. The smiths their selves have no idea what kind of magics the blades possess, and each has different qualities that reflect both the smith who crafted it and its wielder, for whom it was commissioned for. Mordred commissioned his blade to an old elven blacksmith who had once been an elven warrior from before The'Galin had ravaged Lore. This smith was Milakiel, the Wondrous. He saw a similar kind of man(well, elf) in Mordred and taught him the way of the sword. Blacksmiths are deeply connected with their weapons in elf society; they come to know them like a brother, and are said to be unmatched in the use of their own weapon than any other. Yet Ivanur, and the other Master Blades, were... different. Their wielders were allowed to take part in the crafting of their weapons, and are said to have even infused a bit of their selves within them. The smiths found they could not equal their clients in the use of these weapons. As such, the blades had an inert bond with their masters until they either passed or changed too drastically to use the weapon. After that, the blades will be nigh-impossible to be used by anybody who does not meet the weapon's expectations. For some reason, Ivanur chose Enduras to wield it in battle against its previous owner, a most interesting situation.

@Mort: Tumultu sees almost all others as lesser beings who are misguided and need his guidance to begin walking the right path. He sees Mortarion as a deeply effected being who is in dire need of salvation and cure, through purification of body and through emotional balance. Unfortunately, he also thinks Mortarion's far too steeped in his own troubles and strife to be saved; to remove them from him would be taking away a vital part of who he is. Also, I do intend to use the suggested planets. I never said I wouldn't. And yes, I will add chapter marks and such.




Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/7/2011 23:15:57)

And a new update! Only one more left until the end of Book One: The Rising!



Varen6398 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/8/2011 11:49:58)

I will read this when I can! From what I have seen it is good!

quote:

Each Master Blade was crafted by a master elven smith and imbued with powerful magics continually through a process that literally took years. The smiths their selves have no idea what kind of magics the blades possess, and each has different qualities that reflect both the smith who crafted it and its wielder, for whom it was commissioned for. Mordred commissioned his blade to an old elven blacksmith who had once been an elven warrior from before The'Galin had ravaged Lore. This smith was Milakiel, the Wondrous. He saw a similar kind of man(well, elf) in Mordred and taught him the way of the sword. Blacksmiths are deeply connected with their weapons in elf society; they come to know them like a brother, and are said to be unmatched in the use of their own weapon than any other. Yet Ivanur, and the other Master Blades, were... different. Their wielders were allowed to take part in the crafting of their weapons, and are said to have even infused a bit of their selves within them.


For some reason, after reading that it reminded me of the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy...



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/8/2011 22:51:19)

Hm, didn't like it as much as the last one, but it wasn't bad. Though, I realize I like Mordred less and less with each chapter, he's becoming almost Marty Stu-ish to me....luckily, he's not there.

The only thing I dislike so far isn't even in the story yet, the idea behind the Eludinari. Never been a fan of there just being a "superior race" as it seems they are. Not to mention changing ShadowScythe Empire to Eludinari Empire just seems....weird, though I cannot yet determine the word to describe the situation....



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/9/2011 20:49:18)

quote:

Never been a fan of there just being a "superior race" as it seems they are.

Well, they were the first race to give rise in the universe, and are essentially a race of gods. However, they were so "enlightened" that they wished to leave the physical state of existence and moved to a less physical state in order to try to learn the secrets of the universe. Not only that, but in order to reproduce, they had to die, to pass on their own lifeforce to their child. Which is what happened to Mordred. Mortimer fell in love with one of the more humble Eludinari. When she fell deathly ill due to the pregnancy and the implications this had for herself, he had to seek out someone able to save her, lest the child should die with her. He eventually came upon the only other Eludinari left in the universe, who never strayed far from his sister. He agreed to save her, without telling Mortimer beforehand that one person would die. When it came time to give birth, the Eludinari gave Mortimer a choice; would he rather his wife live, and child die, or would his wife give up her own life for her child? Mortimer, deep down, wished to chose the former. But one look at his wife's pain-wracked face, he knew what decision he had to make. So, he chose for his child to live. His wife gave up her lifeforce, and passed on. After seeing to Mordred's birth, the other Eludinari also passed, wishing to join his sister in the void(not the Void). This is an odd predicament for the child left behind. He has the powers and life-force of an Eludinari, but they are locked away because he's technically half-elf. Only if he manages to reconnect with what makes an Eludinari an Eludinari(the Elemental Planes) will he become a realized Eludinari. Which he did, unknowingly.

quote:

Not to mention changing ShadowScythe Empire to Eludinari Empire just seems....weird, though I cannot yet determine the word to describe the situation....

Well, there are two main reasons for this. For one, I think the entirety of the ShadowScythe has been a ruse; the heavy reliance on "the unstoppahble powah of DARKNESS" and undeath was merely to throw off his enemies. If they were used to this incarnation of his minions, they'd be woefully unprepared to deal with legions of beings they did not predict to be enemies. Not only that, but you should consider it from a PR perspective. Would you be so keen to imagine anything called a ShadowScythe Empire being a good empire? Probably not. Many beings would read into the connotations of ShadowScythe and refuse to oin based on those connotations.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 14:58:08)

Well it least it's explained that age=experience. I misworded it rather, I dislike god-races, but as it is at least explained I shall cease complaints.]

And on the second thing, totally see your point there.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 15:09:18)

The Eludinari remind me of the Ancients of Stargate



ArchMagus Orodalf -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 16:14:56)

I've started to re-read. A few corrections:

quote:

Terrans whose hearts had been chorrupted by the Emperor of the Shadowscythe Empire were learning the ways of necromancy from the Necrominicon itself.


*corrupted/Necronomicon

quote:

All of thou shalt play thy parts


*All of thee

quote:

Thou hath two choices


*Thou hast

quote:

who you will become well-acquainted with.


*whom

quote:

the Ga'lin


Methinks you know what this is supposed to be.

quote:

For some reason, after reading that it reminded me of the Lord Of The Rings Trilogy...


Er... it reminded me more of Inheritance... and there's a LOT in here that reminds me of Inheritance.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 16:48:38)

quote:

Er... it reminded me more of Inheritance... and there's a LOT in here that reminds me of Inheritance.

I'd actually like to know what reminds you of that series, and whether that's a good or a bad thing. I myself am a fan of the series(totally devoured the fourth book in less than a day), so it'd be good to know what I'm subconsciously using as a crutch for myself.

>.> Those were never there, I say!



Varen6398 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 16:54:21)

quote:

Er... it reminded me more of Inheritance... and there's a LOT in here that reminds me of Inheritance.


Oh sorry, not the story, but this quote reminded me of Lord of the Rings:

quote:

Each Master Blade was crafted by a master elven smith and imbued with powerful magics continually through a process that literally took years. The smiths their selves have no idea what kind of magics the blades possess, and each has different qualities that reflect both the smith who crafted it and its wielder, for whom it was commissioned for. Mordred commissioned his blade to an old elven blacksmith who had once been an elven warrior from before The'Galin had ravaged Lore. This smith was Milakiel, the Wondrous. He saw a similar kind of man(well, elf) in Mordred and taught him the way of the sword. Blacksmiths are deeply connected with their weapons in elf society; they come to know them like a brother, and are said to be unmatched in the use of their own weapon than any other. Yet Ivanur, and the other Master Blades, were... different. Their wielders were allowed to take part in the crafting of their weapons, and are said to have even infused a bit of their selves within them.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (12/10/2011 17:03:52)

I think even that reminds him of Inheritance, due to the uniqueness of the Rider swords crafted by one elven blacksmith. :P



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