RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:43:31)

@Mordred: like how the smallest of pebbles is capable of starting an avalanche? ...I'll let Glai answer this one, for I'm busy farming candy at the moment.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:45:01)

quote:

like how the smallest of pebbles is capable of starting an avalanche?

More like a single strand can tie a whole bunch of points together.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:45:47)

quote:

Enduras must travel to other worlds

This sounds cool.

@Mordred:I...have no idea, I just can't shake the feeling that I DO know it, I think it's something involving the flashback sequences which were by the way, in my opinion the best parts of the story so far.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:52:00)

quote:

I think it's something involving the flashback sequences which were by the way, in my opinion the best parts of the story so far.

I agree. It provides the reader with a way to understand why Tumultu thinks the way he does. To have toiled for the service of others, and to see it be twisted into something you hate... It's a terrible thing to see your life's work go down the drain. I aim to top this section though in the future. Hopefully, it'll be the conclusion. I have everything except Chapter 2 planned out.

quote:

This sounds cool.

Have you ever read D. J. MacHale's Pendragon series? It'll be a little similar to that in principle. The two factions will be trying to gain followers among the population. Things will work out most interestingly, since Enduras will find himself to put "the greater good" ahead of individuals, something he'll come to regret.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 22:00:35)

I haven't, despite my love of reading, I haven't read a whole lot of books.
Partially, I think the past arc just had a very cool environment, I was always a bit shaky on the Terra setting, just feeling it slightly unfitting, but the way the past arc was was well...perfect.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 22:07:26)

quote:

I haven't, despite my love of reading, I haven't read a whole lot of books.


This is me, in fact, I'm VERY picky in my choices of reading.

And, I'll scour through for the smallest of details, it's like a "Where's Waldo" TOLKIEN STYLE. xD



Zarkalor -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/4/2011 11:37:16)

You know, for a massive fan-fic, not that much has happened...which is why this should go on for much longer. It just shows what a lot of detail can do to boost the size of a fanfic. Oh, how I envy those who can use an impressive amount of detail and English vocabulary in their fanfics. Oh, how I envy.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/4/2011 21:43:20)

At this rate, the secret hint will remain secret forever. :P

@Zark: Details are key to creating a world with words. I'm not making a movie, or a video game, or anything you can watch, so I need to make up for that with the reader's own imagination.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/12/2011 20:43:23)

While I'm working on the second to last part of the first Chapter, I'll be frank with you guys. I have no clue what's gonna happen in Chapter Two whatsoever. Chapter's One, Three, and Four have been planned out for years now. So, this will be your guys' chance to make suggestions of what sort of events will occur on different worlds. I have a few themes for worlds roughly planned, but really, it's all fair game(*expects glaisaurus to demand a robot planet*). So, I'll tell you some planet themes I already have, and the general theme of Tumultu's goals.

Major Motive of the Empire: Order through Chaos. Tumultu has long believed that in order to bring about his utopia of Order, he must sow Chaos to draw out the god Chaos. So, expect him to cause trouble(indirectly) that will create anarchy and lure people to his own cause for salvation.

World Themes:
World of Dreams.
A Dragon planet(with humans living alongside as a minority, but in harmony with the dragons who outnumber them).
Gaming planet(everything revolves around gambling and betting on wildly dangerous games. Major political decisions are made through boxing fights[TO THE DEATH!], for example).
Planet of undead(born this way, unrelated to WarpForce).

I might get more ideas as they loom closer. Anyways, I just want to know what you guys would like to see. Eventually, this will all lead back to where it all started; Lore.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/12/2011 21:07:33)

UIh uh uh me *Raises hand * choose me *notices no one listens hi* well I'll say uit anyways, Plague Planet



The Final Hollow -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/12/2011 21:10:40)

I have an idea. How about a world based on the Ice Age?



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/12/2011 21:22:42)

@Mort: Hmmmmm... Perfectly doable. I wonder what would happen... if some chosen few were cured of their afflictions? }-]

@The Final Hollow: With talking animals? :P I was definitely considering and icy planet. I have a few ideas in mind for such an idea now... Thank you!



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/12/2011 21:42:13)

Mordred: The infected denisens would probably attac them, resulting in some really mutilated corpses, becasue if the people who live in that planet have inteligence I am sure they'll try many things to make them infected, perphas me coulod be hte leader ;)



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 1:17:36)

quote:

*expects glaisaurus to demand a robot planet*

Haha, actually, I was going to suggest a planet of large reptiles akin to Dinosaurs, it has to do with my own personal universe, it gave me a preference for Dinosaurs.

But that does give me an interesting idea.

A planet of robots who ride dinosaurs. Is that even possible? Yes it is ~_^

Alien Dinosaurs of course, but it would still be awesome. Silly as it may sound.

As for story aspects. It could go a couple ways in my mind. 1:The brute strength could present a position forcing Mordred to use cunning rather than just his powers. 2:Being Robots, they could see some sort of logic and ally wit Mordred's cause. 3:The Dinosaurs could be sentient (which was what I planned) which would have a weird symbiotic dynamic with the Robots which could compliment either of the first two options.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 7:37:52)

@Glai: That has got to be...the GREATEST IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD. xD

Hmm...what about an Aquatic planet of immense size with...obviously immense sea serpents along with all kinds of other things.(There's near endless opportunity with Aquatic planets!)

There's always the jungle filled Reptilian planet, make sure that if it does have dinosaurs that there are lots of Velociraptors, along with the deadliest of deadly plants.

How about a barren planet? In basics, a huge desert planet which out of what ISN'T desert is rock and mountains. Worst world ever pretty much, except maybe the plague world. :P The inhabitants could be compromised of Dwarves and other such underground stuff. :P

And the icy planet should have immense mountains just for the sake of fun. And polar bears.(Not really)

As well, perhaps a planet of birds? I'm pretty sure Wheatley approves. xD



god of insatily -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 11:39:46)

a fire plant where everthing is made out of fire
@razen for the Aquatic plant I sugesst meagalodon,dunkloesteus and liopleurodon



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 14:42:07)

But those are normal Earth creatures, I could see inspiration of those, but wouldn't they be alien and not the same thing, being of different worlds.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 15:30:14)

Another idea Mordred, you could have a zerg-like planet, were all the planet denisens are infected



Zarkalor -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 15:31:50)

A jungle planet full of rhino-men and hippo-women.

quote:

a fire plant where everthing is made out of fire

Here ya go.

As for fire planet, don't we have...the sun?

Or do you mean something like Mustafar?



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 16:00:56)

quote:

The brute strength could present a position forcing Mordred to use cunning rather than just his powers.

Oh, he never really intended to crush anything with his powers. He's going to stir some chaos into the natural order of these worlds, and come in as a savior. Brute force will be a last ditch attempt that will actually signal his failure to create chaos and attract followers.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/13/2011 16:16:11)

Hey Mordred, I wonder, what would Mordred Tumultu think of Mortarion, formerly Cruor, who, even thought he suffered tortures that would have made any man mad managed to keep his will and mind, what would Mordred do if he faced him, kill him, try to turn him into a servant?, thanks for taking your time to answer this questions, and, do oyu like hte character?



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/14/2011 17:50:28)

quote:

Oh, he never really intended to crush anything with his powers. He's going to stir some chaos into the natural order of these worlds, and come in as a savior. Brute force will be a last ditch attempt that will actually signal his failure to create chaos and attract followers.

I meant as far as his IRAGOD powers, he couldn't just *SHOOMDEAD* them with em. Well I guess he could, as you're the writer, I just think it'd be more interesting if he couldn't, or didn't.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 21:40:06)

Updates are great, aren't they? Here's an update fo' you!



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 22:33:48)

Heh, I love how that guard is singlehandedly responsible for the complete Ruination of Mordred's plans, somewhat anyways.
quote:

Enduras was pacing along the inside of the Stonehenge circle, awaiting Falerin to appear.

Problem:Grey-Gunner never noted it would be Falerin, so why would Enduras expect him?

Also, Warlic was acting very strange, oddly childish.
quote:

with a streak of shame and regret for some past event.

HA! Nice.
quote:

The other was a small wiry creature, with leathery yellow skin, a narrow, snouted face and wearing some old tattered robes.

This is oddly (almost eerily) similar to a prototype design for the Hooded Demon of our Solar-verse. How odd...
Course, that was before Demons are what they are now, so they're far different.
quote:

Further, none were purple, as some are apt to hope.

Drat, I know Mritha's known for her Purple-fanaticism, but it's also always been my favorite color (and my signature in AQW) so...DRAT.
quote:

The demon slowly got up as he was barraged by his nemesis, his eyes gleaming with fury. He strode up to meet Mordred, never losing eye contact as he did, even when he towered overhead. “Very well, elf!” the great demon bellowed for all to hear. “Here, blood shalt be spilt in glorious battle!”

And again, DRAT. I was really hoping he would just let Mordred kill him and deny revenge. Why? Because we already know this is just gonna be Mordred curbstomping him to death. Even if it's a fair fight, Krag's just gonna die and Mordred will be satisfied :/

Still, decent chapter, the parts with Limbo interest me, I can't wait for Book 2 with the Planets and aliens and such.

Also, you're...a very good writer, which I realize I have never stated before. I could see AE hiring you at some point for your writing skills, or you making a career of it.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 22:51:45)

quote:

Heh, I love how that guard is singlehandedly responsible for the complete Ruination of Mordred's plans, somewhat anyways.

Or did he?
quote:

Problem:Grey-Gunner never noted it would be Falerin, so why would Enduras expect him?

You can call the Grey-Gunner by his name, y'know. :P One of Falerin's lines refers to how Enduras summoned him; it happens off-screen/paper.
quote:

Also, Warlic was acting very strange, oddly childish.

Drat. Guess I'll have to work on how I portray him, then. Do you think I got Falerin down this time? And the tinge of shame and regret refers to his part in Xan's... Xanification?
quote:

And again, DRAT. I was really hoping he would just let Mordred kill him and deny revenge. Why? Because we already know this is just gonna be Mordred curbstomping him to death. Even if it's a fair fight, Krag's just gonna die and Mordred will be satisfied :/

Oh now, he won't be satisfied. I will make it quite apparent that Krag isn't into the fight at all and that he's essentially resigned to his demise. He's only putting up any kind of fight because, well, he doesn't like being mocked, nor will he let himself be kicked like a dog(metaphorically). As to whether Mordred will be satisfied... Has vengeance ever satisfied anyone? Plus, he wants more than vengeance on Krag. He wants vengeance upon all of free-will, for he sees free-will as being the reason why things are bad.
quote:

Also, you're...a very good writer, which I realize I have never stated before. I could see AE hiring you at some point for your writing skills, or you making a career of it.

Yeah, I've actually been wanting to make a living from it for a while now. Planning on majoring in English. ^^



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