RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (9/30/2011 21:29:39)

Demons are an odd bunch. They aren't a specific race, like elves or humans or orcs. They all share similar traits, but also have differing ones. You have corrupted demons and elemental demons. Elemental demons are elemental spirits(also an ambiguous term) that do not serve their Lord. Corrupted demons are beings that have been consumed by an emotion and become a demon because of that.

The demons in Limbo as I portray them were once a band of magi who sought to better understand the Void. They foolishly ventured forth, and became trapped. Over time, they were consumed by their emotions, and became demons. Part of this, though, also granted a means of escape. They developed heartstones, which would allow them to leave Limbo. However, if it were destroyed, they are dragged back. While in Limbo, the demons learned of the god, Chaos, and came to worship him. Their king, Krag'Triskeroth, thought himself to be an avatar or communicant for Chaos. With thoughts of his old home, Lore, on his mind, he sought to return there and wage a war to reclaim Lore in the name of Chaos. So, he began sending forth his scouts, who were discovered and sent back or slain by members of the DragonLord Order. With their hearstones broken, Triskeroth slew them, as he had no further use of them. He eventually went forth himself, confident that he could crush all who opposed him. Thus, he crossed paths with Mordred and Arthur, and was sent back. He ended up bringing Arthur back with him, though.



aizenv3 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (9/30/2011 22:33:46)

Sounds like Dante's Inferno ( the game version ). He had to get Beatrice back from the 9th circle. I read the poem, which is better IMO



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/1/2011 12:38:59)

I've neither played the game nor read the poem. So, pure coincidence. :P



aizenv3 -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/1/2011 12:42:53)

Read the poem *although its more of a book*



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/1/2011 19:59:45)

Sizable update just now! Over 15 pages in Word have been added! Wahoo!



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/1/2011 22:12:31)

I have finally caught up, you already know I've helped you out with a lot of typos that no one else seems to have found. /ShiftyEyes And, I will say, not only art thou character infinitely times more powerful, but so art thou writing skill.

Enough so, that it inspires me to continue the Book of Razen...



Zarkalor -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 10:05:01)

...My slow-reading has taken me to the point where Mordred suggests that the elders remove the powers of the lesser dragonlords. And when I read what Mortimer said ("My son, such actions art unethical and immoral. Such a plan put forth to the Council hath been unanimously denied.") The only thing I could keep in my mind was imagining Mortimer saying "Son, I am disappoint." it made the scene a lot more funnier for me. Anyway, reading ooooon...


Edit: Progressed a bit by now, and I really must ask for a picture for what the Citadel looks like. If you could get one of the artists from Creative Boards to draw it for you, it'd help us readers a lot in understanding the complexity of the building. Maybe I'm the only one having a hard time imagining the scale of the fortress, but really, it's such an impressive design in words, it'd be just awesome in art form. You know what they say, after all. One picture equals a thousand words.



Shadow Ravena -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 17:12:25)

How in the world did you think up such a complex storyline? I keep on getting lost... nevertheless, it is very good.
So now the 'hero' of the tale knows his role in this... bet he still will try and defeat mordred. At this point, it seems only Mordred can defeat mordred, he is way too powerful.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 18:28:32)

quote:

The only thing I could keep in my mind was imagining Mortimer saying "Son, I am disappoint."

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
quote:

How in the world did you think up such a complex storyline?

It's an odd tale. At first, I just wanted to tell a generic story where the Master was a generic lich that Enduras would fail to beat on Terra and end up having to team up with his Lorian friends to exorcise him. Yeah, bad idea. But after I examined all of the nuances of DF more closely, I began to make connections and theories and applied them to this. And this is the result. It's come a long way, and is nowhere near over just yet.
quote:

At this point, it seems only Mordred can defeat mordred

That's far closer to the truth than I expected any of you to get at this point.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 20:22:24)

Another update! Smaller, this time.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 20:23:39)

Aghhhhhhhhh too much, too much, overload, Mordred Tumulario, yes I am calling you Tumulario, care to check my L&L?



Shadow Ravena -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 23:24:20)

@Mordred don't drop so many hints then.

Hmm, so Mordred's old dragon reconize's enduras, despite never seeing him, and think he's similiar to one of the old Dragonlord's... Hmm... and enduras changed a bit to a elf-ish character when the dragon showed up? Either I'm crazy, or that is a very obvious hint. To what, and if right if tumaltu know that, is a much better question...
And it seems good Mordred has finally made an appearance, why and how who knows, but mordred's avoidence of him is odder. What does he have to fear?



*Nova* -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/2/2011 23:34:40)

Even though you had him killed off, you used the name, 'Harry.' It's a good name, in my opinion. (;



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 0:12:12)

quote:

Either I'm crazy, or that is a very obvious hint.

Hm, I think my subconscious had a similar conclusion, if we're thinking the same thing. Course, I haven't even read this yet, but considering Enduras' lack of memory of origin, and Tumultu's need for him then adding the fact that Limbo screwed with Tumultu's time...

EDIT:I'm at the part where Tumultu kills Mortimer with an ice spike, all I can think of is GIGA...DURILLLL...BUREEEEAAAKKKKERRRRR!!!!

Saw that scene a week ago and it's still stuck in my head...



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 5:42:27)

I will neither confirm nor deny any speculations regarding Enduras. There are multiple possibilities.

quote:

And it seems good Mordred has finally made an appearance, why and how who knows, but mordred's avoidence of him is odder. What does he have to fear?

Well, you'd have to look at what good Mordred actually is, first. He's the visible(to Tumultu) manifestation of the traits Mordred lost when he imparted his consciousness into the Elemental Planes. They had to go somewhere, and they've recently begun to be much more noticeable. There are several possible explanations for this as well. they could have been scattered like mana, and infused with Creation. Or they have taken refuge within remnants of his past; Ivanur(his old sword), Mortimer, Arthur, etc. They could have been around him all the time, and are trying to reunite with him. Who's to say?



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 6:04:43)

Found some tyops as always...

quote:

a helmet-like carapace atop is head.


I don't really have to tell you what's correct there, do I? :P Its.

quote:

Its flesh was black and leathers


I'm sorry, but what? ...I'm pretty sure that should be leathery. xD

quote:

“How dots thou know of me?” the dragon called out.


Dost. Come on, I thought you were supposed to be giving me archaic lessons, man!

quote:

Thou canst not let the life or Mortimer or myself be lain aside in vain!


The first or should be of.

Anyways, I'm quite interested in how there are now two Tumultu...his past emotions trying to return is something I will commend you on most definitely. This is still one of the best stories I've read...you have a good idea of the proper amount of detail, action, and dialogue so as to prevent boring the reader, but not have one liners. xD



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 10:41:35)

quote:

I will neither confirm nor deny any speculations regarding Enduras. There are multiple possibilities.

Indeed, I realized this reading the part where Arthur meets Enduras.

So for now I will just say he's an Ancient Alien clone and wait till I'm wrong.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 16:44:29)

Glai, WHAT IS WITH YOU AND ANCIENT ALIENS? xD

Anyways...I may need to reread the earlier parts of this to remind myself of the earliest members...then compare and contrast to Enduras. Fortunately, we know Mortimer is out of the question...I'll be back! In 7.

And, we're back...we being me, myself, and I. Anyways...from the lack of names on the Elders of the Dragonlord Order...I will almost dare say Enduras is attached to some degree to Mordred's lost emotions...or more so. There seems to be no more hints than that.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:31:16)

Pay attention to the smallest of details. I left a VERY important clue that's seemingly unimportant at first.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:32:38)

MORDRED!!!!!, can you read my L&L, I need the review of an amazing writter as you ^_^



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:34:20)

I'm trying. I've been quite tied down, and I won't make any comments until I've read everything currently up. So, please be patient; there are MANY L&L's I need to read.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:35:33)

BUt not many need as much help as I do :'(, also a tip based on the lenght of this L&L, perphas you'd like to divide chapters and put a sort of guide, to make reading it easier, so have you liked what you have read so far?



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:40:42)

quote:

Pay attention to the smallest of details. I left a VERY important clue that's seemingly unimportant at first.

I can't help but think I already know what it is.

@Razen:Same with OP characters, blame my brother xP



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:41:06)

The first chapter is not yet complete. I'll split it once it becomes necessary. I will tell you the layout, though.

Chapter 1: Beginning of the L&L, spans up until Enduras must travel to other worlds to stop Tumultu.
Chapter 2: Enduras, working under secrecy and through others, will be struggling against Tumultu on other worlds for quite some time. Another character, Taran, will be the prominent "protagonist" during this time.
Chapter 3: Possibly the shortest chapter, spans from when all the main characters find their selves on Lore and ends soon after the final confrontation(s).
Chapter 4: Post-Tumultu Lore. No details will be released beyond this, since it spoils Chapter 3.

I do very much enjoy what I've read so far, Mortarion. :)

^I wish to see how close you are to the truth. What minor detail do you think it is? It's been in there for a good long while.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (10/3/2011 21:42:52)

Oks, Mordred a coment on my L&L will be reallly apreciated, to tell me what you like so far, ok were was I last, the dude in terra was already murdered, and Mordred invited Enduras to Terra, thanks mordred :)



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