RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (Full Version)

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Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 22:57:51)

quote:

Or did he?

I knew you'd say that.

On Falerin, I really don't play AQ enough to know, but I believe you did. He was much less corny and more serious here.
Also, I had assumed the shame was due to the Reset, my mistake, too much MQ on my mind, heh xP

Still, I like Limbo and the Demons and whatnot.
I also find it funny, Krag is able to rectify his relationship with Arthur (strangely human named for a Dragon, heh), but Mordred's too insane for that.

And I am now assuming Enduras is an Ancient Alien clone alternate timeline, temporally displaced version of Mordred.

And also, I have no idea who Grey-Gunner is, unless he's Taran, which I suspected he was...



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:07:05)

quote:

Mordred's too insane for that.

Indeed he is. I can't wait to show you his subconscious via the dream-themed world. Everything will be subverted by his craziness. Everything.
quote:

And I am now assuming Enduras is an Ancient Alien clone

Makes you wonder how close this is to the actual truth. Like I saiz, there's one hint of Enduras' secret hidden in Mordred's past.

Oh no, it was not Taran. Taran hasn't been born yet. It was Galbradi.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:15:33)

quote:

secret hidden in Mordred's past.

I KNEW IT! That was my claim like, a page ago, and now I know I'm right... heheh...

Oh, Galbradi? I had assumed it was someone under him, and he'd arranged the whole thing.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:21:20)

quote:

I KNEW IT! That was my claim like, a page ago, and now I know I'm right... heheh...

Or I could be deliberately misleading you. ^^ Like I said, there is a key fact hidden into Mordred's past that is a clue on what Enduras' secret, which even he doesn't know, is.

quote:

Oh, Galbradi? I had assumed it was someone under him, and he'd arranged the whole thing.

I thought it was clear when I had the scene with him flying back and explaining what "happened."



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:25:01)

quote:

Like I said, there is a key fact hidden into Mordred's past

This is what I mean, my guess what that the connection had to do with Mordred's past, AKA the flashback section. You just confirmed it, twice.
And on the Galbradi thing, probably just me being slow, oh well.

I find the Demons interesting, though I can't say I'm all that fond of AE's take on them in general.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:42:33)

Well, demons are, by AE's definition(or Genoclysm's, to be specific), anything that's been consumed or warped by an emotion(like Fire, Ice, or Forest Demons) or is an elemental that doesn't serve its respective Elemental Lord(like the Brilhado). Mine mostly fall under the first group(they've been trapped in a forbidden section of the Void with little to no outside contact for... eh, time doesn't exist for them, so yeah, many have been consumed with anger) or are technically not demons. They'd be more like really angry and warped versions of the inhabitants of Pillow Village.

quote:

This is what I mean, my guess what that the connection had to do with Mordred's past, AKA the flashback section. You just confirmed it, twice.

Oh, yeah, dat. I've said it quite a few times in this thread. :P There'll be one distinct action taken by somebody that won't make much sense immediately.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:44:36)

Eh really? Odd that no-one seemed to notice it, subtlety....

Hm, that someone will take...you can count on me to somehow relate it to Aliens.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:46:13)

I'm sure you can relate a random... I've said to much already. Tee-hee.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:50:15)

Enduras totally seems to be a fragment of Mordred or an alternate of him.

And, unlike Glai, I could totally tell that it was Galbardi.

quote:

none were purple


Why do I feel someone was referring to me?

And, you might want to fix a little something.

quote:

“Damn it Falerin, I’ll never get used to that, even when I expect.”


I believe you're missing an 'it' at the end of that sentence, Tumultu.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:50:26)

Well, I've been lost now so looks like I'll need to wait until next update amigo.

On that note, for Book 2, which planet will start it off?



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/27/2011 23:59:55)

quote:

Why do I feel someone was referring to me?

I dunno. It was more for a few others. Didn't even know you liked purple. I thought blue was your thang. :P

... *waves hand* That is not the grammatical error I never made... >.>;

quote:

On that note, for Book 2, which planet will start it off?

Well, it'll take place on a tropical planet called Mithrandril. Covered mostly by calm seas and dotted with islands, Mordred will try to subvert the community but will find that the ppeople's lives are too peaceful and balanced for him to exploit. Because no one really suffers tremendously, no one feels "wronged" by any gods or anything, so will be unwilling to ally with any Empire. This world is odd on this respect, so Mordred will have to resort to laying waste to the people and lands in order to make them fear him and join him that way or no longer be a possible threat to his rising faction. Here Taran will be introduced. After that, Enduras and Mordred will travel to other worlds for fifteen years without any of them being important enough to note. Mordred will win over some and lose others and be forced to retreat. After fifteen years, things heat up and Taran will be forced to travel with two others Enduras has chosen to try to win over the dream planet(name undecided), which Enduras feels is on the verge of being lost. Here, the people escape from reality using devices that take them to a dream state they control. While this sounds a bit like one of the worlds from the Pendragon series, it's different in that they have robots around to keep them sustained in reality while they're off in dream-land.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:03:16)

So, if they go on 15 years of un-notable planets, where do the notable ones fit in?
I.e. Those suggested, should you choose to use them.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:03:44)

Purple is my third favorite color, after green. Also, the force doesn't work on me...since...I'm sorta dead and sorta not. It's odd.

And,
quote:

they have robots around to keep them sustained in reality while they're off in dream-land.


Totally the Matrix.

And, I would totally love to see Gahyl and Tumultu duke it out.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:20:54)

quote:

So, if they go on 15 years of un-notable planets, where do the notable ones fit in?

Well, they were un-notable in that either Mordred easily subverted the population within months or he was unable to gain much of any foothold while he couldn't crush them with force save attacking himself. Mordred's greatest assets are;
His ideology is well-accepted by the lower classes or those who also see free-will as the root of all evil
He can project himself in multiple places at once much like the gods
He can impersonate members of society.

The only reason Mithrandil will be notable at all is because of Taran and Galbradi. The reason for a 15 year streak of un-notable planets is because Mordred's intent on subverting from under the surface before becoming noticeably popular in the universe. He's doing the ground-works first before aiming for contentious planets that could be pretty evenly split. He's essentially rebuilding the entire ShadowScythe Empire from MQ, only this time wishes to drop the ruse he's held on to for millennia and replace it with a real Empire. In order to attract more followers, he'll even change the name to reflect himself; it'll go from the ShadowScythe Empire to the Eludinari Empire. ShadowScythe reflected his first follower, Stylix, and his scythe. He used it as a mask to conceal himself, using undead and Darkness and viruses to make him appear totally different from what he actually is. Now, he drops the ruse, and summons up a force that reflects himself rather than a prominent follower; all elements will have equal standings in the Empire, and his army will be a devoted, loyal, willing army. And that's his entire concept. He's using free-will against itself; making the people freely chose to give up their free-will. This is essential to his plans, which is why he won't go for large targets like say, Unai, until he has the prominence to make winning possible. He's winning over hearts and mind through distrust, a want for change, hate for evil, and eventually peer pressure(when everyone around you just loves this guy, you want to love him eventually too).


I swear, I've never seen the Matrix. I only know about the scene with the trucks fusing together because I watch Mythbusters, and that's it.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:24:58)

So, rather than a 15 year timeskip, it will be 15 years of them going through the planets you've made up and that we suggested, interesting.
Making them un-notable also cuts down on time needed to write about them, which is good.



Razen -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:26:40)

Alrighty then, Mordy. I was just saying, maybe change it from robots to something else that exhibits a want to sustain the people or something. Robots is just remaking the Matrix though.

And, I like the Irony in Tumultu's plot...combating something with itself. Navith would giggle with joy at the thought.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:34:43)

quote:

So, rather than a 15 year timeskip, it will be 15 years of them going through the planets you've made up and that we suggested, interesting.
Making them un-notable also cuts down on time needed to write about them, which is good.

Eh, what? No, there'll be a time-skip. It'll be mentioned, by Mordred or Enduras, but other than that, it'll be glanced over. After those 15 years, Taran's story begins, with Enduras taking a side-role in the shadows. I plan to have at least ten different worlds that allow you to get to know Taran and his companions, and just what the regular people think about the escalating universal war. So far, you're really only seen what more prominent figures think, when it's what the regular people think that matters. Anyways, then the 15 years have passed, Taran will travel to these worlds and attempt to win them over over the course of five years. Tumultu has already subverted them to a great extent throughout the years, but the point of no return is close to coming on each world. How things for the planets go depend on what Taran can do to reveal Mordred's machinations and turn the people on him before they've grown too loyal. After these five years, Tumultu will turn his attention to what he sees as the crown jewel; Lore. It's here that his plans reach their climax, when he's subverted enough people to be able to call out a full on god-war, and in his mind, win. Which he theoretically could do if he confronted them himself. But he sees this as a people's revolution.

^Even better is his mantra of creating order through chaos. He's planting seeds of chaos until he can call out Chaos into this realm of existence and slay him, forever denying people of free-will(which is inherently chaotic). Without Chaos's power behind near everything in the universe, he will be free to remake it in his own image, whether the current gods are around or not.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:42:56)

Theoretically, couldn't the other gods reshape the universe as well?

I mean, you have not yet explained why Chaos' absence gives Tumultu alone power.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:47:40)

None of the other gods even know of Chaos's existence, or even what power he holds over this universe. He's a being that survived from an older universe that in turn holds sway over this one from outside. He's behind most everything in some way, but most don't even know it. It's not that he actively makes things happen as he wants; it's that he allows for randomness and freedom and free-will. Not only that, but Mordred doesn't expect any gods will survive to see Chaos' arrival.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 0:58:34)

So you managed to make the story get more cosmic...heh.

Interestingly enough, Chaos rather resembles how I think of the JudeoChristian God, as in its ultimate goal is free-will so to speak.
Or at least, that's how I saw it. What with him being somewhat beyond the other gods it's an interesting coincidence.



Helixi -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 2:04:40)

I've skim read the first part and I like it. I'll be back later to read it properly. I'd also like to offer you a full and in-depth critique, if you should so wish.



Mortarion -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 4:19:35)

I must remember to finish reading this, a suggestion, since your history is so big you may want to add chapter marks, to make it easier to read and put a mark as to speak in a way, take into consideration that I say this to you to make it easier to navigate



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/28/2011 18:16:11)

I have to agree with Mortarion there, numbering each chapter would've made things vastly easier for me when I was reading through it.
I always had to find where I thought I was and see if I remembered what had happened right.



Mordred -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/29/2011 0:17:09)

@glaisaurus and Mortarion: Yeah, it's getting kinda big now, with at least 80% more of it to come. Which doesn't include me wanting to start another L&L when this is finished that acts as a retelling of events of the original DragonLord Order; focusing on how they grew to be prominent, how they essentially made Lore what it is, and their fall from grace. So, yeah, I'll name the Books and assign Chapters once I finish Book 1, which is close to fruition.

@Helixi: That'd be wunderbar. I have a critique thread on the second page of the critiques. Also, you'll find that the early portions are significantly... worse. Especially Falerin.



Glais -> RE: Mordred's Vengeance Comments and Criticism (11/29/2011 0:43:41)

Hm, I've always wanted to right about the Old order as well, I wonder what our ideas would have in common, and differ in.

But yeah, separation would be good. And 80% left? So only 4 more of what you have now xD
This will be a large project indeed, but I suspect Book 2 will take the longest as it's the only one you hadn't planned, after that the rest should go smoothly I think, give or take some bits.



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