RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Full Version)

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Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 19:34:15)

Long delayed, but I've finally gotten to this.

quote:

"You..." Vendagar made a feeble attempt to stand, but he he eventually made it.


He he? Heh heh, no. :P

quote:

Drahzn was seemingly protecting by his now nonexistant throne, which had absorbed the blast.


Protecting by? I don't get it.

Anyways, that fight scene was amazing.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 19:37:34)

N?
Well, the throne blocked the blast and was disintegrated by it. I can rewrite it if need be, for clarity's sake.

And thank you, fights seem to be a strong point of mine so I'll try to keep making them fun and unique.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 19:41:34)

In that case, protecting needs to be changed to protected, as it isn't the current action of Drazhn's(Which is what was implied). Which would explain the confusion, due to mis-communication.

As for the "he he" there should only be one.



Mortarion -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 20:50:12)

Umm, Mortarion's village has cannibalistic rituals, but it's done scarcely and on people one trusts the most. I'll expand on it regarding my storie hopefully



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 20:51:49)

Oh it does? I didn't recall that, my mistake. Hm. They will need to tread lightly then, but that actually makes the plot more workable.

@Razen:Fixed mang.



Mortarion -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 21:22:18)

I will try to be more loyal to DF's cannon aswell, so perhaps we coul still do a proper colla



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 21:33:25)

Perhaps, perhaps. Moreso what I need to launch Chapter 14 is details on the town itself while it's being founded. If they have a cannibalism problem though, that could explain why Zairo and Vendagar are sent there in the first place.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (7/18/2012 22:04:34)

From what I remember, Mortarion, your village is also near a volcano right? The place somehow reminds me of Haiti or any of the Atlantic/Caribbean islands.











Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/19/2012 3:45:48)

That could be fun.

Chapter 3 Rewritten, I tried to work on my detail so...be sure to tell me if I succeeded.

Getting this chapter OUT though...was horrible. Stupid horrible internet connection that works yet outright stated "It recognizes the request but refuses to execute." What the heck is this?

Anyways, enjoy, and thank you all for reading.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/29/2012 20:08:37)

Sorry for the late comments. Got really busy with this event on an mmorpg I've been playing.

The first half really felt like I was watching an episode of "I shouldn't be alive" from Discovery. It was nice, can't wait how to see these two escape the mountain. Perhaps their Giant blood will help them overcome the harsh elements? And maybe even defeat that two bear that's after them.

By the way, is this the last we'll be seeing Ruoan?




Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/29/2012 20:17:12)

No problem, no problem.

Yeah I tried hard to make that as utterly dismal as I possibly could.
Rouan will likely appear in the next section of chapter four. And, maybe, at a later point.

Also, gotta remember Ven is a normal human. So he doesn't really have the Gianty advantage Zairo does. He's just a lot smarter (though I intend to rewrite ch.4 a bit because...Zairo isn't an imbecile, he's just a little ditzy).



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/29/2012 20:41:25)

Wait, Vendegar isn't a giant? I thought he also had white hair that signified that of giants?



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/29/2012 20:56:44)

I never actually confirmed what the White Hair meant.
spoiler:

Because I still haven't figured it out 100%



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (7/30/2012 5:30:02)

quote:

Furthermore, starting a fire without all this snow around was going to be difficult, if it was even possible.


Don't you mean "with"?

quote:

Vendagar's yell and the pain that suddenly shot through his skull revealed to him that this was an unwise choice indeed.


Vendagar was shocked?

quote:

The beast currently chasing them was none other than what is now known as a "Two Bear."


Two-Bear".

quote:

The blasksmiths had been getting large amounts of work due to the war.


blacksmiths

quote:

were all necessary in times like this.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't that be "in times like these"?

quote:

His grey mustache seemed to reflect years of wisdom behind his glassy green eyes, however that is possible.


What are you trying to say here?

quote:

Fist and foremost would be the war<> Prince Drageth.


First, ,

I'm interested to see how this rewrite will affect your story.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/8/2012 23:04:47)

Fixed. And Vendagar was the one surprised. I should go rewrite that line...


Chapter 4 is not DONE, but I have made a lot of progress on it. It might end up being a bit long because there's a lot of things I have to fit into it.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/17/2012 3:35:06)

So after far too long, Chapter 4 is complete.

There will be some radical changes coming soon. Notably, a comment somewhere else made me realize, training arcs suck. As such I don't want to dwell on those (EXCEPT for the Light/Dark situation which I've figured out how to tie in perfectly).

If you've seen the Samurai Jack episode "The Four Seasons of Death" it will be something like that. Mini stories summing it up so I can move on to the main plot. This will also allow me to work on the characters a bit more since the cast is growing quite large.

I'll need to learn how to do this effectively, but it's all been a learning experience anyways.

Thank you all for staying with the story so long and putting up with starting all over.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/17/2012 4:12:46)

quote:

there was one point in the day where the sun stood just above them.


during(?)

quote:

though ultimately they were no closer to safety then before.


than

quote:

I don't know it's been bugging me for a while<> but I just never said anything about it until now.


,

Will the events that lead to the first actual training become more fluent now? I'm asking because the return wasn't given a lot of attention to the boys' return in your story before.

I don't like the sound of cutting down on the training sessions, but I suppose you don't want to rewrite them all as you'll be rewriting your entire story.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/17/2012 4:37:44)

quote:

Will the events that lead to the first actual training become more fluent now? I'm asking because the return wasn't given a lot of attention to the boys' return in your story before.

Yeah I plan to basically sum up what happened with Rouan and all that. Overall try and make it connect better. Also we have to note they're pretty beat up now, no way they could start training in these conditions.
Correcting things now. Less corrections than before ^_^ I'm improving!
quote:

I don't like the sound of cutting down on the training sessions, but I suppose you don't want to rewrite them all as you'll be rewriting your entire story.

Oh? I assumed it was getting to be boring. Perhaps I can keep the training but still make things...plot heavy.

Assuming I DO keep it, here's my plan.

Finish Rewriting Fire
Wind/Possibly that town involving Mort's ancestry (more of a cameo though, as his themes don't quite mesh with my story)
Water (kind of a theme so far controlling fire) though I have very little planned out
Ice/First "Boss" so to speak. One of Senyaza's four generals.
Energy (should be short but...have some fun stuff planned)
Earth
Flashback(Will focus on Sarkalos and Valdur during their training, directly ties into...)
Light&Darkness which is sort of the end of the main plot as by now they confront the final General.
??? (Last master)
End of Arc 1



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/17/2012 5:04:28)

I really like the survival bits with Vendegar and Zairo. Since I'm an avid fan of survival TV shows, you can say I was pretty much entertained :D

Anyway, Emotion looks really different now from what I last remember you describe him. For some reason he reminds me a cross of ultra man and some of Ben Tennison's alien forms.




Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (8/17/2012 15:34:01)

I succeeded! *Dance of victory* Yeah basically, I didn't want everything to come easy for them. This way it feels like they've really earned it when good things happen.

As for Emotion, there are two reasons for this. This is how I always meant to describe him (sort of like a Stand, say Hierophant Green and mix it with Diver Down), and secondly...I forgot what my old description was so I had to reinvent it.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (9/1/2012 5:15:48)

Chapter 5 is started. it will probably be short-ish, but it's moreso a bridge chapter so I can get everything back on track.

And their dad Iro's name has been changed to Culatello.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (9/1/2012 5:27:49)

quote:

Once leaving the mountain they'd reached a road that led back to WillowShire, where they were lucky enough to have been picked up by some of the Guardians who was returning from the conflict with Rouan.

some of the Guardians who were



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (9/1/2012 5:30:30)

I can't believe I wrote that.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (9/2/2012 20:03:15)

quote:

Night had already fallen when Emotion had lead Vendagar and Zairo back to their home


led

Hmm..I wonder what Rouan had been after inside the Willowshire Tower.




Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Rewrite in progress) (9/2/2012 20:09:41)

I must've been really tired (though at least I found out "who was" was due to a revision I didn't finish). I could've sworn I went out of my way to specifically spell that right. Rrrrrr...

And well, it's fairly obvious actually, but not exactly plot relevant. I guess it's relevant for Rouan's plot, but that's not quite the same.



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