RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (Full Version)

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Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (4/18/2012 5:43:07)

Normally I would not post for an update this small, but I have slightly altered Innocentius' dialogue to reflect his apparent personality. I may have to change it in past chapters as well, unsure. So while not a huge update, it does technically affect the story and perception of the character in a special way and thus I deemed it postworthy :/

Should have a chapter up later this week, trying to decide whether to start from Zairo and Vendagar's perspective, or continue straight from the fight.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/6/2012 23:54:32)

Haha! A REAL update at last!

2/3 of Chapter 11 are now complete! I am still deciding what the 3rd segment should be about. Probably Sir Cauldon and The Captain looking for the boys, as well as some hint Senyaza's army approaches.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/7/2012 0:41:42)

Evil Moss Deity, calling it right now.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/7/2012 10:43:12)

Not quite heh.

spoiler:

Honestly I didn't plan far enough as to what it is, I just thought it would make a fun plot point.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/9/2012 3:54:01)

And chapter 11 is done. I also edited chapter 3 (?) to give a brief description of Riverine. Kinda similar to OakLore how I see it.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/9/2012 12:34:53)

@glaisaurus_x: Wait, the Shadowscythe are using fire on Fire Knights?

As for the rest of the chapter, did the djinn boost Zairo's intellect with the enlightenment? He seems way smarter than before (or he managed to play dumb).



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/9/2012 17:25:19)

No Zairo is still dumb as ever. I suppose you could say he was "copying" being smart.

I also (attempted) to justify it with Vendagar saying the plant stuff was logic he learned while farming. Basically it's more Vendagar's influence combined with some basic things in WillowShire. I will elaborate on it later.


As for Fire on Fire Knights, sort of. It's more to clear a simple path to fighting since they would be likely to lose if they tried to go directly in the Mountain, whatwith not knowing its rooms.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 4:19:30)

Chapter 12 is FINALLY up.

The ending is a bit silly but honestly this fight was VERY difficult to write. Serious(a)ly.
Also, I was sick of them being stuck down there. It was fun at first but [REDACTED] just got too difficult to write about.

I apologize for the ending anyway, but I hope you can all look past it.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 5:51:56)

I thought they were as good as out when you mentioned you were sick of them being stuck down there.

quote:

From here is was a matter of navigating through to the point you reached the main gate and with it, the mountain.


it

quote:

"We can tell where it is because it messes up out eyesight!"


Don't you mean "We can't"?



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 6:05:25)

Actually in that case I did mean can. They can't see it directly, but when their eyesight starts messing up, it means they can generalize where it is. It will only mess with their when it's in their range of vision you see :D

Will get to the other typo.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 9:40:35)

I can help write fight scenes..



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 16:21:08)

It's not fights in general (as you can see with the Domino fight, which seemed to be well-accepted) just THIS fight.

There was no logical quick way to get rid of the monster. They could have thrown it in the lake maybe, but oh well. I'll probably rewrite this later.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/27/2012 18:04:11)

Evil Moss Deity. Called it.

Anyways, I did see some parts that could've used a comma, but I guess it was nothing big. So far, I do like the chapter, stuff is going good...



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/30/2012 4:25:13)

Chapter 13 is up! The Fire arc has now ended, though not in the way most would suspect (and in a way, the way EVERYONE expected).
For now, i am happy with it, though I kind of wish that it was longer. At the same time, I didn't want to drag it on.

@Razen:Glad you like it! And yes, Moss Deity.

Ok seriously, I have GOT to figure out a better ending for that part of the story...



Lady_Dragonrider -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/30/2012 14:51:16)

I don't know why I didn't find this story earlier! I like it so far. But the end of chapter 13 is so sad.
Did you plan for the undead army to make the first major attack in the 13th chapter?



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (5/30/2012 17:34:37)

Nope! This entire story is pretty much made up as I go along. I have a basic plan but pretty much I'm wingin it.

I actually planned for the war to end back around chapter 9 but various things I felt like adding pushed it further and further until it wound up as 13. How lucky heh.

Thank you for reading it though, I appreciate it!



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/1/2012 18:24:36)

"I have learned over a great deal of time, that the only way to make a comment is to burn it."

Seriously, Chapter 13, just well done, my good sir. I loved how you went with an almost less is more approach for a bit. The explanation of the Ash Golems was well done, and they're powers were reasonable. There was also how did you Sarkalos, I liked it, really did. And, but of course, how you handled the JJBA Reference was amazing. You already knew that. :P



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/2/2012 6:59:12)

quote:

By then it turns out the Knights were all on the front lines.


turned

quote:

See they had all these skeletons with em


I'm not sure if you want it say it like this, but "See, they" sounds like what you are going for.

I think the "sown-together" were Droags, am I correct?

On another note, what happened to the Shadowscythe necromancers? Were they even present during the assault on Riverine Keep, since I don't believe they were mentioned in Zairo's recap of the events. I'm asking this, because if only Sarkalos was targeted by the sacrificial attack then they would've survived and if they targeted everything then everyone in the area would've died. In neither case I believe Quayen could've made it to the keep alive, unless you have an explanation for that.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/2/2012 7:14:50)

Will get to those typos.

Anyhow, I had no idea I'd made so many plot-issues as I usually think things through better than this. I'd assume they were present though i forgot to mention it (I can edit it in though). The ending looks like it could use some tidying up as it does basically run into a brick wall of logic.

And well, I didn't have the Droags in mind at the time. Though they could be, hmmmm...






EDIT:Alright so I tried to fix the end basically saying the Necromancers were there and that Qayen basically waited until everything ended. He's not a super-heroic type.


@Razen:Thanks! I rather liked this chapter and a flashback was a lot different than what I planned. I think it worked out better.

Now I have to figure out what to do next...



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 1:02:18)

I've decided to do something rather drastic. I'm heavily editing EVERYTHING to make more sense, have better dialogue, and hopefully strengthen my sense of detail, because that is my weakest area.

So far Progress=Prologue has been edited and rewritten. There's a lot of different stuff there so I recommend re-reading. Anyone who hasn't read it, this is the perfect chance ebcause it's semi-like I am restarting.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 1:53:54)

quote:

slate


state

quote:

Frozen Nothlands


Missing an r

Wow, the first part has vastly improved. Back then, it was just a small round table with the few High Dragonlords talking but now we can see diversity and the sheer size of the Dragonlord Order. And yeah, I have noticed that your narrative has changed for the better.

For some reason, I don't remember the bit with Wei though. Was that part new?




Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 1:59:34)

I changed his name. It used to be Azalon but...that's kinda weird. Will get on those corrections.
Slate is intentional though.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 2:15:32)

Oh. I'm looking forward to see how this all develops. Are you going to make any drastic changes on some chapters though? Like completely rewriting certain events and adding new ones?



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 2:20:20)

Possibly. As most of this isn't planned there's equal possibility. The thing with the Thieves will probably get axed because it's random and makes no sense. Besides that, nothing big besides Kathool being retconned out

Small things that come to mind:

-Completely change 10-13. 13 is a good chapter I think, but I feel if Zairo is just recounting events it should be more interesting to make up for reader not being there. 12's ending was stupid so I am changing that.
-The whole thing with the Fire Spirit might change, it always felt really cheap to me
-Chapter 2 needs a vast redux as the whole plot of it was...kinda stupid.
-Add more detail to Innocentius, write him out better (once I learn more of him anyhow)
-Chapter 5 proooobably won't be changed, as I think it turned out well.
-Will probably add more detail to Saru's tale

Bigger changes are in that I need to rethink Sarkalos' logic for working with the ShadowScythe completely, and I need to figure out their goals better. Their whole interaction will change. Sarkalos' trip to the SandSea will need to be less pointless.

All I can think of now though...



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion (6/22/2012 2:27:23)

Whoops, some major spoilers thar. I'll stop now, lol. I still haven't read the rest unfortunately. I'll have trace back where I left off.



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