CC~A Collection of Verse. IMPORTANT NOTE ON PAGE FIVE. (Full Version)

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Helixi -> CC~A Collection of Verse. IMPORTANT NOTE ON PAGE FIVE. (3/8/2009 8:56:52)

A Collection of Dark and Philosophical Verse. Please reply! Thanks!
Important note


I have decided to leave my old poetry collection on the forums for people to read. I hate them, personally. I hate what I was like when I wrote them and I felt physically sick reading through them again, all these years later. However, I want people to see my progression as a writer and poet. I also want to see that myself and know that I am a better, happier, safer person than in the past.

I will not be updating poetry to this Collection. If you read them and decide to comment, please keep in mind that I was a fragile and depressed young girl and, yes, I self-harmed often. I am not proud of that fact.

I will not tolerate comments such as 'lol, emo crap' and similar. These are intensely personal to me, whether I like that fact or not, and people that laugh at self-harm are people I do not get along with. Bear that in mind if you decide to post. ~Helixi



Firefly -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/8/2009 12:37:40)

Congratz on approval! You credited me for the title? I'm touched...

Hmm, the last really short one is actually very powerful, but you might wanna put a bolded "Untitled" over it. It currently can be confused as just another stanza of Single Grey Flower.



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/8/2009 14:29:04)

Yeah. :)



4_worlds_in_one -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/12/2009 21:15:20)

wow, just imazing. I never thought i would ever read such poetry like that, so deep. kinda scary, but amazing.



Fleur Du Mal -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 13:41:43)

Hello, and late congratz on your approval!

OK, all the following comments are only my very biased opinions. Basically, it's just what I felt reading your poems today. I tried to find some explanations why I felt like it, but even with the reasonings they are just my opinions.

Hmm. I seem to like your poetry. Nice and dark. =P
You are employing pretty powerful words. The poem Blood and Tears made a very visual impact on me:
quote:

I was just another young man
In the mud and stink of war
The dead slept with the living

Especially the quoted part above. Splendid!

While I kept on reading, I started to think however, if there's slight choppiness at some poems. Having short sentences line after line, poem after poem may enhance this effect. Especially since you use a lot of repetition for impact. In the poem In the Mirror the repetition works very well, but for example, I'm not sure if the repeating of the line 'She weeps' in the poem Tears works for me, mainly because it's such a short poem and having two identical lines in it seems a little baffling. I was sorta waiting for something more on the other line like In the Mirror where the line changes a bit each time. Just a thought.

Having said that I have only one little petition:
Please carry on rhyming! =)



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 15:04:20)

I reposted tears, minus repetition, fabula. Better? Thanks both of you, by the way. :D



Fleur Du Mal -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 15:34:54)

Well, yes, I like it much better without the repetition. It's beautiful. However, the most important thing is always that you are happy with your own poetry and that's why others' suggestions are always only suggestions, to be taken at your own discretion. But I bet you already have heard this before. (Still glad you took the suggestion. =P )



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 17:25:59)

Well, I do listen to people who are more experienced than me. Did any others catch your eye?



4_worlds_in_one -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 19:59:08)

his post made mine kinda small, but im not very expirenced in writing. if you looked inside my mind, you might see a british person talking inmy e.... what? oh! never mind, i didnt say anything. *head pokes out of ear then comes in quickly*



Crimzon5 -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/13/2009 22:58:21)

*Escapes the clutches of my books and reviewers*

*Escapes OOC shackels*

I was just rereading some of your work, and I noticed Blood and Tears. Heh, I didnt notice that I made a chapter title in a story of mine that had the same title as yours. Ah well

Anyways, your short poems were good. But the flow was so good that I wanted it to be longer. I mean, let's say the reader gets pleased with the flow. Then when he scrolls down the page, there's nothing else. It seems lacking and too good to end shortly. So I suggest you make longer poems next time :D



Spawn of Teridax -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/14/2009 8:17:13)

Can see why you got approved. That was beautiful, sad, and the whole other however many yards you need rolled together. Plus, you like Linkin Park, so that's another plus. :P



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/14/2009 10:52:49)

I'm writing another stanza for Blood and Tears soon Crimzon, but don't hold your breath just yet. Another poem called Isolation will go up soonish.



Evil Moo!! -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/16/2009 12:44:43)

Hm, there's a lot of good stuff in there. This kind of poetry caters particularly well to my tastes. It's deliciously morbid. I especially liked this part from The Turning:

quote:

In one hour, my life was gone
An agony on my throat
A salty flow of life in my mouth
Another agony


I could almost taste the imagery. I also liked the way it contrasted so suddenly to the reminiscent lines above it, almost throwing the reader into a new, surreal, twisted reality of pain.



Habits of the ghost -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/16/2009 18:58:45)

i just chanced upon your poems and though they are a little dark i rather enjoyed them, and its been a while since i have enjoyed a poem or in this case more than one but i agree with crimzon they need to be longer. i wanted to read more but it wasnt there to read. and though i dont know you congratz on the approval.



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/18/2009 12:06:44)

Thanks HotG and Evil Moo! :). I posted another stanza for Blood and Tears; it's in a new post at the bottom.
Yay Smalls came! *hugglesSmalls* :p



Smalls -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/18/2009 17:26:19)

Helix, I never thought I'd say this about a poem, besides some free verse book ones, and the Odyssesy: I like your poems, I feel they have meaning to you, and they're good, keep it up!
~Smalls



razorwolf9 -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/19/2009 19:33:39)

it was beautiful,like looking at a black rose in the hands of a dead woman.the thoughts of deth and blood disturbe you,yet the beauty of the rose cansels that out twonty thousand times over.
my complements.



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/21/2009 8:16:13)

@Razor: Inspiration can come from the most unlikely of places. Thanks for that!



nukefission -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/23/2009 14:53:00)

nice but i see u like death
oh well so do i
gimmie zombies a gravity gun and ravenholm anyday of the week
[:)]



corrmag -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/23/2009 15:42:48)

awsome and thanks again for pm'ing me the one peom.

all should read the peoms they are VERY good. ^^




Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/24/2009 18:00:08)

Thanks for putting a link in your siggie corrmag. o.O



spellmaster -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/24/2009 19:00:07)

I didn't know you were great at writing poetry. It's dark and has a lot of motion, which I love. My fovorite is Flirt/My Suicide.



Crimzon5 -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/24/2009 22:38:17)

*Reads you works agian*

you're right... mine is not emo compared to yours v_v



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/25/2009 2:51:21)

^Told you so :). Seriously though people, tell me what I need to improve!



Helixi -> RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse (3/29/2009 7:28:31)

New Poems.



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