RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (Full Version)

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Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 12:17:58)

heh heh ^^; that seems to be my achilles heel at the moment... then again, i am a rookie. i'll look into it; anything in particular that absolutely needs fixing or should i just figure things out on my own?



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 12:24:43)

Last half of Chapter 2 and most of Chapter 3, actually.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 12:40:26)

...ouch. now i see. i didn't want to feel mundane with 'he said this' and 'she said that' all the time, though, but it looks like it beats confusion. :/



Goldstein -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 13:25:08)

Actually, most writers advise you use JUST said. THe reader should be able to tell if the character is yelling or growling or stuff like that from the dialogue. Also, all of the time, you don't need to have a modifier like said. Here's a link on the matter.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 13:34:31)

so lemme guess, excessive alternatives is a rookie boo-boo? mein gott, i've much to learn. [>:]



delta blitz -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/20/2011 18:32:37)

One word for this story so far: Epic x)



Goldstein -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/21/2011 21:13:06)

I sense Strebor making an appearance soon. Yay! [:)]



fygi -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/24/2011 5:18:51)

Great story, it is a pleasure to read! You have a very light hearted and to-the-point way of writing. Its like a mix between an action-filled bedtime story and a comic book (which is what HS really comes down to).

However your dialogues fall a bit short, they seem to drone on a bit. Try and find some different techniques to give the readers the information of the dialogues.

- Fygi



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (8/24/2011 18:46:23)

...are they too boring, then? is that what youre saying?

wait a minute, maybe... ah, phooey! i don't know, i'll think of something i hope. [&:]



Shadowlord9k -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/3/2011 12:18:37)

Interesting new chapter, can't wait to see more.



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/4/2011 10:02:33)

Demo's so happy about the cyborg helping her.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/4/2011 11:42:26)

well, she's getting a little desperate, so she has to take all the help she can get. ^^;



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/4/2011 22:36:00)

Can't blame her reaction after all.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 0:05:28)

ok goldstein. i looked at strebor's bio (for who knows how many times now) and it almost seems like he didn't exactly fair too much better money-wise than Demo before he moved to the US.

anywho, i was thinking of Demo's dad being a friend of strebor so she would, at least, know about the doctor because of it.
i just don't want to upset anyone who volunteers (or lets me use) their character for my story. that's why i'm asking <:/



Sir Night -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 0:56:47)

I don't know if he would fit in this story or not, but you can use Swamp Croc if you like.



Goldstein -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 7:21:57)

Well, Strebor's father was a KGB operative working for the Soviet Union...uh...maybe it'd be easier if Demo knew Strebor's mom, a British farm-girl?



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 9:41:40)

yeah, i was thinking the same thing. i realized that just minutes after i posted. silly me! ^^;



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 22:49:43)

A personal suggestion, but you don't have to take it if you have another idea. I think that Demolicious is part-Japanese. You're welcome to ask me why I think that.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 23:04:51)

... ok, i'll bite. why could she be part japanese?



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 23:17:12)

I thought her ingame sprite resembled a Japanese person, very pale skin, for one. Funny looking eyebrows to boot.

As for the justification in my story, her ancestors were Japanese immigrants to the States. Although you're completely welcome to make up your own idea.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 23:43:47)

our stories are called 'fanfiction' for a reason, crystal lion [;)]

That gave me something to think about, but i have to say there might be some... unexpected events later in my story.

EDIT: i guess i can be nice and give you a sneak peek of one thing...

spoiler:

the cyborg will end up being forced to make a hard choice sometime in the future.


I'm not saying when it'll happen, or what it deals with, but it will be very important.



Crystal Lion -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/6/2011 23:44:28)

I'm looking forward to them.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/7/2011 23:25:15)

ok goldstein, i have strebor show up in the next chapter, but...
I made it so he wasn't exactly as 'crazy' as he might have been in your story. simply, our two stories would be completely unrelated.
please don't give me one of his syringes. i dont want to die! DX ..... err, never mind. i still hope that's ok with you.

(edit: chapter isn't posted yet, so this is more of a progress update for my next chapter)



Goldstein -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/8/2011 16:48:04)

A lot of people read that Strebor is "crazy" and automatically think of axe-crazy. Strebor's got a serious medical condition that keeps under control through the use of medicine. Usually, eh's just as much sane as you and me. He just acts all factitious and cheery and stuff to hide hi real feelings.



Vector -> RE: (HS) Trials of Morality Discussion (9/8/2011 17:12:40)

i never thought him as axe-crazy... [&:] more like a little kid on a sugar rush type crazy, or maybe just hyperactive like mordin solus [:D]


(EDIT: another progress update. still didn't post chappy yet, but it's turning out to be one of the longest i've ever made so far)



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