RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (Full Version)

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popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 20:35:02)

@Battlemaster
I know, and there is no evidence pointing against it, though it just seems like something that is either impossible or has a miniscule chance of happening. If the latter of the two is true, then there should only be one vampire necromancer in that entire fortress, and that's only if you're extremely lucky. As I said though, I am no expert on this.




Tep Itaki -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 20:55:21)

Thank you for the comments Muchiha and popinloopy. I still think I need to edit some parts of it to make it easier to read and to add a bit more depth.

As for the other stories...I'll have to read them first before giving my review and critique.

@battlemaster and popinloopy: Rixi currently is a Vampire Wizard but she has dabbled in the art of Necromancy though she isn't a full-time necromancer she is able to learn the arts. Vampires have near immortal life span and they can dedicate a lot of their time to research necromancy and even perform the arts, if it interests them.




UnderSoul -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 20:56:45)

@Tep Your story is quite interesting. Can't wait for your review of mine.




popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 20:58:08)

Review for Ratchet's Story part one:

There seems to be so much you put into this. You have quite the vocabulary, and I am glad to see you are using it to it's fullest. You put so much detail into this that I just love. The dust covering the ancient tome and so much more. Keep up the good work, I plan on reading the rest.




Trainz_07 -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:04:36)

@Muchiha Thank you very much =) I have just finished reading your latest chapter as well, the concept of command vessels is very interesting, I'm looking forward to see them in action. I enjoyed reading your portrayal of the ongoing activities within the NecroLegion fortress, it really exudes a sense of warfare and gets me excited for the impending war.




popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:16:57)

I think Tep just finished revising his story, or at least some of it.




Tep Itaki -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:23:09)

Ah I've just added a bit more to Artimix's, Rixi's and Zombay's part of the paragraph. It's the prologue, after all, there's not much of a need to go too into details. Currently, I'm working on the story that depicts the calm before the storm of the battlefield. Thanks for noticing popinloopy.

I'm also waiting to here any critiques about my story so that improvements can be made, good or bad, as long as they are in a constructive format.




popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:26:33)

@Tep
I must say, the additions and changes make it much more dramatic and streamline, as well as adding that nice effect to make the stakes seem much more dire and serious.




flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:45:22)

The stories are pretty good(better then mine), but for Necros you forgot the most important rule! The rule is: Slay the undead Undead can't talk!




UnderSoul -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 21:56:56)

@flashbang What do you think of mine?




Trainz_07 -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:04:48)

@flashbang That's not entirely true, for example Cagliari was quite capable of speech




Travis Touchdown -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:07:30)

@Flashbang: Actually, AQ seems to buck that trend, at least on occasion. Cagliari Lux, for instance, and IIRC there was a skeleton in one of the Fire Wars that talked back to you.

Whether these are just exceptions to the rule is, of course, up for debate.




Elryn -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:07:56)

*Elryn chuckles*

So far as I have read, all the stories are quite good. They are most enjoyable to read. I cannot read all though, I still need to work on my own.

Suffice to say, I look forward to the continuations.




flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:22:15)

@US It is pretty good. I like the vehicles. I would be sadface if I was a rogue paladin. */Facepalm* I gave you an idea didn't I?




battlemaster25 -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:24:12)

Some undead can speak, it seems. Cagliari has already been mentioned. There's also the skeleton in The Pit, for example. And although we don't see it, Lucretia mentions that the Undead Mage was giving her orders.

And Drakath is able to talk even as an undead. Etc, etc.




flashbang -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 22:29:30)

I like She Rachet!'s story part two. I like the chess reference.




Sir Nicholas -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 23:07:37)

I would like to contribute to this work if that is alright. I have my own story I would like to tell - one specifically from this war and period.




popinloopy -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/30/2013 23:11:25)

@flashbang
I believe that is Muchiha's work that you are thinking of.

EDIT: Review for TWK's Story:
I am running out of original things to say. I absolutely love it, all of it, especially the twist at the end with the remaining 3 horsemen. I have nothing else to say that I have not said to others, other than make a slight correction.
quote:

Take my horse, it is the fastest of the Castle's great steeds, it is a white horse, with a Red colored main, it awaits your arrival at the stables.

Should be more like
quote:

Take my horse, it is the fastest of the Castle's great steeds. It is a white horse, with a red-colored mane. It awaits your arrival at the stables.

Other than that, I absolutely loved it. I cannot wait to see what happens next, you are keeping me on the edge of my seat. I feel as if it will get even better as the story progresses.




Tep Itaki -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 1:23:24)

I've finished the second part of my story and it's up. Now it's time to start reading the other's stories and give them give them critiques as when the war starts I will be unable to write until after the war ends.
Please tell me what you think about my story. Criticism will be up after I finish reading all current stories.




UnderSoul -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 1:36:37)

@Tep It's very inriguing. I hope you like my story.




Tep Itaki -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 1:47:02)

I'm currently reading your story :3 but I'll post my criticism all together so that i don't have to post and constantly re-edit if there are more people posting here.




UnderSoul -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 2:51:48)

Still waiting...




Trainz_07 -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 5:19:56)

@Tep Itaki Great backstory, the fact that Rixi and Artimix have both pledged allegiance to different factions creates a more personal dilemma for Tep which I think will pave the way to an excellent plot, especially considering the fact that Tep will remain neutral and merely observe the coming war. In my opinion, perhaps you could lead the plot so that eventually, both Rixi and Artimix will request or even demand Tep to render aid to them, thus forcing Tep to either choose a side or stand firm and remain unaligned to either factions (unless you already had that in mind [;)]) Keep it up!




Tep Itaki -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 8:40:40)

To those who was waiting, sorry for making you wait. I'll try to make this a content critique, not spell check (Trying to not be a total Grammar Nazi >.>;;). If you have questions about spell check, please send me a pm and I'll be more than happy to nitpick :P after reading the your story again XD
Also, when I critique I do it meticulously.

@Muchiha:
Your prologue about the letter from your main character's father was an interesting read. It showcases that not all necromancers are evil like many say or is presumed. An interesting take with the good necromancers and the small background about the armor which the father entrusts to his son before the war.
Your first chapter depicts of the preparation it takes before a war. A tad dull on this part but mainly but it's expected when dealing with stocking the items. I had a chuckle with the names of the 3 vehicles that will be used against the paladins. Speaking of paladins, nice ending with the rogue paladins.

@flashbang:
Already in the war huh? From the looks of it, you just need to learn how to write in a better format and style as your current writing in all over the place. There's a potential for your story to be great it's just overshadowed by a mix of novel styled writing and role-playing, which throws me off whenever I read (Day before the war). That aside, you have action first off and reveal two brothers on opposing sides that meet each other in secret, showing that their family bond can't be broken so easily by factions. You've also shown two teachers who followed after their own disciples and ended up fighting each other and taking each other out. Like I said, your writing has potential, you've just need to have a better format and style for your writing.

@Travis:
A conflicted start with a conflicted end in your story, I wonder which side he'll pick. Where you've reeled me in was during Death's Kid's vision of the upcoming war. Showcasing what can transpire on the battlefield of necromancer and paladins. One of which is what Tep fears and hopes would not have to happen. After the vision you showcase how cruel a loyal paladin is when upholding their justice. Showing that light does not necessarily mean good and how they can be quite merciless.

@UnderSoul:
A humble royal who has a good head on his shoulders. Calm, collected and in control. It's a short story for now and makes me wonder what will happen with the story and where it will go. An old rival who is sneaky with his approach to learn his enemies. An interesting thing with the spoon but if you were trying to make your readers go "Wha-" You succeeded with me. I think I know who you'll be recruiting in this war...

@battlemaster:
Your story is good and I can't wait to read the entire finished product. I like your format in your story and how you deliver the story. You set the scene first then proceed to telling your tell so that your reader is able to imagine what happens as they read your story. It's detailed but not too detail to the point of boring your readers. The fact that you also show this war can tear apart even a mother and son had me smiling during the back and forth between Storm and Isaac.

@Trainz:
Interesting on how you included Frigidere and the cold temperature in your story. Your writing seem to have humor in the speech of them characters you write about. A sort of serious humor I would say and that's one of my favorite types of humor. I quite like how this story is already as I continue reading.
There are few spelling errors and mistakes but going on....the next chapter is quite battle oriented as well as quick paced. A nice flow in events to reveal it was a test. This chapter also reveal his reasons for joining this war, even when he decided not to. A great piece you've written.

@She Ratchet:
You've wrote about the necromancer's side first. How this war has been started by the paladins, which prompt you to call on a council that hasn't been called in years. Your character then proceeds to study the history books about past necromancer vs paladin wars to no avail.
You shifted the story to the paladin's side as Artix is playing chess by himsef. You painted quite the picture with the numbers of troops Artix gather for the war as well as portray Artix in a much darker and serious mood. Can't wait to see what comes next.

@White Knight:
Now, this was the most interesting take of all. It seems to be set in a more fantasy like place than Lore as you place it in. It's more dramatic, more flair in action scenes and over the top. But you seem to taken full advantage of the fantasy setting and created something fun to read. Another interesting thing was that you had your character die first and something unexpected. I wonder how this entire thing will turn out.

The stories have been great to read and I also hope to read Elryn's when the time comes. Thinking of adding others (your AQ character) into the stories when I write for the Paladin's and Necromancer's side of the war. Little more is here

EDIT: @Archmopecake:
That was quite the speech. Inspirational even, especially when you added a part of the Battle of Troy in there. I can only say "Bravo"




Elryn -> RE: =AQ= Edge of Extinction War Stories and Poems Commentary (1/31/2013 10:18:56)

I would not expect much of mine say true. The stories I have read here are very well done. Mine will likely pale in comparison.

I quite wonder Rixi's motivation in this. I know that Zombay once raced with me, but I have not encountered Rixi before as far as I know. In normal times, I am certain I would enjoy the competition but if anything, in this war, I would be worried about Rixi being around more than anything.

On your last note, Tep, you can always use Elryn if it helps.




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