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11/8/2008 0:00:45

Firefly
Lore-ian

I'm still dreadfully behind, but I managed to, admit countless distractions, finish Chapter 21. Now, I really liked the beginning of this chapter. You had some wonderful setting description and I liked how you encased the chapter in an atmosphere of darkness. However, I felt that the descriptiveness started waning in the later parts, where the cells and rooms and stuff became less clear and I got kinda lost (though I was distracted the whole time, so...) I also think you can describe Breeze a bit more. You do a good job in the end with her actions, but I think you can make the part where she first appears a bit more emotive and descriptive. I want to /feel/ her pain, /feel/ Ryan's anguish. Otherwise, complete love for this chapter, especially Ryan's statement of killing rather than dying for her. The ending was amazing and it really makes me want to go on, but the fact that I'm behind on around ten L&L stories means I'll have to come back another day. Bye for now!

~~EDIT: Claimed for giving others the rewrite bug. =P~~ No page-claiming, please. - Cow Face

< Message edited by Cow Face -- 6/3/2009 14:17:10 >

AQ	Post #: 126

11/9/2008 20:30:52

_Depression
Member

I really want to rewrite Chapters 21 and 22. I wrote them out of the country for the most part, and I guess I was a bit distracted... but I have so much more I can do to expand them (especially the war scene itself, Chapter 22... that's horribly condensed for being one of the most important scenes in AF).

And yeah, I'll blame you for the rewrite bug. xD Remind me to rewrite the early chapters sometime. I'm going to forget.

AQ	Post #: 127

11/9/2008 20:32:10

Richie
Member

not if i remind you daily you won't

DF	Post #: 128

11/9/2008 20:38:39

_Depression
Member

=O True...

Anyway, I've officially started 26! Yay! Now... when it comes out, I have no clue. I have to rally out a couple chapters in Radian, Angels of Night, and Angel: tBO. Plus, I need to really finish up (and type) the AF: in the Hospital scenes...

So, I'm going to make a December 15 deadline on Chapter 26. And a January 5 deadline for 27.

Rich, I can trust you to keep me on those, no?

AQ	Post #: 129

11/9/2008 20:42:44

Richie
Member

quote:

=O True...

Anyway, I've officially started 26! Yay! Now... when it comes out, I have no clue. I have to rally out a couple chapters in Radian, Angels of Night, and Angel: tBO. Plus, I need to really finish up (and type) the AF: in the Hospital scenes...

So, I'm going to make a December 15 deadline on Chapter 26. And a January 5 deadline for 27.

Rich, I can trust you to keep me on those, no?

yes you can trust me and YES YOU WILL RALLY THIS OUT!!!!!

DF	Post #: 130

11/9/2008 20:50:02

_Depression
Member

xD

Also, for those keeping up with the Outtakes, Mastin is only the first of many victims for this human-factor insertion into the Outtakes. So, if you would like to volunteer your ~~health~~ services to a future scene, please PM me.

=)

AQ	Post #: 131

11/9/2008 20:59:56

Richie
Member

can't i just ask you tomorrow? im too lazy to type

EDIT - alos on the reply you made on the gallery, the black rose cafe one, im pretty sure there was more than 20 people in your computer class sophomore year

< Message edited by Richie -- 11/9/2008 21:03:02 >

DF	Post #: 132

11/15/2008 22:56:04

_Depression
Member

The rewrites of Chapter 1 are up!

Things aren't all that different from the original story (yet), but the writing is much more gooder!

AQ	Post #: 133

11/15/2008 22:59:06

Richie
Member

'much more gooder'? i'm sorry, but is that even english. If that's english, then i can see why you're taking latin. the proper term is better

DF	Post #: 134

11/15/2008 23:00:15

_Depression
Member

~~It's called 'baiting Firefly to post.'~~

xD It's an inside joke with my old Science teacher (his grammar was horrendous). lol

AQ	Post #: 135

11/16/2008 12:15:42

Firefly
Lore-ian

Rawr. I'll get around to reading it soon. Patience, _Dep. I owe someone an edit this weekend. (My internet is shaky, and I don't dare do it yet 'cause it might get lost...)

Well, he's a science teacher. You're a writer. =P Though, I knew an English teacher with horrendous spelling...

Wait, d'you want me to finish reading the old Author's Fantasy first, to read the rewrite and then the old, or just ignore the old altogether and read the new only? I'm up to doing whatever, s'long as you feel it helps you the most. ;)

AQ	Post #: 136

11/17/2008 21:01:02

_Depression
Member

I honestly think you're better off reading the old first. And don't feel the need to start reading the rewrites any time soon, they'll be coming out so inconsistently until I actually set myself to doing it (which probably won't be until Fantasy Shattered is finished)... It'll almost be easier to start those later (a lot later), purely because of that.

And that whole 'baiting you to post' thing was kinda just an off-the-top-of-my-head, spontaneous line. I really feel awkward asking anyone to read a new chapter or anything...

=)

AQ	Post #: 137

11/26/2008 21:52:08

_Depression
Member

Oh, how do I say this...? Let's just do it the way it's always been done:

Chapter 26 is released!

I took Firefly's critique to heart and worked hard to make my fight scenes better. So here ya go! This one's for you. =)

And I can't forget, speaking of Firefly's critique, a big thanks to her and Mastin for the nominations for WotM! *hug*

AQ	Post #: 138

11/26/2008 23:07:22

mastin2
Member

Yay!

*reads*

(Heh, the nomination was nothing)
(Also note-My computer came back, and theoretically is working. When it gets hooked up again, messenger should be working. :D)

By the way, rereading chapter twenty-five to catch up...I see errors there that are...well, things that are obvious. Probably things that would get pointed out twenty times if not corrected, things that I've noticed as well. :/
I think I pointed them out already, but if I didn't post any opinions in chapter twenty-five, then I--of course--didn't.

quote:

figure fall to the hard, stone ground, the roughly-cut, cave-like brownstone walls echoing her sobs through the crisp, chilly air.

...You know, there is such a thing as too much description. As in it will overload any mind that is distracted. At the moment, I am a little distracted, I admit, and it took several reads to understand.

spoiler:

Is it just me...or did Aria just replace Breeze in the role of 'damsel-who-is-normally-powerful-suddenly-in-distress'?

quote:

When he stopped his flurry of fists and claws he froze, confused by the grin on his enemy's face.

Yea, I actually recommend adding a comma after 'claws'. Slower flow strikes again.

quote:

Aria lunged forward, slicing at the enemy's neck with her knife and stabbing out at his heart as he stumbled away from the attack.

So, was it a lunge, or a slash? In my experience, this was a little confusing. A lunge forward, a slash at the neck, and a stab at the heart, is it? *is unsure*

quote:

ignoring the fact that nearly a ten minutes ago

Ha! I found a typo. It's getting harder and harder to do with ya, you know. 'nearly a' is repetidive, and is something definitely to be considered a typo. I recommend dropping the 'a'. ;)

quote:

hasn't figured it out, and he hasn't changed either."

slower flow tells me to put a comma after 'changed'.

quote:

Suna laughed blandly, turning her eyes to her feet. "Master would never allow that. Not even if the Goddess of Lights told him to do it herself."

"So then, maybe she'll find you a way out of this place. So you can find your family, and a better name."

two enter/returns instead of one, there, something which needs correcting. ;)

< Message edited by mastin2 -- 11/27/2008 0:02:14 >

Post #: 139

11/26/2008 23:09:21

_Depression
Member

Great, can't wait to see what you come up with (Rich already caught a typo, but he left the punctuation for you xD)

If you don't want to post the stuff from Chapter 25, just PM it to me, I guess. I really want to get FS as perfect as possible now, so my rewrites are smoother than my AF ones...

Edits:

Aria lunged forward, but slashed out with the knife. It's actually pretty effective whenever I use it with a bo. ^.^

>.> I hate typos... *mutters incoherently*

I don't see what you mean by "two enter/returns"...

< Message edited by _Depression -- 11/27/2008 0:04:09 >

AQ	Post #: 140

11/27/2008 0:06:09

mastin2
Member

Don't worry, _Dep. Crimz just caught one of my most embarassing typos, a typo that has existed for about a year in one of my most famous stories. You have nothing to worry about. ;)

Well, I finished it. Nice chapter, as always. You sure have gotten better, but there did seem to be something a little off which I can't quite put my finger on. It's probably nothing of significance; maybe I'm just surprised at the better quality. :P Anyway, I could I'll probably read it again when I'm less distracted to help as much as I can. ;)

-Mastin

Post #: 141

11/27/2008 0:08:03

_Depression
Member

Thanks for the compliments and critiques. They really do help me more than you know. =)

AQ	Post #: 142

1/2/2009 19:20:35

Richie
Member

>.> um wow. a whole month.

anyway.

Finish the new chapter Zangy. I'm pretty sure everyone is just as anxious as I am. And I'm REALLY anxious.

DF	Post #: 143

1/11/2009 23:47:43

_Depression
Member

Alas, this chapter is taking me a long time to write. I'm trying to incorporate three major scenes into it, which is becoming increasingly difficult. I'm also continuing work on the Rewrites, and am currently toiling away at combining, altering, expanding, and overall refacing the first "part" of Author's Fantasy (Chapters 1-5, before Ryan finds himself in Castle Aethon).

So expect Chapter 27 to be out in late January, possibly as late as early February, and expect to see a redone version of the Rewrites' Prologue and Chapter 1.

=)

AQ	Post #: 144

2/12/2009 22:36:26

_Depression
Member

So I wasn't too far off with my estimates of my chapter release. I mean, I said early February, but...

Oh, yeah. Chapter 27. It's out.

I'm not sure I'm entirely pleased... it's definitely not everything I wanted from this chapter. But it's a good lead-in to the next couple chapters, in my opinion. So here it is...

Please, don't hesitate to comment! I'm actually quite short on confidence now... *sigh*

AQ	Post #: 145

2/13/2009 1:07:20

mastin2
Member

_Dep, I wouldn't nominate you if
1: I didn't think you deserved the award and are a darn-good writer.
2: Author's Fantasy wasn't one of my favorite stories. I love it, and encourage you to keep writing. :)

Post #: 146

2/13/2009 22:23:07

_Depression
Member

Mastin, you know you had me at "_Dep," lol. ;)

I dunno... I need to go back and rewrite everything. Literally. And going back, and seeing it all, and having to start completely anew is really taking a toll on my opinions of it all... Sometimes, I wonder how I actually wrote this far in the first place...

AQ	Post #: 147

2/13/2009 23:16:10

Dantmotckc
Member

So...is Inyro recruiting party members, or what? I don't know how he's going to get around showing off his wolfiness.

< Message edited by Dantmotckc -- 2/13/2009 23:22:52 >

Post #: 148

2/13/2009 23:24:28

_Depression
Member

He's going to be seen in a bit of a ... different light by the traceurs, I guess you could say. I doubt he's recruiting, though. We'll find out when I release the next chapter, I guess...

AQ	Post #: 149

2/14/2009 18:30:24

Firefly
Lore-ian

I understand what you mean, _Dep, but seriously, just because you have to rewrite it doesn't mean you did all the work for nothing. Every time you write, you enjoy, so not a single word of writing is ever wasted. Though the old stuff isn't going to seem amazing to you today, it's the /reason/ you're where you are. And yeah, it's loads of work, but pages stack up really fast. When I started rewriting HotD, it felt like I'll never finish. Now, even though I am often too busy to write as much as I did, I managed to finish 1/3 of it already, which is somewhat of an accomplishment. Though rewrites are annoying, they're a way for you to revisit the story and make it into something that'll actually fly to the stars. Good luck!

(And you can trust me on this, 'cause I'm the one hosting L&L's rewrite party, remember? =P)

AQ	Post #: 150

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