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Ethereal Poetry - Comments - Latest: Untitled

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7/31/2008 16:45:04   
~Shade~
Member

A comments thread for all of my poetry.

Please read and critique, give general thoughts, etc.

~Shade~

< Message edited by ~Shade~ -- 10/25/2009 22:43:09 >
Post #: 1
7/31/2008 16:51:20   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 *snuggles Shade* Yay! You put it up again!

I noticed that you didn't put up the later poems though. Or "Cool Blue Moon" (or I might've just missed that). Can you post 'em? Please? *puppy dog eyes* Doesn't work? Fine. *wields grammar hammer* Put them up! ...or else. <_<

Sonnet One and Do You Remember? have to be my favourites, btw.
AQ  Post #: 2
8/1/2008 8:53:04   
~Shade~
Member

I have been deprived of my laptop, where all my poetry is. I'll put up the rest later, but I purposely left out Cool Blue Moon.

There are a few that I don't want to repost, just because.

I'll put the rest up soon though, perhaps within.... maybe Tuesday or Wednesday.

~Shade~
Post #: 3
8/3/2008 1:46:50   
~Shade~
Member

Horrible new poem alert....

Shut Up.

~Shade~
Post #: 4
8/3/2008 13:16:14   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 It's not horrible! Don't say that! The concept is great, almost enough to make me go on one of my long-winded rambles...

Nice flow there too. Yay for "embracing the rules rather than following them"!
AQ  Post #: 5
8/3/2008 19:01:49   
jerenda
Member

So I'm reading this for some insane reason, and I just read Paranoia. Good job of portraying that...

Do You Remember is creepy. Majorly creepy. The flower metaphor was good, though.

My Own Demise... what is it with you and death? Why do people die at the end of your poems? That's demented, Shade.

Delight and Despair- You twisted the two opposites together and added just enough confusion to make it make sense... nice job.

Shut Up- Wow. Weird and cool... space between "each other's"... but I like it. I like it even though it swears because it's very unique and original. I've never seen a theme quite like that before, and it makes so much sense it's almost funny. I think it's my favorite of all the ones I read.

_____________________________

EC! EC! EC~
AQ DF  Post #: 6
8/4/2008 14:12:00   
~Shade~
Member

Why thank you, gals.

I am a very creepy person, so yeah, I suppose these poems would be odd. I am also intrigued by the subject of death. So... that's about it.

~Shade~
Post #: 7
8/4/2008 17:18:20   
Lux
Member
 
quote:

Delight and Despair

Feelings intertwine, moving, bending, disappearing.
The fleeting glimpses of happiness melt.
The passion and senses gone into the void.
Is it fair?
...Touching.

The dreams guide and crash,
Nothing is what it seems.
There now, gone later, nothing, even love,
Can hold a candle to despair.
*Cries* So sad....but good poetry..

She's gone now, nothing to do about it.
Poetic justice or poetic hell, justice is still never as it seems.
The pen gliding, telling the tale of delight and despair.
Is it fair?
*Sniff* That was beautiful. No mistakes,m either.


Your stuff is brilliant, just sad. I give it a 10 out of 10..beautiful.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 8
8/4/2008 18:22:03   
~Shade~
Member

Why thank you, Opacus.

I know I'm brilliant... [/sarcasm] Really though, my stuff tends to be horribly sad and depressing.

~Shade~
Post #: 9
8/24/2008 5:38:52   
Arthur The Brave One
Member

meh, don't be so negative about yourself shade, I likeh your poetry too :) comments for shut up (as I'm too lazy right now to do all of them :P)

I think that, in the first stanza, the final of course should get some more flare... or at least words following it. How about "Of course they don't"?
Second stanza: again the last line. I think that sentence lacks something. Personally, I decided it was a "now" after we're. But I think you should better figure it out for yourself :)
Third: You and me... That should be you and I, remembers?
Fourth: no problems! Yay! :D
Fifth: shouldn't eachother's be two words: each other's? Just a thought.

Good poem, well done! :)
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 10
9/7/2008 18:27:32   
~Shade~
Member

AND NOW... THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... THIS IS...

THE AWESOMELY AWESOME TRILOGY, BY THREE AWESOMELY AWESOME POETS!!!

You might have decided that you've seen poetry that can't be beat. Well... think again. This is the trilogy to beat all trilogies.

This is the Ana_Maria, Mistermafio, ~Shade~ Trilogy.

Three poems.

Three poets.

All awesome.

The three poems can be located in my thread, starting with the first. It is located HERE!

So, have fun, and have a good read.

~Shade~
Post #: 11
10/2/2008 17:04:06   
~Shade~
Member

I have a new poem up, called Who Are You?. Hopefully, you'll take a look.

~Shade~
Post #: 12
10/2/2008 17:13:44   
Mistermafio
Member

I adored your latest poem Shade ^>^

I dunno who you wrote it for, but whoever it is should consider him/herself the luckiest person on the face of the earth.
It really is one of the best poem's I've read in a while.
AQ  Post #: 13
10/2/2008 17:14:56   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Interesting... *hugs very, very tightly* Great work. I dunno what else to say...

Aww, no! MM goes reading before me! /me pretends to be really angry but ends up snugging MM and Shade

_____________________________
AQ  Post #: 14
10/2/2008 17:15:57   
~Shade~
Member

/me snugs you both.

Aww, shucks...

Thanks guys. You're the best! *thumbs up*

~Shade(!)~
Post #: 15
10/15/2008 14:44:59   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 Well, I just read your latest few poems. The Friends trilogy was quite touching, and made me smile all through it. I love the sentiment(s) in the three.

As for Who Are You?, well... Wow. I must agree with mistermafio here, this is one of the best poems I've read recently. It's very- would "intimate" work?- and I love the message. Sorry that my comment seems vague; I just don't really know what to say, this amazed me.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 16
11/12/2008 8:11:46   
~Shade~
Member

Thank you, Cow Face. I'm going to be writing another poem soon, so I hope you'll check in.

In the meantime, I want to say I'm sorry for not doing anything, guys and gals. I've had a big slump in RL, with friends going insane and being loaded up with projects, several of which are late, and getting sick so far this week.

~Shade~
Post #: 17
12/2/2008 16:38:54   
~Shade~
Member

In a moment, I'm going to post a new poem, written by a friend of mine and me.

It's a short little ditty, but I hope you like it. I have no clue who wrote which lines, but I do know they were alternating. Feel free to take a guess as to which are mine.

It also has no title...

~Shade~

< Message edited by ~Shade~ -- 12/2/2008 16:40:30 >
Post #: 18
12/2/2008 19:27:50   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Shade! Man, I missed you. I hope you're doing fine in your busyness. Reading the newest poem. I really love the flow and word choice here, and I like how you captured the mood. Considering the situation it was done in, I dunno if the comments are any help, but here are some more line-specific stuff:

quote:

The quills glide, and guide, across the page,

Imo, the first two commas kinda break the flow, are unnecessary, and not grammatically correct. I suggest taking them out.

quote:

Either way the words have flown,

A comma after "way" might be more grammatical, but meh, it's poetry. =P

quote:

They look around and see a light,

I suggest you use "we" because you used an "our" before, so perhaps keeping it in the same POV is more focused and powerful. The "they" kinda jumped outta nowhere.

quote:

In a world of horror, and raw delight.

I can see how the comma helps for flow, but I dunno if it's necessary.
AQ  Post #: 19
12/3/2008 16:36:44   
~Shade~
Member

Thanks! *goes to fix stuffs*

~Shade~
Post #: 20
1/9/2009 16:59:13   
~Shade~
Member

Hello everyone. I've got a new poem up. See, I hadn't written anything in a long while, and so, She.

Have fun reading.

~Shade~
Post #: 21
1/10/2009 1:53:09   
PoeticSpanner
Member

Good work as always, but I think I found a few things...

Sonnet One:

'Till then I'll enjoy the day, <---pretty sure should be one "L"....(the apostrophe is correct though :D)
Im pretty sure "til" is context you meant/short for until && "till" is what ya do to ground to prep it for seeds...

And pass with a thought of she. <---not sure, but shouldn't that be "her" ?

'Till it ends I'll sit and weep. <---I'm thinking one "L", not two (see above)

Wind-Up Man:

He is more like an automaton <---automation ?

School Poems (Wind)

Remember, it's a wunderkind. <---what's that mean? (Couldn't find it in dictionary :/)

Shut Up:

We stare into eachother's lying faces and say, <---I think it needs a space

< Message edited by Ana_Maria -- 1/10/2009 1:55:13 >
Post #: 22
1/10/2009 12:57:03   
Firefly
Lore-ian
quote:

Just a poetical nerd!

Not sure if this is completely a technical requirement, but I think "poetic" fits better.

quote:

I’m downing on myself, she says that’s being a fool.

I think you usually drown /in/ something, not /on/ something.

Hmm, this is very different from your usual poetry in how you used simplistic words and gave a more down-to-earth feeling. While, usually, I'm a traditionalist who likes things like epic language and stuff (as long as it doesn't go too far), I think the way you wrote this worked here. It's perfect for the tone and sounds very honest. Good work, and write on!
AQ  Post #: 23
1/10/2009 13:10:13   
~Shade~
Member

It's not DROWN, it's DOWN. As in, "Oh, I'm just a piece of crap that can't do anything. I hate myself!"

Skoobs, wunderkind is a word (I think it's german?) that means amazingly talented at a young age. I think.

Fixing the 'tils and the each other.

Also, automaton is a robot.

~Shade~
Post #: 24
1/10/2009 13:30:37   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Darn it. I misread things much to often. <_< The other day, I read "show downtown" as "showdown in town" <_< Let's just say the results were pretty hilarious. I guess I was expecting "drown" since I usually use "down" as an adjective rather than a verb. If I'm making sense.
AQ  Post #: 25
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