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CC~A Collection of Verse. IMPORTANT NOTE ON PAGE FIVE.

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3/8/2009 8:56:52   
Helixi
Member

A Collection of Dark and Philosophical Verse. Please reply! Thanks!
Important note


I have decided to leave my old poetry collection on the forums for people to read. I hate them, personally. I hate what I was like when I wrote them and I felt physically sick reading through them again, all these years later. However, I want people to see my progression as a writer and poet. I also want to see that myself and know that I am a better, happier, safer person than in the past.

I will not be updating poetry to this Collection. If you read them and decide to comment, please keep in mind that I was a fragile and depressed young girl and, yes, I self-harmed often. I am not proud of that fact.

I will not tolerate comments such as 'lol, emo crap' and similar. These are intensely personal to me, whether I like that fact or not, and people that laugh at self-harm are people I do not get along with. Bear that in mind if you decide to post. ~Helixi

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:21:59 >
AQ DF  Post #: 1
3/8/2009 12:37:40   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Congratz on approval! You credited me for the title? I'm touched...

Hmm, the last really short one is actually very powerful, but you might wanna put a bolded "Untitled" over it. It currently can be confused as just another stanza of Single Grey Flower.
AQ  Post #: 2
3/8/2009 14:29:04   
Helixi
Member

Yeah. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:26:53 >
AQ DF  Post #: 3
3/12/2009 21:15:20   
4_worlds_in_one
Member

wow, just imazing. I never thought i would ever read such poetry like that, so deep. kinda scary, but amazing.
DF MQ  Post #: 4
3/13/2009 13:41:43   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hello, and late congratz on your approval!

OK, all the following comments are only my very biased opinions. Basically, it's just what I felt reading your poems today. I tried to find some explanations why I felt like it, but even with the reasonings they are just my opinions.

Hmm. I seem to like your poetry. Nice and dark. =P
You are employing pretty powerful words. The poem Blood and Tears made a very visual impact on me:
quote:

I was just another young man
In the mud and stink of war
The dead slept with the living

Especially the quoted part above. Splendid!

While I kept on reading, I started to think however, if there's slight choppiness at some poems. Having short sentences line after line, poem after poem may enhance this effect. Especially since you use a lot of repetition for impact. In the poem In the Mirror the repetition works very well, but for example, I'm not sure if the repeating of the line 'She weeps' in the poem Tears works for me, mainly because it's such a short poem and having two identical lines in it seems a little baffling. I was sorta waiting for something more on the other line like In the Mirror where the line changes a bit each time. Just a thought.

Having said that I have only one little petition:
Please carry on rhyming! =)
DF  Post #: 5
3/13/2009 15:04:20   
Helixi
Member

I reposted tears, minus repetition, fabula. Better? Thanks both of you, by the way. :D

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:45:51 >
AQ DF  Post #: 6
3/13/2009 15:34:54   
Fleur Du Mal
Member

Well, yes, I like it much better without the repetition. It's beautiful. However, the most important thing is always that you are happy with your own poetry and that's why others' suggestions are always only suggestions, to be taken at your own discretion. But I bet you already have heard this before. (Still glad you took the suggestion. =P )
DF  Post #: 7
3/13/2009 17:25:59   
Helixi
Member

Well, I do listen to people who are more experienced than me. Did any others catch your eye?

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:27:15 >
AQ DF  Post #: 8
3/13/2009 19:59:08   
4_worlds_in_one
Member

his post made mine kinda small, but im not very expirenced in writing. if you looked inside my mind, you might see a british person talking inmy e.... what? oh! never mind, i didnt say anything. *head pokes out of ear then comes in quickly*

< Message edited by 4_worlds_in_one -- 3/13/2009 20:00:40 >
DF MQ  Post #: 9
3/13/2009 22:58:21   
Crimzon5
Member

*Escapes the clutches of my books and reviewers*

*Escapes OOC shackels*

I was just rereading some of your work, and I noticed Blood and Tears. Heh, I didnt notice that I made a chapter title in a story of mine that had the same title as yours. Ah well

Anyways, your short poems were good. But the flow was so good that I wanted it to be longer. I mean, let's say the reader gets pleased with the flow. Then when he scrolls down the page, there's nothing else. It seems lacking and too good to end shortly. So I suggest you make longer poems next time :D

_____________________________


Can you see the Visions?
AQ DF  Post #: 10
3/14/2009 8:17:13   
Spawn of Teridax
Member

Can see why you got approved. That was beautiful, sad, and the whole other however many yards you need rolled together. Plus, you like Linkin Park, so that's another plus. :P
DF  Post #: 11
3/14/2009 10:52:49   
Helixi
Member

I'm writing another stanza for Blood and Tears soon Crimzon, but don't hold your breath just yet. Another poem called Isolation will go up soonish.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:27:50 >
AQ DF  Post #: 12
3/16/2009 12:44:43   
Evil Moo!!
Member

Hm, there's a lot of good stuff in there. This kind of poetry caters particularly well to my tastes. It's deliciously morbid. I especially liked this part from The Turning:

quote:

In one hour, my life was gone
An agony on my throat
A salty flow of life in my mouth
Another agony


I could almost taste the imagery. I also liked the way it contrasted so suddenly to the reminiscent lines above it, almost throwing the reader into a new, surreal, twisted reality of pain.
Post #: 13
3/16/2009 18:58:45   
Habits of the ghost
Member

i just chanced upon your poems and though they are a little dark i rather enjoyed them, and its been a while since i have enjoyed a poem or in this case more than one but i agree with crimzon they need to be longer. i wanted to read more but it wasnt there to read. and though i dont know you congratz on the approval.

< Message edited by Habits of the ghost -- 3/16/2009 18:59:11 >
Post #: 14
3/18/2009 12:06:44   
Helixi
Member

Thanks HotG and Evil Moo! :). I posted another stanza for Blood and Tears; it's in a new post at the bottom.
Yay Smalls came! *hugglesSmalls* :p

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:28:48 >
AQ DF  Post #: 15
3/18/2009 17:26:19   
Smalls
Member

Helix, I never thought I'd say this about a poem, besides some free verse book ones, and the Odyssesy: I like your poems, I feel they have meaning to you, and they're good, keep it up!
~Smalls
DF  Post #: 16
3/19/2009 19:33:39   
razorwolf9
Member

it was beautiful,like looking at a black rose in the hands of a dead woman.the thoughts of deth and blood disturbe you,yet the beauty of the rose cansels that out twonty thousand times over.
my complements.

_____________________________

Resident werewolf king of the forums.rawr
Post #: 17
3/21/2009 8:16:13   
Helixi
Member

@Razor: Inspiration can come from the most unlikely of places. Thanks for that!

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 13:29:10 >
AQ DF  Post #: 18
3/23/2009 14:53:00   
nukefission
Member

nice but i see u like death
oh well so do i
gimmie zombies a gravity gun and ravenholm anyday of the week
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 19
3/23/2009 15:42:48   
corrmag
Member

awsome and thanks again for pm'ing me the one peom.

all should read the peoms they are VERY good. ^^



_____________________________

http://www.aq.com/aw-character.asp?id=corrmag
~Corrmag
Post #: 20
3/24/2009 18:00:08   
Helixi
Member

Thanks for putting a link in your siggie corrmag. o.O

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:47:33 >
AQ DF  Post #: 21
3/24/2009 19:00:07   
spellmaster
Member

I didn't know you were great at writing poetry. It's dark and has a lot of motion, which I love. My fovorite is Flirt/My Suicide.
Post #: 22
3/24/2009 22:38:17   
Crimzon5
Member

*Reads you works agian*

you're right... mine is not emo compared to yours v_v
AQ DF  Post #: 23
3/25/2009 2:51:21   
Helixi
Member

^Told you so :). Seriously though people, tell me what I need to improve!

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:48:03 >
AQ DF  Post #: 24
3/29/2009 7:28:31   
Helixi
Member

New Poems.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:48:20 >
AQ DF  Post #: 25
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