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RE: Comments and Criticism: A Collection of Dark Verse

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5/23/2009 2:57:04   
Helixi
Member

^...That's the first time I've heard that sort of comment. xD

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:56:13 >
AQ DF  Post #: 51
5/23/2009 11:48:19   
Gianna Glow
Member

Lol, what i meant is that it reminds me of these twins from the comics. they are seperate, but they can merge into one body. they always used "we" instead of "me".
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 52
5/30/2009 7:17:52   
Helixi
Member

I will have three new poems up very soon. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:56:35 >
AQ DF  Post #: 53
5/31/2009 10:36:30   
Crimzon5
Member

Heh, I read Outside Looking In.

Man, I hve a friend (girl) who can relate to that. Heh, she keeps on asking me for advice on that one.

Heh, where do you get your ideas anyway?

_____________________________


Can you see the Visions?
AQ DF  Post #: 54
6/1/2009 11:35:27   
Helixi
Member

Everyday life, movies, books...everywhere and anywhere really. Tales of More Broken Homes is based on some close friends and another one is based on how my friend felt when her long time boyfriend dumped her.

Ah, I've kinda abandoned this collection to pursue my story in English 101. Feel free to comment, but I won't update this regularly until my story is done and maybe approved.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:57:17 >
AQ DF  Post #: 55
6/16/2009 20:20:29   
Angel of Grief
Member

i have nothing to say about your poems Helix, besides that they are all beautiful, in their emo/gothic ways....

well, one thing extra, you would have made some longer poems.
Chocolate Kisses is my favorite though!


edit: oh..the one where she has a dream of her own burial was beautiful aswelll...

_____________________________
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 56
7/2/2009 18:17:10   
Smalls
Member

Love these Helix ^.^
They're so powerful
I especially love Birth and Death ;) teehee
These are..honest and just real, you don't white-wash things for sure! You may black-wash them though :P
~Bigm
DF  Post #: 57
7/2/2009 18:23:45   
Helixi
Member

Thanks Smalls and AoG! I like having a few readers. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:57:43 >
AQ DF  Post #: 58
7/6/2009 14:33:33   
Samlotoflol
Member

Err....... Wow amazing like smalls says so powerful. They have so much emotion so much welll creativeness in them. There is so much I would never be able to do that much poetry. You should make a book..... you are so... well amazing at writing poetry sorry if I'm ranting on a bit ..... maybe I should stop.
DF  Post #: 59
7/6/2009 14:46:53   
Helixi
Member

New Poem, Losing You. My longest yet, please read and comment!
AQ DF  Post #: 60
7/6/2009 16:48:23   
cchris aka chris
Member

did u make these coz im blown away nice job!
AQ  Post #: 61
7/7/2009 11:35:30   
Helixi
Member

^Um.... yes I did. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:58:21 >
AQ DF  Post #: 62
7/7/2009 17:30:41   
Vale Defender
Member

I really enjoy these. Especially the collab with Pyro. He's an old acquaintance of mine, and it slays me that he remembers me even after I'd changed my username. I'll be sure to keep watching for new material.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 63
7/7/2009 19:20:23   
not steve
Member

XD at the metalica reference in "Death Magnetic" It is hard for me to criticize free verse poetry, especially dark poetry. Perhaps because my poetry rhymes and has a lighter tone to it. Still, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate these. You come off in your most recent pieces as a philosopher of sorts, I myself dabble in philosophy but again, in a very different way XD I like your stuff, it's very deep.
AQ DF  Post #: 64
7/8/2009 4:00:51   
Helixi
Member

Thanks both of you. Vale, I'll send you that poem now. I'll also update my thread very soon.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:58:45 >
AQ DF  Post #: 65
7/8/2009 4:58:32   
alexmacf
Member

Roses, Tears, So Slow, and Child are really simple poems. While that's good for kids' poetry, it's not going to get you published. Try expanding on them and making them engaging and more interesting.

Your verse Untitled is promising, and sounds like a vampire story if you want to (and you should!) expand on it.

Split the second line in Music.

quote:

thanks OOC forumites, especially alex, spelly, SoT, smalls, ShadowSpawn and rjpwapo.
Thanks! /ego boost

All of your ego being boosted is deserved, but you did ask me to criticize. =)
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 66
7/8/2009 5:45:12   
Helixi
Member

1. Any suggestions from anyone to expand Roses, Tears, So Slow or Child while I work on them as well?
2. Which Untitled? I have about 6.
3. Will do Done.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:59:16 >
AQ DF  Post #: 67
7/8/2009 6:02:51   
Crimzon5
Member

I don't know, but I was in the mood for a good line (ang google/yahoo did not help). So why not check the forums?

PS: I got limited availabilty for a while...

quote:

Our scars remind us that the past is real.

Man, where do you get these?
One problem though is that not all poems possess... a unique idea from the others; even some lines just have some rewording but same thought. But regardless, your talent is recognizable
AQ DF  Post #: 68
7/8/2009 6:17:59   
Helixi
Member

^That poem actually based on a song called "Scars" by Papa Roach. I did take that line directly from the song, but the rest of it is all my work. I really should put footnotes in if I do that.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 9:59:48 >
AQ DF  Post #: 69
7/19/2009 17:45:45   
BrantePyrus
Member

I have reread all your stuff! Had nothing to do... Rescue Me is great. You need, need, need to write some stuff like that. Being negative isn't a bad thing, but neither is being positive. ;)
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 70
7/20/2009 14:53:54   
Helixi
Member

Thanks Brante. :)

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:00:05 >
AQ DF  Post #: 71
7/21/2009 7:53:35   
Spawn of Teridax
Member

Wow.....

You've gone into poem overdrive while I was gone. :O
DF  Post #: 72
7/22/2009 9:52:48   
Helixi
Member

Thanks SoT :)

I'm having trouble with my newest poem, Heart of Glass. I have put the poem on a picture of my friends and it won't put the picture on my Poem thread. Hopefully I will have worked this out soon

Done. I will post my other version on this thread for now until i work out how to put it on my thread.

Both pictures are uploaded.






< Message edited by Helixi -- 7/22/2009 10:22:54 >
AQ DF  Post #: 73
7/22/2009 11:12:17   
Spawn of Teridax
Member

O_OO_OO_O

Heart of Glass was really good. I liked how you put the heart in your friends mouth, and wrote the poem over it.

Yeah, I know, my poetry sucks compared to yours.

Rub it in, Helix.

Rub it in. :P
DF  Post #: 74
7/22/2009 11:19:45   
Helixi
Member

Thanks. It's not my best poem, but I wanted the visual effect of the heart in Anna's mouth. I think it turned out quite well.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:00:42 >
AQ DF  Post #: 75
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