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=DF= Frostval Adventure Stories and Poems 2010 Commentary

 
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12/10/2010 0:20:52   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


Frostval Adventure Stories and Poems 2010

Have fun and enjoy each other's work!

< Message edited by Eukara Vox -- 12/10/2010 0:21:28 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
12/13/2010 11:41:20   
dethhollow
Member

@lordzarok:

I LOL'd at giant zorbak titan fight... but you should continue it... BUT...

HOW CAN YOU LEAVE EUKARA TIED TOO A CHAIR TO BE POKED FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE


and why are there so many zorbaks??? (explain please )

AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
12/26/2010 1:09:33   
Wildroses
A beautiful Rose,
always and forever


Shinobi Shadowmaster: Genus Stealus.

My favourite part of this story was the real sense of pain and unhappiness from the viewpoint of Genus Stealus. That was very well done and effective.

I'd have formatted to make the Genus Stealus and Guthixnite viewpoints seem quite different by centering and bolding the character names. I also think part of the Guthixnite part might have flowed better if you maybe got rid of: *The Flashback starts* and *The Flashback fades* lables and just made that entire paragraph italisised. I've seen that technique used several times by authors and it works well.

I also liked how you split everything into paragraphs. It can be daunting to have an entire patch of text to read with no breaks.




AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 3
12/26/2010 1:12:41   
Razen
Member

Wildroses: Thanks. I am not an experienced writer, but I have RPed a bit so that helps. *Blush*
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
12/27/2010 0:17:30   
Wildroses
A beautiful Rose,
always and forever


@Shinobi Shadowmaster: Yes, I can see how RPing would help. Writing is only half the work, the other half is picturing what you are going to write.

@Guthixnite: The Day the Plushie's Retaliated.

Following the thread of the action was not difficult at all, and I got a good sense of Guthixnite's character and personality from his dialogue, actions and the way other character's responded to him without you actually telling me, which is great. 'Show don't tell' is one of the phrases writer's are always being encouraged to do.

Personally, I think this piece would work better as a first person account than a third person account. This would mean changing all the 'he' and 'Guthixnite' parts to 'I' mostly. Also I think it could be improved by a little more descriptions, but you want to be careful with descriptions. It's easy to go overboard with descriptions, which makes for a very boring read as the reader ploughs on waiting for action to appear. The Great Dragon of Time and Chronomancer armour certainly warrant a description as they are very important points in the story. A little description of a few of the people Guthixnite meets in the inn may be good too, but not all of them or it really will be boring. Perhaps Drake and Lady Ravenwing, since they have speaking parts, and one or two more.

Another thing about this piece, it really strikes me as only the beginning of a long story. I'm left wanting to know more about the Great Dragon of Time and why he chose Guthixnite, more about Guthixnite's training as a Chronomancer, and I'm curious as to how Guthixnite is going to cope with his amnesia. Will his memory slowly return, or is he doomed to spend the rest of his life having people he doesn't remember come up and talk to him? (Personally I think that would be interesting to write and read about). If this is going to be a long piece you will one day finish, this is fine, but if you plan to have it stand alone as a short piece, you may need to do some more tweaking. Incidentally, if this is going to be a long story I think it's going to take you a while to write, certainly longer than the war will last. Don't let that put you off. Writing is hard work.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 5
12/27/2010 0:29:11   
guthixnite
Member

@wild:thanks. i intended to make the story longer as i did with my thankstaking story. there is still atleast two more part i intend to write on(most likely) thursday, as that will be my 14th birthday, and i expect to spend it alone, just like my last 5 or 6 birthdays. and the reason i went with 3rd person in this story is i wanted to try something different, and if i like it and my readers like it, i will keep writing like that. if not i will go back to 1st person.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 6
12/30/2010 3:57:34   
  San Robin
Modzerella


Somehow I lolled at Sendai's poem again :P

I wrote a story too or at least... I tried to xD
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 7
12/30/2010 22:08:19   
Mordred
Member

Well, I made a parody of Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Comments appreciated.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 8
1/1/2011 7:38:46   
Razen
Member

Ok, I have made the second part of my V.U.E.L. story, Parasitäre Kaiser(or Parasitic Emperor).
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 9
1/1/2011 19:13:04   
Mikrin
Member

Comments welcome on my story or song.
DF  Post #: 10
1/2/2011 17:40:03   
Razen
Member

Finished my 100% story finally. It has 12 paragraphs of forum humor.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 11
1/3/2011 15:28:14   
Highlord Sendai
Member

Loved the story Stephen.

Maybe next year I can write my Day of the Sneevils bit.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 12
1/4/2011 5:04:45   
  San Robin
Modzerella


Updated my story, Still not done but it is 5 pages(From word) long :P
Story is done!

< Message edited by San Robin -- 1/4/2011 9:44:13 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 13
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