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RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood

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4/7/2013 12:38:10   
Internan
Member
 

 I've filled School exercise books full of stories, I write them in school all the time (hehe) And this compares to mine perfectly, which is quite weird XD I was going to write a story on here, but If I do I think I might make it all in one CHapter. But Great work! It's good :P
AQW  Post #: 226
4/8/2013 4:36:32   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Internan: I'm glad to read you enjoyed my story thus far.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 227
5/9/2013 19:02:43   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I added a new story and updated my first post.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 228
5/11/2013 14:23:12   
Faerdin
Rune Knight


 I did not see any spelling or grammatical errors in your new story, so I can just dive right in. ^_^

The inclusion of Valen, King Alteon, and Lynaria in the clan's backstory adds an entirely new meaning to its pillars, and I actually like that quite a bit. I can't wait to see more!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 229
5/11/2013 15:40:54   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Faerdin: Well, unfortunately there isn't really much more to add to the story if, as I originally intended, I am to make it work for both of our background stories. Needless to say that this story is largely based on your background story with a hint of things to come for my own.

spoiler:

Your character's story also inspired me for the lines I didn't use in the story.

quote:

Through master's wrath and water's flow,
We stand together through the lowest of low.


Faerdin had to endure both his master's wrath and a fear of water though together the pillars could withstand all.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 230
5/14/2013 0:15:04   
Mordred
Member

So, I managed to jump up to Chapter XIX or XXI, and I immediately notice steady improvement in style and format. Whole at times sentences don't flow or seem to be missing something, they get rarer and rarer as I progress, and I'm looking forward to getting to the newer chapters where this may not even need mentioning. The pacing of the story and the breaks in Chapters feels off, I think, but not grievously. So, while the pacing is slightly disruptive for me, I can definitely see the narrative moving in a clear direction, and it's shaping up very nicely. I hope to continue my commentary in the nearer future than I had this. :P
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 231
5/31/2013 5:01:18   
Glais
Member

Been a while

New story's direction is kinda surprising, at least the end of it (was expecting this to possibly detail the three's lives and whatnot)

Crossover with Faerdin though eh
Or at least a feature
Good enough for me

_____________________________
DF MQ  Post #: 232
8/13/2013 16:06:29   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I am currently working on a new chapter and I am trying to get it finished soon. Here is something while you wait, it may just help you discern what direction I am taking the story.

spoiler:

Vilmor
Traitor to the Dragonlord Order, this individual was found guilty without a trial and to this date no one has cared to find out exactly what happened at Bask.

Xan
Little is known what happened to this wizard after King Slugwrath, his previous employer, was dethroned by Alteon, but he most certainly did not remain in the service of the crown of Swordhaven.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 233
8/15/2013 15:28:50   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 CHAPTER XXV: Home is ....

I may end up editing more content into into this chapter.

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 8/15/2013 15:31:19 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 234
8/16/2013 2:18:31   
Razen
Member

quote:

It had been early when Volu had woken them up, there had been no time for breakfast.


The comma should be a semicolon.

quote:

It was a popular song which joked about the fact gnomes became agitated if one confused their profession with one or the other, if it was effectively both with the exception of the odd tinkerer who shunned one aspect in favour of the other.


If it was effectively both? I'm thinking that you meant to say as, but I could be wrong.

quote:

A strange contraption still filled up with mana was still working from what they could tell


Maybe instead of repeating still, you could say "A strange still filled up with mana managed to continue working from what they could tell"?

quote:

"Yeah, you won't stop complaining about him complaining to me."


This one just sounds awkward to me. I think that it would sound less confusing as: "Yeah, you won't stop complaining to me about him."

I don't have much to say other than that you seemed to have some repetition when it could have been avoided in this chapter.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 235
8/16/2013 9:14:30   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Razen: Thank you, I made the corrections.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 236
9/12/2013 9:33:16   
lordkaho
Creative!


 CHAPTER XXIV: "What is Left in Darkness"

quote:


The Darkheart Guard or the Blackheart Guard as they were only called in whispers


I think it would be better to just tie this phrase with the previous sentence. Cool name by the way.

quote:

"He probably got airsick."


Hahaha. Nice one. Though I kind of feel bad for the earth dragon.

Glad you're still making in-game references.


DF MQ  Post #: 237
9/16/2013 16:27:55   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @lordkaho: I made a small adjustment, how does that look?

quote:

Hahaha. Nice one. Though I kind of feel bad for the earth dragon.

That is the idea. I wanted the reader to witness how someone's death affected their loved ones* or from the other point of view how one's actions have consequences which people tend to forget about while in the act.

quote:

Glad you're still making in-game references.

I wouldn't know how not to.

*Just think how this will affect the relations between the dragonlords, dragons and the dwarves. Already there are members of the latter two who fight over the earth's bounty and the dragonlords can hardly afford the dwarves' ire for they control much of the ore needed to smith weapons and armour.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 238
12/16/2013 3:25:03   
Glais
Member

Been a while bruh

Took the liberty of rereading a number of chapters to refresh myself, gotta say your story is the best I've seen at balancing original content and canon bits. It really helps it feel like a DF story.
Ending of the last chapter was pretty funny.

Looking forward to the Order of Carcharas in particular, quite a lot of factions seem to be turning up now.

Have to say I loved "Creation". Very simple, but it works. Always been interested in the beginning of the AEverse.

DF MQ  Post #: 239
7/13/2014 9:47:21   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 So I've been going over my story and corrected several errors and fixed certain links to which I could recall the songs they linked to. Anyone remembering a particular song I used is free to tell me, I'd appreciate the help on this.

I've added a new section to the latest chapter to make the journey itself put more emphasis on Lore and how the roads look with their denizens and whatnot.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 240
8/12/2014 17:26:56   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 CHAPTER XXVI: Thee Quest Completed

spoiler:

Evil continues to spread.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 241
8/13/2014 4:41:44   
Razen
Member

quote:

After a couple of minutes of debate the group dispersed and a blonde, balding gnome with a moustache wearing a brown cloak over a brown shirt and a pair of jeans.


I assume that this sentence is incomplete.

quote:

At this sign, Azer signalled the others the others it was safe to come over.


Another error. Signaled is also misspelled.

quote:

We came upon bandits on the road and my lord has been rather upset


There needs to be a comma before and.

quote:

and you're the first the ask about them, to be honest.


I assume you meant "to."

quote:

the nearest village is half a day east from here on foot and the next town is


Another run-on.

quote:

Redtail had gotten to made her acquaintance with a merchant trading salted nuts and crackers.


Make not made.

quote:

Azer said as he approached the foreigner who was busy tying the his bag.


The "the" shouldn't be there.

quote:

Oh the irony how a child would listen to words which have fallen on deaf ears with people who could actually do something about it," The voice lamented in irony.


Seems unlike you to repeat irony so close together.

quote:

He was heading in the direction a group of beige tents.


I imagine that you mean "in the direction of..."

quote:

and the man was all to glad they didn't seem inclined to meet him.


To should be too. I'd say you could add a that before they.

quote:

wearing a silver-washed grey pants


There shouldn't be an a.

quote:

I think we can all agree that we'll take the king of Swordhaven up on his invitation, don't we?


This feels off due to the can not being parallel to the don't. I'd say either make don't be can't or remove can.

quote:

we wouldn't have you starve to death before you can relay your message, now can we?


I feel like you should just use can't and can or wouldn't and would. Parallelism and all.

quote:

Azer informed concerned.


...I'm not sure here, but I know something needs changed.

quote:

Thoughts came and went as the rays of sunlight falling through the forest roof.


Falling should be fell.

quote:

contents out of her cup when jumping her legs.


I think there's a word missing here.

quote:

It was beautifully sunny and the birds sang their songs to their heart's contents


Comma after sunny.

quote:

but she felt couldn't help but feel lonely in her sanctuary.


Pretty sure that you're missing a she after the felt.

I finally noticed the change to the previous chapter and the inclusion of the new one. If you don't mind me saying this, I must say that these new places feel...a lot sloppier than I am used to seeing from you. I'm reading this in the middle of the night, and I'm finding a slew of errors(I am pretty sure that there were more, but I didn't want to bother with unnecessary edits).

Edit: Hmm, as I expected when I went back to check...Lady Celestia never had a protection magic around the Grove. Your explanation?

< Message edited by Razen -- 8/13/2014 14:47:24 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 242
8/14/2014 6:13:37   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Razen: I made the fixes, thank you.

quote:

Signaled is also misspelled.

Signalled is the U.K. spelling.

I rewrote parts of this chapter and I read through it several times, most of the stuff I spotted was about things which could do with a description and I tried my best to avoid the repetition you mentioned I had in my previous chapter.

About the part of the barrier, I got that from this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=9685277

Elysia: After... after the attack.... I have reinforced the area around the Grove with protection magic.
Elysia: Though, it was the hatching... the son called out to his father... and some bonds go beyond magic....


Which I read as though there was magic to protect to Grove in place, the bond between father and son allowed Akriloth Sr. to pass.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 243
8/14/2014 12:40:25   
Razen
Member

She says after the attack though, so it sounds like the second line is more in reference to if a future attack were to occur. The barrier itself also just serves to make people confuse it for Edelia until they get to Lady Celestia.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 244
8/16/2014 18:43:46   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 The chapter has been redacted, if there was no protection magic warding the Grove then the whole setting made no sense.

spoiler:

None of the people the protagonist meets in that place are people who would take kindly to certain company.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 245
12/18/2014 16:20:20   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I have released chapter XXVI again with some minor additions, the thing why I removed it in the first place not being one of them. I have thought long and hard about other ways to go about it, but I could come up with none. So if you have feedback or suggestions as how to approach it, I'm all eyes. However, I will continue the story and won't look back should no feedback arrive.

So the conditions for the plot I've been trying to make work with the thing mentioned in the posts above are the following.
spoiler:

The character needs to be stranded without any sense of urgency. He must not hurry back to his companions nor indeed must his companions know of his fate or he of theirs.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 246
1/21/2019 14:52:54   
Glais
Member

Out of nostalgia I still go back and reread the stories my friends wrote from way back when. You probably no longer thing about this story or frequent this forum, but upon rereading it recently there was a lot about it I did not appreciate at the time. You really had a talent for pinning down the feeling of the setting you were writing for, and going into greater depth about little things (the Sneevil culture, or Azer meditating to recover mana) that aren't often considered in stories of this nature. You built up a lot of mystery and I would have liked to see how it turned out, but I'm sure real life and opportunity took over. Hope you've continued your writing.
DF MQ  Post #: 247
2/6/2019 17:43:54   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I am still around. I have written several parts of this story, but unfortunately I cannot reach most of those files. Hopefully, they can be retrieved and the files have not been corrupted beyond recovery.

I have always prided myself with trying to honour the writers whose work I incorporate into my stories. However, I vowed never to go back and rewrite my story in the event of retcons as I witnessed with my own eyes how this made writers unable to advance their works. Unfortunately, the games have started to contradict themselves in such a manner where I am not sure as how to proceed.

I took as canon the book in the Falconreach townhall which states that Falconreach is a new town at the start of Dragonfable with Oaklore Keep having been built to protect it. However, in the backstory quest where we meet Aria's mother those locations already exist.

Furthermore, the characters would have been different.

We have to say that Alteon and Yulgar, for all intents and purposes, basically look the same (age). We also see Sir Stephan in that backstory quest. Which looks like he's roughly 10 years old.

In my research notes, the rebellion took place ~20 years before the start of the game. Drakath would not be very old at the time, nor would Alteon likely have been married prior to becoming king. Drakath and Robina did not meet as children (according to the tragic love story he did not know about her identity), which gives credence to the notion that she was born after her father ascended to the throne.

I think that we can all agree that Yulgar in that quest does not look like someone who could lead a rebellion, which puts us at least 30 years back. At this point Drakath could most certainly not have been born, he does not look like he is 30 years old. Thus, it is fair to say that this was during Slugwrath's reign. However, I don't think that I saw his banners (as you do during the Alexander Saga).
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 248
4/19/2019 17:38:06   
Glais
Member

I'm glad to see you kept on with it, the mysteries set up looked really fun. Even after rereading I could not for the life of me piece together what the Triad of One actually was, assuming it was a pre-existing kind of entity.

I'm with you in regards to canon, the Town Hall book, while now contradicted, remains the clearest and original telling of how Falconreach came to be.

I've always admired how greatly your story felt like it fit into the setting, in my eyes you've done an excellent job honoring what came before you.

Rewrites are a bit of a bane of progress, and it's probably wise you've avoided them. Looking back at my own writing is painful at this point, and I opted to scrap it all and start from the beginning, and to unify the canon in a way that I feel does justice to the setting (otherwise why bother writing a fanfic at all) but is a bit more cohesive, at least in my mind. It resulted in a much different setting and story than before, but one that makes me now, as someone without the time to sink into these games, feel as if I'm still able to experience the world I fell in love with as a child.

That was a bit long-winded, anyhow I'm glad you haven't given up on this and hope one day you'll reveal what you had planned. I only continue Past Present for personal fulfillment these days, as there isn't really the audience for that sort of thing now.
DF MQ  Post #: 249
5/3/2019 17:53:11   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 The Triad of One exists in Dragonfable's canon, but he's nameless and faceless. In AdventureQuest Worlds a different incarnation of the character exists. For my purposes, I wrote the Triad of One in such a manner to explain how certain characters and events in AdventureQuest and Dragonfable turned out the way that they have, the other incarnation doesn't appear to have much depth.

I wrote his description prior to there being a graphical representation, so they don't look anything like each other.

spoiler:

**********. *********. ******. These are the three of one.


I once wrote his stats in AQ Suggestions, before the forums dragged it into oblivion. But that was what I imagined to be his final line.


I should stress that while I have written chapters (or parts thereof), they are not in chronological order. I know that I want Artix to train Azer for the coming week, during which other events transpire elsewhere, but I don't know what skill I want him to teach. Originally I wanted to have Artix teach him the Paladin ability from Dragonfable which has got a 20% chance of restoring mana as an alternative to the meditation upon learning that Azer is a mage. I don't know if I want to go through with that given that the class has been revamped.

Artix is supposed to be an acolyte at this point, so whatever he teaches Azer should reflect that.

I have 3 "completed" chapters, well 4 if you count the bonus chapter.

I wanted to write about why Dragonfable's protagonist wears a similar armour to Artix, but well the base classes have been revamped. While I will grant you that the old Paladin-class in Dragonfable felt more like a robotic knight, the new Paladin-class doesn't feel like something which Artix would give you. I have been wrecking my brains trying to explain that.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 250
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