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(HS) Reality Traveler Discussion

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9/10/2011 23:29:17   
UnityDestroyer
Member

The path to discuss the story Reality Traveler.

(HS) Reality Traveler
Post #: 1
9/10/2011 23:52:50   
aizenv3
Banned


 Nice story

quote:

He saw the criminal, and himself. The criminal ran into the portal, Unity followed him to the portal. Then he saw a room full of treasure. The criminal said, "How clever to use the reality to follow me," Unity replied, "Wait what?" The criminal smiled, and said, "You will understand in the right time," Then the criminal shot Unity with his gun, but Unity dodged it, but he got pushed to the portal, and he got back to his office.



He was like "lolwut"
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
9/10/2011 23:55:16   
Watziname WAT
Member

As usual, bad grammar.What's with the one-line prologue?
I'll give ya points on the plot.

To sum it up:
It needs work.
AQW Epic  Post #: 3
9/10/2011 23:57:46   
UnityDestroyer
Member

3 min. difference.

@aizenv3:

quote:

He saw the criminal, and himself. The criminal ran into the portal, Unity followed him to the portal. Then he saw a room full of treasure. The criminal said, "How clever to use the reality to follow me," Unity replied, "lolwut?" The criminal smiled, and said, "You will understand in the right time," Then the criminal shot Unity with his gun, but Unity dodged it, but he got pushed to the portal, and he got back to his office.


Correct?
Post #: 4
9/12/2011 19:05:36   
Clown the Jester
Member

I rather like it. Its short, sweet, and to the point. Not every story needs twenty paragraphs with tedious descriptions.


Sometimes a quick easy to read, assessible, action backed, story is the way to go.


Keep it up. Oh...by the way...WHO CARES IF THE GRAMMARS BAD? MY GRAMMARS BAD! YOUR GRAMMARS BAD! WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!


HOO HOO HA HA HA HA HA!
AQW Epic  Post #: 5
9/12/2011 19:18:05   
star screamer
Member

Like it, and wat, try using space after periods before saying someones grammar is bad, thank you
AQW  Post #: 6
9/13/2011 4:07:31   
UnityDestroyer
Member

@Clown, and Star

Well yeah... Thanks.

Is backed mean't to be packed?

Post #: 7
9/13/2011 15:53:06   
star screamer
Member

I am so negative with a positive attitude!



< Message edited by star screamer -- 9/15/2011 15:51:36 >
AQW  Post #: 8
9/17/2011 21:16:14   
UnityDestroyer
Member

Again, nice joke.
Post #: 9
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