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'Some Call it Fate' Discussion

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12/28/2011 21:54:29   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Here's a place to discuss my fanfic, which can be viewed here.

Sorry it's so short, hopefully it won't be like that for long!

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 1/22/2012 12:41:14 >
AQW  Post #: 1
12/28/2011 22:31:16   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Hmm... hair down to the armpits... Interesting; Longer than most would have it... but anyway, that just intrigued me particularly, so I felt I'd mention it.

Pity she didn't think her plan through enough to get a jacket... you'd think you'd want to bring as much as possible without being too bulky or heavy.

You know, normally diamonds are actually blue even when they seem white. It's just an extremely pale and difficult to see shade... YOu can tell more easily by refracting light through it.

Truly a pity... and such an unweildy power, given to such a young and unprepared child. Makes me want to cradle her in my arms and tell her it's alright. Sad.

*sigh* I have to get ready and go to bed, now... Couldn't even finish the first chapter. :/

_____________________________
DF  Post #: 2
12/28/2011 22:38:25   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Hmm, interesting! The beginning hooks you in and the rest justifies it. Nice suspense, nice pacing, and good grammar as far as I can see. Interesting powers the child has- how did she use them to kill her parents anyway? Anyways, good start, and can't wait to see some more of it.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 3
12/28/2011 22:44:36   
Mortarion
Member

Hmm Nice story, now to see if Jessa takes the path of a heroine, or that of a villaness
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
12/28/2011 23:48:05   
blankmaskara
Member

The story's going well, from what I see. Aside from that, it feels nice to see that it's from the perspective of the main character, and that she's just your average person. Well, that's just my opinion.

Can't wait to see the next few chapters!
Post #: 5
12/29/2011 0:09:40   
Clown the Jester
Member

Love it.


Interesting description and history.


A tragic past always leads to an interesting future.


Can't wait to read more.


Oh Jessa, thanks for all the positive feedback on Comedy and Tragedy.
AQW Epic  Post #: 6
12/29/2011 1:06:56   
Crystal Lion
Member
 

 The power to cause coincidences until her wishes are granted? Such a difficult power to control, and the parents' death will certainly weigh on Jessa. Poor girl...
Post #: 7
12/29/2011 2:30:36   
primalvoldo
Member

Very interesting story you have Jessa. Has great dialouge,
Don't mean to be rude but isn't Chapter 1 basically just the whole time being upset?
But meh I'd do that to if my parents died, or kill the person responsible, same thing.

Is it just me or do I think that Jessa wasn't acctually the reason her parents died,
I can understand her being annoyed and possibly making a storm to annoy them but killing them? being annoyed isn't a good reason to kill. That's why I think they were murdered by a villain or chaosite.

< Message edited by primalvoldo -- 12/29/2011 2:48:35 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 8
12/29/2011 2:42:44   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thanks everybody so much for the reviews! It really means a lot to me.

@Drak: hope you can finish tomorrow!

@Shadow: I will post more about her powers later, or you could find my post somewhere in the character discussion topic on the HS forum.

@Mortarion: Just wait and see :)

@Black: That was sorta the point, the fact that she is, or was, so normal.

@Clown: Thanks, it means a lot to hear that from such a great author!

@Crystal: Yeah, makes for an interesting story I think.

@Voldo: Yes it is, because I am far from over with that chapter, I am just setting the mood. And she wasn't just annoyed, she was angry, but that's kinda the point- she didn't really want to kill her parents, but her lack of control caused it to happen.

Haha, the first three of you all started your posts with 'hmm'

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 12/29/2011 10:44:05 >
AQW  Post #: 9
12/31/2011 16:48:35   
Goldstein
Member

Hmm, nice. I'd like to have you in my story. Certainly. I need your permission, of course.

Is Jessa going to be angsty? Time will tell. And I do wonder how exactly she will apply her powers in a practical way...

Keep up the good work.
Post #: 10
1/1/2012 11:27:07   
Jessa K
Member
 

 That's fine, I have no problem with it, although I would like to develop her personality more first.

Sorry the next bit is taking so long, I am waiting for another person's permission to use a character.
AQW  Post #: 11
1/1/2012 15:48:29   
Goldstein
Member

Of course, thank you. I wouldn't use her for a while, anyway.
Post #: 12
1/5/2012 22:31:36   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Now... where was I?

So easy to kill, these days... a mere pull of a trigger, a thought gone astray... dead. Dead without even having meant to, sometimes it's so easy... Such a beautiful, fragile, tiny little thing, a human life... so easily broken, rent asunder in a fit of rage, or by random chance...

The guilt one feels after killing their first.. the horror, the grief... especially with who it was. Immeasurable, crushing, horrible feelings. Heartwrenching pain, pain worse than that of the actual death, itself. A horrible, wretched, sad thing to kill in such a way...

quote:

They’re both dead. The thought ripped through Jessa, and the adrenaline of the chase wore off. She eased down into a curled up position against the wall. A car drove down the dark street, momentarily breaking the silence before it set in again. The shock was wearing off too, and Jessa took a deep, shuddering breath. Tears welled up in her eyes, and before she could do anything she was sobbing quietly.

Oh, the sorrow and pity I feel, reading this, for such a young child to have to face life from such a possition, even as I know such things could happen in reality, I mourn your loss as it is writen.

Aye, a Smasher you are, and one you shall be, even as the sun rises each day, so too shall you remain so untill you die... Though for all we know, the sun may not rise some time soon, with all the power in humanity's hands, now...

Again, I lament that she had not more forethought before running away. :/

At least, though, there is yet hope. Hope for her, and for so many others in these times of super powered might and the death and destruction wrought thereby.
DF  Post #: 13
1/6/2012 22:35:36   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Again, thank you a ton Drak!

I am truly sorry that I haven't posted more of my story yet. I have been waiting for another person that is featured in the next bit to get online so that I can get her permission and figure out more about that character. Sorry!
AQW  Post #: 14
2/1/2012 20:21:32   
Goldstein
Member

The dialogue is surprisingly touching! Even a jaded old jerk like me felt the old heartstrings being tugged as I read. You do have a gift for creating atmosphere. I defiantly got the vibe that, despite the fact she was sixteen, Jessa felt like a helpless little girl, an appropriate thing to feel, I suppose, after losing your parents.

Alas, Strebor knows that feeling well, but that is neither here nor there.

Just two pip-squeak problems. First, I feel as if Jessa trusted Mila a little too readily. She's being hunted by the agents, I thought she'd be very weary of everyone. Also, I had to check her actual age, for a second, in my mind's eye, I saw her as a seven year old.

But who am I to rate such an author? Keep up the good work!
Post #: 15
2/1/2012 20:44:23   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thanks so much for the comments, and so quickly too!

Mm, I'll keep these points in mind. You're right, definitely. *considers how to fix*

Again, thanks for the comments and compliments, it really means a lot.
AQW  Post #: 16
2/1/2012 21:03:00   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Doo, dee do, dido...

Nice description of the the reaction to the lamps coming back on. I like that you shied away from it, and the way you explained it. An understandable response, considering how you were, and one that shows just how distressed and emotional you were. Good choice.

Oh, the sense of desolation you get from her...

The choice of how she moves on's greatness is helped out by the fact that it would be logical that such a person would meet her in an alley. ^-^

Hmm... so skinny you can't tell she's female easily, or is that just her natural features, or your taking so long to fully come back to reality?

Sounds like molefescent... or however you spell that... maleficent.

I wonder if you did that on purpose. I'll ask you in-game, now. Nope. Purely senendipitous.

I like your conversation. Again, it occurs to me that you are very good at potrayal of emotion.

Yes, us, the demonic horde. Do you want a home or not? XP

And yeah, when you are in a situation like that, there aren't too many options, and that's as good as any, if not better.

I hate the aches after being in the same possition... used to happen to me when I read in the bath. Luckily, I had a bath tub to sink into after I was done for the moment. ^_^

Chose the warehouse, then. Hmm...

HUZZAH FOR SUPRISE AND WONDER, ALONG WITH NEW BEGININGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


...

Strebor, do you really think a 16-year-old girl in that emotional state would think about agents at such a time? She doesn't have real world experience or situational awareness as a result of reading TvTropes, you know.


< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 2/1/2012 21:21:03 >
DF  Post #: 17
2/1/2012 21:30:34   
Goldstein
Member

So you're saying I'm paranoid because of TvTropes?

I KNEW IT.
Post #: 18
2/1/2012 21:42:21   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Thanks for the compliments, Drak. I had no idea I could write like this, actually. None of my other stories have been this emotional.

Now, on to more writing...

TVTropes?
AQW  Post #: 19
2/1/2012 21:43:01   
Kinzdor
Member

Wait isn`t this a HS fanfic? Then why is the discussion thread not in the AE fanfic discussion bored? Never the less nice story. Sad bout her parents.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 20
2/1/2012 21:44:50   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Ah, yes, I was wondering that. I think somehow it wasn't placed properly when they cleaned up L&L. And thank you!
AQW  Post #: 21
2/1/2012 22:29:20   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 No, I have not implied or thought any such thing, Strebor. I was using that as an example as to why she would not be genre savvy.

I've explained what TvTropes is to Jessa in-game. ^-^

And yeah, I have problems finding the commentary thread because of that.
DF  Post #: 22
2/1/2012 22:52:35   
Goldstein
Member

So you're saying TvTropes make me paranoid? Are you working with them Drak? Hm? ARE YOU?
Post #: 23
2/1/2012 23:28:35   
Jessa K
Member
 

 Second chapter edited to include a link to what Mila looks like.
AQW  Post #: 24
2/1/2012 23:29:46   
Sir Night
Member

Oh, I like it! I find it refreshing when a girl is depicted as being... girly? Very nice.

And man, Jessa's pretty! Wait, is it messed up for a croc like me to notice that? Eh, probably. Anyway, what's up with the picture of the girl with the shark man?

< Message edited by Sir Night -- 2/1/2012 23:30:22 >
Post #: 25
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