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RE: (DF) The Chronicles of Alaric Mycroft Commentary

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5/17/2012 18:42:38   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Chapter Three and Part Two is complete.

Before anyone asks, yes it's supposed to be short.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 51
5/21/2012 16:37:37   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Book Three Intro is complete. This Book might be longer than the others.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 52
5/24/2012 17:30:44   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Chapter One is complete.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 53
5/25/2012 4:39:57   
Glais
Member

And so I finally finished Book 1. Kinda weird though, Alaric seems to be a kind of odd Jack of All trades. Hard to focus since he keeps changing so much.

Anyhow, the end came sooner than expected...and Noxus died? Though I forgot you are changing canon for the sake of your own story. Still, he did siphon off his energy...
DF MQ  Post #: 54
5/25/2012 10:16:22   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 That is actually a nickname he develops after his first 200 years.

Yea, Noxus did give away his energy. He believed Dante could completely wipe-out the entire Paladin Order
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 55
5/25/2012 15:34:41   
Glais
Member

Kind of a weird nickname but ok.
DF MQ  Post #: 56
5/25/2012 16:07:24   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 When I had my friend review chapter one he said

"This Alaric character knows a lot, added with the age to match the knowledge."
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 57
5/25/2012 17:29:48   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Chapter Two is Complete
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 58
5/25/2012 17:34:18   
Glais
Member

Yeah, he's starting to feel slightly Mary Sue-ish, but not there yet. Mostly how he just seems to know everything, has tons of info on all the classes, is a friend to the Avatars, etc.

DF MQ  Post #: 59
5/25/2012 17:41:08   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Be happy he isn't Vladimir *wink*

Info on every class? Naw, just the ones he likes. That amount is less than 10, however, since the end of Book One he's down to 1-2.

All-knowing? Nope. Just the things he wants to remember.

Friend to the Avatars? Just Voidstar, and that's because he's a formal disciple of him.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 60
5/25/2012 17:48:04   
Glais
Member

Firstly XD yeah me and Aizen argued a lot on Vladimir, heheheh...

Well, obviously ALL is an exaggeration. I mean that he is incredibly, increeeeedibly well known and such. While this is fine for end of series characters, it doesn't leave much room for development as he'll just go from "powerful" to "more powerful" rather than a steady progression. Well, that is how I see it anyhow.
DF MQ  Post #: 61
5/25/2012 17:50:29   
Mortarion
Member

Heh, I like this, but Aisha is the Aisha the ice queen or a new character with the same name? And Ra'aret has 3 SA, Pozi elemental spirit of poisons and Cruor elemental spirit of pain, and add to that mix his entropic powers and Amesgaizto, and well that's all on Ra'aret, oh his soul threads are made of bone and are linked ot his being, he is also known as the Boneweaver
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 62
5/25/2012 17:51:22   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Alaric cant get any more powerful than he is. His siblings, however, are Mary Sues *save for Gwyn*

Plus he's a reader, not a fighter

I wouldn't say incredibly well known, but he puts his foot in when he needs to


@Mortarion

No, Aisha in this series is different. Ill take note of the 3 CA.

BoneWeaving... sounds so macabre. Love it

< Message edited by VanHellsin24 -- 5/25/2012 17:54:38 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 63
5/25/2012 17:53:28   
Mortarion
Member

Well this has my seal of approval, just make Ra'aret slap Na'haret in the head for his cannibalistic behaviour
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 64
5/25/2012 17:57:29   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Added that part in.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 65
5/25/2012 17:59:22   
Mortarion
Member

a ittle note, by Boneweaving, I meant that Ra'aret can manipulate his own Bonestructure, it's a branch of CHaosWeaving, also, don't you dare to use my SA powers, ever again <_< >_>

< Message edited by Mortarion -- 5/25/2012 18:02:01 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 66
5/25/2012 18:02:22   
Glais
Member

quote:

Alaric cant get any more powerful than he is. His siblings, however, are Mary Sues *save for Gwyn*

Plus he's a reader, not a fighter

I wouldn't say incredibly well known, but he puts his foot in when he needs to

That's what I mean. No room for growth or improvement.

Meh, Mary Sues are generally...horrible, but I'm sure you already knew that :/
DF MQ  Post #: 67
5/25/2012 18:04:48   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Sorry Mortarion D:

@glais

Yes he will have character growth, but in terms of powers and spells he doesn't need it, for now at least.

I know how deadlyMary Sues are
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 68
5/25/2012 20:08:46   
Glais
Member

quote:

A small bird eased out of it's nest as the aura of a DoomKnight rotted the tree. Its eggs would have to die, her unborn chicks turning undead. As she flew away the undead birds rushed in and devourered their mother, squaking in glee.

xD WHAT. This was honestly so random it was just awesome. Man perfect way to open up a chapter.

Reminds me when Dio Brando tricked that mother into eating her own baby. Ah JoJo...
quote:

Sepulchure walked to Alteon and stomped on his head, killing the king.

Well, you weren't lying when you said this is your own continuity.
quote:

"So I was right. You are a ThunderKnight."

Meh, more Sue...
quote:

These ChaosWeavers have been secretly serving your wretched brother Vaal

...
quote:

and walked out behind Rebecca.

What. When has she even been here? Her whole random segment seemed like forced character development.

They have a brother named Baron?
quote:

"Like-like? You humans are completely blinded by false emotions."

ChaosWeavers are human.
quote:

ChaosThreads

Ew, Chaos....


Anyways, so Sepulchure got curbstomped. >_<
DF MQ  Post #: 69
5/25/2012 20:19:52   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Bout that ThunderKnight part....still cant be proven as there isn't a mention of an actual ThunderKnight.

He just is a great Dynamancer.

What's wrong with Vaal?

She's going go play a great role in Book Three. Just wait.

No, Ra'aret is the spider-like ChaosWeavers. Unless those are humans, which I doubt. Na'haret is the only humanoid ChaosWeaver so far....

The 3 brothers part? Just to make Vaal look more sinister...

ChaosWeavers...ChaosThreads. well, its not AQW chaos if that's what you're thinking.

One thing Aizen and I share is a hate for DoomKnights, especially Sepulchure.

WE LOVE YOU CELESTIA /tear
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 70
5/25/2012 20:32:11   
Mortarion
Member

I'll have to begin to read this from the start
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 71
5/25/2012 21:09:00   
Glais
Member

quote:

What's wrong with Vaal?

A case of "All along, my character is related to a really cool in-game NPC" sort of thing.
quote:

No, Ra'aret is the spider-like ChaosWeavers. Unless those are humans, which I doubt. Na'haret is the only humanoid ChaosWeaver so far....

They are still human. You said it yourself in the story, infected by the Judgement Wheel...well actually Alaric's virus. Thus they are human.

Yeah Aizen hated DoomKnights too. Curbstomping them all the time just comes off as corny to me, I never liked it when he did it either...

And on Chaos, my mistake, I toootally got things mixed up.
DF MQ  Post #: 72
5/25/2012 21:16:37   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 I never found Vaal cool. Why does every1 think he's cool? >__>

Yea they were ONCE human, but they kept breeding and most human traits vanished.

I'm trying not to keep in DoomKnights for long. One thing I cant stand is the fact that they are supposed to be gods among men.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 73
5/25/2012 21:23:16   
Mortarion
Member

A suggestion, I'll turn Nightdawn into something else than a doomknight, perphas she was the first being touched by doom and is revered among doomknights as a godess because of that
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 74
5/25/2012 21:24:50   
VanHellsin24
Banned


 Doom Goddess?

Idk, Glais might lecture me again on the importance of not having Mary Sues...

Ill go for diety.. Edited

< Message edited by VanHellsin24 -- 5/25/2012 21:28:39 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 75
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