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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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6/24/2013 1:24:18   
kors
Member

@hict: the name was already taken. I have just been too lazy to ask seahawk to change it yet.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 51
6/24/2013 1:49:26   
hict98
Member

@Kor Okay I get it now
@0Neo I read the story and I don't know what else to say except I love the story so far. You really have me hooked so far. Just one thing I would say to improve it and that is when you are typing the dialogue you should probably separate it from the rest of the text.
Ex.
text text text text text text
Person saying dialogue: Dialogue
Besides that I loved it
@BattleMaster I'm going to read yours next. Done. I like how you have all the details of everything that happens. Some people wouldn't want to write about taking attendance, but you were confident and did it. Not only that you made it kind of funny so that it was good to read. I applaud you there. Once again I would like to commend you on your use of dialogue. You truly are good with it. Also my favorite part was where my character was just advertising the AWESOMENESS THAT IS AERODU!!! Then I got ignored. I think I laughed at that more than I should have.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 6/24/2013 1:59:25 >

_____________________________
AQ AQW  Post #: 52
6/24/2013 2:24:08   
CH4OT1C!
Member

well muchiha's already added me at my request, but if anyone wants to add me in their story as well, please feel free, I'd love to see myself in a few more!
AQ  Post #: 53
6/24/2013 11:06:12   
0Neo
Member

Firstly, I'm with CH4OT1C!....would love to see myself in someone's stories besides Muchiha's
Secondly, I'm pleased to know @hict98 is the first to like my story....specially the part were I got you "hooked", that's the kind of thing I wanted to cause on people. I'll try to correct the grammar

EDIT: corrected the speech part and added some color, you might need to highlight some parts. If anyone else wants me to add you, tell me

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 6/24/2013 11:54:52 >
AQ  Post #: 54
6/24/2013 12:45:07   
Gianna Glow
Member

Hello everyone.
Concerning everyone's stories, I have noticed many of you are enjoying adding colors to represent the various clans. If you wish to do so, please make them readable colors. Yellow and neon colors are either too light or too bright to read. The point of posting a story is for others to read and if that is impossible, it ruins the purpose of posting the story. Please thing of that when you post next time. I have gone through one story and changed to colors to readable ones to provide an example. (My apologies 0Neo, but your story provided a prime example of unreadability, so that was corrected. I enjoyed reading your story, up until i couldn't read certain lines.) The colors are still within the same shade grouping, just darker. A few other posts have neon or unreadable colors as well. Please fix them and remember to use better colors in the future. Remember, black is the color used as computer text for a purpose: its easy on the eyes. The same principle should be applied to the colors in your stories please.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 55
6/24/2013 13:37:34   
0Neo
Member

@Gianna Glow the one apologizing should be me, I knew colors like the ones I used would be difficult to read but I couldn't find colors that suited the elements of wind and light (I was going to use the one you used for Aerodu clan members for Glacius if someone of that clan joined my story) but I'll use those from now on. I thank you for the review, I'm pleased to see people like my story so far
AQ  Post #: 56
6/24/2013 13:44:47   
flashbang
Member

I did some editing of my story. Salem now has an easier color and kors ' name is bolded. Can't believe I forgot that...

@0Neo I found some mistakes in your story:
quote:

sorry, I still feel a resentment towards paladins but I do know not all paladins are like that. I am aware of how powerful and respect-worthy the paladins are and of how much is light important too. Forgive me wyrm, I didn't mean to insult you

know, not now.

quote:

<while that plan is good for regular wars, we are facing the truphma now and they are going to fight as never before. I think we need other units to participate: scouts to monitor the war, ambush squads to disrupt the enemy's forces and assassination groups to take care of their generals. I can get the Nocturu assassin general to direct this plan.>
<that's really is a good idea. With the truphma as our enemies, our best chance to win is to fight in the most creative way possible>

Remember, everytime a different person speaks, their dialogue is a different paragraph.

That's all I found. Also you forgot to make that that's.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 6/24/2013 14:08:21 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 57
6/24/2013 14:30:02   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang I corrected the typos and separated each phrase a character says like you suggested, it does looks more organised.
Would you add me to your story? I think it would be incredibly amusing to see how you develop my character in your pun-full, random, funny story
AQ  Post #: 58
6/24/2013 14:48:19   
flashbang
Member

@Neo you asked for it... Name and clan please.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 59
6/24/2013 14:54:14   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang don't change my name, call me 0Neo
member of the elite assassination division of clan Nocturu
thank you
AQ  Post #: 60
6/24/2013 14:58:38   
flashbang
Member

@0Neo I got you down, but remember you asked for it.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 61
6/24/2013 15:17:45   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang I'm aware, remember I wanted to be in it to laugh
AQ  Post #: 62
6/24/2013 15:29:11   
popinloopy
Member

@0Neo
Do you feel it yet? The regret? Do you understand what you have just done? You just gave flashbang complete control over your character. It's like teaching Radagast a body-switching spell! Well, good luck.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 63
6/24/2013 15:35:59   
hict98
Member

@Popin more like giving Radagast all of Loco's powers, then teaming him up with Loco who also has his powers.
AQ AQW  Post #: 64
6/24/2013 15:36:49   
0Neo
Member

@popinloopy don't you feel it? Laughter? Don't you understand I have already being possessed by Loco himself? I wanted our friend "wyrm" to take control now because I wanted to see just how wrong can 0Neo's personality become in the hands of a Paladin, member-of-Lucian, crazy person.

This is something I won't regret (for now) sushi hat ;)

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 6/24/2013 15:43:14 >
AQ  Post #: 65
6/24/2013 15:57:43   
popinloopy
Member

@0Neo
Don't let the parts about Paladin and Lucian fool you, flashbang is even worse than Loco going back in time to when he was born and teaching himself all his tricks at a young age!

< Message edited by popinloopy -- 6/24/2013 16:09:46 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 66
6/24/2013 16:22:23   
0Neo
Member

@popinloopy is BECAUSE he is a Paladin and a Lucian member that I want to see just how wrong can he get his own interpretation of 0Neo. He might kill me off and I would tell him I was expecting it
This is going to be my experiment, I want to see if one of our fellow forumites can come up with something as evil and twisted as LB and Eukara.
AQ  Post #: 67
6/24/2013 16:33:48   
popinloopy
Member

@0Neo
He won't kill you off, trust me. He has his own brand of sick and twisted. It differs greatly from that of LB and Eukara. You will find youself saying "#Y0105W46"! And then grabbing it from a speach bubble and playing jumprope with it, when suddenly a Truphma walks near yuo and gets cut up by said jumprope of words/letters/numbers whatever that monstrosity is.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 68
6/24/2013 16:43:36   
flashbang
Member

quote:

He won't kill you off, trust me. He has his own brand of sick and twisted. It differs greatly from that of LB and Eukara. You will find youself saying "#Y0105W46"! And then grabbing it from a speach bubble and playing jumprope with it, when suddenly a Truphma walks near yuo and gets cut up by said jumprope of words/letters/numbers whatever that monstrosity is.

Thanks for the idea!
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 69
6/24/2013 16:44:47   
popinloopy
Member

@0Neo
Do you see what you made me do?

@flashbang
Remind me to watch my mouth around you.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 70
6/24/2013 16:48:13   
flashbang
Member

@popin nope. You can spit out all your ideas about #Y0105W46 around me.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 71
6/24/2013 16:51:05   
0Neo
Member

@popinloopy yeah I do, you just gave way for chaos to take over. It really is something we need to do now and then. Just consider how flahbang is, defender of the light and a good player of AQ yet he can be completely random, whack and weird.....like dragonfire1423

@flashbang bring it on wyrm! I want to see if you can come up with something that'll make me pierce my eyes with heated steel
AQ  Post #: 72
6/24/2013 17:15:53   
flashbang
Member

@Neo wow, you used a pun against me! HOW DARE YOU!!
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 73
6/24/2013 17:27:29   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang by typing :P
I'll use this comment to make some reviews:

Muchiha: your story seems to be action-focused with some puns too (liked the this is paxia part). I'm eager to see how you'll depict the action of the current war
flashbang: like I've said already, I love the lack of seriousness you use most of the time. I want to see just what weird stuff you'll do when the war starts
kors: it was incredible so far. Your character is deep, strong and willing to fight a fight he doesn't have to in spite of personal grieves....a great character in my opinion. Keep it up
battlemaster25: your focus in dialogue rather than text is a nice relieve from text (although I love long texts with dialogues in them). The way you present the characters is good. I'll be waiting for the next parts
AQ  Post #: 74
6/24/2013 23:53:08   
hict98
Member

Hey guys I'm thinking of starting a war story. If you want to be in it then just tell me and I will start tomorrow.
AQ AQW  Post #: 75
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