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RE: =OS= Character Suggestion Discussion Thread

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2/27/2014 8:33:58   
Blackshock
Member

Idk, I just think that people find it easier to ask than to give. If anything, it's kinda nice to see all this enthusiasm.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 126
2/27/2014 8:36:15   
megakyle777
Member

I try and give feedback to who I can in retuern for feedback on mine. It's only polite. But I can't do it for EVERY entry: There's like 75 and rising. So I do it when people ask me to after reviewing mine.
DF  Post #: 127
2/27/2014 8:40:27   
Trollok!!!
Member

@Kiazz: I never said any rule was broken and I KNOW feedback is another form of discussion. My whole point is that there's a difference between actually posting feedback and posting ASKING for it. And sure, some may have no opinion on others work, I can believe that. But up to a certain point, it looks more like neglect to me.

You say that people ask for feedback because they feel inferior about their own work and yes, it's possible that some people genuinely are like that. But the vast majority of the posters? Why even enter the contest then? I never said feedback was advertisement; I said that asking for it is.

But clearly this is a more personal qualm on my part so I'm just going to drop this. I'm probably looking too into this.
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 128
2/27/2014 8:43:42   
Kiazz
Member

Oh, blackshock :o How about a water-version of mana guardian's deck with the PL attack card build? (I forgot to say this last time) 5 500 Attack, 2 Defend, 2 Energize, 1 Storm, 1 Chain Lightning, 2 Healing Spring, 1 Powerflow? Hue, hue, hue but then, the devs wouldn't be able to surprise us with something like mana's deck. And I'm kinda curious as to how they'd improve on the standard water deck.

Edit: Ninjaed, Trollok. :c
-If no rule was broken, then what are you complaining about? Perhaps an unspoken code of honor or a societal norm, of which I know not, or you? What gives you the right to judge; have you posted feedback for every entry as well?

-"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever." -Chinese Proverb
-Are you saying that you have to an alpha-male with overflowing confidence to post? Is that what the majority is? Is humility not a valid way to approach this? Asking for feedback is like asking for a consumer review, for self-improvement, like I said a post before. You could have perfectly commendable reasons for doing so. Like seeing it as that you're concentrating too hard on your entry, to make sure that "others enjoy," therefore inadvertently neglecting your so-called criticism duty.

-Hey, we're discussing this in the right thread right? Leave no stone un-turned. :I

< Message edited by Kiazz -- 2/27/2014 8:54:31 >
Post #: 129
2/27/2014 8:45:55   
Trollok!!!
Member

Give water a stun card and maybe that'll even things out.
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 130
2/27/2014 8:49:38   
Megadragonknight
Member

Currently, I am taking a break from my studies. So I am here for some feedback on my Aquatic Dragon. How do you guys find my Aquatic Dragon? Link

@Kiazz
Oh Kiazz, I didn't know you asked if Aquatic Dragon should have Thrash and Bash since its a fully mature dragon. I was thinking of that but the problem is I am not sure if Asuka/Sage had confirmed if Thrash and Bash is multi-element card or only for shadow character. Its better to ask Asuka now so I can edit my Aquatic Dragon's deck so we will all have 2nd fully mature Dragon with Thrash and Bash. I think Thrash and Bash should be multi-element card only meant for Dragon-theme character.
Post #: 131
2/27/2014 8:53:03   
Blackshock
Member

You know what would make water powerful? A card that eats up one healing card to remove any current DOTs. As for a hybrid energy deck, I think it has potential to work.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 132
2/27/2014 8:53:40   
megakyle777
Member

MDK: Looks solid to me. Not much to say really man. Seems like a good entry for a good char.

I'm in a feedback mood right now due to that discussion and because I wanna apologize if I did come off conceited earlier or now with this offer, which was not my intention, so if you want feedback from me (Goodness knows why) just post your entry.
DF  Post #: 133
2/27/2014 8:58:14   
Mondez
Member

All in all I'm hoping my Aquarius Apparatus gets in at least the finals. After that I'm pretty much satisfied whether I would win or lose since it'll give me a bit of positive understanding that my writing has improved since then.

Link: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/fb.asp?m=21615901

Yes, my submission does introduce a new card, but I took the time on thinking of how to balance the charge between Energy and Neutral since it would be annoying to have to wait one card over the other so I combined both charges into one, but giving half of the energy gained for balancing reasons plus it's a Steampunk Machine that converts Water to Energy. Reason why Neutral is in there because I thought it would make sense for a machine to have access to Iron Hide because it is compromised of metallic parts.

Anyways for the next contest I kinda want to make a video, but what would that fall under? Art or Writing?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 134
2/27/2014 9:02:55   
Megadragonknight
Member

@megakyle
Thx for the feedback. :) I hope Nulgath will take good look at my Aquatic Dragon and will be selected. The day the selection begin will be in 2 days away. I feel quite scared but excited at the same time. I really want my Aquatic Dragon to be selected for the Final and many will vote for me so my Aquatic Dragon will make it in-game. But many forumites' writing entry on Water characters are really great as well. This will be really hard to pick.

@Blackshock
A new Water card that have the ability to purge DoT? Sounds really strong and it fit for Water because Water is clean and it rid of anything! xD Would you like to give a feedback for my Aquatic Dragon?
Post #: 135
2/27/2014 9:03:27   
Trollok!!!
Member

@Mondez: A video would probably be art.
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 136
2/27/2014 9:13:20   
Megadragonknight
Member

@Mondez
Your entry is really fantastic! I don't have anything to say but to tell you that this is a really solid backstory for an interesting character.

@Trollok
Would you love to give me feedback for my Aquatic Dragon?
Post #: 137
2/27/2014 9:17:54   
Trollok!!!
Member

^Sure thing. In a bit; currently farming AQW and don't want my boost to fade.
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 138
2/27/2014 9:20:12   
Megadragonknight
Member

@Trollok
Ok sure. Negative feedback is welcome to improve my writings.

Off-topic: I got quite a lot of time to discuss anything OS related since i am going to stop my study for today and when i log out my forum user, i will be sleeping.
Post #: 139
2/27/2014 10:20:16   
Trollok!!!
Member

Here you go MDK:

I stand by what I previously have said about your suggestion:

quote:

I like the story and how it stressed the importance of water. Connecting Aquatic Dragon the the main storyline with Nulgath is quite nice as well. Stories of vengeance due to past wrongs are always wonderful :).

The only thing your suggestion could use is just a quick check on grammar/spelling but that's easy enough to fix up. Solid entry in my opinion :D. Good luck with this and your Hydra Dragon!


The bold is what you should continue to focus on.
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 140
2/27/2014 10:32:16   
Megadragonknight
Member

Will take note of that. Honestly, my English isn't really good which explain my grammar/spelling error. I shall work on that tomorrow since i got lots of time. Thx for the feedback, Trollok. I forgot you had already gave me feedback. xD Sorry about that.
Post #: 141
2/27/2014 10:35:01   
Trollok!!!
Member

It was no problem; it's always good to do a second run-through in case anything was missed. If you'd like, I can go over your story and correct it for you? :)
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 142
2/27/2014 10:41:18   
Megadragonknight
Member

Sure, please go ahead and read my Aquatic Dragon's backstory. Honestly, I have higher hope in my Aquatic Dragon than my Hydra Dragon in terms of my seriousness in it. I enjoy writing my Aquatic Dragon's story to fit OS's storyline and the importance of Water/Ocean. :D

I am going off now since its late. I will return tomorrow to edit my Aquatic Dragon's information. See you guys tomorrow.
Post #: 143
2/27/2014 10:53:29   
Trollok!!!
Member

PM'd you my corrections :). Let me know if I missed anything or if you'd like to go into more detail with the corrections :D
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 144
2/27/2014 13:00:12   
The Jop
Member

@blackshock
Too powerful in my opinion. Think of how many characters rely on DoTs. And there could be over 20 energy's worth of DoTs on the opponent that end up doing nothing? The card could reduce the damage for a few turns, but canceling it out completely destroys a lot of characters' strategies and decks.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 145
2/27/2014 13:19:56   
mehmetaligzkzl
Member

snow hobbit
keeper of the ocean
elemental twins
cute creature
the death
golden warrior
soul snatcher
crystal golem (just outline)
dark soul
thanks :) -mehmetaligzkzl
Post #: 146
2/27/2014 14:20:41   
Redingard
Member

@Mondez Right...your submission. Here we go.

On the literal side, the language and syntax is extremely lacking. You used words like "secret" or "green." Flat and lackluster adjectives hardly bring this story to life. It doesn't give me a good visual at all, nor does it make it seem interesting. On top of this, you pretty much stick to basic sentence structure. Mixing it up with some claused or gerunds would further add to the detail of this rather barren story, and it was somewhat easy to pick through in terms of grammar. You need to just make that area better.

As for the story itself...you don't explain and it seems silly. Your character seems over the top, Aquarius lacks any explanation as to how it has a soul, and the suspension of disbelief barely holds up in here. Your character "created" death? I don't mean to be a jerk here, but in Lore, we do have the Four Horsemen. meaning Death. Meaning that your assuming the role of a Mary Sue. Pretty bad thing to do, ignoring the lore of the world your character is in. Explain how Aquarius has a soul as well. I mean, you said it was a failed experiment. Well, how about you actually explain the experiment. Seriously, how am I meant to go with a machine randomly having a soul? Even Pinocchio had a better reason that Aquarius. On top of this, why does it want to preserve life? Computers certainly don't "grow minds" and want to preserve life. A newborn baby doesn't look at a tree and think "He, that should stick around forever!" And what stage was Aquarius in when it just began to have a mind of its own? Toddler, adult, what? Either way, it just doesn't make sense. And the idea that it is fueled by water is severely flawed as well. Sure, this Mobius guy supplied it at first, but what about afterwards? How is Aquarius meant to safely get its energy source, especially with all the denizens of Oversoul around it'd never be able to survive. The story just...needs work and elaboration. The idea of a Tri-Elemental character is pretty far-fetched. as well. There's no way that'd work, and the balance would be completely wrong. Think I'm done for now.

So, can someone give me some feedback now? I do remember people saying "you should talk about someone else's work before asking for some feedback," or something along the lines of this.

< Message edited by Redingard -- 2/27/2014 14:40:13 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 147
2/27/2014 14:44:56   
Trollok!!!
Member

^Alright, I'm no expert storyteller but this is what I've got:

Chaos and order, entropy and harmony, Isfet and Ma'at, Vaatu and Raava...however you try to phrase it, chaos vs. order is quite an overused relationship but that's just personal opinion :P

The story is fine; in fact, it is one of the better writing pieces I've seen. Your grammar and syntax are also quite immaculate. Well done! :D This praise means little coming from me but your storytelling, at least in my opinion, rivals that of most of the submissions. That being said, there is one glaring weakness in your entry:

Your character's relationship to WATER. You spend the majority of the story talking about the deities, Cyrano's relationship with them, and his acquisition of knowledge and power but nowhere do you mention water in any significant detail. Considering this contest is for water-based characters, it makes your character seem out of place. Admittedly, hydras are mythical water creatures. Fair enough, but there isn't enough elaboration on his relationship with even the hydra you took the time to name Lecranto for this to count as a reference to water. It almost seems as if you took a suggestion of yours and simply added one detail to justify putting it in the water element contest. Looking at the art submissions provides more support for this; it gives a Neutral/Fire deck. And the appearance of the character, while very well drawn, has no characteristics that identify it as a water character.

You devote an incredible amount of effort into details and that's admirable but in doing so, you forget the most fundamental part of this contest: It's gotta be water-based.


Just my two cents.

< Message edited by Trollok!!! -- 2/27/2014 14:52:39 >
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 148
2/27/2014 14:45:51   
Mondez
Member

@Redingard
Ouch, you really tore through the story in great detail. I do admit there are flaws and I did write it in a mindset to where I wanted the reader to understand the basics. The critique sounds harsh, but it does put things into perspective. I was writing it in a simple way since I was keeping note of an audience 13+ and I felt that I didn't need a reason to explain the detail on the creation of life since sometimes a soul can just be created without any explanation or reasoning.

Aquarius is living water so he is able to replenish a separate part of himself over and over like Harry Potter's insta refill goblet.

I believe the tri-element can work since I created simulations of draws throughout a match with basic playing cards. Thanks for your input, I'll make adjustments to the story so it would make a better understanding.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 149
2/27/2014 14:52:12   
Trollok!!!
Member

^Let us know when the edits are done. I'll enjoy what else you've got to cook up Mondez :)
DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 150
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