(DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (Full Version)

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VanHellsin24 -> (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/25/2012 22:12:54)

Story

Comments and advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/25/2012 22:19:44)

1000 Years ago? Nice, I am also writing a DF story set in the past, though only by 100 years.

Anyhow, starts off interesting but seems a bit short. The jump to Damian just felt sudden.

I also wonder...jeans? 1000 years ago? Present day DF doesn't even have jeans so...?
Calling attacks is a bit odd.
But yeah, alright so far. I wonder how exactly the 1000 years tie in. Uually means something in the past will reference the future.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/25/2012 22:22:50)

Explanations to those will be provided in a few, ad I am still writing.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/25/2012 23:15:35)

Edited.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:07:21)

Well, I guess that explains the jeans. Weird, wonder why this guy's so far back, or how this will tie into DF.EDIT: Well I guess that's answered too.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:36:16)

How do you like it? The Slayers and Crusher's must incite suspicion [;)]



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:37:38)

Well not much has been given about them yet. I suspect through time travel this will tie into present DF...who knows? Maybe they will still be around.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:51:47)

What do you surmise about the Slayers and Crusher's abilities baseless on what has occured so far? What about the 3 main characters presented



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:55:34)

Purple Energy almost always means Void. I would say Chaos but...I'd prefer to ignore aqw.

Slayer seemed associated with Light. Not sure where ChronoMancy fits in.
Winter just seems kinda thrown in. She hasn't done anything besides get captured really.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 0:58:09)

This story is AQW Chaos-free

spoiler:

He learned Chronomancy



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 1:18:37)

Well, I figured as much there, ChronoMancy is hardly common practice.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 1:25:29)

That will be explained later on



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 16:25:27)

Chapter One is complete



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 16:50:16)

Hm, I can't help but feel the story's a bit choppy at times but nevermind that. I did find a few canonicity issues.

Namely:gods aren't extinct, there's many still alive in DF, namely the Elemental Lords.

Warlic also mentions magic school with Van, but as Warlic wasn't in "magic school" until several years ago, and Van was frozen, this doesn't really work. Or at least I presumed that was Warlic.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:00:04)

Crow Van Hellsin and Warlic are actually near the same age as each other. Van learned Chronomancy and traveled through time. He does it a lot. However, he traveled back 1000 years prior to present day DF. He was sealed for 1000 years advancing forward again.

Chronomancy = confusing

Gods =/= Elemental Lords

Gods are on the same level as Elemental Lords but serve a different purpose



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:03:54)

No you misunderstand, the Elemental Lords ARE gods, thus making your statement inaccurate. And there are many other gods in The AEverse pantheon.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:08:33)

No, what I mean is to say the gods Crow mention are not from Lore. Celestial Gods. THOSE gods are extinct. Celestial Gods can teach humans how to use their powers.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:13:04)

They don't necessarily have to be from Lore. The ELs are involved in multiple planets.

However that makes sense, so...why would this completely random group of gods teach someone who isn't even from their native world?



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:21:10)

Its the Nature of them because they were once humans themselves

but that will be explained another time



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:31:08)

This story has potential, but I have the nagging feeling it does not fit DF.



Mordred -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:38:34)

Some issues I have;

The situation doesn't have enough info for me to get into it. What is a Stalker and Crusher? What's the history of Damian and Crow? Where's Crow's dragon(which should be around in the present, seeing as dragons are pretty much immortal outside of being slain[meaning they don't die of natural causes])? What's the history of Crow and Winter? If there is none, then why is Crow described as the love of her life? Do Crow and Damian realize the true nature of Chronomancy? Is Damian just dis gai who wants to screw with time without knowing how it can adversely affect the universe? Do either of them realize just how much effort it takes to move between large spans of time? How does Winter end up moving forward 1000 years if she neither directly accessed the knowledge within the Amulet, nor has the power required to traverse through a millennium herself?

Another problem is more to do with the writing itself. There are many clauses/incomplete sentences that break up the flow of the narrative.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 17:39:31)

Hm, agreed. The characters seem somewhat alien.
Usually jeans is what separates it for some reason in my mind. When I hear jeans, DF instantly leaves my brain.

I also forgot my last little critique, Warlic's speech seemed...less eloquent than he usually is.



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/26/2012 19:10:50)

Warlic and Crow are very close, he tends to loosen upwith him.

@Mordred

U mean Slayer? Also, so many things cannot be explained so early in a story. After chapter 2 I plan on doing 2 whole posts dedicated to slayers and crusher's because their lore is too confound to be explained bit by bit



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/27/2012 20:11:05)

I will try to finish the post on Celestial Slayers tonight, but don't expect it right away. I'm on my kindle fire



VanHellsin24 -> RE: (DF) The Grimm Tales of Van Hellsin Commentary (2/27/2012 22:41:22)

The celestial slayer and celestial gods post is half complete but has the full info on the 2



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