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=CT= Step One: Bios

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8/1/2017 15:43:44   
  Gingkage
Wolf Rider


 The first step to participating in any roleplay is, of course, to have a character created. At minimum, this means a character biography, which is required by the vast majority of roleplays in order to enter. Writing a biography, or bio for short, doesn’t need to be difficult! A DM will typically outline exactly what they require in a character bio up front within the OOC thread of a roleplay. This first step is much the same, below you will see a very basic outline of a bio which you will provide the details for, adding in more depth as you choose.

My challenge to you is to take that skeleton and create an original character from any of the main Artix Entertainment games. I invite you to create someone straight out of the annals of DragonFable or the futuristic technology of MechQuest. Let alone the amalgam of everything which AdventureQuest Worlds achieves, just note whichever game setting they come from as the ‘Source Setting’ in the bio. You might just wind up teaching me a bit about one of the games I’m not familiar with! The key here is originality. Don’t just copy an existing character and give them a fresh coat of paint - make them your own, and someone you haven’t roleplayed as elsewhere. Using your in-game character as a basis is perfectly fine, but perhaps you can do better still!

Since this is meant to be a learning process, the quality of your work will be evaluated to a certain standard. No one is perfect with grammar, and no one expects flawless work. However, some sign of taking your time and putting effort into revision is certainly a plus. Aside from that, this first step will be evaluating your character as a person. They should be more than a skin deep collection of spells and skills! Do your best to make them feel real by describing their personality and giving them a bit of history to give them depth. Play with the bio format if you need to, presentation sometimes helps to drive points home after all. Accomplish that while keeping their powers and abilities reasonable will give you a solid chance of moving on.

If, and if you’ve followed so far this will probably be a big if, your bio is not approved on your initial attempt, don’t let it get you down! There will be constructive criticism providing the reason or reasons why the bio was not approved so that you can fix the issues. Historically, this usually winds up being a case of having too much godmode potential. Too much power is a bad thing. For the sake of records, if a follow-up attempt is needed, you should make a new post with the fixed bio. Do not edit the original post, please!

In general, bios will be balanced similarly to how they are in the Elemental Championships tournament. As this is meant as combat and writing practice, however, some things may be possible here that will not be approved in the EC's, and vice versa. As such, a bio approved here is NOT an auto-approval for the EC's, though it may be a good place to start!

Now then, let the battles begin!

quote:


Source Setting:

Name:
Age Range:
Race (Pure or halfbreed only):

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...):

Belongings and Equipment:

Skills, spells and abilities:

Personality:

History (optional):



The following bios are approved to move on to the next step:

Michel Ferguson, by Caststarter.
Emperor General Augustus, by Caststarter.

Celiia Einhardt , by Tarnished Scarlet.

Skye Blesmin, by Phantasmia.

Ialdagorth, by brotherinlaw.

Myrr, Fallen, by Starflame13.

Riprose Rehorn, by Riprose123.

Blue, by Chewy905.

Frelia Bordenaro by roseleaf320.



< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/22/2018 10:12:23 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 1
9/8/2017 1:20:43   
Caststarter
Member

Not approved yet. You have a really fun theme going on here, but a few issues that need to be taken care of first.

The biggest issue: the Book of Divination. The two spells in it teeter on being over powered, and also have an extremely high risk of causing accidental bunnying, so both need to be reworked. For Angel’s Knowledge, you could potentially have it where it could answer a single, specific question about the abilities of the opponent (or even the surrounding arena) rather than showing how the opponent/arena will change in the future. If you wish to keep a future-sight, the only possible rework would be having it show multiple vague ideas of actions that might happen, but nothing definite or guaranteed. For Enochian Translation, I would potentially make this a more physically damaging attack since Michel is slightly lacking in that regard. Does starlight potentially cause burns/radiant damage? If you want to keep with the psychological theme, maybe getting struck by the blade can cause victims to feel certain emotions.

The other slightly over-powered ability is Imperial Strike, in the Book of Navigation. While the afterimages are fine; having a complete knowledge of all activity surrounding you is not. A possible solution would be having a general increase to perception, or a premonition if an attack is about to be launched at you.

Everything else looks very solid power-wise! Just a few minor clarifications. For the Moon, is this a short or mid-range attack? And for Total Eclipse, is the illusion at all tangible/able to impact the surroundings?

Please resubmit a bio with the changes/clarifications requested! If you have other ideas you want to play around with beyond the proposed suggestions, that’s fine too. ~Starflame13



Totally not here to help the place out or anything... no, that would be ridiculous... (Okay, that is part of the reason. However, also testing grounds here.)

Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Michel Ferguson

Race: Human

Appearance Michel, middle-aged with hardly any wear on his face. His dark hair is parted to the side. Arms and legs considerably lanky, his upper body is particularly skinny without his coat. He sports a curled mustache downwards that goes along his lip with a small beard that points downwards hanging from his chin. His overall facial structure is particularly boney however, with his cheekbones being rather pronounced.

He wears a black tailcoat with a white undershirt. The coat’s tail reaches to his ankles where the front reaches simply to his waist. It is double-breasted and buttoned tightly. He wears custom tailored noble navy blue trousers. His shoes have been primed spotless. Three worn books hangs from a makeshift belt on his waist. He carries a black wooden, perfectly straight cane with his left hand. Is is rounded at the end. Despite outward appearances, the cane conceals a blade itself for self-defense purposes. If one is perceptive enough, one can spot the very tip of the blade sticking out.

Skills, spells and abilities: He is a bit frail. He is not completely tuned for the true battlefield. However, since he relies more on technique rather than pure skill or power, this became less of an issue for duels.

Book of Divination: The front is inscribed with the Monas Hieroglyphica. Carries the power of two of Michel’s spells. Part of the spell is based on what his planned action at the time is.

Angel’s Knowledge: When opened, it allows Michel to know five seconds into the future. Normally, it is based on what he sees in front of him.

Enochian Translation: When magic is channeled into the book, his cane manifests into a fully-fledge starlight rapier. When an attack connects on the opponent, be it their weapon or apparel, some of the opponent’s thoughts transfer into Michel’s mind. If he connects with a body blow, the effect is drastically increased.

Book of Astronomy: The front is inscribed with that of a solar eclipse. Carries three of Michel’s spells.

The Moon: When opened, the book spouts tendrils that stabs into potentially multiple targets. The tendrils themselves do not cause injury. However, they cause anyone affected to feel incredibly uneasy.

Lunar Phase-shift: When channeled, Michel slowly phases out from sight at periodic moments. Around every second, he is fully revealed but then veiled once more. Lasts around a half-minute.

Total Eclipse: When magic is channeled into the book, Michel casts an illusion around himself to make him out as a dragon made from starlight with glowing white eyes, shaped to that of a wyrm. Everyone would see this dragon for about ten seconds. The surrounding area is also cloaked in darkness.

Book of Navigation: The front is inscribed with a multitude of formulas. Carries two of Michel’s spells.

Imperial Stake: When opened, the ground, five meters in diameter, is coated in starlight. In the area itself, Michel is able to know everything that is happening inside of it. When he is inside of it, he also makes after-images of himself to be perceived he is moving faster. Works in tandem with Angel’s Knowledge.

Navigational Instrumentation: The book allows Michel to do this passively. Michel’s vision is unhampered by smoke, darkness, blinding light and other such obstacles to vision. Note, it only applies to vision, side effects such as smoke stinging the eyes are still at full effect.


Personality: Of unknown source of birth, he regularly shows contempt to those who fail to impress him. He demands his peers the exact reasons behind their motivations. Otherwise, he is exceptionally conniving, a mastermind behind many schemes. His plans are particularly immaculate, showing few flaws as far as his personal judgment goes.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/8/2017 19:21:49 >
DF  Post #: 2
9/8/2017 19:55:46   
Caststarter
Member

Approved! Note that you do have a character that will require a lot of collaboration from your opponent, particularly with the uneasiness caused by The Moon and the emotions of Enochian Translation, so keep that in mind in choosing a partner. On to round 2!



Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Michel Ferguson

Race: Human

Appearance: Michel, middle-aged with hardly any wear on his face. His dark hair is parted to the side. Arms and legs considerably lanky, his upper body is particularly skinny without his coat. He sports a curled mustache downwards that goes along his lip with a small beard that points downwards hanging from his chin. His overall facial structure is particularly boney however, with his cheekbones being rather pronounced.

He wears a black tailcoat with a white undershirt. The coat’s tail reaches to his ankles where the front reaches simply to his waist. It is double-breasted and buttoned tightly. He wears custom tailored noble navy blue trousers. His shoes have been primed spotless. Three worn books hangs from a makeshift belt on his waist. He carries a black wooden, perfectly straight cane with his left hand. Is is rounded at the end. Despite outward appearances, the cane conceals a blade itself for self-defense purposes. If one is perceptive enough, one can spot the very tip of the blade sticking out.

Skills, spells and abilities: He is a bit frail. He is not completely tuned for the true battlefield. However, since he relies more on technique rather than pure skill or power, this became less of an issue for duels.

Book of Divination: The front is inscribed with the Monas Hieroglyphica. Carries the power of two of Michel’s spells. Part of the spell is based on what his planned action at the time is.

Angel’s Knowledge: When opened, it allows Michel to know the answer to a specific aspect of someone or the environment.

Enochian Translation: When magic is channeled into the book, his cane manifests into a fully-fledge starlight rapier. When an attack connects on the opponent, it can suggest emotions into the opponent such as anger, doubt, and fear. If he strikes a body blow, the starlight spreads in a small area and causes burning.

Book of Astronomy: The front is inscribed with that of a solar eclipse. Carries three of Michel’s spells.

The Moon: When opened, the book spouts tendrils that stabs into potentially multiple targets. The tendrils themselves do not cause injury. However, they cause anyone affected to feel incredibly uneasy. The tendrils themselves can reach up to 2 meters 180 degrees around Michel.

Lunar Phase-shift: When channeled, Michel slowly phases out from sight at periodic moments. Around every second, he is fully revealed but then veiled once more. Lasts around a half-minute.

Total Eclipse: When magic is channeled into the book, Michel casts an illusion around himself to make him out as a dragon made from starlight with glowing white eyes, shaped to that of a wyrm. Everyone would see this dragon for about ten seconds. The surrounding area is also cloaked in darkness. The illusion is, of course, intangible and unable to interact with anything.

Book of Navigation: The front is inscribed with a multitude of formulas. Carries two of Michel’s spells.

Imperial Stake: When opened, the ground, five meters in diameter, is coated in starlight. In the area itself, Michel is able to know vaguely of events inside of it. When he is inside of it, he also makes after-images of himself to be perceived he is moving faster. Works in tandem with Angel’s Knowledge to answer what is specifically happening in an area.

Navigational Instrumentation: The book allows Michel to do this passively. Michel’s vision is unhampered by smoke, darkness, blinding light and other such obstacles to vision. Note, it only applies to vision, side effects such as smoke stinging the eyes are still at full effect.


Personality: Of unknown source of birth, he regularly shows contempt to those who fail to impress him. He demands his peers the exact reasons behind their motivations. Otherwise, he is exceptionally conniving, a mastermind behind many schemes. His plans are particularly immaculate, showing few flaws as far as his personal judgment goes.


< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/9/2017 11:22:46 >
DF  Post #: 3
9/9/2017 10:53:05   
  Phantasmia
Time to be a [BIG SHOT]


 Not approved yet, though a good start! The abilities themselves are simple and straightforward, but it needs a bit of balancing in both directions.
 
For starters, Eye of the Storm is currently too powerful; both in scale and in the fact that using it will automatically KO your character. It’s good to have one super-powerful spell, but not if it’s impossible for you to use! Try to tone down the raw power behind the spell so that it costs less to use it. For example, 100mph winds is too powerful, but you can still specify that the winds should be strong enough to knock people over. You could also go in a different direction, since Twister focuses on winds, and have the storm focus more on the effects of the lightning and rain. Play with a few different ideas and see what works best!
 
In addition, due to your characters age, he may end up at a severe disadvantage against older, stronger, and more experienced opponents. Given the simplistic nature of most of your spells, this is also likely to put him at a disadvantage if anyone manages to close physically. I would recommend giving him at the minimum a knife, dagger, or even a stick/staff; something that could be used to block/deliver physical blows. You could also consider adding in additional spells focused solely on defensive shielding or offensive damage, rather than Area of Effect spells.

A couple of your abilities (Air Cutter and Twister) could also use some greater detail. Just how powerful are their effects? How will they impact the arena and any people who are hit by them? You don't need to give exact numbers, but please elaborate a bit more on how they physically act!
 
Please resubmit the bio with the changes/clarifications requested, as well as any additional items/abilities/spells that may decrease the disadvantage by entering a younger/inexperienced character.

Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Skylar "Skye" Blesmin
Gender: Male
Age Range: 10-12
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Young complexion, messy short length blonde hair, blue eyes, Caucasian, usually wears a red T-Shirt that reaches down to the top of his legs, blue pants that are torn at the ankles indicating he doesn't a lot of spare clothes and wears a pair of worn out black shoes.

Belongings and Equipment: Picture of parents, the clothes on his back, an ancient tome filled with several lost wind spells.

Skills, spells and abilities:

Gust - A basic level wind spell that allows the caster to conjure a gust of wind in front of them that pushes anyone caught in it away unless they're prepared.

Air Cutter - another basic wind spell that conjures several wind-formed blades around the caster who can send them at their foe for several hits of small damage.

Twister - A novice level wind spell that conjures a twister send foes flying. The size of the twister depends on the capabilities of the caster.

Eye of the Storm - A forbidden spell that conjures a massive storm above the caster. The storm brings severe winds of around 100 mph, rapid thunder strikes and heavy rain. Due to the amount of damage this spell can do to the surrounding area and causing the caster to faint due to the amount of mana it consumes, it has been deemed a forbidden spell.

Personality: Shy, Timid, Kind, Loyal.

History (optional): At the age of 8. Skylar was given an old tome book by his father, a proficient mage of great power. Every day Skylar would study the spells from the tome after they were transcribed from the ancient text it is in. 1 1/2 years later. The Rose learned of Skylar, the tome and his father and sought to lock them away. His father sacrificed himself so Skylar could flee. A couple of miles outside the village he was ambushed by Rose soldiers and was severely injured by them. Before the soldiers could take the tome away from Skylar, he was rescued by Messimy. Skylar was taken to the Nest soon after.

Skylar keeps all knowledge of the tome and spells a secret from the other children due to how they feel about mages. The incidents he faced from The Rose ultimately scarred Skylar, preventing him from trusting others as well the having the knowledge of ancient spells causes him to shy away from the others. After hearing how Timothy admitted to wanting to be mage in front of the other children. Skylar went up to Timothy and confessed about the tome and the spells he knows. The two of became good friends afterwards and Skylar remains loyal to his only friend.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/9/2017 20:32:47 >
DF AQW  Post #: 4
9/10/2017 3:26:58   
Tarnished Scarlet
Member
 

 Welcome to the forums, Tarnished Scarlet! As a note, this section of the forums is slightly different in that we request that you do not edit your bios or your In-Character RP posts after they have been submitted. As such, you will need to resubmit your bio, but since I've already read through it I'll give you feedback on the version I saw.
 
In general, the skills are well balanced and well defined! The biggest issue is that it is extremely unlikely that there will be an arena requiring an aerial battle, and even if there was, riding a gryphon as a mount would likely be a bit too powerful. As such, while you can keep it in your bio for flavor, you would not be able to use the whistle to summon the gryphon during combat. This means that you’ll have to rework Doom Drop (perhaps slamming the pommel of the sword into the ground?), but beyond that the spell itself looks fine!
 
For your two Spellsword abilities, some type of maximum duration should be included beyond “until the end of the fight/it is dispelled.” You can do this either with a timed duration, or with a strength wise (for example, the armor can withstand a certain number of standard blows before it’s dispelled). You can always say that they will last “about this long” or “for about this many blows”, if you don’t have a hard number in mind!
 
Please resubmit the bio, and make sure not to edit the post after the submission, otherwise you will be required to resubmit it again.


(First post on the forums! I tried hard to make the skills balanced, but if there are any issues, please let me know and I'll make the necessary edits! Thank youuuu. <3)

Source Setting: AQWorlds

Name: Celiia Einhardt
Gender: Female
Age Range: 22-27
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Well-built physique, short black messy hair, fair skin. Celiia's attire almost always consists of the DoomFire Guard armor.

Belongings and Equipment: Bare minimum. The one piece of equipment that stands out is her DoomFire Warrior sword. The rest of her belongings include a belt around her waist with a single dangling red & blue potion, plus a small horn that when blown into summons a Shadowscythe gryphon for quick transportation or aerial battle.

Skills, spells and abilities:

Blademaster: Reverse Grip - Holding her sword in a reverse grip with a single hand, blade pointing downwards, Celiia's attacks quicken because of her more precise cuts. In exchange for swifter attacks, she becomes a much easier target by leaving vulnerable spots wide open. (Attack +, Defense -)

Blademaster: Two-handed Grip - Holding her sword with both hands, Celiia's offense becomes slower due to her much broader swings, but her defense is greatly improved as she has a much easier time parrying and outright blocking attacks. (Attack -, Defense +)

Spellsword: Deceitful Call - Celiia stops to perform a chant, granting her armor with fire & dark magic properties. Takes a moment to cast, and can be interrupted before Celiia finishes. May be disenchanted with holy/light magic. If the cast completes, Celiia's armor will burst into an eerie dark fire, each of her steps leaving behind cinders and puffs of black smoke. In this state, if an opponent were to physically touch Celiia, they would receive nasty burns. The extreme heat her armor gives off can distract opponents who are less combat inclined. Those adept in magic will be unaffected by the heat. Offers some protection against some magical elements. The darkness that is imbued into the armor beckons those who stare at it to embrace it- that is if the person is easily manipulated. Celiia's armor will keep this enchantment until the end of the fight, or until it is dispelled. (Magic Defense +)

Chant - "Empress, bestow upon me the strength to become the Shadowscythe's steadfast shield..."

* Only one enchant may be active at a time.

Spellsword: Malevolent Response - Celiia takes a moment to chant, imbuing her sword with fire & dark magic. Takes some time to cast, and can be interrupted before Celiia is finished casting. It can also be disenchanted by holy/light magic. If Celiia manages to cast her enchant, her blade will ignite into a dark fire and gain fire-like properties, easily capable of burning her opponent. Attacks made with her sword become magic based instead of physical. The darkness that consumes the blade will cause the opponent to become unsettled just by staring at it, unless the person is strong willed, in which case it will do nothing. Celiia's sword will remain with this enchantment until the end of the fight, or until it is dispelled. (Magic Attack +)

Chant - "Sepulchure, grant unto me the strength to become the Shadowscythe's ruthless blade..."

* Only one enchant may be active at a time.

Doom Drop - Celiia dismounts from her gryphon in mid flight, sending herself crashing to the ground below. On impact, the ground will crack in a small radius around her, and a few pillars of darkness will shoot up from the cracked earth at random angles and at different intervals, injuring any nearby without sufficient magical protection. The pillars of darkness will disappear after their initial rupture. This move can only be used once and Celiia must have already mounted her gryphon in order for this to work. Celiia will take some damage after performing this move, due to the high fall required to make this attack happen.

Personality: Serious, cold, determined, resourceful, loyal.

History (optional):

(Shortened version.)

A young adopted girl who was born in a village located somewhere in Greenguard, whom seeks to become a knight like her brother. Stealing away from her village at night and dressing up in clothes left behind by her brother after his departure for king Alteon's army, Celiia cut her hair and adopted the name Einhardt to pass as a male, hopefully making her unrecognizable to her village people if she were to ever encounter them. Following in her brother's footsteps, Celiia joined King Alteon's knights and improved her swordmanship, of which she was already proficient in because of the spars she used to have with her brother using wooden swords.

Being a witness to the power the Shadowscythe held in a battle against them, Celiia quickly switched alliances from King Alteon to Empress Gravelyn, but not before proving herself to the Empress first, the destruction of a certain village the target to gain the Empress's favor. Ever since she completed that one task, Celiia has remained ever dutiful to the Empress and the Shadowscythe cause, smitten by the power she had once observed, which Celiia now controlled.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/10/2017 18:01:33 >
AQW Epic  Post #: 5
9/10/2017 22:24:22   
Tarnished Scarlet
Member
 

 Approved! As a note, Doom Drop should still drain enough mana to only be usable once or twice a battle, but everything looks good! On to round 2!

(Thank you for the welcome & feedback Starflame! I hadn't thought of 'take this many hits before enchantment is dispelled' so I found that super awesome! About the editing, I read that in the rules after I posted and was like: "Oh no." :D I should've deleted my post while I had the chance and resubmitted, oh well! At least I have it in mind for next time. I redid skills Doom Drop and both enchantments, and also clarified that the gryphon will not be used. I'll highlight the parts I edited in bold so you can skip right to the parts I changed. (Hope that's okay!). I liked your suggestion for Doom Drop but I decided to go for something completely different. Hopefully it isn't too much.)

Source Setting: AQWorlds

Name: Celiia Einhardt
Gender: Female
Age Range: 22-27
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Well-built physique, short black messy hair, fair skin. Celiia's attire almost always consists of the DoomFire Guard armor.

Belongings and Equipment: Bare minimum. The one piece of equipment that stands out is her DoomFire Warrior sword. The rest of her belongings include a belt around her waist with a single dangling red & blue potion, plus a small horn that when blown into summons a Shadowscythe gryphon for quick transportation or aerial battle. (Not used for arena battles.)

Skills, spells and abilities:

Blademaster: Reverse Grip - Holding her sword in a reverse grip with a single hand, blade pointing downwards, Celiia's attacks quicken because of her more precise cuts. In exchange for swifter attacks, she becomes a much easier target by leaving vulnerable spots wide open. (Attack +, Defense -)

Blademaster: Two-handed Grip - Holding her sword with both hands, Celiia's offense becomes slower due to her much broader swings, but her defense is greatly improved as she has a much easier time parrying and outright blocking attacks. (Attack -, Defense +)

Spellsword: Deceitful Call - Celiia stops to perform a chant, granting her armor with fire & dark magic properties. Takes a moment to cast, and can be interrupted before Celiia finishes. May be disenchanted with holy/light magic. If the cast completes, Celiia's armor will burst into an eerie dark fire, each of her steps leaving behind cinders and puffs of black smoke. In this state, if an opponent were to physically touch Celiia, they would receive nasty burns. The extreme heat her armor gives off can distract opponents who are less combat inclined. Those adept in magic will be unaffected by the heat. Offers some protection against some magical elements. The darkness that is imbued into the armor beckons those who stare at it to embrace it- that is if the person is easily manipulated. Celiia's enchanted armor is capable of taking three blows before it is nullified. (Magic Defense +)

Chant - "Empress, bestow upon me the strength to become the Shadowscythe's steadfast shield..."

* Only one enchant may be active at a time.

Spellsword: Malevolent Response - Celiia takes a moment to chant, imbuing her sword with fire & dark magic. Takes some time to cast, and can be interrupted before Celiia is finished casting. It can also be disenchanted by holy/light magic. If Celiia manages to cast her enchant, her blade will ignite into a dark fire and gain fire-like properties, easily capable of burning her opponent. Attacks made with her sword become magic based instead of physical. The darkness that consumes the blade will cause the opponent to become unsettled just by staring at it, unless the person is strong willed, in which case it will do nothing. Celiia's sword will remain with this enchantment for one minute. (Magic Attack +)

Chant - "Sepulchure, grant unto me the strength to become the Shadowscythe's ruthless blade..."

* Only one enchant may be active at a time.

Doom Drop - Celiia sprouts wings made of dark fire, soaring into the air before sending herself crashing to the ground below. On impact, the ground will crack in a small radius around her, and a few pillars of darkness will shoot up from the cracked earth at random angles and at different intervals, injuring any nearby without sufficient magical protection. The pillars of darkness will disappear after their initial rupture. The wings vanish the second Celiia has acquired enough altitude to perform her attack.

Personality: Serious, cold, determined, resourceful, loyal.

History (optional):

(Shortened version.)

A young adopted girl who was born in a village located somewhere in Greenguard, whom seeks to become a knight like her brother. Stealing away from her village at night and dressing up in clothes left behind by her brother after his departure for king Alteon's army, Celiia cut her hair and adopted the name Einhardt to pass as a male, hopefully making her unrecognizable to her village people if she were to ever encounter them. Following in her brother's footsteps, Celiia joined King Alteon's knights and improved her swordmanship, of which she was already proficient in because of the spars she used to have with her brother using wooden swords.

Being a witness to the power the Shadowscythe held in a battle against them, Celiia quickly switched alliances from King Alteon to Empress Gravelyn, but not before proving herself to the Empress first, the destruction of a certain village the target to gain the Empress's favor. Ever since she completed that one task, Celiia has remained ever dutiful to the Empress and the Shadowscythe cause, smitten by the power she had once observed, which Celiia now controlled.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/11/2017 21:16:14 >
AQW Epic  Post #: 6
9/11/2017 17:14:18   
  Phantasmia
Time to be a [BIG SHOT]


 Not approved yet, but almost there! Good job in making the changes from the first round of edits, so just a few small things left.

First, Aero Bubble. This should have either some maximum duration included. You can either go with a timed duration (lasts for about this long) or a strength duration (lasts for about this many attacks). In a similar manner, Eye of the Storm should have a limit of some kind. Either a timed limit, or a limitation on the character (perhaps Skye can’t move while keeping the storm alive?) Beyond that, I like the balances you made to the spell!

In general, you will have to keep an eye on your mana (though this isn’t something you need to specify in the bio). For example, the more powerful of a Twister is cast, the more mana it should take, and Eye of the Storm should drain enough mana to have one or potentially two casts per battle.

Please resubmit with the last couple changes/clarifications, and then we should hopefully be good!



Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Skye Blesmin
Gender: Male
Age Range: 14-15
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Caucasian, medium length blonde hair, blue eyes, crimson shirt under a charcoal colored coat, blue pants and black shoes.

Belongings and Equipment: Dagger, Ancient Tome

Skills, spells and abilities:

Gust - A basic level wind spell that allows the caster to conjure a gust of wind in front of them that pushes anyone caught in it away unless they're prepared.

Air Cutter - Another basic wind spell that conjures several wind-formed blades around the caster who can send them at their foe for several hits of small damage. Depending on where they hit, the blades could do minimal damage like just scraping by or lethal if they hit the head to penetrate deep enough.

Twister - A novice level wind spell that conjures a twister send foes flying. The size of the twister depends on the capabilities of the caster. A small twister can cause the foe to lose balance and focus, allowing the caster to sneak up on them while large twisters can lift and throw foes a distance away ir slam them into a hard surface like a wall or cliff side.

Aero Bubble - The caster summons a a bubble around them that is made of high velocity winds which is capable of deflecting thrown objects and some forms of magic but any melee focused foes can swing their weapon(s) right through with easy but at the risk of having it(them) pulled out of their hands dues to the high winds.

Eye of the Storm - A forbidden spell that conjures a massive storm above the caster. The storm brings rapid thunder strikes and heavy rain. The thunder strikes can strike foes directly dealing massive damage and the possibility or paralyzing them. The heavy rains impairs everyone's sight making aiming harder but easier to sneak.

Personality: Kind, Loyal

History: At a young age, Skye's father brought back an ancient tome from exploring the ruins of an ancient civilization. He was given the tome and studied it's contents for years. After learning the language and a few spells, Skye has mastered the use of the known spells. Skye's doesn't prefer using this magic to harm and tries to use it as a way of losing his foe but doesn't hesitate to fight back with it if the situation calls for it.

(made the changes that were suggested and changed a few things like the history, belongings, etc)


< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/11/2017 21:16:38 >
DF AQW  Post #: 7
9/11/2017 21:42:22   
  Phantasmia
Time to be a [BIG SHOT]


 Approved! You've made all of the asked-for changes, and I don't see anything further that needs tweaked. ~Gingkage

(Changes are in red text)
Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Skye Blesmin
Gender: Male
Age Range: 14-15
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Caucasian, medium length blonde hair, blue eyes, crimson shirt under a charcoal colored coat, blue pants and black shoes.

Belongings and Equipment: Dagger, Ancient Tome

Skills, spells and abilities:

Gust - A basic level wind spell that allows the caster to conjure a gust of wind in front of them that pushes anyone caught in it away unless they're prepared.

Air Cutter - Another basic wind spell that conjures several wind-formed blades around the caster who can send them at their foe for several hits of small damage. Depending on where they hit, the blades could do minimal damage like just scraping by or lethal if they hit the head to penetrate deep enough.

Twister - A novice level wind spell that conjures a twister send foes flying. The size of the twister depends on the capabilities of the caster. A small twister can cause the foe to lose balance and focus, allowing the caster to sneak up on them while large twisters can lift and throw foes a distance away ir slam them into a hard surface like a wall or cliff side.

Aero Bubble - The caster summons a a bubble around them that is made of high velocity winds which is capable of deflecting thrown objects and some forms of magic but any melee focused foes can swing their weapon(s) right through with easy but at the risk of having it(them) pulled out of their hands dues to the high winds. The bubble remains active for 30 seconds until it dissapears.

Eye of the Storm - A master level spell that conjures a massive storm above the caster. The storm brings rapid thunder strikes and heavy rain. The thunder strikes can strike foes directly dealing massive damage and the possibility or paralyzing them. The heavy rains impairs everyone's sight making aiming harder but easier to sneak. The storm fades away after 2 minutes of being active. During this time the caster is only able basic level spells.

Personality: Kind, Loyal

History (optional): At a young age, Skye's father brought back an ancient tome from exploring the ruins of an ancient civilization. He was given the tome and studied it's contents for years. After learning the language and a few spells, Skye has mastered the use of the known spells. Skye's doesn't prefer using this magic to harm and tries to use it as a way of losing his foe but doesn't hesitate to fight back with it if the situation calls for it.

Edited in the correct character name per Phantasmia's request, in order to avoid later confusion in finding partners! ~Starflame13

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/12/2017 23:18:12 >
DF AQW  Post #: 8
9/20/2017 1:02:44   
brotherinlaw
Member

While I appreciate the compliment, this sub-forum was actually conceived in Starflame's mind, and she did quite a bit behind the scenes, including creating all of the current arenas available for use... All while running the ECs.

As for your character, I'm sorry to say that, as you edited your post, which the rules forbid, I am going to ask you to make a new character. I will, however, point out a couple things on this one so you have an idea of things to watch out for in your next attempt.

Firstly, Jonathan is far too powerful. Some magical resistance is okay, but the extent to which you have it is not. Dial it down quite a bit, should you choose to use a similar ability in the future. His 'Anime Adaptivity to Hardship', while an amusing name, is similarly far too powerful in nature. Even with intense training, the skills Jonathan is capable of are impossible to achieve. Again, some resistance is fine, greater speed and reflexes than an average person - within reasonable limits - is similarly fine. But you have taken it to an unacceptable extreme in terms of power. While his fighting skills are somewhat okay, again, I recommend dialing down his skills. Mastery of even one thing is difficult, perhaps even impossible, for a person throughout their lifetimes. While having a varied martial arts skillset, even to the extent of having learned some of the styles of many different ones is not, in and of itself, too powerful, he is too skilled in too many for this to be acceptable.

Keep an eye on your power levels for your next attempt, and you shouldn't have many problems being approved.

Wow, everytime I think the RP is dead, I show up later and it`s resurrected, usually by you, Ginkage! You need to get a sidekick so you can get a break from carrying this branch of the forums!

Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Jonathan Clarkson
Gender: Male
Age: 87
Race: Human

Appearance: John stands seven and a half feet tall, with large, broad shoulders, a barrel chest, and a naturally muscular physique honed by a lifetime of martial prowess but also thinned somewhat by age. A rather hairy man, his beard line, when untrimmed, merges with his chest hair and his armhair spreads over his wrist and hand, skipping his first knuckle and dusting the first segment of his fingers. John is predominantly Caucasian, though his features indicate a mixed heritage. His skin is tanned and thick from years of sun and weathering, while his six inch wild ebony hair has become streaked with gray. That and the skunk stripes streaming from the corners of his widows peak and on either side of the chin of his trimmed but messy beard and mustache are the only things that betray just how old he is, a lifetime of hardship and taking care of himself giving him the odd wrinkle where most his age would be rendered an invalid. He has dark brown, almost onyx eyes that, often hidden in the shadow of his large forehead, are often mistaken for being black, and his salt and peper eyebrows are large and very expressive, appearing when resting to give him an angry scowl if not for the friendly, mischievous twinkle in his eye. He also has a sizable scar running from just outside of his hairline above his ear up to the crown of his head, though it now grows hair and is almost completely hidden but for the little before his sideburns.
John`s garments are mostly traveling attire. He wears a faded blue cotton shirt with the sleeves and neck ripped out, loose brown canvas leggings with three sets of large pockets (similar to modern jeans with an extra cargo-pocket), and a large, dark gray and EXTREMELY worn leather travel cloak with a hood. He wears four belts, one holding up his pants, one attached to his travel bag, one over his right shoulder and left hip with small herb pouches, and one next to but crossing under the third belt carrying seven sheathed knives. He also wears a revolutionary item, knee high steel toed travel boots.

Belongings and Equipment: John possesses a large, approximately three gallon travel pack that attaches to a thick midriff belt and curves from the side of one hip to the other and hangs below his button. It holds anything he might need as he wander from town to town including: rope, a Dwarven multitool, three days of food, a whittling knife, two canteens, a small fortune in gold (in a secret compartment) and some strange roll of adhesive straps with a silvery backing he picked up from an alchemist. He will remove the pack before a fight, but leave the belt on as he finds it`s hard to find good lumbar support these days. He also possesses a belt with pouches of enough herbs to cure most any natural malady, including the arthritis in his left elbow and neck and his recently developed acid reflux. His final belt holds seven elvish knives he had enchanted by a spellbreaker; they'll punch through most any magical barrier, while atural barriers like rock will stop them (though only because the handles are round, the elven made blade can cut through steel like paper).

Skills and Abilities:
Mana Immunity-For reasons you will discover, John possesses an unnatural resistance to manage. As a result, most spells will have little to no effect on him, depending on their nature to magic ratio. While a magical flame will not hurt him, a natural flame made to blast him will do half as much damage as a natural fire, while said fire will effect him normally. Also, while Fireball, which does half dammage, will have little effect on him, dragonfire, which is about a third as effective on him, does far more damage just because of the sheer heat. Blade strikes are also affected, with secondary effects and excess force negated, turning Final Blow into a regular hit.
Anime Adaptivity to Hardship-The same trope that let`s MC`s go through hellish training and, probably, Dragonfable's hero reach level 80 and train massive stats also allows John to acclimate his body to impossible things. He can walk through a burning building without breaking a sweat, endure freezing temperatures without clothes for hours at a time, and walk across Legos with nary a flinch. He's only adapted himself to natural extremes though, obviously volcanoes and blizzards are out of the question. This skill even allows him to brace for a blow from a large blade and receive a small bruise and a small laceration. Most blades now-a-days are sharpened by less than natural means, which is why he prefers avoiding and parrying blades rather than taking them head-on. This skill has also allowed him to increase his speed to 45MPH and his strength to the point he can knock a dragon off his feat with a punch. If these are his abilities now, imagine what they were in his prime.
Mastery of Martial Arts-John has spent virtually his entire life fighting, and has picked up a few skills along the way. He has mastered almost all known forms of martial arts, and 3 that were forgotten or hidden. While he often will stand in a rather relaxed, upright position, his blows are quick and deliberate and will often combine elements of several different forms.
Berserker Nature-Though John has developed a kind and friendly nature, his base instinct is and allways has been for violence and conflict. He revels in the chaos of battle and, though he controls himself and does the right thing, he would much rather resort to war than settle for peace. To channel his true nature and prevent it from interfering with the life he`d built, John taught himself about channeling his emotion and negativity into strength and disassociating oneself with pain. The result was, when John trriggers the release of his inhibitions by cracking his neck on each side and then his spine, he becomes an entirely different figher. Using a number of simplistic, animalistic stances, he will viciously attack in quick succession, relying on years of combat experience and instinct more than any logic to barrage the enemy with each strike meant to kill. His usual contemplative smile or steely focus is usually replaced by a massive, feral grin and is usually accompanied by laughing. It`s worth noting that, unlike most berserker John does not "see red" when in this state, he is fully cognizant and aware, he's just releasing his inner nature and having fun without a care in the world. This is part of why he daesn`the drink, by the way.


Personality: Kind and gentle but all ways up for a good time, John will often sit at the bar with his tea and regale all with his stories of adventure, often buying a round for all, arm wrestling, and taking part in eating contests. Though he loves helping people and socializing, his dark past warped him and caused him to find pleasure in conflict and bloodshed. It was through hard work and the help of his wife that he eventually became the man he is today, but that darkness still exists in his very core. An interesting fact: Ever since he was a small child, John has all ways found anonymous giving to give him joy, even when he was at his darkest. It`s not unheard of for towns he`s visited to suddenly have smartly dressed orphans or a nice barmaid who suddenly has the funds to start her own smithy.

History Johnathon Clarkson was just six when life decided to destroy him. An ailment known as Arcanagenic Hyperthermia, virtually unknown now to the common folk being nearly wiped out by it's easy vaccination, was ,back those eighty years ago,known to sweep through villages and rob them of their young children in a fiery pyre as mana surged through their bodies, burning them alive. As John lay there dieing, an amazing thing happened: though the Fates had snipped the thread of his life, he still lay there, breathing. Sadly, the same twist of fate that would lead him down the path of greatness would cause his little sister to kill their parents. As he stood there watching the blue flames become red as they consumed his childhood home, he swore he would become so amazing that neither he nor his family would be forgotten. He almost gave up on that dream when he was captured by bandits while traveling to live with family in a nearby town.
After a rather inglorious three month stay in a bandit cage, John was sold to King Slugwrath`s gladiatorial arena of Swordhaven (interestingly, father to King Slugwrath the Last, father to Drakath). There, he was slated to fodder after it was discovered he was incapable of using mana. Imagine their surprise when the only survivor against the mage battalion stood there holding the captains throat (just the throat). His second battle would quickly teach him the value of speed and agility, as well as earn him his gladiator name, Zkar (from the only scar he couldn`t heal in a couple years, the mark of an acid coated blade that grazed his scalp as he went in for the kill). He would spend over twenty years in the arena, and won his freedom three times before, at his fourth, the king declared him banned from the arena so others could win.
After leaving the arena, John wandered aimlessly from jobs to fight clubs and back until late he realise that, if his skill was fighting, he'd make a living as the best. Utilizing more cunning than he knew he possessed and his gladiatorial showmanship, John began spreading rumors of the Leviathan, an inhuman assassin who even the gods feared. It was assured to pass through military bases, pirate ports, and political embassys. He then began taking exorbitant fees that made a king`s ransom look like a pauper`s wages in return for a very public statement of a murder. He then grandiously alerted the recipient of the bounty, giving them a week to either match his employer`s fee, set their affairs in order, or prepare a defense for the Leviathan`s arrival. It was then a matter of personal preference whether he snuck in and murdered the target or just lay waste to every living soul in the area. It was a dark, lonely life, but it payed the bills and tested his skills, so John hardly noticed. That is, until he turned 64.
John had been hired to kill many a tyrant, and not just a few lesser gods as well. So he had no reason to suspect that his job to slay the vampire-god of an island nation would be to irregular. It turned he was wrong, as this time around his arrival would see him meet a leader in the Slayer Guild, Victoria. For those who don`the know, the Slayer Guild is a guild that specializes in monster hunting and is older than the Order of Dragon slayers and other such organizations. However, as these more specialized groups moved in on their territory, their donation-based funding soon put these "pay and slay"ers nearly out of buisiness. Anywho, this post is long, it`s to 12:50, and you don`t care about the vampire lord, so it`s rush time.
Victoria and John fall in love, she gets him out of assassination and into her guild, they get married, he`s nominated leader (Never a voluntary position, too much paperwork and not enough stab-stab). Vampires decide he`d be an awesome minion so he's now a vampire magnet (and that`s just the physical power. If he was vamped, his ability to use magic would heal so he`d be like a mage/mana nexus immune to other`s magic). He`s the first Slayer leader to be able to carry the guild`s massive, omnicidal kill-stick the Slayer Blade without magic, he and Victoria have kids, he's a nerd and she`s hardcore, the mother (who, did I mention, was 18 years younger than John ) dies, the kids take over so dad can retire, retirement`s boring, so he's here now.

I am so sorry for the wall of text. I started this at 8:43, and just kept going... Anyway, feel free to point out any flaws, ESPECIALLY weird words that show up! I'may borrowing someone's tablet right now an their autocorrect is awfull. Hope this goes over well, and thank you for your time on this glorified dumpsterfire....I need to go to bed.
Edit: it's the next day and I believe I`ve caught all the mistakes, so that should make your life a little easier. Thanks for your patience, and feel free to dissect, tear apart, and critique. The harsher your review, odds are, the better the end result and, by proxy, me as a writer.

< Message edited by Gingkage -- 9/20/2017 15:20:14 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 9
9/20/2017 22:45:26   
brotherinlaw
Member

Not approved yet. First, as a note to general power level, we are not aiming for something here that could go toe-to-toe with an AE-Game Hero, Sepulchure, or even some of the more powerful NPC's. While you definitely can create someone stronger than your average adventurer, these are still intended to be battles of people on relatively even footing. Meaning, if your character can take down a full-size dragon with one blow, or other such feats, they're a bit too powerful for this level of competition! A good rule I see a lot of more experienced combat-RP'ers follow is a 1-2-1 rule. Pick one thing that your character excels at (their style of magic, a single weapon, etc.), two or so things that they're passable at (hand-to-hand, other weapons, magic again), and one thing that they're either terrible at or is an extreme weakness (maybe they're slow as mud, can't use magic at all, or never think rationally.)

Now, on to the character! It's more balanced than your prior one, but you need to give us a good bit more detail on the different abilities! It's hard to balance a character in terms of power when it's unclear just how powerful you intend different attributes to be.


First, your Supersuit. Flight too powerful and versatile to be allowed as a continuous ability, but has the possibility to be workable in short bursts or as a one-time escape (depending on where you want Ialdagorth’s greatest strengths to be). Similarly, the “Minor Superstrength” also has the potential to be too powerful. What upper limit are you aiming for? Can they throw a car? Lift a mech? If you want flight to be more prominent, have a lower level of raw strength, and vice versa. (Though, again, flight is something that will not be allowed without restrictions). Finally, with your Energy Bolts. Since you have a non-magic character, your suit's “power” functions similarly to mana. How much does an average energy bolt drain? How many can be fired before the suit is too low on energy to use its other abilities? Or do they have a separate power source/energy supply? If you wish to keep it separate, you could potentially make the Energy Bolts work as their own type of long-ranged weapon. Clarify a bit more how you want it the suit to work in general, and how it’s abilities should interact, and we can go from there if it needs to altered in power.

Now, onto your abilities. With Modified Alien Physiology, you mention their abilities are similar to a vampire. I’m not as familiar with Vampire lore in MQ/AQ, so tell us a bit more about these abilities. Does they include increasing speed/strength? If so, then the “Minor Superstrength” from the suit is a bit redundant. Do they have minor healing (which in itself would take a bit to balance)? Persuasion skills? Ability to change form into fog/a bat? Give us some more information to work with!


Now, Minor Tenebremancy. Are they able to hide at any time, or does it require enough shadows to actually fully cover their body? Can they move around/travel through the darkness (the latter of which, if treated like teleportation, would need to be balanced carefully). In either case, their other abilities/skills should be slowed or affected in some way during their hiding, but the amount by which they should be altered depends on how strong you intended this to work.

You don't need to finish all these edits in an hour or a day! Take the time you need to make them, then let the piece sit for a bit and come back to it for a re-read. That way you can double check for any grammatical errors, as well as getting a fresh perspective on how the abilities balance each other out. Once you’ve done so, please resubmit the bio with the edits and clarifications requested! ~Starflame13



Oh, um, sorry. I didn't think grammatical editing before you read it would`ve been an issue. Not that I`may blaming you or anything, the fault was completely mine alone. Dang... over five hours of work (more, if you count the fact that this is an idea I`very had for months), all screwed up by one stupid mistake....

*Sigh* no use crying over spilled milk. I would like to point out that his speed is only 5 MPH faster than the estimated highest potential humanity has for speed, while his strength is roughly equivalent to feats performed by Galanoth. Combined with his lack of armor or weapons I thought...Sorry, this isn`the letting it go. Oh well, hopefully I don`the screw up my next chance to flesh out and make him workable.

Moving on, I never got the chance to flesh out this idea, so my apologies if this seems a little rough. I hope you like it!

Source Setting: Mechquest/Adventurequest

Name: Ialdagorth
Gender: non-binary
Age: unknown, but ancient
Race: Shadowscythe Alien (?)

Appearance: Ialda`s current appearence is that of a human, a point of confusion for someone who was never a humanoid. At five foot nine inches, he has a skinny but lithe frame, much like a runner. His body is mostly hairless, and his features would resemble our native Americans if it weren`t for his pale skin and very dark purple hair. He has red eyes that reek of mistrust and hidden agendas.
He wears a Zargonian super suit augmented with Shadowsythe technology. The regular blue uniform was replaced with red, and the chest, shoulder pads, gloves, and boots are replaced with gunmetal black chest plate, pauldra s, gauntlets, and boots. The belt is also black and most of his neck and head are covered by a black, futuristic breathing apatatus that covers his face and ears and makes him appear quite menacing with glowing angular eyes. He has a worn dark red cape about six and a half feet long that attaches over his shoulders to the chest plate and under the pauldrons, circling the edge to resemble a cloak.

Belongings and Equipment: His only possession is the Zargonian supersuit which grants him minor superstrength, flight, and short range energy projection. His energy bolts, while equivalent to a mediocre combat spell, will diffuse with distance, increasing spread but lowering dammage.His belt was SUPPOSED to have virtually anything one would need for survival, but for some reason each compartment has a sample packet for different kinds of pickles...

Skills and Abilities:
Modified Alien Physiology-Ial`s alien biology was modified by the Reset (spoilers!). While he`s still technically a Shadowscythe, his abilities are now equivalent to a mediocre vampire without the same weaknesses. He will still die if his spinal chord is severed though, just like before.
Minor Tenebremancy-Do to his connection to the true Shadowscythe within the Realm of Eternal Darkness, Ial is able to slip into the darkness at will. But, as he has virtually no experience with magic, a competent mage or even a flashlight could expose him.
Alien Combatant-As a fairly able member of the Shadowscythe Armada, Ial has spent centuries honing his martial prowess to near perfection. That was, however, in his old body. In his new body, he`s still has some issue with walking, what with one knee and ankle. So, while he`s skilled enough to easily kill an opponent, he at the same time will have some issue operating his limbs to perform the desired function.
WEAKNESS: Alien Newb- Both Ial as an alien an his suit as a technological relic of an alternate past possess 0 magical resistance as well as a complete in capability to use mana.


Personality: Age loyal minion of the Shadowscythe for eons, Ial lacks both a personality and individuality. His only goal in life is the benefit of the Shadowscythe.

History: "Not much is remembered from before the Shadowscythe, just that my planet was at the edge of the universe. We were among the first inducted by Valoth the Great! I served for so many years. Got my own cruiser, destroyed many enemies. Kept going towards the center, we'll, not quite the center. Kill the dragons, but a few. Some in asteroids, some in boxes. We don't question, only serve! A Glorious battle, the Master`s plan to fruition! But something was wrong, a bright light, all consuming never yeilding...pain, then white then nothing. Well, coffee smell, then nothing... suddenly, I awake. My ship buried, crew dead, and me...changed! I was never humanoid, now look like Lorton Ian! Was this his plan! I must find him, find his minions! I must serve! LONG UNIVERSE THE SHADOWSCYTHE!!!

Dang, I need to do these earlier in the day so the sleep deprivation doesn`t ruin my work. O.k. I think it`s good, and I DEFINATELY will NOT be editing this post! As allways, feel free to tear this apart for every minute detail. It's a win/win: I learn to be a better writer, and I don`t litter your threads with garbage posts! Now, I`ll go pass out and check in tommorrow.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/21/2017 14:32:40 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 10
9/21/2017 21:15:14   
brotherinlaw
Member

You're closer, but it's still not quite ready for approval.

Firstly, the ability to hover, even at only a foot above the ground, especially when combined with the ability to leap 30 feet, still allows far too much mobility for comfort. A possible fix could be limiting for how long he can hover, preferably with a cool-down time.

Secondly, could you please clarify for us the superhuman strength both due to biology and his exosuit? At best, the two sources of enhanced ability are redundant. At worst, it verges into your character being overpowered in the sense of 'I can naturally move faster and jump higher than you, and my suit allows me to be even better'. While the enhanced healing is fine as described, given that larger wounds take days to heal for a normal human, keep in mind you have to keep an eye on his injuries and how long they effect him. A gouge that would take a normal person two days to heal being healed in only a day is fine, that same wound being healed in the blink of an eye is not.

Lastly, while most fights in the Combat Arenas are unlikely to be to the death, having only one way to be killed is a bit too powerful. Perhaps consider making him a bit more vulnerable?

You're getting closer with every attempt, so please don't be discouraged now.

Sorry, guess there`s a slight difference between pushing oneself creatively and to exhaustion. I`ll try to do better, but without a something like GoogleDocs I actually have to do it in one go.
Man, my last post the bio should have been a pirate I was so so salty... And I was actually trying for the 1-2-1 thing with great defense, powerfull yet simple attack, and zero ranged or magic...Wait, did I forget to say he couldn'the use magic?. Hopefully I`ll get the balance right eventually.
Anywho, 'nuff `bout that bio. I think I`ve figured out some solutions, I`ll repost the bio and show the changes in this color

Source Setting: Mechquest/Adventurequest

Name: Ialdagorth This font bugs me. Can you tell that`s i-a-l ial, or is it just my screen?
Gender: non-binary
Age: unknown, but ancient
Race: Shadowscythe Alien (?)

Appearance: Ialda`s current appearence is that of a human, a point of confusion for someone who was never a humanoid. At five foot nine inches, he has a skinny but lithe frame, much like a runner. His body is mostly hairless, and his features would resemble our native Americans if it weren`t for his pale skin and very dark purple hair. He has red eyes that reek of mistrust and hidden agendas.
He wears a Zargonian super suit augmented with Shadowsythe technology. The regular blue uniform was replaced with red, and the chest, shoulder pads, gloves, and boots are replaced with gunmetal black chest plate, pauldrons, gauntlets, and boots. His suit makes him appear six extra inches taller and is segmented like kevlar plates. The belt is also black and most of his neck and head are covered by a black, futuristic breathing apartatus that covers his face and ears and makes him appear quite menacing with glowing angular eyes. He has a worn dark red cape about six and a half feet long that attaches over his shoulders to the chest plate and under the pauldrons, circling the edge to resemble a cloak.I added a little extra to the description to make the suit resemble an exosuit, you'll see why.

Belongings and Equipment: He wears a the Zargonian supersuit which possesses superstrength and speed. Shadowscythe engineers increased the armor plating and super strength, but as a result increased the weight to the point flying became impossible. He can hover about a foot off the ground, but that`s it. His strength is now equivalent to that of an alpha werewolf including giving him decent speed despite his suits weight and, if he lands first, a 30 foot leap. His energy bolts, while equivalent to a mediocre combat spell, will diffuse with distance, increasing spread but lowering dammage. It's similar in effect to a shotgun (If the bullets were energy. And diffused more like mist than pellets. And...this analogy falls apart the more you think about it) and is powered, like his entire suit, by his sheathed energy doomblade. He`ll only use it if his suit is destroyed, but it's a blade formed of energy and modeled after the one used by the sepulchure mech. It seems to follow the same laws of physycs as a regular sword, but it also glows. Finally, his belt was SUPPOSED to have virtually anything one would need for survival, but for some reason each compartment has a sample packet for different kinds of pickles...I, or rather, the Shadowscythe modified the suit into an exosuit, increasing defense and strength at the cost of flight. I've also (hopefully) clarified the energy bolt and stated the power supply to the whole suit is an energy sword. I've also stated it's physical limitations.

Skills and Abilities:
Modified Alien Physiology-Ial`s alien biology was modified by the Reset (spoilers!). While he`s still technically a Shadowscythe, his abilities are now equivalent to a mediocre vampire without the same weaknesses though he will still die if his spinal chord is severed just like before. He possesses strength just edging into the superhuman realm, very superhuman speed and agility, and a natural affiliation with darkness. He heals on parr with a lower-class werewolf, healing in half the time as a human. He also will not scar and will allways return to prime condition unless the source of his alien infection, the brain stem, is severed. In AQ, vampires are basically ninjas to the werewolve`s pirates. They are fast, agile, and excell at stealth. One difference between Ial and a vampire is that, rather than a life-drain skill, he regenerates at twice the speed as a human and can only be killed one way
Minor Tenebremancy-Do to his connection to the true Shadowscythe within the Realm of Eternal Darkness, Ial is able to slip into the darkness at will. But, as he has virtually no experience with magic, a competent mage or even a flashlight could expose him. He requires pre-existing darkness to shroud him, and receives no additional benefits other than stealth.
Alien Combatant-As a fairly able member of the Shadowscythe Armada, Ial has spent centuries honing his martial prowess to near perfection. That was, however, in his old body. In his new body, he`s still has some issue with walking, what with one knee and ankle. So, while he`s skilled enough to easily kill an opponent, he at the same time will have some issue operating his limbs to perform the desired function.
WEAKNESS: Alien Newb- Both Ial as an alien and his suit as a technological relic of an alternate past possess 0 magical resistance as well as a complete incapability to use mana.


Personality: As loyal minion of the Shadowscythe for eons, Ial lacks both a personality and individuality. His only goal in life is the benefit of the Shadowscythe.

History: "Not much is remembered from before the Shadowscythe, just that my planet was at the edge of the universe. We were among the first inducted by Valoth the Great! I served for so many years. Got my own cruiser, destroyed many enemies. Kept going towards the center, well, not quite the center. Kill the dragons, but a few. Some in asteroids, some in boxes. We don't question, only serve! A Glorious battle, the Master`s plan to fruition! But something was wrong, a bright light, all consuming never yeilding...pain, then white then nothing. Well, coffee smell, then nothing... suddenly, I awake. My ship buried, crew dead, and me...changed! I was never humanoid, now look like Loreonian! Was this his plan! I must find him, find his minions! I must serve! LONG LIVE THE SHADOWSCYTHE!!!Can't beleive I didn`the catch that LONG UNIVERSE crap until immediately after I posted. Well, that`s fixed, along with some other stuff.

Also, I know I cut some things that you suggested I edit and added things that will probably make your job a little harder. I just wanted to use to know I'm not being insolent or difficult. I'm just a stickler for keeping things canon and 2ill do whatever I can to keep from straying. For instance, you suggested I edit the parameters for the supersuit's flight, but instead I completely re-engineered the suit to eliminate flight while adding a powerfull weapon that probably alters the balance just to explain the powersource. It's pretty much an obsessive compulsion at this point, but I AM sorry if it makes things more difficult for you.

< Message edited by Gingkage -- 9/23/2017 17:59:03 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 11
9/25/2017 22:04:41   
brotherinlaw
Member

Before I address this latest version of your character, I need to point out one thing. Clarifying details, or submitting alternate options, that Starflame and myself have asked for is a helpful and encouraged thing. Arguing with us as to why things we have told you to change should remain as is is not. If you are not willing to work with us on this character, then please submit a new one.

That said, this character is still not ready for approval. Firstly, the exosuit. You mention that the suit's power is not increased by Ialda's, which is a helpful clarification. I am not so clear, however, on if Ialda's power is increased by the suit's. If so, just how much are Ialda's abilities enhanced? If it's not, then the two sources of power are redundant. If it is, then your character is again too close to the potential of verging into overpowerered territory for Star's and my comfort. If you want his natural abilities to be boosted by mainly speed, perhaps the exosuit solely boosts his strength, as you mentioned it's intended to take strain off the body, rather than imbue the body with greater dexterity.

Lastly, you were asked in the last round of edits to add in at least one weakness, preferably more, as currently, having only one way to be killed is too powerful, and neglected to do so. If you feel that this would weaken him too much, it is possible to slightly increase his healing abilities to balance out these weaknesses. Please make the necessary adjustments to this aspect of your character before resubmitting. ~Gingkage

Took your advice and waited a day, and man, do I appreciate the rest! Thanks!

Before I post this, and I know this may mean I`ll have to post yet AGAIN, I would like to contend a point you made. You made the point that havingthat only one possibility of death was overpowered, but I`d like to argue that, all in all, it`s not. In an arena situation a vampire, with it's lifesteal ability, and werewolves, with their much faster regeneration, would be near impossible for anyone but a Slayer, especially since their only readily available weakness is total decapitation. My healing is little better than a human (except it's 'perfect' every time), my strength is barely super, and my speed`s my only real advantage. Since, as you said,
these fight`s will like not end in death, my healing will likely turn into a weakness if I am impaled or a limb is removed and they realise it has little impact. They may then start cutting willy nilly, removing all my limbs and, if they really are intent on killing me,
They may start stabbing until late they find something important. If so, expect me to go out of character long enough to make jokes about "only a fleshwound" and "bite your ankles off".

As I said, I'm only arguing my point. I am not being hostile and set in my ways, and I do understand that you have the last say. If you read my rebuttal and decide that it's still too much of an issue, I will remove it A.S.A.P.


Source Setting: Mechquest/Adventurequest

Name: Ialdagorth I`ll just assume your lack of response means that it`s fine
Gender: non-binary
Age: unknown, but ancient
Race: Shadowscythe Alien (?)

Appearance: Ialda`s current appearence is that of a human, a point of confusion for someone who was never a humanoid. At five foot nine inches, he has a skinny but lithe frame, much like a runner. His body is mostly hairless, and his features would resemble our native Americans if it weren`t for his pale skin and very dark purple hair. He has red eyes that reek of mistrust and hidden agendas.
He wears a Zargonian super suit augmented with Shadowsythe technology. The regular blue uniform was replaced with red, and the chest, shoulder pads, gloves, and boots are replaced with gunmetal black chest plate, pauldrons, gauntlets, and boots. His suit makes him appear six extra inches taller and is segmented like kevlar plates. The belt is also black and most of his neck and head are covered by a black, futuristic breathing apartatus that covers his face and ears and makes him appear quite menacing with glowing angular eyes. He has a worn dark red cape about six and a half feet long that attaches over his shoulders to the chest plate and under the pauldrons, circling the edge to resemble a cloak.

Belongings and Equipment: He wears a the Zargonian supersuit which possesses superstrength and speed. Shadowscythe engineers increased the armor plating and super strength, but as a result increased the weight to the point flying became impossible. His strength is now equivalent to that of an alpha werewolf including giving him decent speed despite his suits weight and a 30 foot leap. His natural speed and strength have no effect on his suit`s performance, such is the nature of an exosuit. His energy bolts, while equivalent to a mediocre combat spell, will diffuse with distance, increasing spread but lowering dammage. It's similar in effect to a shotgun (If the bullets were energy. And diffused more like mist than pellets. And...this analogy falls apart the more you think about it) and is powered, like his entire suit, by his sheathed energy doomblade. He`ll only use it if his suit is destroyed, but it's a blade formed of energy and modeled after the one used by the sepulchure mech. It seems to follow the same laws of physycs as a regular sword, but it also glows. Finally, his belt was SUPPOSED to have virtually anything one would need for survival, but for some reason each compartment has a sample packet for different kinds of pickles...I removed the hovering entirely. It`seems original function was just to make him look cooler and, since I agreed with you that it functionally increased his mobility to worrying a mounts, I saw no reason to keep it at all. I also now know i took for granted that an exosuit`s function`s are common knowledge, a ridiculous mistake I have remedied that in the description. An exosuit, like the experimental ones developed for construction and rescue workers today, takes the full strain of tasks from the users body, meaning their physical state has no effect on the suits operation. I have now edited that the exosuit`s power is not increased by Ialda`s.

Skills and Abilities:
Modified Alien Physiology-Ial`s alien biology was modified by the Reset (spoilers!). While he`s still technically a Shadowscythe, his abilities are now equivalent to a mediocre vampire without the same weaknesses though he will still die if his spinal chord is severed just like before. He possesses strength just edging into the superhuman realm, very superhuman speed and agility, and a natural affiliation with darkness. He heals on parr with a lower-class werewolf, healing in half the time as a human. He also will not scar and will allways return to prime condition unless the source of his alien infection, the brain stem, is severed. In AQ, vampires are basically ninjas to the werewolve`s pirates. They are fast, agile, and excell at stealth. One difference between Ial and a vampire is that, rather than a life-drain skill, he regenerates at twice the speed as a human and can only be killed one way
Minor Tenebremancy-Do to his connection to the true Shadowscythe within the Realm of Eternal Darkness, Ial is able to slip into the darkness at will. But, as he has virtually no experience with magic, a competent mage or even a flashlight could expose him. He requires pre-existing darkness to shroud him, and receives no additional benefits other than stealth.
Alien Combatant-As a fairly able member of the Shadowscythe Armada, Ial has spent centuries honing his martial prowess to near perfection. That was, however, in his old body. In his new body, he`s still has some issue with walking, what with one knee and ankle. So, while he`s skilled enough to easily kill an opponent, he at the same time will have some issue operating his limbs to perform the desired function.
WEAKNESS: Alien Newb- Both Ial as an alien and his suit as a technological relic of an alternate past possess 0 magical resistance as well as a complete incapability to use mana.


Personality: As loyal minion of the Shadowscythe for eons, Ial lacks both a personality and individuality. His only goal in life is the benefit of the Shadowscythe.

History: "Not much is remembered from before the Shadowscythe, just that my planet was at the edge of the universe. We were among the first inducted by Valoth the Great! I served for so many years. Got my own cruiser, destroyed many enemies. Kept going towards the center, well, not quite the center. Kill the dragons, but a few. Some in asteroids, some in boxes. We don't question, only serve! A Glorious battle, the Master`s plan to fruition! But something was wrong, a bright light, all consuming never yeilding...pain, then white then nothing. Well, coffee smell, then nothing... suddenly, I awake. My ship buried, crew dead, and me...changed! I was never humanoid, now look like Loreonian! Was this his plan! I must find him, find his minions! I must serve! LONG LIVE THE SHADOWSCYTHE!!!

< Message edited by Gingkage -- 9/25/2017 23:44:53 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 12
9/26/2017 22:52:15   
brotherinlaw
Member

Alright, round 5! I think we're almost there; but since you took us up on the offer to add in a few attributes, just a little bit more balancing to go.

First, the Supersuit. I think, power wise, this is finally at a place where we are comfortable with! Between the suit and his natural abilities, Ialda should be a good bit stronger than the average human, and faster than any natural human abilities (clarify if this is incorrect!) I like the idea of having an emergency ejection - particular if the suit runs out of power. If this happens, will Ialda still possess the energy doom blade? If so, will it still be in a condition to wield as a weapon? Beyond clarifying that, I think we're good here! Just keep in mind that the energy, even of a doom weapon, is not inexhaustible; so firing too many energy bolts or using the suit to make too many leaps in a row should drain its total energy.

Now, on to your Alien Physiology. Thank you for including a few more vulnerabilities - particularly in areas that will be likely targets (though with your speed, you should still in-character be fully able to defend or dodge). As for the healing - I think we're ok as-is for minor injuries, given the fast nature of the battle. For major injuries, I would recommend an additional condition, maybe along the lines of requiring that Ialda remains relatively inactive during the process (i.e., even if a battle does drag on for an hour, you shouldn't be able to regenerate a limb mid-fight.)

As an aside, as long as people are willing to work with us through the entire process, it's perfectly ok if getting through Step One takes multiple submissions, of minor edits or even complete redesigns! We don't want people to feel rushed or as if they're on a time limit, like in the Elemental Championships. You're on the home stretch now, so get those last couple edits in and we should be good!



Heh, sorry, just wanted to make my case and, since you obviously read my argument and still feel my reasoning is inadequate for this RP, I'll be happy to change it without a second thought. Thank you for humorinng me and not making an issue of it!


Source Setting: Mechquest/Adventurequest

Name: Ialdagorth
Gender: non-binary
Age: unknown, but ancient
Race: Shadowscythe Alien (?)

Appearance: Ialda`s current appearence is that of a human, a point of confusion for someone who was never a humanoid. At five foot nine inches, he has a skinny but lithe frame, much like a runner. His body is mostly hairless, and his features would resemble our native Americans if it weren`t for his pale skin and very dark purple hair. He has red eyes that reek of mistrust and hidden agendas.
He wears a Zargonian super suit augmented with Shadowsythe technology. The regular blue uniform was replaced with red, and the chest, shoulder pads, gloves, and boots are replaced with gunmetal black chest plate, pauldrons, gauntlets, and boots. His suit makes him appear six extra inches taller and is segmented like kevlar plates. The belt is also black and most of his neck and head are covered by a black, futuristic breathing apartatus that covers his face and ears and makes him appear quite menacing with glowing angular eyes. He has a worn dark red cape about six and a half feet long that attaches over his shoulders to the chest plate and under the pauldrons, circling the edge to resemble a cloak.

Belongings and Equipment: He wears a the Zargonian supersuit which possesses superstrength and speed. Shadowscythe engineers increased the armor plating and super strength, but as a result increased the weight to the point flying became impossible. His strength is now equivalent to that of an alpha werewolf, increasing his speed to average levels despite his suits weight and a 30 foot leap. His natural speed and strength have no effect on his suit`s performance, such is the nature of an exosuit. His energy bolts, while equivalent to a mediocre combat spell, will diffuse with distance, increasing spread but lowering dammage. It's similar in effect to a shotgun (If the bullets were energy. And diffused more like mist than pellets. And...this analogy falls apart the more you think about it) and is powered, like his entire suit, by his sheathed energy doomblade. He`ll only use it if his suit is destroyed, but it's a blade formed of energy and modeled after the one used by the sepulchure mech. It seems to follow the same laws of physycs as a regular sword, but it also glows. Finally, his belt was SUPPOSED to have virtually anything one would need for survival, but for some reason each compartment has a sample packet for different kinds of pickles...Oh, and his suit has an emergency ejection system that activates after the suit becomes critically dammaged. I clarified that the suit`s strength increases it`s speed to average levels, something I had included in the description before, but didn`t realise until you pointed it out that it was worded vaguely. Also, and I didn`t know how to word it differently than I had already done, but the performance of the suit would be the same as if a human were using it as if Ialda were. I should have specified it earlier, but the suit/alien setup was to test the versatility of the opponent. First they`d face a heavy hitter with medium ranged attack and good defense then, should they not somehow kill me in the suit, a fast agile person with a sword. A one-two punch, as it were. Actually, I suppose I should have made an emergency ejection system so it would be obvious...changing that now.

Skills and Abilities:
Modified Alien Physiology-Ial`s alien biology was modified by the Reset (spoilers!). While he`s still technically a Shadowscythe, his abilities are now equivalent to a mediocre vampire without the same weaknesses though he will still die if his spinal chord is severed just like before. He possesses strength just edging into the superhuman realm, very superhuman speed, and regeneration. Ial can heal a cut within a minute, a deep laceration within ten, and a severed limb within an hour. He also returns to perfect condition unless the source of his alien infection, the brain stem, is severed or his vital organs, the brain and an organ similar to a heart on the right side of his body, are destroyed. Alright, on top of his brain stem I added his brain and a heartlike organ on his right side. Two of these, the stem and brain, are already part of a warriors training as a weak spot to aim for, so, if you include the fact that I have 0 resistance to magic, I`d like to take you up on that offer to boost my healing. I made it so I heal a minor cut in one minute, a deep laceration in ten and a severed limb in an hour. Since most real fights rarely last sixty seconds, I feel this barely compensates for my 0 defense without my exosuit, but just tell me if it`s too OP and I`ll change it without hesitation.
Minor Tenebremancy-Do to his connection to the true Shadowscythe within the Realm of Eternal Darkness, Ial is able to slip into the darkness at will. But, as he has virtually no experience with magic, a competent mage or even a flashlight could expose him. He requires pre-existing darkness to shroud him, and receives no additional benefits other than stealth.
Alien Combatant-As a fairly able member of the Shadowscythe Armada, Ial has spent centuries honing his martial prowess to near perfection. That was, however, in his old body. In his new body, he`s still has some issue with walking, what with one knee and ankle. So, while he`s skilled enough to easily kill an opponent, he at the same time will have some issue operating his limbs to perform the desired function.
WEAKNESS: Alien Newb- Both Ial as an alien and his suit as a technological relic of an alternate past possess 0 magical resistance as well as a complete incapability to use mana.


Personality: As loyal minion of the Shadowscythe for eons, Ial lacks both a personality and individuality. His only goal in life is the benefit of the Shadowscythe.

History: "Not much is remembered from before the Shadowscythe, just that my planet was at the edge of the universe. We were among the first inducted by Valoth the Great! I served for so many years. Got my own cruiser, destroyed many enemies. Kept going towards the center, well, not quite the center. Kill the dragons, but a few. Some in asteroids, some in boxes. We don't question, only serve! A Glorious battle, the Master`s plan to fruition! But something was wrong, a bright light, all consuming never yeilding...pain, then white then nothing. Well, coffee smell, then nothing... suddenly, I awake. My ship buried, crew dead, and me...changed! I was never humanoid, now look like Loreonian! Was this his plan! I must find him, find his minions! I must serve! LONG LIVE THE SHADOWSCYTHE!!!

Sorry, I can tell in the way you write you`re getting just a little frustrated with me. I know I can be difficult with this sort of thing, but I never intend to be. This must be what happens when my perfectionism and stubborn streak meet my lifelong love of these games and their community. Again, I`m terribly sorry for this, must be a week now, of trouble I`ve given you. I`m trying to wrap this up as fast as I can, I assure you, so I`ll be out of your hair as soon I can.

...at least, until I end up inevitably giving you trouble on step two and three...*sigh*

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 10/1/2017 20:03:23 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
10/4/2017 8:58:05   
brotherinlaw
Member

Approved. There are a couple minor things that need pointed out, but they are not things that were enough to hinder Star or myself. Firstly, is Ialda still in possession of his energy sword when he ejects from his exosuit, and if he does, is it in any condition to be used? Please clarify that as needed further in the Stages. Secondly, as mentioned in an earlier version of this character, with his increased healing speed, you need to keep track of his injuries, how severe they are, and how rapidly he is healing them, or if he is healing them at all. Keep those two things in mind, and on to the next stage. ~Gingkage

Thanks. And I'm beginning to see why people don`t usually do Mechquest on the RP. Making a balanced yet canonical character from there is difficult...


Source Setting: Mechquest/Adventurequest

Name: Ialdagorth
Gender: non-binary
Age: unknown, but ancient
Race: Shadowscythe Alien (?)

Appearance: Ialda`s current appearence is that of a human, a point of confusion for someone who was never a humanoid. At five foot nine inches, he has a skinny but lithe frame, much like a runner. His body is mostly hairless, and his features would resemble our native Americans if it weren`t for his pale skin and very dark purple hair. He has red eyes that reek of mistrust and hidden agendas.
He wears a Zargonian super suit augmented with Shadowsythe technology. The regular blue uniform was replaced with red, and the chest, shoulder pads, gloves, and boots are replaced with gunmetal black chest plate, pauldrons, gauntlets, and boots. His suit makes him appear six extra inches taller and is segmented like kevlar plates. The belt is also black and most of his neck and head are covered by a black, futuristic breathing apartatus that covers his face and ears and makes him appear quite menacing with glowing angular eyes. He has a worn dark red cape about six and a half feet long that attaches over his shoulders to the chest plate and under the pauldrons, circling the edge to resemble a cloak.

Belongings and Equipment: He wears a the Zargonian supersuit which possesses superstrength and speed. Shadowscythe engineers increased the armor plating and super strength, but as a result increased the weight to the point flying became impossible. His strength is now equivalent to that of an alpha werewolf, increasing his speed to average levels despite his suits weight and a 30 foot leap. His natural speed and strength have no effect on his suit`s performance, such is the nature of an exosuit. His energy bolts, while equivalent to a mediocre combat spell, will diffuse with distance, increasing spread but lowering dammage. It's similar in effect to a shotgun (If the bullets were energy. And diffused more like mist than pellets. And...this analogy falls apart the more you think about it) and is powered, like his entire suit, by his sheathed energy doomblade. He`ll only use it if his suit is destroyed, but it's a blade formed of energy and modeled after the one used by the sepulchure mech. It seems to follow the same laws of physycs as a regular sword, but it also glows. The Doom Cell in the blade is supposed to generate enough power for the suit but, due to it's prototype nature, it uses more energy than the blade can generate. As a result, the suit can only use 3 abilities (leaps or energy beam) before having to take five seconds to recharge. Finally, his belt was SUPPOSED to have virtually anything one would need for survival, but for some reason each compartment has a sample packet for different kinds of pickles...Oh, and his suit has an emergency ejection system that activates after the suit becomes critically dammaged. Wow, this has become a veritable block of text...Anyway, I added that the blade generates energy, but slower than the prototype suit can drain it. As a result, his energy intensive moves, the leap and energy blast, can only be used thrice before needing 5 seconds to recharge. I figured 5 because I estimate a good swordsman can get in a good 6-7 strokes in that time, depending on the blade, and that balanced well with a short range blast and mobility move. If you feel that doesn`t work, I'll bump it up to ten

Skills and Abilities:
Modified Alien Physiology-Ial`s alien biology was modified by the Reset (spoilers!). While he`s still technically a Shadowscythe, his abilities are now equivalent to a mediocre vampire without the same weaknesses though he will still die if his spinal chord is severed just like before. He possesses strength just edging into the superhuman realm, very superhuman speed, and regeneration. Ial can heal a cut within a minute, a deep laceration within ten, and a severed limb within an hour. However, he can control his healing, and will seal wounds he considers to intensive to heal during a fight, like a limb, until late he has time to deal with it. He also returns to perfect condition unless the source of his alien infection, the brain stem, is severed or his vital organs, the brain and an organ similar to a heart on the right side of his body, are destroyed.I added that he will consciously seal off wounds that are to intense to heal in the middle of a fight.
Minor Tenebremancy-Do to his connection to the true Shadowscythe within the Realm of Eternal Darkness, Ial is able to slip into the darkness at will. But, as he has virtually no experience with magic, a competent mage or even a flashlight could expose him. He requires pre-existing darkness to shroud him, and receives no additional benefits other than stealth.
Alien Combatant-As a fairly able member of the Shadowscythe Armada, Ial has spent centuries honing his martial prowess to near perfection. That was, however, in his old body. In his new body, he`s still has some issue with walking, what with one knee and ankle. So, while he`s skilled enough to easily kill an opponent, he at the same time will have some issue operating his limbs to perform the desired function.
WEAKNESS: Alien Newb- Both Ial as an alien and his suit as a technological relic of an alternate past possess 0 magical resistance as well as a complete incapability to use mana.


Personality: As loyal minion of the Shadowscythe for eons, Ial lacks both a personality and individuality. His only goal in life is the benefit of the Shadowscythe.

History: "Not much is remembered from before the Shadowscythe, just that my planet was at the edge of the universe. We were among the first inducted by Valoth the Great! I served for so many years. Got my own cruiser, destroyed many enemies. Kept going towards the center, well, not quite the center. Kill the dragons, but a few. Some in asteroids, some in boxes. We don't question, only serve! A Glorious battle, the Master`s plan to fruition! But something was wrong, a bright light, all consuming never yeilding...pain, then white then nothing. Well, coffee smell, then nothing... suddenly, I awaken. My ship buried, crew dead, and I...changed! I was never humanoid, now look like Loreonian! Was this his plan! I must find him, find his minions! I must serve! LONG LIVE THE SHADOWSCYTHE!!! Changed some grammatical errors I didn't notice before,
No biggie

Well, here's hoping this one's the charm...

< Message edited by Gingkage -- 10/12/2017 12:53:16 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 14
10/25/2017 12:53:30   
Caststarter
Member

I will review this fully soon, but before I do, will you please add in a source setting? You have my permission to edit the post just to add that in! Thanks!

Alright, a summoner! These are usually a bit risky, and in the EC’s would likely be an automatic veto, but I think we can work with this for Combat Training.

Augustus looks good for the most part for physical abilities. I would note that, while he is in the state of wearing his full plate armor, his agility/dexterity should be limited slightly more than “somewhat hampered” while he isn’t under the effect of his manifestations, but otherwise ok. You do need to include a race for the character, so I’m assuming for now that he’s human, due to the various heroes.

Now, the apparitions. You have a LOT of variety in abilities with all the different apparitions, especially considering a couple of them have both a summon and a manifestation option. I don’t want to make you remove or take away abilities, so we’re going to need to impose some fairly strict limitations on how many or how often you use these abilities. To begin with, given the combination of eight separate apparitions and the fact that Augustus is fairly powerful without any of them, I would like you to add the restriction that each apparition can only be used once per combat. I would also include some type of limit in how often they can be used – either based off of a timed cool down or in the amount of mana that they require.

For the manifestations specifically, some clarifications. First, does Augustus also gain the armor of the manifestation, or does he maintain his plate mail? Second, does being surrounded by the manifestation enable Augustus to cast its spell? In general, there also needs to be some sort of limit to how long Augustus can manifest a hero, either based off a time limit or in energy used (say, after a cast of the powerful spell). For the summons, how does the spell work in combination with the predetermined order? Do they happen simultaneously, or one after the other, or does casting the summon enable Augustus to cast the spell until the summon vanishes after completing it’s orders?

Now, on to the specific heroes! Some of their spells may need a bit more balancing if you intend for them to last longer than a single cast, but for now I’m going to evaluate them as if you got a single cast of each spell before the hero expires, regardless of if it’s an apparition or manifestation. If you want to have multiple casts per spell, many of them will need to be significantly weakened.

Alexander the Great’s Narcissism- This spell has a slight risk of being a summon within a summon. I’ll allow it- under the assumption that once the horses begin their chariot charge, they will be unable to change direction.

Zhang Liao’s Valor- As a manifestation, I would add in a drawback like you did with Cyrus. I’ll leave it to you to pick one that fits in with the character’s theme.

Cheng Pu’s Experience – I’m not sure how this spell works as a passive. Are you saying that the air around Augustus is constantly moving to slash anything in range? If so, I would adjust it slightly to either be a bit less unavoidable (maybe making it a very short range).

Pakal the Great’s Legend - What’s the range on the spear spell? I would recommend either a 5-10 foot radius around a targeted spot, or else a 10-15 foot radius around Augustus himself (with the assumption they won’t hurt him).

Admiral Yu Sun Sin’s Loyalty – This is the spell that runs the biggest risk of being overpowered. It also again runs the risk of being a summon within a summon. You can either reduce it to a cannon blast of wind, or else have some type of massive rush of wind that takes the form of a dragon/turtle (Think Hanzo’s ultimate ability from Overwatch). As a manifestation, there needs to be some drawback to account for the increase in Augustus’s physical abilities.

In all, I love the theme of your character, and the effort you put into creating it shows! Summoners are just tricky to balance, but as long as you’re happy with making some adjustments, it should be doable. Get a new bio up with the requested changes and clarifications, as well as any further edits you may want to add! ~Starflame13


Source Setting: AQ

Name: Emperor General Augustus

Appearance: Augustus is an extremely well-built man. Tall and tempered, his receding black hair line flows behind him. His face practically chiselled by the finest artists. His smile stretches evenly, his eyebrows trimmed to perfection. His beard a man’s sea across his chin and cheeks.

Lined with fur, his crystal white armor is all metallic yet extremely refined. Links are riveted and multi-layered. Despite common interpretations of armor, his metal plates allows him full use of mobility and protection as proper armor should be made to be. His gauntlets have clearly defined golden grooves, as well as his greeves. His breastplate defines Prota’s Vascole’s full glory; gold etchings of lightning with Augustus’ own theme of calm winds through the frontier. He wears an ostentatious black cape, collar reaching his high cheekbones. There is a pin near the neckline for easy removal, so trying to use the cape against him is a useless tactic.

Emperor’s Halberd: A long and decorated polearm with the ability to hook enemies to the ground, skewer them, or have slashing abilities. It is a versatile polearm, where it is Augustus’ mightiest and sole physical weapon. It has a spike on both ends. On the spikes, blade, and hook, there are multiple etchings of different names of great heroes. The ax-blade’s back hook is curved sharply inward while the front hook is curved slightly outward. It has a large red plume tied to the long spike at the front. The shaft is reinforced by steel rings connected by leather. The ax-blade is adorned with an emerald gem at the middle.

Abilities:

Most of Augustus’ physical abilities are extremely high. Naturally, he is a very adept fighter at close range. All of them borderline monstrous. His magic is merely average unless he meets a needed condition to use magic at full strength, relating to the phantoms. If not at full strength, all spells have noticeable wind-up due to the simple act of needing to summon.

Martial prowess: Augustus is a true pike duelist through and through. He practiced one on one, two on one, and so on just to hone his skills.

High endurance: Augustus has a relatively high amount of stamina. He tends to not tire, due to his duels.

High dexterity and speed: He is very much agile, where he can maneuver almost perfectly. His sprint is also no laughing matter, able to cross distances rapidly, surprising any fighter mainly used to fighting at long-range. Due to his armor, his agility is only somewhat hampered.

Apparitions:

Augustus is able to call the memories of great heroes throughout time and space carried through the wind. These apparitions manifest either around himself, or as their separate but commandeered entity. If the apparition surrounds him, he becomes more like the great hero, with a new martial prowess associated with the hero, along with a different magical ability. If the apparition is commandeered, Augustus gives them pre-determined orders where they then fade out. He can command one or manifest as one. When manifested, he can use only that phantoms abilities and no others can be summoned until the manifestion goes away. His halberd disappears while a guise is up, instead morphing into a new weapon. MAnifestation only.

Cyrus the Great’s Integrity: This apparition is that of a man in ancient scale armor. He wields an ancient shield wall and a two meter spear. If manifested around, Augustus becomes extremely respectable and truthful. Cyrus’ spell, Battle for Ascension, is a wall rush of wind. It acts as both a shield and attack. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: Heightened defenses, lower attack speed, less range, heightened reflexes, lower strength.

“I am Cyrus the Great, first emperor of the Achaemenid empire.”

Alexander the Great’s Narcissism: This apparition is that of a man in ancient bronze armor. He wields a sarissa, an ancient polearm. Alexander’s spell, Battle against Darius, is conjure a horse-driven chariot he rides with spikes on the wheels and ram through the enemy. Summon only.

Pre-determined physical order: A thrust

“I am Alexander the Great, submit for I am a demigod!”

Zhang Liao’s Valor: This apparition is that of a man in ancient lamellar cavalry plates. He wields an ancient ji, a predecessor to the halberd. If manifested around, Augustus becomes perceptive and strikes an extreme amount of fear into his enemies. Liao’s spell, Battle of Xiaoyao Ford, has two stages. When summoned, it is a mere traveling eruption of air from the ground in a straight line. When manifested, it is a short-range vortex.

Pre-determined physical order: A jumping down stab at the dagger-axe end

Altered attributes: Significantly increased speed across the board, use the Ji with one arm. Heightened reflexes.

“I am Zhang Liao, hero of Hefei. Come and face your destiny!”

Cheng Pu’s Experience: This apparition is that of a bearded man in ancient coat of plates. He wields a serpent spear. If manifested around, Augustus becomes wise and scholarly. Pu’s spell, Battles for survival of the Sun clan, is more of a passive, with the ability to cut the wind apart to form traveling wind slashes multiple times. The true formation of the spell is a thrust that will create an explosive ball of air. Cheng Pu is solely used as a surrounding manifestation, as his magic will not activate if merely summoned.

Altered attributes: Less speed across the board. Heightened reflexes, higher strength

“I am Elder Cheng. Civil servant to the kingdom of Wu.”

Pakal the Great’s Legend: This apparition is that of a man donned with a jaguar pelt and jade death mask. He wields an obsidian throwing spear, one that can reform in the hands at any time. If manifested around, Augustus has ideas of grandeur and arguably more violent. Pakal’s spell, Primal Warfare, conjures numerous spears to rain from above. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: Higher attack speed, extremely high reflexes, higher endurance. Pitiful defense.

“I am Pakal, builder of a grand city-state.”

Manco Capac’s Godhood: This apparition is that of a man in a cotton tunic with wooden plates. He wields a makeshift macana as if it is a polearm. Manco’s spell, Creation Tale, turns the macana into a rod, where once drop explodes into violent winds that sweep the nearby floor around him. Summon only.

Pre-determined physical order: A bash with the macana

“I am Manco Capac, son of the sun god himself! Bow to me!”

Admiral Yi Sun Sin’s Loyalty: This apparition is that of a robed man. He wields a woldo. If manifested around, Augustus has an undestroyable amount of loyalty and becomes incredibly resourceful. Yi’s spell, Battle of Myeongnyang, is a large turtle with a dragon head formed with wind armed with wind cannons all around it, with spikes protruding from the top. Yi stands at the top when summoned.

Pre-determined physical order: A sweeping horizontal slash

Altered attributes: All attributes are increased by a moderate amount.

“I am the loyal admiral of the Joseon. I will repel all invaders. No matter the numbers.”

Horatio Nelson’s Leadership: This apparition is that of a coated man with one arm. He wields a pike with a gun attachment that can fire up to three wind bullets. If manifested around, Augustus lusts for recognition but ultimately has some humility. Horatio’s spell, Last Moments of Trafalgar, uses his gun to fire a wave of cutting winds. Horatio is the sole exception in martial prowess, displaying extremely little. To compensate, the spell when manifested is exceptionally powerful but draining. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: All attributes are decreased by a moderate amount.

“I am Viscount Horatio Nelson, prepare yourself for I am most knowledgeable in tactics!”


< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 10/26/2017 19:04:47 >
DF  Post #: 15
10/26/2017 19:57:51   
Caststarter
Member

Looks like you made the majority of the balance changes requested, thank you! Just to be clear, while you can use the same summon multiple times, as soon as that summon uses their "big spell", they're out for the rest of the fight. I also think you forgot to mention that Yi Sun Sin's turtle has 6 canons (2 in the front, 2 in back, and one on each side. Beyond that, everything looks good!

Just keep in mind that we're trying something new in allowing a summoner for a combat RP. If it looks like that we've made Augustus too strong or too weak, depending on how his fights go, we may need to revisit him to balance again. (Also, for the sake of not everyone being a history buff, you may want to link pictures of the various weapons to your combat partner as necessary.) As of now, approved! ~Starflame13



Source Setting: AQ

Name: Emperor General Augustus

Race: Human

Appearance: Augustus is an extremely well-built man. Tall and tempered, his receding black hair line flows behind him. His face practically chiselled by the finest artists. His smile stretches evenly, his eyebrows trimmed to perfection. His beard a man’s sea across his chin and cheeks.

Lined with fur, his crystal white armor is all metallic yet extremely refined. Links are riveted and multi-layered. Despite common interpretations of armor, his metal plates allows him full use of mobility and protection as proper armor should be made to be. His gauntlets have clearly defined golden grooves, as well as his greeves. His breastplate defines Prota’s Vascole’s full glory; gold etchings of lightning with Augustus’ own theme of calm winds through the frontier. He wears an ostentatious black cape, collar reaching his high cheekbones. There is a pin near the neckline for easy removal, so trying to use the cape against him is a useless tactic.

Emperor’s Halberd: A long and decorated polearm with the ability to hook enemies to the ground, skewer them, or have slashing abilities. It is a versatile polearm, where it is Augustus’ mightiest and sole physical weapon. It has a spike on both ends. On the spikes, blade, and hook, there are multiple etchings of different names of great heroes. The ax-blade’s back hook is curved sharply inward while the front hook is curved slightly outward. It has a large red plume tied to the long spike at the front. The shaft is reinforced by steel rings connected by leather. The ax-blade is adorned with an emerald gem at the middle.

Abilities:

Most of Augustus’ physical abilities are extremely high. Naturally, he is a very adept fighter at close range. All of them borderline monstrous. His magic is merely average unless he meets a needed condition to use magic at full strength, relating to the phantoms. If not at full strength, all spells have noticeable wind-up due to the simple act of needing to summon.

Martial prowess: Augustus is a true pike duelist through and through. He practiced one on one, two on one, and so on just to hone his skills.

High endurance: Augustus has a relatively high amount of stamina. He tends to not tire, due to his duels.

High dexterity and speed: He is very much quick, where he can maneuver almost perfectly. His sprint is also no laughing matter, able to cross distances rapidly, surprising any fighter mainly used to fighting at long-range. Due to his armor, his agility is rather hampered.

Apparitions:

Augustus is able to call the memories of great heroes throughout time and space carried through the wind. These apparitions manifest either around himself, or as their separate but commandeered entity. If the apparition surrounds him, he becomes more like the great hero, with a new martial prowess associated with the hero, along with a different magical ability. If the apparition is commandeered, Augustus gives them pre-determined orders where they then fade out. He can command one or manifest as one. When manifested, he can use only that phantoms abilities and no others can be summoned until the manifestion goes away. His halberd disappears while a guise is up, instead morphing into a new weapon. For manifestations, his plate armor is not replaced, and the phantom armor is not considered at all. Manifestations have a thirty second duration or fade when the spell is completely used. Each spell can only be used once. A phantom can only use either their order or spell, never at once. Time between spells must be 30 seconds apart.

Cyrus the Great’s Integrity: This apparition is that of a man in ancient scale armor. He wields an ancient shield wall and a two meter spear. If manifested around, Augustus becomes extremely respectable and truthful. Cyrus’ spell, Battle for Ascension, is a wall rush of wind. It acts as both a shield and attack. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: Heightened defenses, lower attack speed, less range, heightened reflexes, lower strength.

“I am Cyrus the Great, first emperor of the Achaemenid empire.”

Alexander the Great’s Narcissism: This apparition is that of a man in ancient bronze armor. He wields a sarissa, an ancient polearm. Alexander’s spell, Battle against Darius, is conjure a horse-driven chariot he rides with spikes on the wheels and ram through the enemy. Can't steer Summon only.

Pre-determined physical order: A thrust

“I am Alexander the Great, submit for I am a demigod!”

Zhang Liao’s Valor: This apparition is that of a man in ancient lamellar cavalry plates. He wields an ancient ji, a predecessor to the halberd. If manifested around, Augustus becomes perceptive and strikes an extreme amount of fear into his enemies. Liao’s spell, Battle of Xiaoyao Ford, has two stages. When summoned, it is a mere traveling eruption of air from the ground in a straight line. When manifested, it is a short-range vortex.

Pre-determined physical order: A jumping down stab at the dagger-axe end

Altered attributes: Significantly increased speed across the board, use the Ji with one arm. Heightened reflexes. Due to Augustus not possessing the actual endurance of the true Zhang Liao, he tires a more quickly than he should. Less technical reach.

“I am Zhang Liao, hero of Hefei. Come and face your destiny!”

Cheng Pu’s Experience: This apparition is that of a bearded man in ancient coat of plates. He wields a serpent spear. If manifested around, Augustus becomes wise and scholarly. Pu’s spell, Battles for survival of the Sun clan, is more of a passive. As Pu swings his weapon, wind slashes burst out from the weapon forward at a fixed rate of 3 feet per second. The true formation of the spell is a thrust that will create an explosive ball of air. Cheng Pu is solely used as a surrounding manifestation, as his magic will not activate if merely summoned.

Altered attributes: Less speed across the board. Heightened reflexes, higher strength

“I am Elder Cheng. Civil servant to the kingdom of Wu.”

Pakal the Great’s Legend: This apparition is that of a man donned with a jaguar pelt and jade death mask. He wields an obsidian throwing spear, one that can reform in the hands at any time. If manifested around, Augustus has ideas of grandeur and arguably more violent. Pakal’s spell, Primal Warfare, conjures numerous spears to rain from above. He targets an area around in a 10 foot radius. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: Higher attack speed, extremely high reflexes, higher endurance. Pitiful defense.

“I am Pakal, builder of a grand city-state.”

Manco Capac’s Godhood: This apparition is that of a man in a cotton tunic with wooden plates. He wields a makeshift macana as if it is a polearm. Manco’s spell, Creation Tale, turns the macana into a rod, where once drop explodes into violent winds that sweep the nearby floor around him. Summon only.

Pre-determined physical order: A bash with the macana

“I am Manco Capac, son of the sun god himself! Bow to me!”

Admiral Yi Sun Sin’s Loyalty: This apparition is that of a robed man. He wields a woldo. If manifested around, Augustus has an undestroyable amount of loyalty and becomes incredibly resourceful. Yi’s spell, Battle of Myeongnyang, is a large turtle with a dragon head formed with wind armed with wind cannons all around it, with spikes protruding from the top. The turtle does nothing but stand pretty. The cannons are what matter. There is a 15 second timer before they fire. If he manifestaiton wears up though, they don't activate. Yi stands at the top when summoned.

Pre-determined physical order: A sweeping horizontal slash

Altered attributes: All attributes are increased by a slight amount.

“I am the loyal admiral of the Joseon. I will repel all invaders. No matter the numbers.”

Horatio Nelson’s Leadership: This apparition is that of a coated man with one arm. He wields a pike with a gun attachment that can fire up to three wind bullets. If manifested around, Augustus lusts for recognition but ultimately has some humility. Horatio’s spell, Last Moments of Trafalgar, uses his gun to fire a wave of cutting winds. Horatio is the sole exception in martial prowess, displaying extremely little. To compensate, the spell when manifested is exceptionally powerful but draining. Manifestation only.

Altered attributes: All attributes are decreased by a moderate amount.

“I am Viscount Horatio Nelson, prepare yourself for I am most knowledgeable in tactics!”

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 10/29/2017 17:57:07 >
DF  Post #: 16
1/5/2018 18:09:22   
  Starflame13
Moderator


 Not yet approved. There aren't too many issues that I'm seeing, but there are a couple things I would like a clarification on, and some minor tweaks I would like to see for the second round.

Firstly, just how long do each of your spells take to cast? I might have missed it, but I didn't see anything specifying that. Clarify, please. Now to go down the line for each thing Myrr's got:

Rune Chain One: No problems here, but can you please clarify just how far each bolt can travel?

Rune Chain Two: Again, no real issues, but keep in mind that 30 seconds is a fairly long time for the spell to be active. Given that, can you please clarify what, if any, kind of mobility Myrr can have with this spear cluster? Can she move it around her at will, or is it stationary, and once summoned, remains in place?

Rune Chain Three: Here, we have a slight bump in the road. I'm not going to deny the ability at present, though the power-levels of this spell are worrying, but it is as it stands, far too large to remain as-is. At 30 ft, including the tendrils, you have control of almost the entire arena. I would prefer for the pit itself to have a 10 ft range, and the tendrils 5, but will not deny a 5 ft pit, with 10 ft long tendrils. At just under half the arena, it's still large, but isn't quite so overpoweringly so. Secondly, just how long does this pit last, assuming it is not broken by Myrr starting another spell.

Tome: What is the recharge of these spells? How long does it take? How are they recharged? And again, what is the natural duration of the spells, assuming they are not broken by Myrr moving on to a different one?

Shroud: I'm hesitant to approve this. While not over-powered, there is the risk of Myrr casting it and being completely invisible to everyone she is fighting against, rendering her nearly untouchable. I'll think on it if you don't make any changes in the second round, and let you know.

Mirrored Light: No real issue, but if this spell is used, you'll need to confer with the people being effected by it to judge just how badly they're effected, and how much of a boost you will gain from it, and just how the boost you gain 'stacks', so to speak, if it's being used against multiple people simultaneously. I'd normally be more wary, but I trust you to keep things balanced and not decide that the amount of speed and strength you gain now makes you the strongest and fastest person alive.

Ceremonial Knife: No real issue, but I would like a clarification on one thing. You've described how easily it goes against flesh and bone. How does it fare against armor?

Beyond that, I have no issues with this character at present. Make the necessary changes and clarifications, and we'll see where we stand then. ~Gingkage

Throwing in a character of my own, of whom Ging will be the sole judge for!

Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Myrr, Fallen.
Title: The Death Rose.
Race: Elf
Age: 253

Appearance: Standing at just shy of six feet, Myrr has a slim and wispy build, as if a strong wind might be enough to topple her over. Nearly a century without sunlight has lightened her skin to a pale, almost translucent white. Her eyes are jet black, with whites barely showing around the edges and the pupils impossible to discern. She wears black robes, with a high neckline and long sleeves with black lace cuffs that hide all but the tips of her fingers from sight. The robes are slit up the side to allow for easy movement, revealing black leggings and soft-soled, knee-high black boots with silver buckles. Between her build and long, ebony hair, she may have been considered quite beautiful, were it not for her eeriness, particularly as she rarely blinks or moves unless necessary. Her hair she wears coiled and pinned in a tight braid at the back of her head. An ornate white rose is embroidered in the robes over her heart. At her waist is a black silk sash, from which hangs her knife, a pouch filled with various poisonous regents, and a small tome.

Weapons:
Staff: Myrr carries a five-foot long wooden staff encased in a thin layer of black iron and slim enough for her to fit her long fingers about it entirely. The iron is carved about its length with different runes, which glow bright silver and form three distinct ribbons. At the top, the iron is capped with white-silver inlay, crafted to have the appearance of a rose bud, partially in bloom. The staff may be used as an in-elegant bashing weapon at need, or as a way to shield from close range blows.

Rune Chain One: Formed of 20 identical runes, each rune gives her one cast of Shadow Bolt. This is an offensive, long-range spell that blasts a single shot of darkness at an opposing enemy. Upon contact, the area begins to bruise and numb. Light clothes and skin will be slashed through, leaving shallow cuts, as if being struck by a large, jagged rock. It can be used to deflect smaller projectiles, but not destroy them. Each rune can be replenished with ten minutes of uninterrupted meditation.

Rune Chain Two: Formed by 10 repeating sets of 2 runes each, each set standing for a cast of Spear Trap. This mid-range, versatile spell summons a set of ten spears that emerge rapidly out of a solid, relatively flat surface, extending about five feet. Each spear is within a foot of the next nearest one, meaning they can form either a clump or a long narrow line. The spears are made of shadows, but have the physical properties of burning hot, pointed black iron. The spell lasts for about 30 seconds, but only one set of spears can be active at time. Each rune set is replenished by a complex ritual spell involving burning some of the regents Myrr carries in her pouch. She only carries enough for a handful of replenishes on her, and the ritual is easily interrupted.

Rune Chain Three: Formed by 2 sets, each containing 10 runes for two casts of Death’s Embrace. This is a close-range spell, centered on Myrr herself at the initial cast. It forms what appears to be an endless pit of darkness twenty feet in diameter, with ten foot long tendrils writhing at the outer edge. The pit starts at her feet and spreads outwards, taking around 10 seconds to fully form. The tendrils seek out anything not affiliated with darkness, and attempt to drag them into the pit. Unhindered, the tendrils move about as fast as a cracked whip. Once wrapped around a victim, they pull them relatively slowly towards the pit. The heavier the target, the slower the motion. Although they cannot be cut or snapped except by magical means, a stronger victim could muscle their way out of the grip. Once caught in the darkness, a victim would appear to slowly sink through, as if trapped in quicksand. To the victim, they would be trapped in an illusion that plunged them into their darkest nightmares, in the attempt to petrify them. Victims could escape by either fighting the nightmare (and escaping the pit), realizing the nightmare was an illusion (in which case they would realize they were sinking into the earth below and be able to escape), or be jolted back to reality by some noise/reaction from others in the arena. Myrr can walk across the pit, but the spell ends the moment she sets foot off of it, making her an easy target for ranged attacks. Each set requires Myrr to kill, or use a recently killed person, as a blood sacrifice to replenish.

After each rune attack is used, the silver glow fades until it is replenished. Myrr can also cast spells from the first two rune chains without being in direct physical contact with her staff, as long as she can see it clearly enough to make out the individual runes. Doing so, however, will draw from her own stores of mana, rather than those imbued in the staff, and will exhaust her after a few casts as she has little magical endurance left.

Tome: Myrr’s tome is of black silk, enchanted to be impervious to magical harm, and bound with a silver clasp. It contains pages upon pages filled with runes, written in neat, fine handwriting of blood-red ink. The majority of the spells found here are long-term rituals, impractical or impossible in fast paced battles, but it contains a few minor spells on the first page that Myrr can cast simple by resting a hand on the book. These minor spells draw from her own mana, and thus cannot be used simultaneously with other spells.

Shroud: This spell cloaks Myrr in the shadows, swirling out to form a globe of darkness that extends up to 10 feet from where she stands. Once formed, only those gifted with the ability to see through magical darkness can see through it, though otherwise it has no negative effect on those caught inside. Myrr can move within the globe freely, but it vanishes as soon as she exerts mana to cast another spell.

Mirrored Light: Living creatures close to Myrr find themselves in minor shadow, while Myrr herself is slightly illuminated. Those affected find their speed and strength slightly diminished, while Myrr’s own abilities are increased in proportion to each creature affected. This spell only works while Myrr is within 10 feet of the victim, and breaks when she shifts her mana to a different spell.

Ceremonial Knife: At her waist, Myrr carries a long, curved knife in a black scabbard. Any other color would show that the sheath was coated in a centuries worth of dried blood. Unsheathed, it’s pale blade gives off a faint glow of eerie light. The metal is enhanced and sharpened so as to cut through skin and bone with the slightest pressure, as its intended use is in creating blood sacrifices to replenish her magic. Clasps hold its finely-wrought hilt stationary when sheathed.

Abilities:
Night Vision: Due to her exposure to the shadows, Myrr can see through any natural darkness. This does not hold true for magically-induced shadows, except her own creations.

Elvin speed/strength: Though she rarely wishes to fight close-ranged, the weighted staff in her hands is as easily wielded as a normal staff would be for a human. However, she tires quickly from physical exertion, and her body itself is quite frail, with bones easily broken and skin easily bruised.

Elvin magic: Having been removed from her people and her culture, Myrr has lost almost all touch with her prior elvin magic. Her one remaining ability, and tie to her people, is that she can see when an object has been magically enhanced or modified.

Personality: Cold and calculating, Myrr’s long separation from her people and in hiding has caused her to lose much of her former compassion and empathy. Gone are the days of quick smiles and quiet laughs, replaced by a grim presence that gives chills to those who meet her, long before they realize the danger that she poses to them.


< Message edited by Gingkage -- 1/5/2018 18:46:41 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 17
1/5/2018 19:36:28   
  Starflame13
Moderator


 I think we're just about there. Death Shroud, in particular I'm more comfortable with, given the changes made. I do have a couple more things I would like clarified, and you have permission to edit in those changes, as they are small things.

Rune Chain One: How quickly do these bolts move? Could your average fighter, for example, someone with trained speed and reflex, feasibly dodge them because they can see them coming? Also, how many of these bolts can she cast at a time? Does she need to wait for one to disperse or hit a target before she can cast another? Or can she rapidly fire off one after another after another? The range is a bit far, being, unless I misread the arena sizes, more than the entire length of them, but as these seem to be one-direction only shots, I won't insist that you change it.

Mirrored Light: Can you give a rough sketch of the upper limit of Myrr's boost to speed and strength? It doesn't have to be incredibly precise, just enough to give me a basic picture of what it would look like. Is she suddenly leaping buildings and lifting massive pillars with ease, or are her enhancements a bit more modest?

Approved. As a final note, again, when Mirrored Light is used, you will need to be in communication with the person or people Myrr is fighting against so that everyone is on the same page as far as how greatly everyone is being effected. Beyond that, this is an interesting character, that I can tell you've taken a lot of time to balance and tweak. On to Step Two! ~Gingkage

Edits and clarifications made and underlined for convenience! I’ll admit to forgetting the size of the current arenas when I wrote Death’s Embrace, so hopefully it’s a bit more reasonable now.

Edit (with permission): Final clarifications are made, underlined, and italicized! As a note, the range for Shadow Bolt is 60 feet, which is greater than the radius of the arena (40 feet), but less than full arena length (80 feet). I did add in that they travel similar to arrows, though, so hopefully the range won't be an issue!


Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Myrr, Fallen.
Title: The Death Rose.
Race: Elf
Age: 253

Appearance: Standing at just shy of six feet, Myrr has a slim and wispy build, as if a strong wind might be enough to topple her over. Nearly a century without sunlight has lightened her skin to a pale, almost translucent white. Her eyes are jet black, with whites barely showing around the edges and the pupils impossible to discern. She wears black robes, with a high neckline and long sleeves with black lace cuffs that hide all but the tips of her fingers from sight. The robes are slit up the side to allow for easy movement, revealing black leggings and soft-soled, knee-high black boots with silver buckles. Between her build and long, ebony hair, she may have been considered quite beautiful, were it not for her eeriness, particularly as she rarely blinks or moves unless necessary. Her hair she wears coiled and pinned in a tight braid at the back of her head. An ornate white rose is embroidered in the robes over her heart. At her waist is a black silk sash, from which hangs her knife, a pouch filled with various poisonous regents, and a small tome.

Weapons:
Staff: Myrr carries a five-foot long wooden staff encased in a thin layer of black iron and slim enough for her to fit her long fingers about it entirely. The iron is carved about its length with different runes, which glow bright silver and form three distinct ribbons. At the top, the iron is capped with white-silver inlay, crafted to have the appearance of a rose bud, partially in bloom. The staff may be used as an in-elegant bashing weapon at need, or as a way to shield from close range blows. The spells cast by the runes require a brief incantation of a few seconds, and unless otherwise stated come into effect directly afterwards.

Rune Chain One: Formed of 20 identical runes, each rune gives her one cast of Shadow Bolt. This is an offensive, long-range that blasts a single shot of darkness at an opposing enemy. It will disperse after 60 feet, or after physical contact with some object or creature. The magic bolts travel as fast as the average crossbow bolt, so while avoidable at longer ranges they are harder to dodge the closer the target. Only one bolt may be active at a time, but she can fire multiple rather quickly, as she can begin the chant for the 2nd while the first bolt travels towards its target. Like arrows, they travel in a straight line.Upon contact, the area begins to bruise and numb. Light clothes and skin will be slashed through, leaving shallow cuts, as if being struck by a large, jagged rock. It can be used to deflect smaller projectiles, but not destroy them. Each rune can be replenished with ten minutes of uninterrupted meditation.

Rune Chain Two: Formed by 10 repeating sets of 2 runes each, each set standing for a cast of Spear Trap. This mid-range, versatile spell summons a set of ten spears that emerge rapidly out of a solid, relatively flat surface, extending about five feet. Each spear is within a foot of the next nearest one, meaning they can form either a clump or a long narrow line. The spears are made of shadows, but have the physical properties of burning hot, pointed black iron. The spell lasts for about 30 seconds, but only one set of spears can be active at time, and the spears cannot be moved from their point of summoning. Each rune set is replenished by a complex ritual spell involving burning some of the regents Myrr carries in her pouch. She only carries enough for a handful of replenishes on her, and the ritual is easily interrupted.

Rune Chain Three: Formed by 2 sets, each containing 10 runes for two casts of Death’s Embrace. This is a close-range spell, centered on Myrr herself at the initial cast. It forms what appears to be an endless pit of darkness 10 feet in diameter, with multiple 5 foot long tendrils writhing at the outer edge. The pit starts at her feet and spreads outwards, taking around 10 seconds to fully form. The tendrils seek out anything not affiliated with darkness, and attempt to drag them into the pit. Unhindered, the tendrils move about as fast as a cracked whip. Once wrapped around a victim, they pull them relatively slowly towards the pit. The heavier the target, the slower the motion. Although they cannot be cut or snapped except by magical means, a stronger victim could muscle their way out of the grip. Once caught in the darkness, a victim would appear to slowly sink through, as if trapped in quicksand. To the victim, they would be trapped in an illusion that plunged them into their darkest nightmares, in the attempt to petrify them. Victims could escape by either fighting the nightmare (and escaping the pit), realizing the nightmare was an illusion (in which case they would realize they were sinking into the earth below and be able to escape), or be jolted back to reality by some noise/reaction from others in the arena. Myrr can walk across the pit, but the spell ends the moment she sets foot off of it, making her an easy target for ranged attacks. The spell also breaks when Myrr casts a different spell, or after 10 seconds. It requires the full 10 seconds for a victim originally caught to be fully submerged into the pit. Victims still caught in the illusion when the spell ends would be jolted suddenly back to reality. Each set requires Myrr to kill, or use a recently killed person, as a blood sacrifice to replenish.

After each rune attack is used, the silver glow fades until it is replenished. Myrr can also cast spells from the first two rune chains without being in direct physical contact with her staff, as long as she can see it clearly enough to make out the individual runes. Doing so, however, will draw from her own stores of mana, rather than those imbued in the staff, and will exhaust her after a few casts as she has little magical endurance left.

Tome: Myrr’s tome is of black silk, enchanted to be impervious to magical harm, and bound with a silver clasp. It contains pages upon pages filled with runes, written in neat, fine handwriting of blood-red ink. The majority of the spells found here are long-term rituals, impractical or impossible in fast paced battles, but it contains a few minor spells on the first page that Myrr can cast simple by resting a hand on the book. These minor spells draw from her own mana, and thus cannot be used simultaneously with other spells, and she can only cast from the tome 5 of times per battle until she runs out of energy. She cannot regain enough mana to recast without being granted time to rest to replenish her mana, or unless someone chucks a mana potion at her head. Spells cast from the tome require an incantation of several seconds, with the effects of the spell starting upon the first words and coming into full effect upon completion.

Shroud: This spell cloaks Myrr in the shadows, swirling out to form a globe of darkness that extends up to 10 feet from where she stands. Once formed, only those gifted with the ability to see through magical darkness can see through it, though otherwise it has no negative effect on those caught inside. Myrr can move within the globe freely. The spell vanishes as soon as she exerts mana to cast another spell, when she exits the shroud, or after 10 seconds duration.

Mirrored Light: Living creatures close to Myrr find themselves in minor shadow, while Myrr herself is slightly illuminated. Those affected find their speed and strength slightly diminished, while Myrr’s own abilities are increased in proportion to each creature affected. This spell only works while Myrr is within 10 feet of the victim, and breaks when she shifts her mana to a different spell or after 10 seconds duration. Physical blows can also disrupt her concentration enough to end the spell. Myrr's enhanced abilities can only go so far as to double her speed and strength, but she would need to be drawing from multiple (ie, 5+) creatures in order to attain that level.

Ceremonial Knife: At her waist, Myrr carries a long, curved knife in a black scabbard. Any other color would show that the sheath was coated in a centuries worth of dried blood. Unsheathed, it’s pale blade gives off a faint glow of eerie light. The metal is enhanced and sharpened so as to cut through skin and bone with the slightest pressure, as its intended use is in creating blood sacrifices to replenish her magic. It will blunt, or even shatter, against armors or other blades. Clasps hold its finely-wrought hilt stationary when sheathed.

Abilities:
Night Vision: Due to her exposure to the shadows, Myrr can see through any natural darkness. This does not hold true for magically-induced shadows, except her own creations.

Elvin speed/strength: Though she rarely wishes to fight close-ranged, the weighted staff in her hands is as easily wielded as a normal staff would be for a human. However, she tires quickly from physical exertion, and her body itself is quite frail, with bones easily broken and skin easily bruised.

Elvin magic: Having been removed from her people and her culture, Myrr has lost almost all touch with her prior elvin magic. Her one remaining ability, and tie to her people, is that she can see when an object has been magically enhanced or modified.

Personality: Cold and calculating, Myrr’s long separation from her people and in hiding has caused her to lose much of her former compassion and empathy. Gone are the days of quick smiles and quiet laughs, replaced by a grim presence that gives chills to those who meet her, long before they realize the danger that she poses to them.


< Message edited by Gingkage -- 1/6/2018 12:18:01 >
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 18
1/21/2018 11:16:44   
TJByrum
Member

Welcome, TJByrum!

I'm sorry, but since you edited your bio, which the rules forbid, you will need to make and submit a new character. That said, I'll give you some minor feedback to help you on the next attempt!

Entirely non-magical characters stand a risk at being slightly under-powered in magic-heavy duels, but by itself that's not a major issue as long as it's something that you are aware of and okay with going in! Since you're going for a non-magic character, you will want to go into more detail about his physical fighting abilities. What's his most-used style, can he adapt to different styles, is he also proficient in hand-to-hand combat, etc. Has he had enough experience to have improved perception or tactical knowledge? Knowing he's a survivalist is good, but not super useful for a duel. What else does he know/can he use in a fight beyond just his weapons? Give your character more to work with so that you have more options!

Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Ralf Valgard, "The White Wolf"
Gender: Male
Age Range: Early twenties
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human; Nordic (Varan)

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Ralf stands 6'0 and weighs 160 lbs. He sports an athletic body build, striking a unique balance between strength and agility. He has dark hair that almost reaches his shoulders, and generally keeps it pulled back. He has a bushy beard, dark like his hair. Cold, blue eyes are reminiscent of his icy homeland, set upon a strong, yet encouraging face. He wears a dark colored gambeson over his person, blue traveling trousers, black leather boots, gloves, and a ki'gar. The ki'gar is a traditional garb from his homeland, oftentimes warn like a scarf; it is blue with a white wolf's head emblazoned upon it. He wears a white wolf pelt over his body, in combination with his ki'gar.
Reference

Belongings and Equipment: Ralf carries a steel sword and a light round shield, which he uses in combat. He also carries a hand-axe, hunting bow, arrows, and knives, mostly used as tools, but he's capable of using them as weapons as well. Finally, he carries an ancestral blade belonging to his clan; it may have magical properties, but the warrior is oblivious to this.

Skills, spells and abilities: Ralf has no magical talent, aside from a natural resistance to the arcane arts. His most notable talents are his swordsmanship, endurance, and agility. Otherwise he is an excellent survivalist, hunter and trapper. He shows average skill with the bow.

Personality: Ralf is an enthusiastic adventurer, willing to take risks and explore the world for prestige, recognition, and glory. He is naturally friendly, eager to meet new people, and shows an unyielding sense of loyalty and dedication to his allies.

History (optional): Ralf Valgard is the only son of Volrun Valgard, the commander of the Asgeir contingent which fought at the Battle of Gripclaw Pass, and heir of Valland Hold. With his death, Ralf's mother, Aesa Jojora, declared the Jarldom of Valland for herself, sparking outrage. Despite internal conflicts, Aesa ruled the hold with a firm grip. Ralf Valgard was to assume Jarlship when he came of age, but feared his mother's illegitimacy and the nature of his birth might hinder his rule. He decided to set out and explore the world, in the hopes that his family's name might be cleared of its tarnish.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 1/21/2018 15:25:20 >
DF AQW  Post #: 19
1/21/2018 16:15:50   
TJByrum
Member

Hello again! I'm sorry if there was any misunderstanding/confusion, but I asked you to make and submit a new character. While you can stick with the same abilities theme if you want to keep this style, this means an entirely new character in some way, shape, or form. I'm looking forward to seeing what you come up with!

Source Setting: DragonFable

Name: Ralf Valgard, "The White Wolf"
Gender: Male
Age Range: Early twenties
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Human; Nordic (Varan)

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Ralf stands 6'0 and weighs 160 lbs. He sports an athletic body build, striking a unique balance between strength and agility. He has dark hair that almost reaches his shoulders, and generally keeps it pulled back. He has a bushy beard, dark like his hair. Cold, blue eyes are reminiscent of his icy homeland, set upon a strong, yet encouraging face. He wears a dark colored gambeson over his person, blue traveling trousers, black leather boots, gloves, and a ki'gar. The ki'gar is a traditional garb from his homeland, oftentimes warn like a scarf; it is blue with a white wolf's head emblazoned upon it. He wears a white wolf pelt over his body, in combination with his ki'gar.
Reference

Belongings and Equipment: Ralf carries a steel sword and a light round shield, which he uses in combat. He also carries a hand-axe, hunting bow, arrows, and knives, mostly used as tools, but he's capable of using them as weapons as well. Finally, he carries an ancestral blade belonging to his clan; it may have magical properties, but the warrior is oblivious to this.

Skills, spells and abilities: Ralf has no magical talent, aside from a natural resistance to the arcane arts. His most notable talents are his swordsmanship, endurance, and agility. He showcases a unique blend of strength, speed, and footwork, which he uses to outmaneuver and overpower his opponents. He's proficient in the sword, specifically with a shield. He relies on defensive postures mixed in with counters. He is also experienced with using hand axes and daggers in combat, but only relies on them when necessary. He is average at best with pole arms, and especially dislikes blunt weapons (maces, flails, and clubs). He is no martial artist, but can hold his own in a common fist fight.

He is an excellent survivalist, hunter and trapper. He shows average skill with the bow.

Personality: Ralf is an enthusiastic adventurer, willing to take risks and explore the world for prestige, recognition, and glory. He is naturally friendly, eager to meet new people, and shows an unyielding sense of loyalty and dedication to his allies.

History (optional): Ralf Valgard is the only son of Volrun Valgard, the commander of the Asgeir contingent which fought at the Battle of Gripclaw Pass, and heir of Valland Hold. With his death, Ralf's mother, Aesa Jojora, declared the Jarldom of Valland for herself, sparking outrage. Despite internal conflicts, Aesa ruled the hold with a firm grip. Ralf Valgard was to assume Jarlship when he came of age, but feared his mother's illegitimacy and the nature of his birth might hinder his rule. He decided to set out and explore the world, in the hopes that his family's name might be cleared of its tarnish.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 1/21/2018 17:26:44 >
DF AQW  Post #: 20
2/7/2018 23:08:19   
Riprose123
Member

Hey Riprose, good to see you here!

Riprose (the character) is overall really well balanced and well put together, but I’d like a bit more detail before being approved, specifically for his elemental magic. You don’t need to go all-out in naming specific spells if you want to keep things a bit more versatile, but we’re not about to let you be the new Avatar :P

For starters, you don’t mention mana/power levels too often. How many spells can he cast before he needs to rest? Can he cast multiple at once? If you want to be able to vary the power level for each ability, keep in mind the more powerful the spell, the more mana it should drain, and the less often Riprose should be able to use it.

For Earth specifically – I’m a bit wary of the ability to shift the earth under your opponents feet, in part because that’d require manipulating the arena (which means the ability may also be ineffective depending on which arena you end up in). I could see working in a quick-sand type ability, rather than pulling the floor out entirely, as long as it had a relatively small range. I also like the idea of conjuring stone walls, so you could look into doing more with that, too!

Now, fire. How far/fast do the different types of bolts travel, and how long is he able to hold a stream of fire? Again, if you want to have variable power levels, work in mana usage a bit more. For the exploding bolts specifically, a 15ft radius is pretty large for these arenas if it’s a spell he could use repeatedly. If it drains enough mana to only be used a few times, that works, but you could also play around with decreasing the blast radius in order to have more usage out of the spell.

Lastly, wind. Is this basically shoving a wind wall at them, or is it more of a twister (or both)? Again, keep the same idea in mind with balancing power level vs. mana usage.

All the physical abilities look fine, and overall a very good character! Get a new bio up with the added clarifications, and we’ll go from there.


Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Riprose Rehorn
Gender: Male
Age Range: 246
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Elf

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Riprose is whip thin, covered in sinnewy muscle, his body built lean and strong over long roads travelled and many battles fought. His hair is grown long, reaching to just below his shoulder. A few strands are pulled to the side of his head, feathers and beads braided in, forming a sort of tribal mark, the significance of is known to few but him. My eyes speak two different stories, one a dark green matching the dark green of oak leaves in summer, the other rich gold, shining like finely polished jewelry. They are filled with experience and a tired, old wisdom, built up over years of living. Old scars line his arms, back and chest, some left from the fangs and claws of vicious animals, others from the blades of men and mer, and some inflicted through unconventional means. His face is mostly unscathed, except for a slight scar that slips down towards his mouth, perpendicular to the left corner of his mouth, and disappears under his chin. His ears are pointed, just like any other of his race, and he has pierced them both with a line of three or four silver, gold, and obsidian rings.

Belongings and Equipment: Riprose wears a shirt of mithral chain, a leather jerkin beneath, and a cloth shirt beneath that. His armguards and pauldrons are made of reinforced studded leather, allowing him to move easily, but providing him modest protection. He wears trousers and greaves of soft leather, and finishes his armor ensemble with a pair of soft leather boots, keeping his steps quiet, and his feet dry and warm. He wears a panda skin cloak, the head of it acting as a hood, wrapping it around himself when on the road as if he were embracing an old friend.

Riprose wears little in the way of arms. He carries a bow, a blade, and a hunting knife. The blade he carries on his back, the hilt over his right shoulder. The blade is made of a reflective, blue metal, runes scrawled up and down both faces of it, with the shape and length of a normal steel longsword. The blade is extremely strong and stays sharp far longer than a normal blade. The scabbard is unassuming, made of old, cracked leather. A strange thing happens to Riprose's sword if drawn by someone other than him. It takes the appearance of an old, dull, rusted and chipped iron sword, unwieldy and ineffective even in skilled hands. Riprose also carries a simple hunting knife, with a single edged iron blade, and a handle made from antler. His bow is made of supple yew, and he carries a quiver across the his lower back. The quiver fits 20 arrows.

Skills, spells and abilities: Riprose is a well rounded fighter. He has basic control of the elements of wind, earth and fire, being able to shift earth underneath someone, or cause stone walls to rise to block on coming attacks. He can throw fireballs that explode in a 15 ft radius, throw more concentrated bolts of fire, and conjure focused streams to consume a foe. He is able to use wind to shove his opponents off balance, extinguish flames, and even toss around lighter foes.
Riprose is extremely skilled at fighting with a single blade. He can take on multiple opponents at once, and is well drilled in most offensive and defensive styles. He is a skilled tracker and hunter, able to sit for long periods of time without moving in wait for his prey. He is fast and strong like most elves, and is well versed on the habits and behaviors of many forest animals. He has experience in first aid and herbalism, having to identify herbs, mix poultices, and treat himself during many years of living alone in the forest. He isn’t the greatest marksmen, but he can hit accurately hit a target from a decent range with his bow.

Personality: Riprose is a kind, if solitary soul. He values privacy, and doesn’t take kindly to people trying to delve into his personal matters. He aims to aid people when he can, but has little mercy for vandals or poachers, nor lumberjacks who take more lumber than they are due. He has a soft spot for children. He tries to be fair in all things, but has a tendency to overstep himself, becoming judge, jury, and executioner in some cases. He cares for nature above all else, sentient lives second, and his own personal gains a very distant third.

History (optional): N/A

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 2/8/2018 10:40:54 >
DF MQ  Post #: 21
2/8/2018 17:20:01   
Riprose123
Member

Approved. It's clear you've put in a lot of time and effort into creating and balancing this character. There are only two things I need to point out.

Firstly, how rapidly can Riprose regenerate his mana? As this is only a minor change, as long as it's not an insane amount of mana, I am giving you permission to edit it into the post.

Secondly, keep an eye on your points of view. You switched once from third person to first, and then back again. A really easy mistake to make, one I've made more than once myself, and still make.

Other than that, this is a soundly made character, and Starflame and I look forward to seeing what all you have to bring us.

Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Riprose Rehorn
Gender: Male
Age Range: 246
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Elf

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Riprose is whip thin, covered in sinnewy muscle, his body built lean and strong over long roads travelled and many battles fought. His hair is grown long, reaching to just below his shoulder. A few strands are pulled to the side of his head, feathers and beads braided in, forming a sort of tribal mark, the significance of is known to few but him. His eyes speak two different stories, one a dark green matching the dark green of oak leaves in summer, the other rich gold, shining like finely polished jewelry. They are filled with experience and a tired, old wisdom, built up over years of living. Old scars line his arms, back and chest, some left from the fangs and claws of vicious animals, others from the blades of men and mer, and some inflicted through unconventional means. His face is mostly unscathed, except for a slight scar that slips down towards his mouth, perpendicular to the left corner of his mouth, and disappears under his chin. His ears are pointed, just like any other of his race, and he has pierced them both with a line of three or four silver, gold, and obsidian rings.

Belongings and Equipment: Riprose wears a shirt of mithral chain, a leather jerkin beneath, and a cloth shirt beneath that. His armguards and pauldrons are made of reinforced studded leather, allowing him to move easily, but providing him modest protection. He wears trousers and greaves of soft leather, and finishes his armor ensemble with a pair of soft leather boots, keeping his steps quiet, and his feet dry and warm. He wears a panda skin cloak, the head of it acting as a hood, wrapping it around himself when on the road as if he were embracing an old friend.

Riprose wears little in the way of arms. He carries a bow, a blade, and a hunting knife. The blade he carries on his back, the hilt over his right shoulder. The blade is made of a reflective, blue metal, runes scrawled up and down both faces of it, with the shape and length of a normal steel longsword. The blade is extremely strong and stays sharp far longer than a normal blade. The scabbard is unassuming, made of old, cracked leather. A strange thing happens to Riprose's sword if drawn by someone other than him. It takes the appearance of an old, dull, rusted and chipped iron sword, unwieldy and ineffective even in skilled hands. Riprose also carries a simple hunting knife, with a single edged iron blade, and a handle made from antler. His bow is made of supple yew, and he carries a quiver across the his lower back. The quiver fits 20 arrows.

Skills, spells and abilities: Riprose is a well rounded fighter. He has basic control of the elements of wind, earth and fire. He can summon stone structures to rise to block on coming attacks. The larger the walls, the more mana it costs, and he can’t create any walls that are more than a foot higher than him, nor domes that are larger than a one person tent. The mana cost depends on what type of structure he creates, but a dome that covers him from all directions, and is large enough for him to stand in would cause him to not be able to cast anything else until he had a chance to restore his mana. He can throw fireballs that explode in a 5 ft radius, throw more concentrated bolts of fire, and conjure focused streams to consume a foe. His bolts and balls can only be thrown as far as he could throw a moderately sized rock, and he can only throw about 20 of either before he needs to rest and let his mana regenerate. He can maintain a stream of fire for about 5 seconds before he needs to rest. He is able to push air in either short bursts or a continuous gust to shove his opponents off balance, extinguish flames, and even toss around lighter foes. The mana costs depends on the length of time he is pushing the air,and for how long. He can maintain a constant gust for about 10 seconds, and his max range is about as far as he can utilize his fire spells. Riprose can regenerate mana slowly overtime, with enough being regenerated to cast a firebolt in about 5 to 10 minutes depending on the amount of focus he can give to the task.

Riprose is extremely skilled at fighting with a single blade. He can take on multiple opponents at once, and is well drilled in most offensive and defensive styles. He is a skilled tracker and hunter, able to sit for long periods of time without moving in wait for his prey. He is fast and strong like most elves, and is well versed on the habits and behaviors of many forest animals. He has experience in first aid and herbalism, having to identify herbs, mix poultices, and treat himself during many years of living alone in the forest. He isn’t the greatest marksmen, but he can hit accurately hit a target from a decent range with his bow.

Personality: Riprose is a kind, if solitary soul. He values privacy, and doesn’t take kindly to people trying to delve into his personal matters. He aims to aid people when he can, but has little mercy for vandals or poachers, nor lumberjacks who take more lumber than they are due. He has a soft spot for children. He tries to be fair in all things, but has a tendency to overstep himself, becoming judge, jury, and executioner in some cases. He cares for nature above all else, sentient lives second, and his own personal gains a very distant third.

History (optional): N/A


EDIT 1: Added mana, range and duration limiters on the abilities.
EDIT 2: Added a bit about mana regeneration.

< Message edited by Riprose123 -- 2/12/2018 20:35:33 >
DF MQ  Post #: 22
6/13/2018 1:28:26   
Starstruck
Member

Firstly, my apologies for the lengthy delay in getting to this. Both Starflame and myself have been busy both with real-life and forum concerns. Secondly, are you still intending to use this character for the ECs? If so, both Star and myself feel there is little sense in her being judged twice at this point, as the ECs and CT ask for and require different things, meaning a judgement here could easily confuse a crafting for there. Best, in that case, to repost this character in the ECs for Starflame alone to judge. You have permission to edit this post with that information. ~Gingkage

Alright - now that the ECs have (mostly) passed, let's take a closer look at Sonnda!

Sonnda is pretty solid and well balanced, but we do have a few minor clarifications to touch on. First, in her appearance, can you give a bit more details as to the protection her clothing offers her? You state both that it's scant, and that it protects chest, waist, and limbs, so I'm not entirely sure what's protected and what's not. I'm assuming it's a hide similar to leather - is it similar to shorts and a crop top, or is there more protection?

For her left hand knife - the only thing that worries me here is the duration on the lack of senses. While numbness around the affected area isn't too strong for an effect that fades after a minute or so, difficulty seeing/hearing is a much more debilitating condition. I would either shorten this significantly to a few seconds at best, or perhaps make it such that Sonnda needs to land a strike significantly near the eyes/ears for the lack of senses to take effect. Since the enchantments on the two knives together are pretty limited, I'm fine with them being usable simultaneously!

Lastly, her yew bow. I'm assuming that the ethereal ammunition acts like normal arrows when fired, but please clarify if this is incorrect! Otherwise this character is well done, so get a new bio up with the necessary edits and we should be good to go!


This was originally a one-off, but I'm seriously considering bringing Sonnda to the EC this year She's fabulous and all-natural, baby.

Source Setting: DF/AQ

Name: Sonnda the Swift
Gender: Female
Age Range: A scant few hundred
Race (Pure or halfbreed only): Wood Elf

Appearance (Build, hair, skin, clothes...): Sonnda is slight and small, about five foot in height, with the characteristic pulled-back features, pointed ears, and spindly limbs of the wood elf race. Her skin is bark-brown and flecked with mottles, to better provide camouflage, and her long fingers lack the brute strength of durable human digits but are quicker, more dexterous, and can seize even the barest knot of a tree trunk - or the chinks in enemy armor - without the slightest effort. She is not terrifically ugly by human standards, but one would struggle to call her comely or beautiful; her features are sharp, alert, and have a hint of feline grace about them, with wide eyes, a protruding button nose, and a thin-lipped downturn of a mouth.

The clothing that Sonnda wears is scant and practical, and is used only to amplify her natural camouflage. There is no need for armor if your foe does not know where you are, and it slows down the natural agility and speed that a wood elf possesses. Most wood elves have no concern for modesty, but Sonnda is both respectful of human traditions and a little bit smarter than her brethren; the hide she wears around her chest, waist, and limbs has saved her from many a scrape or a bite that would have killed her otherwise.

Belongings and Equipment: Sonnda travels light, and is an expert forager who needs no cooking equipment or bulky sleeping supplies. All she carries with her is her trusty twin jade machetes and a fearsome-looking longbow that seems nearly as tall as she is.

The knives are wickedly sharp and kept in twin sheathes on her thighs, ready to be retrieved at a moment's notice. As is characteristic of Elven weaponry, they are woven with the most sophisticated enchantments that Wood Elves can create...which is not saying much, compared to the staggering creativity and practicality of human magicks and the incredible history and complexity of High Elf sorcery. The machetes are differently shaped, and each has a different enchantment on it.

The left jade knife (carried on her right thigh) is delicate and razor-sharp, used for whittling, detail work, and harassing large foes. It bears a poisonous enchantment that numbs nerves in the affected area for a brief period of time and blurs the senses, making it difficult to distinctly see or hear. When the poison wears off in a scant few minutes, the victim experiences a blistering pain along the cut that can bring even the largest and toughest tiger to its knees.

The right hand (carried on her left thigh) is larger, jagged, and vigorously sturdy, and is mainly used for climbing and clearing out vegetation. Sonnda also uses it to scale surfaces when her natural agility and dexterity won't be quick enough. It carries with it an enchantment of illusion. Sonnda may concentrate on her swings to activate the knife's enchantment, leaving a bright green trail in the wake of its cuts that is solid and physical in nature. Though the trail lasts for less than a second, it has incredible versatility and the trails are tricky for her opponents to deal with.

Her yew bow doubles as a quarterstaff and is doubly enchanted; it carries no string and calls for no quiver, using instead the life carried within its twisted knots to project a spring-green bowstring and its own ethereal ammunition.

Skills, spells and abilities: Sonnda is unskilled with magic herself, but she knows a couple of tricks that have served her well in the underbrush. With a whispered evocation, she can beckon any of her three weapons to her side. She can also transform her bow into a quarterstaff, or into a pair of wooded gauntlets that leave her hands fully exposed (for climbing and slashing) but offer defense for her slim forearms and a pair of mobile shields.

Personality: Sonnda, like many elves, has quite a sense of humor. Unlike her more trivial cousins, however, Sonnda has always taken her duties seriously, and has...less patience for tomfoolery and shenanigans. She lives to add insult to injury, and though she is an intense, fearsome opponent to face at first, the quips she throws in once an opponent is safely crippled, confused, and worn out make everything so, so much worse.

< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 8/13/2018 19:10:44 >
DF MQ  Post #: 23
8/30/2018 8:53:41   
  Chewy905

Chromatic ArchKnight of RP


 Welcome, Chewy! Let’s take a look at Blue.

First, we generally prefer people to stick to races that are more commonly known in the AE games, in order to first take care of the basic physical description as well as to allow opponents to have a general idea of how they measure up to their opponents physically. As Blue maintains enough traits to be one of the denizen’s created by Kathool (and because there is no way we’d allow someone to enter Kathool), I will allow the “Horror” under the condition that you include a section explaining any necessary racial traits – such as general speed/strength/dexterity as compared to the average human, special abilities like breathing underwater, how they can actually be injured, etc. Some of this last point is brought up when you discuss Blue’s cloak, but it should still be made a bit more obvious.

Now, let’s look at the Deep Cloak and its various appendages. In general, you should clarify how these can be interacted with – can a tendril be sliced off? Can the jaws be parried with a sword? Do they retreat into the cloak and becoming unusable with significant injury and what, if any, healing/regenerative properties do they possess? In terms of specific appendages, my biggest worry is how wide a range you have on several of these (Kathoolian Tentacles and Crab Claws and, I’m assuming, Angler’s Light, which doesn’t have a listed range).

To clarify for Kathoolian Tentacles – this can be anywhere between 1 and 8 tentacles, with less control the more that are used? If that’s correct, I am a bit concerned about how 8 tentacles at a 20 foot range could make Blue slightly untouchable. I would either consider lowering the maximum range (perhaps a lower range the more tendrils are in use) or else making them very vulnerable so that enough damage would cause a tentacle to retreat – thus giving an opponent more options. On the concept of range as well, consider how much ink can be spent before the Kathoolian Beak needs to “recharge”. If this is something that can spray ink continuously, a decreased range will be needed, but something that gets a few ink shot-puts and then retreats for a bit can have the longer range.

Play around with ideas and go with what fits your perception of the character, and we’ll balance more from there!


Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Blue
Gender: None
Age: Timeless
Race: Horror

Appearance: Blue is characterized by its namesake hooded blue cloak. The cloak covers its body entirely, falling all the way to the ground in such a way that Blue appears to be a 6 foot humanoid. There is a split in the front of the cloak, but the constant shifting of the cloak makes it impossible to discern what lies beneath. Where a head would sit there is instead only a wooden mask, carved into the image of the grotesque face of a fish.This “head” is able to spin 360 degrees around, and the mask can oddly flip upside down. A pulsing blue light will sometimes appear in the crevices of the carved mask. When Blue moves it seems to simply slide along the ground, not rising or falling as one usually would.

Belongings and Equipment: Blue’s only physical belonging besides its cloak and mask is a barnacle crusted Trident make of multi-colored coral. The tips of the trident are razor-sharp, able to easily cut through medium armors and potentially damage heavier armors. Blood drawn by the trident will swirl around the tips, turning into saltwater. If Blue thrusts the trident forwards while water is surrounding it, the water will be propelled forwards, impacting with the density of a rock. This trident is stored somewhere within Blue's cloak.

As for the cloak itself, attacks pass right through it without damaging it, instead reaching the “body” within directly. Its body feels gelatinous, and plunging a blade through it would feel like attempting to stab through a viscous liquid. Blue is able to take large amounts of punishment before succumbing.

Blue’s mask is extremely durable and impossible to remove by force, but can be broken. Beneath the mask is a pulsing blue light surrounded by a swirling mass of ink. This mass is Blue’s “heart”.

Skills, Spells, and Abilities:
Due to it's inhuman nature, Blue is able to bend and contort its body and cloak in ways that would be impossible for a normal person.

The Deep Cloak: Illogically hidden within Blue’s Cloak are a variety of horrific appendages belonging to denizens of the deep sea. These appendages can lash out from the slit in the cloak, and are fully controllable by Blue. Blue is only able to have one type of appendage active at a time.
Kathoolian Tentacles: Eight black-striped, teal octopus tentacles that can slap, grip, and constrict. Blue can also use the tentacles to move itself around. The more tentacles Blue is using, the less meticulous control Blue has over them. Each tentacle can extend up to 20 feet away.

Angler’s light: A thin, almost invisible tendril, with an eerie ball of green light at the end.The light creates a pacifying aura that may calm down creatures and attract them to it. This appendage can be active alongside any other appendage.

Viper’s Jaws: A large mouth with an unhinged jaw and extremely sharp, long teeth. The mouth can shoot out either horizontally or vertically, open up to 4 feet wide, then bite down. Matter eaten by the mouth simply disappears. The mouth can extend 5 feet out.

Crab Claws: Two red, shell-armored arms ending in sharp, strong pincers. These arms stretch 10 feet out.

Kathoolian Beak: A squid-like beak capable of biting down or spitting blasts of ink up to 50 feet away. At closer ranges the ink blasts can knock back or knock-down targets, but at farther distances they’ll simply make a mess and be a nuisance. The beak itself only extends two feet from the cloak.

Personality: Blue is an enigmatic creature, and constantly mumbles about how it needs to fulfill its “purpose” and “its work is not yet complete.” Anyone that finds themselves between it and whatever it is it’s trying to do are seen as enemies and pray. Blue is not cruel, nor is it kind. It’s simply going about its business, and if that business involves killing an interloper, it shall do so. If it’s mask is broken, Blue will become panicked, tossing aside its mysterious goals and focusing entirely on survival. There is one final thing about Blue. Anyone who has ever made this mistake has disappeared without a trace. Never mention its siblings.

History: No one knows where It came from. No one knows why it’s here. No one knows when it appeared. It travels from place to place, never sleeping never stopping. It will buy things, but no one knows why. No one even knows where it gets the money. It doesn’t eat. It doesn’t find pleasure in anything. It’s harmless unless provoked or crossed. Some worship it as a god. They’re wrong. Blue is not a god. Blue is a harbinger.





< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/3/2018 12:28:21 >
Post #: 24
9/4/2018 10:20:51   
  Chewy905

Chromatic ArchKnight of RP


 Approved!

I'm a bit wary about how much damage Blue may be able to absorb before getting seriously injured, but given the balance of damage/restoration of the appendages, this should be workable. Keep in mind that they should not be cycling appendages every other second - while no official cool-down is needed, if they are getting off attacks with, say, the beak and the claws AND the jaws before the opponent has a chance to react, you're moving too fast.


Round two with this odd thing I've created! Changes are in bold, I'm looking forward to getting to write this creature in combat!

Source Setting: Dragonfable

Name: Blue
Gender: None
Age: Timeless
Race: Horror

Appearance: Blue is characterized by its namesake hooded blue cloak. The cloak covers its body entirely, falling all the way to the ground in such a way that Blue appears to be a 6 foot humanoid. There is a split in the front of the cloak, but the constant shifting of the cloak makes it impossible to discern what lies beneath. Where a head would sit there is instead only a wooden mask, carved into the image of the grotesque face of a fish.This “head” is able to spin 360 degrees around, and the mask can oddly flip upside down. A pulsing blue light will sometimes appear in the crevices of the carved mask. When Blue moves it seems to simply slide along the ground, not rising or falling as one usually would.

About Horrors: Blue’s odd race is very different from Human’s while still maintaining a vaguely humanoid shape. Naturally, it is not able to move very fast, only traveling at a walking pace unless its using it’s tentacles to move. Its tentacles are dexterous, able to be manipulated with great skill (depending on how many are active), but do not have a large amount of physical strength. Lifting a normal person would require multiple tentacles, for example. Its crab claws, meanwhile, are incredibly strong, but because they are just claws they aren’t dexterous at all. Due to it's inhuman nature, Blue is able to bend and contort its body and cloak in ways that would be impossible for a normal person, and does not require air to survive. While this does allow it to survive underwater, it can only stay fully submerged in seawater for about a minute. If it stays longer, an internal instinct will cause it to abandon combat and flee into the deep.

Attacks pass right through Blue’s cloak as if it wasn't there at all, instead directly reaching Blue’s “body” within. The body feels gelatinous, and plunging a blade through it would feel like attempting to stab through a viscous liquid. While attacking Blue’s body will damage it and harm Blue, there is no way to actively cripple it besides damaging its appendages. Blue can take a considerable amount of damage before succumbing, and has slightly more physical stamina than a normal human. Blue’s main body is resistant to fire magic, but energy/lightning magic hitting the body will cause it to lose control of whatever limbs are currently active for a short time. The hood around Blue’s “head” is completely impenetrable, unable to be damaged by magic or blade. If it’s mask is broken and it’s “heart” is struck directly, it will almost certainly die.

Belongings and Equipment: Blue’s only physical belonging besides its cloak and mask is a barnacle crusted Trident make of multi-colored coral. The tips of the trident are razor-sharp, able to easily cut through medium armors and potentially damage heavier armors. Blood drawn by the trident will swirl around the tips, turning into saltwater. If Blue thrusts the trident forwards while water is surrounding it, the water will be propelled forwards, impacting with the density of a rock. This Trident is hidden within Blue's cloak.

Blue’s mask is extremely durable and impossible to remove by force, but can be broken with enough effort. Beneath the mask is a pulsing blue light surrounded by a swirling mass of ink. This mass is Blue’s “heart”.

Skills, Spells, and Abilities:

The Deep Cloak: Illogically hidden within Blue’s Cloak are a variety of horrific appendages belonging to denizens of the deep sea. These appendages can lash out from the slit in the cloak, and are fully controllable by Blue. Blue is only able to have one type of appendage active at a time.
Kathoolian Tentacles: Eight black-striped, teal octopus tentacles that can slap, grip, and constrict. Blue can also use the tentacles to move itself around. The more tentacles Blue is using, the less meticulous control Blue has over them. Each tentacle can extend up to 15 feet away. The tentacles are vulnerable to sharp weapons, but resistant to magic, with the exception of fire magic, which will cause a tentacle to retract back into the cloak and become unusable until Blue has used a different type of appendage. If a tentacle is severed, it will not grow back until Blue has time to take a long rest outside of combat. (So likely not during the CT at all). Tentacles that are damaged but not severed can be healed over time while within the cloak, but only if Blue is not currently using any appendages.

Angler’s light: A thin, almost invisible tendril, with an eerie ball of green light at the end.The light creates a pacifying aura that may calm down creatures and attract them to it. This appendage can be active alongside any other appendage, and extends maximum 3 feet out.

Viper’s Jaws: A large mouth with an unhinged jaw and extremely sharp, long teeth. The mouth can shoot out either horizontally or vertically, open up to 4 feet wide, then bite down. Matter eaten by the mouth simply disappears. The mouth can extend 3 feet out. The jaws are incredibly strong but the teeth COULD be parried with sufficient strength.

Crab Claws: Two red, shelled arms ending in sharp, strong pincers. These arms stretch 5 feet out. The shelled armor of the arms allows them to be heavily resistant to weapons, but are vulnerable to magic. If an arm is damaged or destroyed, it cannot be repaired until Blue is out of combat.

Kathoolian Beak: A squid-like beak capable of biting down or spitting blasts of ink up to 50 feet away. At closer ranges the ink blasts can knock back or knock-down targets, but at farther distances they’ll simply make a mess and be a nuisance. The beak itself only extends two feet from the cloak. Blue can launch 4 blasts of ink per use of its beak. After it is out of shots, it cannot launch more until it uses an appendage other than beak.

Personality: Blue is an enigmatic creature, and constantly mumbles about how it needs to fulfill its “purpose” and “its work is not yet complete.” Anyone that finds themselves between it and whatever it is it’s trying to do are seen as enemies and pray. Blue is not cruel, nor is it kind. It’s simply going about its business, and if that business involves killing an interloper, it shall do so. If it’s mask is broken, Blue will become panicked, tossing aside its mysterious goals and focusing entirely on survival. There is one final thing about Blue. Anyone who has ever made this mistake has disappeared without a trace. Never mention its siblings.

History: No one knows where It came from. No one knows why it’s here. No one knows when it appeared. It travels from place to place, never sleeping, never stopping. It will buy things, but no one knows why. No one even knows where it gets the money. It doesn’t eat. It doesn’t find pleasure in anything. It’s harmless unless provoked or crossed. Some worship it as a god. They’re wrong. Blue is not a god. Blue is a harbinger.





< Message edited by Starflame13 -- 9/5/2018 14:36:55 >
Post #: 25
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