RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (Full Version)

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Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/24/2011 18:18:12)

I've started on your second post.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/24/2011 18:55:46)

Ok thanks, will edit on weekend, when I am less busy



TormentedDragon -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/24/2011 20:27:29)

I don't have time for a full review or critique, so I will post a couple quick suggestions:

1. Slow down. I can't get a feel for what's going on or who the characters are before something momentous has occurred and we're now months or years into the future.

2. More detail. Very related to your pace - you are skipping scenes that could be very good and very powerful if you just gave them some actual detail. For example, when the chain link was fused to his back. You've given that a singe line. I can't figure out what that looks like, how it worked, or even how it affected the character - these are all things that are important, and something like that seems like it would be life-changing and quite possibly a defining point of the whole character. The torture and slavery could be an entire chapter in itself.

Expand, expand, expand. What you have now isn't a story, it's a plot outline.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/25/2011 4:11:06)

Not finished, and this is telling what already happened, this is a racconto, after I finish this, the true story wil begin



Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/25/2011 16:58:48)

I'm halfway through your third post. I hope to have it finished very soon, possibly by Sunday night.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/25/2011 17:00:17)

ok thanks Helixi



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/25/2011 17:07:36)

WHy do I tink that you think that I am a lost cause Helixi :'(



Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/26/2011 3:38:14)

I'm nearly finished with your third post. The fourth post isn't that long, so I'll get it finished very soon.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/26/2011 21:37:08)

Apparently i won't have time to edit this helixi, asI am sick now, and tomorrow I have to do 2 essays



Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/27/2011 6:48:36)

If you're sick, surely you would have more time on your hands? >___>

Edit: I'm completely finished with your critique. Do with it as you will. My PM box is open for inquiry as well.



Khimera -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/27/2011 9:51:14)

Just a small general critique; Having read through your work, a lot of it feels rushed - Not just the lack of description, but the lack of proof reading and editing, highlighted by the poor grammar and spelling. My best advice to you is... take your time. Think things through before writing. Read everything you write, thoroughly check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Read other people's writing, particularly published works, to get a better sense of the English language.



Argeus the Paladin -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/27/2011 10:29:30)

What the guy above me just said. As it stands now, you'd probably benefit a lot more to straighten out your grammar, spelling and formatting before you do anything else. It is extremely hard to give any detailed comment and critique of a piece of work whose basic grammar and spelling leaves a lot to be desired.

I'd suggest that you copy-paste everything you've written on Words, Open Office or any word processing program with a spell and grammar checker. These are a writer's best friend, if my personal experience is of any indication.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/27/2011 10:48:25)

Why people never believe me that I do word runs, seriously next time I'll put a screenshot, and I had fever



Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/27/2011 10:58:17)

Mortarion, even if you do run a word checker, you don't fix your spelling mistakes.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/28/2011 4:14:26)

To my loyal readers, though they are few, I must put this on hiatus due to finals, I apologize to those that were hoping for an update and those who did a critique, I appreciate the time taken to do them, but I must prepare for next week, sorry :'(



Varen6398 -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/28/2011 16:34:36)

Well good luck on your finals, and hope you're better soon.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (11/28/2011 16:42:54)

Thanks I am better by now, but should be finishing an essay



Helixi -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 7:24:46)

If you're better now, perhaps you could consider updating your narrative?



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 8:56:27)

i would like to, but I am in finals, believe me, it's more frustrating for me than for you



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:21:47)

I am really depressed today, and I am wondering if I should continue this, I mean, no one cares about this, Helixi did that critique because I asked her, and it wasn't really good, the critique in itself was perfect but it made me realize that my story is crap. I mean, how can I compet with writhers like Mrithra, DD, Discipline, LK, Mordred, Razen and the list goes on. On top of that I am sure no one is intrested in this, so I am thinking of asking an AK to take this out [X(][X(][X(] Sorry guys for making you lose your time :'(



Glais -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:24:12)

Don't give up. The only way you can improve is to keep practicing, you'll eventually get better and better. Sure at times you may need breaks and such, but giving up won't help, especially if you enjoy writing which you probably do.
I felt the same way with my drawings for a bit, but I realized by quitting, I can't improve and reach that goal that I want. I assume it's the same with writing.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:31:09)

But no matter how much I try I never get better [X(][X(][X(]



Glais -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:32:36)

It's a lengthy process, you can't expect groundbreaking results instantly. Perhaps you just need a bit of a break to formulate ideas and such or you could try writing short-stories just to get general practice in.



Mortarion -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:40:28)

I don't know, I don't know *moves hands to ears and gets in fetal position* I can never improve no matter what I do [X(][X(][X(]



Glais -> RE: Mortarion's collection of tomes (12/3/2011 19:42:40)

Again, it takes time. If you keep at it, you WILL improve because there's no way I can see that practicing more makes someone worse than when they started. Though, trying out different things and such will probably help, as it adds variety and gets you used to writing about different subjects.



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