RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (Full Version)

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Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/13/2013 15:51:47)

Fixed the errors, as for the second part, I'd say that they crossed it and yes. I'm pretty sure that I stated whenever Razen got into his situation that he was in the mountain valleys north of the Sandsea. For the last one, I...do know, the electricity in his arm or something else just sounds weird. Blood, even if it isn't what we're accustomed to, seems more fitting a term for the ordeal.

As for the discussion of Sek, likely the former. The latter's rather recent(At best a few days) for them to be discussing already.

To the two errors of crackle/cackle, no clearly the lightning was manically laughing. :P

Edit: Oh right, as for BlackWyn Tomb, no, the Paladins have not sealed the location off yet. You'll learn when that happens.



ND Mallet -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/13/2013 20:53:32)

Read the prologue so far. Seems pretty interesting. Will have to read more when I have free time.



lordkaho -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/15/2013 22:41:09)

The battle with the wind dragon was entertaining. I liked the teamwork of the Veldrins.

As for the latter half of chapter 4, I first thought 'Szayan' referred to a person, but the Captain made it sound like it was a race though I'm not in the mood to wade through the AE library at the moment. Google gives me some Arabic-related results though.

His offer with Duat sounded interesting, wonder what he has planned in mind. Will read chapters 5 and 6 soon.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/16/2013 5:33:10)

@lordkaho: As far as I recall Szayan is not a race which is part of the AQ-universe, let alone the AE-universe.

I would say he is a unique character invented by Razen.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/16/2013 6:30:24)

Szayan is just an unique character invented by me, as far as I know. The captain was just meaning that the name sounded Elvish to him, and that he didn't think that Bazrir was an Elf. Though, I might as well explain a bit on how I thought of the name. The first three letters are based off of the D&D Character Szass Tam, and the last three I just thought fit the first three. I digress from that, DD's analysis of him being similar to a Light Elemental version of the Stranger in terms of having to remain within an object for periods of time is...pretty accurate. There are some key differences of course, but he's pretty close to the actuality of it.

Besides, LK, if it was a race and not a character that I invented, then I would've had a link(As I always do).

Oh, right, I would say that I've probably finished Chapter 5, so that's there. Chapter 6 will probably be the "montage" chapter, so to put it. Though, the "montage" might be too long for a single chapter. If so, then it'll stretch into 7. Chapter 6 will probably go somewhat like this in segments: Razen > Szayan > Myodei > Kydoz > Razen, and I'll probably end it off there. By Chapter 7...we should see a lot more involvement from Myodei, since attracting attention after you've just "escaped from prison" is...not quite the best idea.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/16/2013 6:41:19)

@Razen: I was wondering why the Adalon answered to the Ice Lord, being a golem and all, and went to the pedia.

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=20933137

A golem of supercrystallized ice that has been given life by the Lord of Light.


So I was wondering why you didn't make use of a Snow Warrior/Snowball Lord?

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=20937293

Ice golems are animated by human wizards, but Snow Warriors are given life by the Ice Lord himself, and remain unfailingly loyal to their master.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/16/2013 6:51:46)

Well, Adalon are beings of the Light and Ice alliance, and the Lady of Light was busy talking to Celertitas while the Lord of Ice wasn't(Must be polite in the court of your Lords, terrible pun, I know). As for why I didn't make use of a Snowball Warrior or Lord...that's more relevant later. Though considering that I said that there's eight in Myodei's grouping...it should be rather obvious who an Adalon would be useful against, even if I haven't properly introduced him really.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/17/2013 10:00:39)

quote:

Such was the city of Aloria, which was nestled in the Outer Planes(Akin to the Sigil, if you will).

Sigil?
My AQ Lore is very bad sorry :d

Also dat Sytril reference.

But I love the use of AQ Lore in here, something I could learn a lot from and would like to include in my own works in the future.
quote:

Granted, my house is limited in space

Don't know why, but I always figured it was huge.
Though this is mostly because for...some reason, I saw the Veldrins as something of an extended clan.
quote:

He was renown for wearing a mail made of Wind Dragon Scales, and every twenty-five years, a male member of the Veldrin family is to craft a set of this alleged armor to carry on his memory.

That's a bit...murderous.

Anyhow, another great chapter. Really liking where the story's heading.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/17/2013 17:07:01)

Well, the house wasn't meant to...hold a Giant and five regularly sized humanoids. It's mostly the Giant that's taking space though on that regard though...Giants take a good bit of room when they're sleeping.

As for the Sigil, fear no fault on that actually. It's short of one reference(Pretty much the exact same one that I used) entirely irrelevant to AQ, as the Sigil is a City in Planescape, which is a D&D Setting. It's used in reference like that probably due to the...surroundings of the city. To put it simply, Aloria from what I'd gather from the example...is basically a city whirling about in suspended space between planes.

For Dragons...not really, one for every 25 years goes almost unnoticed. Over the span of 475 years now, only...19 died. Dragons mature at 100+ years...so, effectively it'd be like 4 people dying over 18 years for us. Which, if you don't know, is...pretty insignificant.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/18/2013 11:02:06)

I meant from a moral standpoint.

But I hadn't considered that to outsiders, it wouldn't look suspicious at all.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/18/2013 17:29:38)

I suppose, though actually...that somewhat could be described as unintentionally relevant.

As for the part on outsiders...I am confusion. Typo intended. I'm serious, I don't get what you're getting at.

Though, uh, did you get my "summary" on the Sigil?



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/18/2013 17:31:07)

it's pretty self-explanatory.
Outsiders.
As in those not part of the Dragon killings.
So basically everyone.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/18/2013 17:47:26)

Oh, okay. At first...I was thinking D&D Outsiders and that you were being sarcastic.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/21/2013 23:43:34)

Update: First two segments of Chapter 6 are up.

@Glai: Oh right, as for that Sytril reference...yeah, it was necessary. It's just what I use for times when I need a Writer's last name now for some reason. Maybe Lord Sytril is a renown writer in his insanity, I dunno. Also glad that you like how I've integrated the AQ Lore so far. It'll...delve into it even more soon, but that's not until at least Chapter 7. Talados among other things will find its way in though.

To be honest, I'm actually pretty anxious to be done with Chapter 6...I want to begin on Chapter 7 and Razen's adventuring party...I'll just say that they'll be pretty diverse and full as far as a party goes.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/22/2013 6:20:47)

quote:

Rifroz was still lied out on the table.

lying

quote:

He ran to a nearby, thick patch of grass and lied down upon it. Behind Galvin, there was a tree and on it he rested his head upon its trunk.

This struck me as completely random. Especially since Galvin doesn't appear to need to return to his son to help him out.

quote:

The process came to me far more naturally than stringing the bow, and I had did it with some grace.

done, a certain (personal preference so you may take it or leave it as it is)

quote:

In the skies above them, there was a matured Hudson's Hawk.

I only recall the caverns to be called as such, but the desert hawk nested there so it is possible.

quote:

Rumors spread that Tuesday's family had some connection to the Vampires of Doomwood, though to trust everything told to you in Doomwood is beyond foolish.

Hm, yeah. Frydae told us he had been around for 189 years during Hero's Heart Day. Supposedly his father had taken a liking to Safiria, so it could be true. Then again, by that logic Wednesday should also be related to Thursday.

quote:

Osnero exclaimed, "Now give me the spells!" Bazrir held the Sandwitch by her shoulders, as to prevent her from fleeing or something of that nature.

"Oh, good, you have managed to stay true to your promise, I'm impressed, Osnero," Szayan teased the Yaga, "I really think that you've broken a curse."

I don't see a mention of Szayan giving the Yaga any spells.

Also, seeing the gentle nature of the Sandwitch I don't think the other Yaga would've let her in on Sek-Duat's plans.

quote:

ORIGINAL: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=12963753

Sandwitch: Sek-Duat doesn't want anyone to figure out his plans. The Sandwitch knows what spell he stole, and that is a clue to his ultimate goal.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF/AQ) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/22/2013 7:45:14)

Fixed the first one, changed the second to be more...fitting, did the third, keeping the second because Hudson's Hawk Cave is probably named after the bird. As for the "Rumors" about Tuesday's Family...they're just that rumors, kinda just a nice little "push" to the actual lore. Or I'm just using that rumors logic to evade that I didn't bother reading the actual lore and checking while writing, since it was already late for me.

Adding some for the last bit, since...she was kinda there already(Assuming that she'd always follow them to the Stone Circle to break their spell). Fortunately, there's magic and good lying. Also had added Bazrir giving them the scrolls.

Then again, maybe this is why I shouldn't be stubborn and try writing at 10-12 P.M., I dunno.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/23/2013 17:52:31)

quote:

"Are you certain that going through the desert is a better option than the mountain valleys to the North and looping around?" Szayan asked another question.

"Some ancient Lorian geometry specialist or philosopher once said that the shortest distance between any two points is a straight line," Szayan mocked the lich


Guessing the first bolded should be Bazrir
quote:

and the mount's scales already began to bite into her scales.

What.
quote:

A small mage's shelter seemed to have been made in the end of the grotto by someone.

Interesting. Will that be explained or is it just a minor thing?
quote:

Bazrir had stopped his stroll and took heed to the unusual rowdiness of Myodei's group.

Also interesting.

Good chapter overall, though I have to admit the bow and arrow segment kinda bored me. But then again I didn't quite get it.
The rest was cool, and the plot continues.

Plus the tying in already established DF things is neat.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/23/2013 18:05:57)

Fixed the first two. I was probably tired on the second one and thought that I wrote robes instead of scales for the latter end. Third might be explained later(Will go roll a die now). Fourth is describing the usual interaction of the Demons...being...quieter.

As for the bow and arrow segment, yeah...I'll agree it was boring, but I wanted it to be accurate. To be honest, if not for Jessa, I wouldn't have known how to write that part at all.

Also surprised that no one questions why I had Szayan mock Bazrir with that...considering that Lore doesn't have any known geometry specialists(Or any mathematicians for that matter).



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/24/2013 8:52:03)

@Razen: Why wouldn't there be any geometrists? Who else would make the maps?



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/24/2013 16:50:22)

Geographers, perhaps? [:D] Though, it's more so...just that we've yet to come across any mathematicians in AQ or DF(Only ED has one, IIRC).



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/27/2013 13:56:52)

Update: Chapter 6 finished...so, Chapter 7 will begin sometime in the future.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/28/2013 6:25:23)

quote:

The royal yellow clothes which garbed Bazrir were not as resistant to the flames of Zynaer, so the edges and trim of his robes and scarf were burned somewhat.

scorched?

quote:

"What can change the nature of a man?"

Planescape Torment; My answer is memory.

Oh hey, another dwarf!

Tell me Razen, just how good are Veldrins at picking locks? What is the extent of their ability?

Tjeli .... from what I recall the temperatures there are about -40 degrees Celcius.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/28/2013 6:40:02)

I suppose scorched is a better word. Yes, Planescape: Torment, in fact...I am actually playing it currently. I haven't gotten TO the question(I am actually currently in the Catacombs with Morte and Dak'kon), but I read ahead. >_>; Though, since you noticed that...I'm surprised that you didn't notice the similarity that Dyjhal has shown to Dak'kon.

And yeah, another dwarf. It was hard to think of a disguise trainer...and then Medlag appeared to me. As for picking locks, I would say that they're probably able have the skill to crack most locks. They're not absolute masters at it though.

As for Tjeli, the temperature wouldn't affect either of them. Myodei's resistance to the frigid temperature is obvious, and Zynaer's...is a bit more complex.



Glais -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/29/2013 11:42:11)

The expansion on the plot with the Demons and Bazrir was quite nice, the one Demon really seems to know a lot about Psionics.

This Dwarf is a pretty cool guy.



Razen -> RE: (Pre-DF) The Dishonored Veldrin Commentary (1/29/2013 16:29:58)

Well, there is a reason why Dyjhal knows so much on Psionics. One must know the depths of what one classifies themselves, if they are to know themselves. But, it is later that we'll come to better know Dyjhal's obsession on knowing. Perhaps with him teaching Razen on the Way of Dyjhal, the Path of Knowing. I'm not sure when I plan to get onto that...but it will come, know that.

Also, I'm glad you liked Medlag...I'm boggled on as to how I'll describe the Dwarven Cities though, since we haven't seen ANYTHING of them.



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