Fleur Du Mal
Now that you've mischievously lured me into reading your other poems as well (besides the New Haven), I'm gonna get back at you and comment
You confuse me with this...
And I like to be confused....
Now, that's quite frightening promise/warning on the last line. Which probably makes it so effective. An powerful. Now, I still can't help but wonder, if it comes too suddenly. Are there any clues about this along the poem? I can't find any. Oh, well let's just add that to the confusion -> further emphasizing the pros. I am not making any sense, am I? =P
OK, on a more serious note, what doesn't work for me is this:
Filling my head.
Crawling around my brain
Rage, in my book, doesn't crawl. It may twist, turn, mash, burst, explode, fill, impale, etc, but it doesn't crawl. Not in my book.
Otherwise, I have nothing but praise for you.
And lot's of typo's =P:
Everything I have, and had,
appears too slowly slip away.
like a spider in it's web,
it's more then I can take.
to the point I'll seize too take.
I dunno if this a typo
ask no question,
but is there a reason for the singular form?
Ah. Feeling better already.... See U at the New Haven thread, soonish...