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RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion

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6/22/2012 1:20:25   
Glais
Member

quote:

To her, the only types of creatures were the criminally guilty and those who haven not repented yet;

I don't quite understand this line.

And also, the VurrMen have seen many odd things. Sounds...cool.

Hm, was expecting to learn more, but it was a good chapter. This and the last one had some tense switching every now and then though.

The Next Chapter should be VERY fun.
DF MQ  Post #: 401
6/22/2012 2:25:10   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

I don't quite understand this line.


Rewrote it. It implies that everyone is guilty, and that the only difference are the people who are outright accusable for their actions and people who seek repentance.

I also made so slight changes around the end.

And yeah. I imagine VurrMen as an entire race of would be Trey Surehunters, minus the great pride. They love the thrill of digging through crumbling ruins and uncovering secrets beneath the earth. If pirates and other navigators possess an abundance of weird tales from their adventures in the wide ocean, VurrMen too have equally strange stories of the creatures they discover deep below the ground.

quote:

Hm, was expecting to learn more


Learn more about what?

Oh, and next chapter should be the prelude to the climax of this arc.

DF MQ  Post #: 402
6/22/2012 2:30:42   
Glais
Member

The history of the Inquisition in general, since there's apparently only one chapter of Dragon's Path left D:

And will reread the end.
DF MQ  Post #: 403
6/22/2012 2:40:53   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Nope, the history of the Inquisition will take quite a sizable portion of the climax, so don't worry.

In a story relying mostly on expositions, & taking historical accounts into play, you'd better expect a lot of it here. This chapter was mainly to solidify the idea that the Inquisition stretched everywhere, mainly through underground systems. Though it was abolished and discarded by the time the 2nd grand inquisitor came into power by using a more efficient method.





< Message edited by lordkaho -- 6/22/2012 2:41:34 >
DF MQ  Post #: 404
6/22/2012 2:41:50   
Glais
Member

I see.

Hmmmm...writing Innocentius will be a bit tougher than I thought, but for the best.
DF MQ  Post #: 405
6/22/2012 9:33:06   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Hmmmm, can I use the background of the Vurrmen to expand on an idea I have for my own story?

Who is this Kaaros Avi the Vurrmen speak of though? Is it some demon or god of death they revere (or fear)?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 406
6/22/2012 9:40:28   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Lol, Kaaros Avi is the name for a series of great swords imbued with the elemental power of fire, named after the mage Kaaros. You can buy it off Reni's shop in Dragongrasp

Anyway, sure you can.

< Message edited by lordkaho -- 6/22/2012 10:20:08 >
DF MQ  Post #: 407
6/24/2012 21:39:34   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Update.

This is a long one. Climax of The Dragon Path will be next chapter.
DF MQ  Post #: 408
6/24/2012 22:50:02   
Glais
Member

Drat, still no answers. Well, except that the Dragon is Black...I'll assume like coal, because it's ampn Earth Dragon and no-one has ever done that that I know of.

Kinda figured that would happen to Henry, though I was hoping not.
DF MQ  Post #: 409
6/25/2012 0:12:44   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

Drat, still no answers


Hmm, at least it did some hints on

spoiler:

the ultimate fate of Innocentius and the legendary 1st company, and a possible coup d'etat within the Inquisition
DF MQ  Post #: 410
6/25/2012 0:46:09   
Glais
Member

spoiler:

Oh yeah, I did catch the bit about the First Army. That should be fun.

Really liking the Dragon so far though, despite not being shown yet.
DF MQ  Post #: 411
6/25/2012 5:34:55   
lordkaho
Creative!


 I also made some revisions to connect with your story.

spoiler:

One of which, the type of soldiers the 1st company were composed of, the reason for them to be a stuff of legends and second, the origin of the Inquisition's alternate name. The name once referred to a group of people, but now simplified to the vague "The Order" over the passage of time, hence losing its original meaning.


< Message edited by lordkaho -- 6/25/2012 6:36:49 >
DF MQ  Post #: 412
6/25/2012 8:11:44   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Henry was definitely not too eager with the idea of teaming up with the same person who has made his blood boil for at least two or three times.


had

Strangely, I was considering the possibilty of a romance blooming between the two hot-heads after reading that sentence.

quote:

Henry was definitely not too eager with the idea of teaming up with the same person who has made his blood boil for at least two or three times. Such partnerships never tend to end well, he thought. But he knew had had to do it, they were in the mercy of this rather intimidating young girl who claimed to be an agent of the human King.


Seeing we're talking about Vurrmen who were investigating the tunnels by order of their own king.

quote:

They soon find a broken auger along the dirt path, the tool the Vurrmen used to drill their way into the solid earth.


found

quote:

The drill bit had been dislodged by pieces of rock and stone, and the metal casing had smelled of smoke.


burned metal/coal/the oil after it was used to lit the giant furnace in the great hall of the Inquisition?

Smoke is a bit too vague to describe as a scent.

quote:

He coughed, thrashing his voice his mad.


I'm not sure what you are trying to say here.

quote:

It was a most bizarre and damning sound, and unfortunately, the last he will ever hear again.


would

I'm not sure I'd even use "again" again. It sounds off.

It was a nice chapter, I'm interested to see where this goes.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 413
6/29/2012 9:07:20   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Part 6 is up.

This is quite long, and even include some pictures. Comments are much appreciated.

DF MQ  Post #: 414
6/29/2012 11:18:53   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

His eyes were not blank open sockets, with small fumes coming out of it, and his badly burned body looked like it was drained of bodily fluids.


now?

quote:

threw her grisly mutilated body by Alaya's feet.


at?

quote:

a powerful soul weaver


soulweaver/SoulWeaver

quote:

now replaced by the King's english.


Apart from the fact I doubt they speak "english" on Lore, she doesn't seem to have any english dialogue.

The enigmatic Grand Inquisitor looks very interesting, but tell me .... who was her SoulAlly?

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 6/29/2012 11:19:27 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 415
6/29/2012 16:09:41   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Remember the sanctus oculi? Well Alaya had this bright idea of using her soul ally as vessel for the souls of 444 mages, linking their consciousness altogether into one massive security network. Then she tore apart her SA in exactly 444 pieces... So yeah.
DF MQ  Post #: 416
6/29/2012 17:10:20   
Glais
Member

The English thing had me confused too, since Sek doesn't even listen to Alteon as it is.

That aside...that was all pretty gory. DragonLord Order thou...this is giving me more ideas on how to tie this in better during my rewrite. Can't wait for the conclusion...
DF MQ  Post #: 417
6/29/2012 18:42:59   
lordkaho
Creative!


 I'm thinking that since humans are kinda the dominant race, the universal language was english (unless we assume it's english for the viewer's convenience). Sek led a dynasty as king of the sandsea for generations, so it only makes sense he would know his mother tongue just as Alaya does. Anyway, the order being composed of dragonlords was just a recent idea. It was originally just really tough knights, but after reading your story, it fits more this way. Plus I get to exagerrate a dragonlord's power a bit more.

< Message edited by lordkaho -- 6/29/2012 18:45:13 >
DF MQ  Post #: 418
6/29/2012 18:54:59   
Glais
Member

That should be fun then. Plus an army of Mummified DragonLords...pretty crazy.

Now I wonder...
spoiler:

Where did they come from? Perhaps those Rogues Innocentius hunted down got a second chance in the form of...this. Or something. I may just be missing something really obvious.
DF MQ  Post #: 419
6/29/2012 19:15:57   
lordkaho
Creative!


 ^

If you permit this, here's my own version

spoiler:

The explosion in StoneFang didn't kill ALL the dragonlords there
DF MQ  Post #: 420
6/29/2012 19:19:24   
Glais
Member

spoiler:

That was a mistake on my part anyway that I forgot to edit. They didn't all die, just the vast majority.
DF MQ  Post #: 421
7/5/2012 4:17:45   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Part 7 is up!

Dragon Path's Epilogue will be next.
DF MQ  Post #: 422
7/9/2012 6:17:28   
Glais
Member

Good fight.

As for the ending...wonder who...
Wait oh man.
DF MQ  Post #: 423
7/9/2012 7:25:33   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Obligatory exposition character. Just can't leave the epilogue with the characters not having a clue on what happened. Considering this story is independent of DF canon, open endings would probably just leave you guys even more confused.
DF MQ  Post #: 424
7/10/2012 19:09:26   
Glais
Member

Well for now I'm casting my guess in for Lawrence Appleton. Ain't seen her in many chapters anyways and she could probably summon some creature.

Plus an Epilogue is needed to...have Jeanne actually find what she was looking for. Plus, answers as to this whole Innocentius mystery.
DF MQ  Post #: 425
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